Excuse Me While I “Scratch” My Balls and Pee All Over the Toilet Seat

May 30, 2008 | Filed in: Men?, haiku friday, playing along

Thanks to Neil from Citizen of the Month for this week’s Haiku Friday theme…Write like the opposite sex. Mine is full of cliches and stereotypes! Enjoy!

E.S.P.N. time
Sit back, relax, *SEX*, drink beer
Is my wife talking?

Damn! “Pick up my socks!”
All she does *SEX* is nag me
I’ll just ignore her

*SEX* I’m sure hungry
Maybe if I whine enough
Wife will bring me snacks

I work HARD all day
Can’t the kids play somewhere else?
I sure am horny

Look at Wife folding
*SEX* laundry. I should grope her!
What?! What did I do?!

Oh great. Now she’s pissed.
Can’t I get some affection?
She used to be fun.

*SEX* Women’s soccer!
They should take their clothes off *SEX*
Why’s Wife mad again?????

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:
1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). We will delete your link if it doesn’t go to a haiku. If you need help with this, contact Christina or myself. REMEMBER…ONLY sign Mr. Linky if you have a HAIKU POST.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button above.

That’s hilarious! So true.

Mine’s all serious and not from the man point of view, but these are awesome
Maggie’s Mind’s last blog post..Haiku Friday 5/30/08

LMBO!! That’s funny!

Jen’s last blog post..Smile. Say Thank You. Move On.

Hey… you know WAY too much about my husband…
Jill’s last blog post..I Broke The Promise To My Tush…

Right on!

And they start so young ….. earlier this evening I found SB lying on the couch watching “Junkyard Wars” and playing with himself. G-d help me!

tulipmom’s last blog post..Here’s What I Know Now

LMAOOOOOOOOO

I<3You.

(I didn’t theme it, but I had something important to write about!)

Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..I’m a wuss-bag.

There was nowhere near enough *SEX* in that haiku for it to be realistic!
But I’m still ROFLMAO!!

dysfunctional mom’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday ~ I love this one…

OMG! No truer words have ever been spoken. Fantastic!

Angie’s last blog post..Ham

dang it.

I got nothing but to echo everyone elses TOO PERFECT sentiments.

oh well.

there you go.

MizFit’s last blog post..Link Love and a Friday FREEBIE!

Oh that’s too funny.

I need themes…I need to add her to my reader….

~JJ!’s last blog post..Sigh ‘ku

Oops…Neil is a him I assume? I thought it said Nell.

Sorry.

~JJ!’s last blog post..Sigh ‘ku

Brilliant! Brilliant! Brilliant!
You hit the nail on the head with that one.
Mandy’s last blog post..Haiku Friday - Tools rock

Soooo funny! I just did not feel up to this challenge. You captured it really well though. Kudos.

Mom24’s last blog post..Summertime and the living is…

Too funny! Only my hubby doesn’t watch ESPN, he watches the tech channel. Ugh too boring for me!

wright’s last blog post..Haiku Friday - Missing Her

That’s great.
I’m hoping nobody gets offended by mine.

Cathy’s last blog post..Quinn Quotes

Yep, that sounds about right!

Anne’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: Sex and a Man’Ku

Since mine’s got no libido, I couldn’t write the sex part, but most of what you have, I mentioned. Is this a universal thing?

Also, can you delete my first Mr Linky? It was late, and I apparently can’t type my own site.

Anglophile Football Fanatic’s last blog post..Man Ku

That was great!!! Love the *subliminal* sex LOL!

Karen MEG’s last blog post..“No Baby” Story - Part I and a Fashion Friday coda

*snort* replace ESPN with some geeky computer thingy and you have my husband…

Kelley’s last blog post..Duuuude! Point that thing outside.

oh too funny….and just a little too true.

My husband is more of a sci-fi channel guy but the groping is spot on, sistah!

Toni’s last blog post..Retrospective

This post isn’t based on Tate! Nooooo! He’s NOTHING like this.

*ahem*

In addition to ESPN, you could add History Channel, the Military Channel, and Outdoor Life Network.

*head explodes*

Hahaha! this is TOO FUNNY!

Christina’s last blog post..The night shift

Oh my! How true LOL

omg, i’m so lmao!!!! you’re hilarious!!!!

janelle’s last blog post..Haiku Friday

You crack me up!

Too funny!

Molly Golightly’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: Severe Thunderstorm Edition

LMAO- that is a hilarious haiku. And so sadly true. Because I am a meme/tag retard, I can’t participate, but…watchin’ from the sidelines as usual.

Sue’s last blog post..Rachel Ray is a Terrorist

OK, I haven’t put my haiku yet, but this is SOOOOO funny…mainly because it is TRUE, TRUE, TRUE.

MommyCosm’s last blog post..Can’t Wait to get LOST

that is too funny.

phyllis’s last blog post..And thus begins Numbers…

Somehow.. 5 years after the birth of our 5th baby..after I turned 30.. MY *sex* drive went through the roof and off the charts.. its insane. No *IM* the one thinking … sex sex sex.. nuts. *giggle* i said nuts. Thank Goodness my tubes are tied or we’d have 10 kids by now.

