While watching the Today Show this morning, I saw this story about a boy who died as a result of “dry drowning.”
Immediately I was taken back to my five-year-old self as I stood watching my dad blow air into a classmate’s mouth, a little boy, whose family was from Africa. I can still picture his mother wearing gorgeous orange and red robes and hats. But I can’t even remember the little boy’s name. Yet, he always slips into my thoughts, nearly everyday, for 28 years.
The details aren’t even clear, as they are the memories of a five-year-old. What I do remember is asking my mom if I could go to the little girl’s house and sit by the pool. I remember dangling my legs in the pool and wanting ever so badly to jump in and swim. Slowly, I’d hold my body on the side of the pool, dropping my legs in, almost getting my shorts wet. But I didn’t get in, my mom had told me not to. I made sure not to let my shorts get wet so my mom wouldn’t know I almost got in.
I remember there was supposed to be a babysitter watching us children by the pool, but she was inside. My mom wouldn’t like that nobody was watching us. We were supposed to be watched.
There were older boys horsing around the edge of the pool. I remember thinking how old they must be, but were probably only third or fourth grade boys, but at the time they seemed so big and old. There was also a little boy, five-years-old, like me, and my classmate.
It was warm. I really wanted to get into the pool. I wanted to swim.
Suddenly there was a commotion.
“He can’t swim! He can’t swim!!!” His older brother was yelling at the boy who had pushed his little brother in the pool.
Why wasn’t he just swimming to the side?
Yelling. The older boys were arguing and yelling and accusing.
There were bubbles. Lots of tiny bubbles, spreading over the surface of the water.
WHERE WAS HE?
Why isn’t the little girl going to go get the babysitter???
Isn’t anybody going to help him?
I jumped up and ran all the way home and found my dad sitting outside in the lawn chairs talking to our neighbor. I remember the lawn chair falling over and hitting the pavement with a clanging sound as my dad jumped and ran back to the house with the pool after I told him that a boy had been pushed in the pool.
Why didn’t I go sooner to get my dad?
He was lying there, just in his underwear, stark white, against his brown skin. I’d never seen a boy in his underwear before. His hair had beads of water in it, it looked like a spider web to me. I was so confused and scared. My dad and other dads tried to save him, but he died.
Crying.
We went home and watched on the news what we’d just witnessed in person. I sat on my dad’s lap, watching. A boy, five-years-old, had died in a swimming pool after being pushed in. He didn’t know how to swim.
Why didn’t I go sooner to get my dad?
Where was the babysitter?
Why did he push that boy in the pool?
How did his mother survive? What happened to that family? What happened to the boy who pushed him in?
I think about him everyday. And I can’t even remember his name.
Robin
June 5, 2008 at 10:05 pm
That’s such a heartbreaking story. I am so sorry you carry this with you.
Robin’s last blog post..What not to wear
jen
June 5, 2008 at 10:07 pm
BOTH of these stories are so terrifying and sad
My husband sent me the dry drowning story this morning. Just another thing to obsess over.
A reminder to be ON my kids at all times, teach them as much as I can, and realize how things can change in “just a sec”
I have always always had a severe hatred for Those People who push people in the water and think it’s so f-ing funny. it’s NOT. Same goes for those people who think it’s funny to splash everyone. That poor boy. That poor boy’s poor mother.. ugh.
jen’s last blog post..in lieu of an actual post…
andi
June 5, 2008 at 10:08 pm
Oh, Jennifer. This is so sad. I don’t even know what to say.
andi’s last blog post..How you doin’?
Angie
June 5, 2008 at 10:25 pm
Truly tragic and tramatic for everyone involved. I am sure it haunts all of you to this day.
KEEP BELIEVING
Angie’s last blog post..Gone fishing…
kerith
June 5, 2008 at 10:40 pm
oh my gosh…that is one of the most moving posts I have ever read…i think i am going to call my local YMCA and get my son into swimming classes…
kerith’s last blog post..Etsy, Baby, Etsy
Melani
June 5, 2008 at 11:21 pm
When I was in the 6th grade I was riding the bus home from school when a 3 year old little boy ran out into the street and was killed by our bus. I saw him run out, felt the horrendous bump as the bus ran over him and saw what he looked like once the bus stopped. I don’t think there has been a day that I haven’t thought of this little boy (and our bus driver-she quit that day and never drove a bus again). I never found out his name and I’ve always felt so bad that I don’t know. It was one of the worst days of my life.
Jill
June 5, 2008 at 11:22 pm
oh my gosh.. how absolutely horrible. it’s stories like this that prove to me how important swimming lessons are for my girls – most especially my 3 year old.
thinking of you …
Jill’s last blog post..Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow
Shell
June 5, 2008 at 11:43 pm
Lurker.
I am truly sorry. My stomach went all icky reading your memory. My 11 month old is in swim lessons for that very reason. You aren’t always in control of your environment and I need him to be able to handle something like being pushed into a pool.
Shell’s last blog post..From Incredibly Smug to Really Freaking Humble
Rachael
June 6, 2008 at 12:43 am
Two sad stories… but thanks for posting the link. It is worrisome, but I’d rather know about it than not.
I’m so sorry that you have that memory to carry with you. I don’t think you should feel guilty for not remembering his name. A name is just a name, you remember the person every day and have compassion for him.
