I’ve taken to grocery shopping late in the evenings, after the kids are in bed. Walking up and down the aisles, enjoying my solo jaunt and searching for much needed items like Spotted Dick and Ovaltine, I’m always surprised when I see people shopping with their children that late in the evening. Since my children go to bed between 7 and 7:30, I guess I assume that everyone does things in their house the way I do them in mine.
Both Carson and Ella get up between 6 and 7 every morning, regardless of what time they go to bed. They may as well go to bed early, I say. Personally, I cannot imagine my children going to bed any later than 8 since it’s an absolute MUST that I have my own, childless time in the evenings. I’m certain that without those two glorious hours before my own bedtime, I’d be a very disturbed human being, complete with glue eating and conversations with imaginary hippos.
So when I see people with their kids, especially young kids, at Meijer at 8:30 at night, I find it odd. And I wonder how they manage, parenting so late into the evening. Aren’t they tired of their kids? Don’t they know their kids should be in bed? Don’t they want their own time?
cue announcer’s voice, “The role of Judgy McJudgerson is being played by Jennifer today.”
Of course all this judging has made me rashy (I feel guilty when I judge others, please forgive me) and wondering when you all put your kids to bed. If you put them to bed after 8, why?
No judging from me, promise. I’m truly curious how everyone handles bed times. Also, no judging or superior parenting struts from anyone else…please refer to my comment policy in my right sidebar if needed.
I’m a big fan of the whole do what works for you thing. I think I say that all the freakin’ time.
Braden currently has bath/teeth brush at 8pm, diapering/PJs/bedtime story around 8:30-9 and then cuddle/lullabye time which lasts about 15 minutes. Then we put him in his crib and leave the room. Sometimes he goes right to sleep, sometimes he plays in his crib (audibly) for anywhere from 5 to 30 minutes and then goes to sleep on his own.
He’s had bedtimes anywhere from 7 to 10 depending on what part of his life we’re looking back at. I usually just pay attention to his behavior during the day, at naps, and in the evening, and if anything ever seems off, I make adjustments and observe the outcomes. That’s what’s always worked best for us… and of course, I have the luxury of not having to worry about being at work at a specific time each day (b/c I’m always at work).
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I’m gonna be a lone dissenter (blame Velveteen Mind, she sent me here… ;P ) but my kdis are mostly gorwn. My youngest is 7, a non-sleeper from birth and we homeschool, thus no reason to get up early.
Our routines are just a couple hours off from everyone else’s. Emma comes upstairs with me around 10, she snuggles while I read my book. Daddy comes and gets her around 10:30, reads her a story and tucks her in. I get my alone time and continue reading in bed until he shows up to tuck *me* in.
If I don’t fall asleep first… The 2 teenage girls I have go to bed around 11 or so. One of them stays up late to read, but she’s a big girl and if she gets that job and has to wake up at 7 am so she can leave with Daddy in the morning, well that’s her problem.
Emma wakes up anywhere from 8 or 9. I usually wake at 8:30. Most of the kids ignore me all morning. I get as much “me” time as I need (or more) now that they are bigger.
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Dang you get the comment love. I’m jealous.
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okay, i admit, i didn’t read all the above comments (wow you get a lot!) but i am *so* with you…my kids are sometimes in bed by 6:30 but almost always by 7….except in the summertime it gets extended sometimes. i never get it when people bring their littlies out and about after 8pm…i need a break from them and they need to go to bed! (plus, mine are like yours – they’ll get up early no matter what i do…)
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Mrs. F, apparently people are ALL ABOUT controversy! Who knew it would be about kids’ bedtimes!
I haven’t read all the controversial comments, but here’s what works in our house.
Girls are awake between 7 and 8 am. Bedtime is the same: between 7 and 8 pm. That way, I get a couple hours to unwind and de-mom before going to bed at 10. If I am home on my own at night (like last night) the kids are almost ALWAYS in bed by 730 because after 12 hours of momming, I am DONE by 7 pm and it’s send them to bed or shriek like a fishwife.