Madness’s last blog post..~*~MadStory Time~*~

Hehehe That was great
Marylin’s last blog post..Pondering is a bad thing to do…

Omg. That is hilarious! *sex* You are too funnY!

Devan’s last blog post..12 days old

YEah, I forgot about the whole theme thing…I had something else take over my brain this morning *lol*

But yours is hilarious! I’m sure that’s how most men’s minds work…my husband certainly uses the “if I whine enough maybe she’ll make me a snack” thought process!!

Sarah’s last blog post..Hai-Ku’d You Get Some Common Sense

right freakin’ on, dude.

let’s have a beer.

the planet of janet’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: the opposite sex — loved and lost — edition

Bwah ha ha ha ha. Do you know my husband somehow?

AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Surprise!

Dude, that was hysterical.
I drew a huge blank so I didn’t go thematic this week. Maybe next time.
Fabulous!! Can’t wait to read more!!

rachel’s last blog post..Bebe and The Brain Cancel

Ha, I LOVE it! You did an excellent job.

RubiaLala’s last blog post..One Time You Broke My Rib

Oooo, there are themes now. I missed that. Been gone waaaaaay too long.

canape’s last blog post..Haiku Baby Blues

I don’t think you had sex in there enough. I believe every other word in thought with my husband is SEX!

justmylife’s last blog post..A little more of the weekend.

HAHAHA!!!! This is perfect! This could have been written by my hubby!

Kathryn’s last blog post..Schmoozing

Too funny!!

Becki’s last blog post..Another Contest!

Oh gosh! Too funny. I played - sort of…

Thanks for the break in cleaning!

CourtneyRyan369’s last blog post..write like a guy?

OMG , I about peed in my pants!

HipMarye’s last blog post..Valley of Fire

That was too funny. I missed the theme, though I did write about a guy, does that count?

Jerseygirl89’s last blog post..Haiku Friday - Sometimes The Only Word Is, “Douchebag”

Best Haiku EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

amy’s last blog post..It Will Always Be Over, And Yet It Will Never End

K, so I almost peed my pants from laughing. Yeah, I laughed. Out loud. I don’t quite know where my creativity went, but it’s on vacation for the day (erm, year), so I guess I won’t even try to attempt Haiku Friday this week. Or will I? I don’t know. Not enough sleep to make coherent poems.

flickrlovr’s last blog post..GGV: Mission Aborted

HIlarious! Especially the groping while you’re trying to do laundry. Um, hello? Not feeling sexy at the moment - please take your hands off! Mine likes to “bother” me as I’m brushing my teeth - what the….?? =)

SherE1’s last blog post..Where my party, pa’ party party pa’ party people at?

Entertaining ‘Ku!
Good to laugh a bit as I
leave a link to my

forty-third Haiku
much later than I usual.
Life’s just too busy ;–)

Seriously … I’m off to write #44 now for my other blog. Just call me crazy, but it’s Friday right! So what if it’s 12:37pm already and I’m way behind on EVERYTHING At least it’s just me, Molly, and Ms. Kitty … and no ‘groping’ to contend with.
Hugs and blessings,

storyteller’s last blog post..HF#43, OSI Week 13, 40PC - Later than usual because I’m multi-tasking today with Reflections, Perspectives & Priorities — Tennis Anyone?

I think I just peed myself a little! Freakin’ hilarious!!

Mama Mia!’s last blog post..Haiku Friday: Soooo LOST!

This is so true!

Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..Apparently I’m Not Brag-Worthy

[...] check out the amazing haikus written for Haiku Friday by women… writing the haikus as men would write them. Tags: gender, women, writing [...]

OK, tell us the truth. Your husband wrote that. No woman could understand a man so completely!

Neil’s last blog post..Today I Am a Woman

Absolutely perfect.

You crack me up!

Screw Haiku Friday - every Friday here should be “Write Like a Man Friday” instead. This was hysterical!

andi’s last blog post..The illusion of choice

You are awesome.

Fairly Odd Mother’s last blog post..I Know Why the Tanked Fish Drowns

I don’t know if it’s funny or sad!!

But, either way, it’s true!

Jenni’s last blog post..Double Standard

I swear you are writing about my husband.

I used to be fun too. Then kids.

mandy’s last blog post..Finally…

Couldn’t get going with the theme, but yours were great!

Betsy Bird’s last blog post..May 2008 — The Month of Living Crappily

Frickin hysterical!!

Ha, ha, and HA!

Mommy Daisys last blog post..Home again

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I'm Jennifer, Mom to Carson, 3, and Ella, 2. Wife and Bossaholic to Tate. My claim to fame is that I'm the #1 search result on Google for "kids pooping in pools!!." You can follow me on Twitter, see my stumbles at StumbleUpon, view my photos on Flickr, and contact me by email.

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