Rachael’s last blog post..TV Tuesday: Top Chef, SYTYCD, Battlestar Galactica, LOST
Siobhan
June 6, 2008 at 1:42 am
Your ability to look back on the situation give clarity to the 5-year-old mind. I know it’s easy for me to say, but you shouldn’t blame yourself. It would be shocking to view someone struggling as an adult too. Everything seems like slow motion. You ran and did something.
My oldest, Ian (almost 4), fell in grandma’s pond when I was heavily pregnant with my 2nd. Thankfully he was OK after my husband grabbed him out, but it was very close.
Swimming lessons are thankfully recommended 4 and up.
Siobhan’s last blog post..HF: Montana-stachey-views
Ness
June 6, 2008 at 3:12 am
Hon, it’s not your fault.
Never was. The sad fact is some people don’t watch kids the way they’re supposed to, and accidents happen. You ask yourself why you didn’t go sooner? Why didn’t the boys who pushed him jump in and get him right away? Why did they push him in the first place knowing he can’t swim? So many questions that demand answers – yours is not one of them, you were 5, how on earth would this have been your responsibility? Forgive yourself. It’s time.
Ness’s last blog post..It arrives…a total screw up…and a hottie.
Angie
June 6, 2008 at 5:49 am
That makes my heart ache for you, the boy, his family. I have gotten so that I cannot even watch the news. Since having kids any story even remotely sad or upsetting is too much to handle, especially about kids. I can’t do it. So I choose to live in denial.
Angie’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen
Domestic Spaz
June 6, 2008 at 11:15 am
I agree with Angie. My stomach sinks when I hear these stories and my heart clenches up. It’s horrible.
However, I’m really glad you posted this. It’s the beginning of summer and I’m sure we’ll have the kids in the pool more days than they’re out of it. Thank you for the reminder to be on alert the whole time they’re in there. You never know, posting this may have saved a life.
Domestic Spaz’s last blog post..Beer, Wine, Spirits; Fight the Frump with Booze!
Val
June 6, 2008 at 12:07 pm
I agree, since its summer, this story is a wake up call to anyone who has/or will be around a pool this year.
We have an inground and my kids are small (2 and 4). Last year we invested in a summer safety cover. This stays on the pool at all times, unless we are in it with them.
It has an anti-mortality rate of 100% if used correctly.
http://shop.bluehaven.com/product/Water-Warden-In-Ground-Pool-Safety-Net/in-ground-pool-safety-covers
Hopefully this type of thing will be used more widely.
Sorry to hear your story though….but at 5….you did the right thing.
Val’s last blog post..Trying out Optimism for Size
Marti
June 6, 2008 at 2:12 pm
Your story is heartbreaking. It makes me realize that all kids need to learn to swim. Whether they will be in a pool or not.
That dry drowning thing freaked me out so bad. I saw it on the news yesterday. I had never heard of it until then.
Marti’s last blog post..Bean Funnies
justmylife
June 6, 2008 at 3:39 pm
Oh, that is such a sad and tragic story. My kids learned how to swim well enough to get to the edge of the pool very early on, but my fear is that they would panic and not be able to get to safety if something happened. Now they are bigger and can just put their feet down, but I still never let Little Miss get in the pool unless someone is watching her. Thank you for sharing.
justmylife’s last blog post..It’s going to be a LONG day, Folks!!!
mommypie
June 6, 2008 at 5:01 pm
Oh how absolutely heartbreaking. And for you to carry that memory forever. Wow. I agree with Val though. At 5, you did the right thing.
I just heard about the dry drowning story this morning on another blog. I had no idea that was even possible. The worry, it never ends, no?
mommypie’s last blog post..Egg is to Dooce as sperm is to … the rest of us.
Kelley
June 6, 2008 at 9:58 pm
Doesn’t help, and I am sure that everyone else has said the same thing, but you did the very best any 5 year old could. Others would have run away and hid. Or, God forbid, jumped in the pool as well.
What a terrible memory to have. I hope that there are more happy ones to follow.
Kelley’s last blog post..Plurk, it sounds like vomit.
Loralee
June 7, 2008 at 11:40 am
That poor family.
And poor you. You were far too young to have something like that happen. And even though you know deep down you did what you could, especially at such a young age, there is always, always guilt involved in tragedy, whether it is logical or not.
Loralee’s last blog post..Five
dysfunctional mom
June 7, 2008 at 8:55 pm
How sad, for that family and for you.
dysfunctional mom’s last blog post..Sweaty Hot Fun
Jerseygirl89
June 8, 2008 at 8:46 am
That story is heartbreaking. That poor family. And poor you.
Jerseygirl89s last blog post..Should I Post This In Town?
Christine
June 8, 2008 at 2:39 pm
Jennifer, that was so difficult to read. I can’t imagine how hard it is to carry it with you every day of your life.
What happened to you, the five year-old you, is a totally common psychological reaction (I can’t remember the medical term for it). When people encounter a crisis situation where someone is in jeopardy, they almost always think, “Somebody DO something! Why isn’t anyone doing anything?”
Of course, this means that nobody is doing anything.
But you, YOU did something. You had the presence of mind at FIVE years old to snap out of it and take action. That’s amazing…I hope you realize that.
Christines last blog post..Getting to know me, getting to know all about me…
Stimey
June 8, 2008 at 9:55 pm
This is one of the more traumatic stories I’ve read. I can absolutely understand why it stays with you. So scary.
Stimeys last blog post..Who Hates Cancer?