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I wish my kids would go to bed that early, but no matter what time we start the bedtime routine, my big girl either goes to sleep at 8:50 or at 10:20 pm. There seems to be something to this 90 minute sleep cycle thing, at least in our house. I suppose we could try to rock it back to 7:20, but that’s too early for our lifestyle. My husband isn’t even home half the night by 7, and we wouldn’t be able to have dinner together.
So, we aim for 8:50, unless she’s had a nap, and then it’s 10:20. The baby is a little more flexible, but not much. So, yeah, you’ve probably seen us out after your kids go to bed. Just know that I’m jealous.
I worry about the people who have a cart full of $150 worth of stuff at midnight, with their 3 and 1 year olds. *sigh*
Amy @ prettybabies
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I haven’t read all the above comments but I get the feeling I’m in the minority in that we’ve never had a hard and fast rule about bedtime before 8. . .my husband doesn’t get home until 6:30pm (he leaves work by 5am), so we wait for him to get home so we can have dinner as a family. This is of primary importance to me. Then, around 7:15, the kids go upstairs, get ready for bed and have a story. My youngest (almost 4) is asleep before 8pm most nights. But, the girls (5 & 7) are allowed to read or play quietly in their room after 8pm. I’ll admit that after 8, I’m sort of ‘off duty’ and just keep sending them back to their room if they come talk to me. After 8:30, I start the “go to sleep now!” talk. They are asleep between 8:30-9pm, 99% of the time.
They usually sleep until 7am or 8am, and I like this because I like a little alone time in the morning. We homeschool, so there is no need to rush them in the morning to catch a bus!
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Do I need to even add my input after a these gazillion comments? (shhh, i’m so jealous)
No later than 8 or I begin to eat the paint off of the walls.
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Well, my kids used to go to bed at 6:30, 7:00-ish. Nowadays they are in school all day. So I have all day long all alone to do my grocery shopping. But they do go to bed later now, probably 9:00, and that’s only because we have ballgames that start at 7:45 p.m. and homework and studying that can sometimes go on for hours. Usually, though, we are home and in bed by 9:00. I can’t imagine what my schedule would be if I were a working mom and just getting home and getting my kids at 6:00 or so. I would have no choice but to feed them and run errands late at night. Obviously, kudos to all working moms out there. I don’t see how you do it!
As the years progress and your children get older, your lifestyle changes according to your kids’ schedule, I guess.
Are you asking what time I put them to bed or what time they actually go to sleep. cuz the two are certainly different. It basically goes like this: mommy puts twins to bed at 8:00 . Twins wait until mommy goes back downstairs and then get out of bed and start playing. Twins don’t realize they are very noisy and mommy hears everything. Mommy yells upstairs for twins to get in bed. They do…for about 5 minutes and then the cycle begins again until Mommy threatens bodily harm or they eventually fall asleep
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I agree with you. I still send my daughter to bed by 9 pm and she’s a freshman in high school. Yeah I get lots of hate over it, but she has to be up by 5 am.
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i let my kids stay up later than most when they were little because i was at work all day.
the idea of coming home at 6:30 and putting my sons to bed at 7 seemed a little … um … counterintuitive.
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Ok, 113 comments later I doubt you’ll (a) care or (b) read this.
I’m ALL for early. 8 pm each and every night.
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Well I am impressed that Jennifer seems to be reading all the comments, BRAVO! Watch what you preach girls ’cause I used to talk badly of my neighbor of three kids and how dirty the 3rd was, how he peed (?) outside, how he would venture over to my house unattended and how I could never have let mine at that age do that. Well fast forward three years and now my kiddo number three is doing all of the above and more. LISTEN UP JENNIFER….that third can be a dozy! The 9 yr old twins get to bed before 10pm most nights after baseball, dance, etc. But they are straight A students. The third will not nap unless exhausted and the car has 5 minutes of quiet between shuttling to dance, baseball, etc. and he sleeps for an hour late afternoon. Its great and works for us, but oh how I laugh that I used to “discuss” my neighbors habits. She said it would all change and boy it did.
[...] Study Confirms, Early Bedtime Makes Mother Less Crazy [...]
Well of course I read all the comments! Are there people who don’t?!
My kids stay up late on special occassions, like when on vacation or visiting family. Otherwise, they are in bed by 8:00 at the latest (they are 6 and 4). My 6 year old gets up between 6 and 7 am no matter how late he stays up. He can be up until 11:00 pm and still get up with the roosters. Sometimes, if my husband and I need a little extra time together or if my kids are extra cranky and obviously tired, we put them to bed at 7:30. Nothing wrong with that!
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There are two issues here – the actual amount of sleep they get and what you are doing with the kids before bedtime. In our house, because my husband is a doctor and his evenings are unpredictable, we have always had a late bedtime – 9 p.m. on average. That way he gets a chance to really see them each night, and so far it’s fine because my daughter’s school doesn’t start until 9 a.m. and it’s 5 minutes away. When she goes to middle school, however, our late schedule is going to have to change, and I’m dreading it!
The thing that boggles me is the people dragging their kids out of the house so late at night! *I* barely get out after 7 p.m., so what is up with the 5 year old eating candy in the aisles of the store at 10:30 p.m.?
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The title of this post made me howl with laughter. We have always been proponents of early bedtimes because the little dude wakes up before 7 no matter WHEN we put him down. Best get some reprieve in the evenings, I say!
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I wish my kids would go to bed at a normal hour – but they don’t. But seriously, it’s no one’s business why or why not. Yes, I need my own TIME, but hey – I also look at it like this – they’re only this age/size/etc. once. I need to take advantage of it before they don’t want me around anymore LOL
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We’ve been rocking the 7-7:30 bedtimes at our house lately. Weekends tend to be a little more unstructured and unscheduled, so getting the girls to bed an hour later is not unusual. I’m with you, Jennifer – I need some quiet time at night. My husband works second shift so he’s not home until late, and after working a full-time job then coming home to the rigors of dinner/baths/playtime with two girls on my own I’m exhausted. I treasure the time I have to myself, and the girls get the rest they desperately need.
Not to mention, most imporantly, my girls are ready for bed by that time every night. They’re exhausted from playing so hard all day!
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Our 2.5 yr old goes to bed around 9pm and wakes at 8-ish. It used to be 8pm, but since we moved to the east coast, she’s never been able to revert back to the 8pm bedtime.
Besides…me + anytime before 8am = cranky mom worse than any terrible twoer.
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Wow that is a lot of comments! Well, I am a single mom that works till at least 5 or 6, then off to the day care to pick up my 4 yr old. Never know if we have to run to the store or have a softball game. If there is a game we do dinner afterwards, that means home at 9pm. Single moms do need a bit of a life outside of home and work.
When home we try to start bedtime at 8 pm. But she stays up and “reads” in bed for up to an hour. Normally she is not asleep till 9pm. The girl just like so read. I only get maybe 3-4 hours a day with my girl and if it means going against the social norm that is fine with me
I learned a while back to let it go when I see kids out late. It isn’t easy to juggle it all, so sometimes it is just needed. They may be out a bit late but not everyone has a husband at home or gets to work at home. You have to do what works for your family we are all different!
Hi, I’m one of those out with her kids at 10pm. They aren’t sleepy because they woke up late. (We homeschool and they usually sleep til 9-ish, so they get plenty of sleep.) When they were toddlers, they were frequently up til 10 or even 11. They took long naps then and were awake when their father got home. He bathed them and had some time with them. They have always been great sleepers, just on a different schedule than everyone else. It worked great for us!!! It never interfered with our evenings and we were able to go places without hurrying home with a cranky toddler or trying to beat it back before bedtime. They’d be perfectly happy eating out at a 7:30 dinner. They are almost 10 yr old twins and an 11 yr old and still, I can’t figure out how those who have to have kids in bed before it’s even dark get anything done. I guess you all have the luxury of babysitters or family. Even tomorrow, we have a 7:30 ball game. It won’t end til 9:30 probably. If I had younger kids, they’d be coming along.; Good thing I don’t have a toddler now or someone would be judging me! LOL
I completely agree with you. My kids are just like yours. Up at 7 a.m. no matter when they go to bed. My husband doesn’t believe this and thinks it is “no big deal” if they get to bed late. Well, Saturday night they didn’t get to bed until 9:30 (usually it is around 8). Both kids were up at 7 and were SO cranky all day.
I remember being on vacation once at the beach with my family. My 1 year old was sleeping at the house with my parents babysitting while my hubby and got out for dinner and drinks. There were little toddlers swimming at almost 11 at night! I just felt so sorry for them, thinking of my little one tucked in. But then again, I don’t know these people from Adam. It is possible the child took a very late and long nap and was fine.
But, on the other hand, our neighbor’s have a second grader and we see her out until 9:30 at least on school nights. And then her mom told me that she is a bear to wake up in the morning. I can’t believe she is serious!
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We are fairly Nazi about bedtime. Sleep is so important, and Declan is a a SLEEPER. And I, too, love my adult time after bedtime. It’s just about now, at age near 6 that we are starting to have sometimes late nights. SOMETIMES.
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Soooooo many comments, I didn’t read them, so this is probably just echoing…
I absolutely need the time between their bedtime and mine. I put mine to bed at 8:30 but I start getting them ready at 8. They are 11 and 8.
Speaking of which… I need to nudge them along!
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We have done it both ways. Late to bed, late to wake because daddy didn’t get home until 7-8pm and nobody had school. Now that the two oldest (3 and 6) go to school, we try to start the routine by 8pm and be out by 8:45… leaving tiddlywinks. But she seems to wake 9 hours after being put down, so if I want to be up at 4am, I would do the 7 pm put down. Since I don’t, she hangs with us till she falls asleep. Eventually she’ll have to have a routine too. Of course, at that time I hope to get her out of our bed.
So now, if you want a little more controversy – you can dis (cuss) the whole eat together as a family thing or the fact that some parents still have a 21 month old baby acting as birth control (I mean sleeping in their bed). Just trying to get you some more comment winners……
And sorry I was so late…
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That would really ruffle some feathers!
I think I’ll stay away from controversy for awhile! This was stressful.
[...] Jennifer’s “Judgy” [...]
My kids go to bed when they are tired. For the twins (5 y.o.) it’s usually sometime between 9 and 10pm, sometimes later though rarely earlier. DS (2 y.o.) usually goes to bed with dh somewhere between 8 and 9pm, maybe a little later on the weekends.
I stay at home, dh works from home, and we homeschool, so we’re really free to sleep when we’re tired and wake when we’re refreshed; no schedules to stick to here. The older girls and I will sometimes go to the store or a late movie if we’re all wakeful and in the mood, but most nights we’re home in our jammies by 8pm.
I don’t really feel a need for “me” time in the evenings. Our kids spend one night a week at my IL’s (two houses down from us) so dh and I can go out to dinner and have some time to ourselves. I work the things I like to do into our days; I’ll read a bit in a book while the kids play on the floor, I’ll work in the garden while they swing on their swingset, I’ll have a nice cup of tea in the kitchen while they watch their favorite show in the living room.
Oh yeah, we eat when we’re hungry, too (so we rarely all eat together as a family, although we’re together nearly all the time) and our kids have always slept with us (we bought dd’s their own bed last week, but they have yet to sleep in it alone.) Somehow, we were still able to conceive ds
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We have always done early bedtimes here to and i have no idea how other parents survive. Its not yet 7pm here and both my girls are sound asleep, i would not be able to cope without my evenings – i can manage anything during the day aslong as i know my evenings will be free and my time.
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My 4 and 7 year old go to bed at 7:00. My 20 month old goes to bed between 7:30 and 8. My oldest 2 boys go to bed at 8:00.
They get up at 5:00 during the week so that we can get out the door and I can get to work by 6:30.
If they were able to sleep later, I’d modify the bedtime a little for the older ones, but not by much. But not for the younger ones. They need their sleep. When they lack sleep, they get crabby. When they get crabby, I get cranky. When I get cranky, they get in trouble.
I like my quiet time in the evening. When the last one is in bed, I usually sit for a minute and enjoy the quiet. It’s my time at that point.
I know that there are some that have no daily schedules, and are able to sleep in longer, and in that case, I can see a later bedtime. But for us, early works.
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[...] What time do your kids go to bed? Mine are in bed by 8pm on school nights. Partly because they need their rest, but mostly because, like Jennifer, I need my sanity…or I mean, mommy time. [...]
I could have written this post! Hubs’ fam used to give me a hard time because until Little Man was 2, he went to bed at 6:30 or 7. Only recently did he get to stay up until 7:30 and that is becasue The Babe goes down at 7 and we want big brother to feel special. My kids get up at 7ish regardless when they go down and I am a firm believer that they need at least 12 hours at night and a LONG nap in the day. Not only do I hate to see kids up late around town I hate to see them around town during nap time. Sleepy hungry kids equal crnaky kids and mom.
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I am new to this blog, but I like it so far.
I am one of the abnormal ones. My oldest is 7 and she goes to bed at 8, after getting off the bus at 5, homework, dinner and bath. She gets up at 7:45am. Her younger brother is 4 and will not sleep. I have had trouble getting him down at a normal time since birth. He was a happy baby to be out at 10 or later. Wal-Mart was like a sleeping potion for him. We would go and then, poof, out like a light. He wakes at 10am normally. The baby is 2 and goes to bed between 9 and midnight. He sleeps until around 9am. No matter what time they go to bed, they all wake at around the same time daily. My husband works second shift and gets home at midnight, I am a night owl, so I think the bedtimes work for us.
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Well, my 2 are still young, the oldest being in an afternoon preschool class… so yes, they stay up to 9pm. We tried putting them to bed later and earlier, and it doesnt affect the time they wake up. I get home at 530 and I guess I enjoy hanging out with my kids in the evening, its a nice break from my day at work. I work full time and my husband is at home, and the kids are a little clingy when I get home, so i guess that might be why I have no issue with keeping them up. Bug 9ish is my limit. I know when kindergarden starts the bed times will change.
Plus my 2 love going to the store, they are rarely cranky. I can’t imagine however dragging them there at 10pm however.
But, yes, you are being a little judgmental. I suppose many parents get like that. Everyone thinks their way is the best way… for their kids.
The day I get ‘tired’ of my kids is probably the day we go into family therapy. I can’t imagine thinking of them that way.
The family I sit for regularly, whose kids are 4, 2, and 6 months, go to bed at 7pm. And thank you Jesus for that. After 4 or 5 hours, dinner, baths, playtime, reading, etc. I am wiped out! I don’t know how you parents do it day after day. I love those kids, but even I am sometimes counting down the minutes ’til bedtime. The baby sometimes stays up a little later, since he often takes a weird evening nap (something he’s gotten into a routine of doing with his parents) but now he’s starting to go to bed around the same time as his siblings.
I have a friend who babysits for a 4 and 2 year old who essentially have no bedtime. They’re allowed to stay up as long as they please, at 4 and 2, often going to bed as late as 11 or 12, 10pm on a good night. They often take 4 hour naps during the day because they’re so tired. No wonder. Their parents drag them around town, running errands, etc. until they finally fall asleep in the car late at night. Pretty sad, if you ask me. At least I know how I want to raise MY kids when I have them.
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I am also new here and came across this post. I have to laugh because I have been on both sides of this debate at different times in my kid’s life. When she was under one, Mom and Dad were both working and she clearly wanted time with us before she was willing to crash, so had a 10 pm bedtime for the longest time. We didn’t mind so much since we liked getting the time with her. Then bam, one day she started going to bed at 7. Now that was nice to have the Mom n Dad time, but it made for really hectic evenings trying to get her home, fed, and bathed. then we moved to Hong Kong and she started in on the 9:30 bedtime again, but was taking really crazy long late afternoon naps. Then bam, one day she moved to her big girl bed, dropped her nap, and started going to bed at 7-7:30. Once again I love our evenings, but there are many nights where she just doesn’t see Dad. So, I used to be one of those crazy people out late with their kids, and I knew people thought I was crazy, but it worked for us, and now it works for us too. By the way now we live in Hong Kong where I have never seen so many kids out late at night. It’s crazy. The city has so many bright lights maybe people think it’s daytime.
[...] must mention, Jennifer did a similar [...]