The Boy Whose Name I Can’t Even Remember

June 5, 2008 | Filed in: my stream of consciousness

While watching the Today Show this morning, I saw this story about a boy who died as a result of “dry drowning.”

Immediately I was taken back to my five-year-old self as I stood watching my dad blow air into a classmate’s mouth, a little boy, whose family was from Africa. I can still picture his mother wearing gorgeous orange and red robes and hats. But I can’t even remember the little boy’s name. Yet, he always slips into my thoughts, nearly everyday, for 28 years.

The details aren’t even clear, as they are the memories of a five-year-old. What I do remember is asking my mom if I could go to the little girl’s house and sit by the pool. I remember dangling my legs in the pool and wanting ever so badly to jump in and swim. Slowly, I’d hold my body on the side of the pool, dropping my legs in, almost getting my shorts wet. But I didn’t get in, my mom had told me not to. I made sure not to let my shorts get wet so my mom wouldn’t know I almost got in.

I remember there was supposed to be a babysitter watching us children by the pool, but she was inside. My mom wouldn’t like that nobody was watching us. We were supposed to be watched.

There were older boys horsing around the edge of the pool. I remember thinking how old they must be, but were probably only third or fourth grade boys, but at the time they seemed so big and old. There was also a little boy, five-years-old, like me, and my classmate.

It was warm. I really wanted to get into the pool. I wanted to swim.

Suddenly there was a commotion.

“He can’t swim! He can’t swim!!!” His older brother was yelling at the boy who had pushed his little brother in the pool.

Why wasn’t he just swimming to the side?

Yelling. The older boys were arguing and yelling and accusing.

There were bubbles. Lots of tiny bubbles, spreading over the surface of the water.

WHERE WAS HE?

Why isn’t the little girl going to go get the babysitter???

Isn’t anybody going to help him?

I jumped up and ran all the way home and found my dad sitting outside in the lawn chairs talking to our neighbor. I remember the lawn chair falling over and hitting the pavement with a clanging sound as my dad jumped and ran back to the house with the pool after I told him that a boy had been pushed in the pool.

Why didn’t I go sooner to get my dad?

He was lying there, just in his underwear, stark white, against his brown skin. I’d never seen a boy in his underwear before. His hair had beads of water in it, it looked like a spider web to me. I was so confused and scared. My dad and other dads tried to save him, but he died.

Crying.

We went home and watched on the news what we’d just witnessed in person. I sat on my dad’s lap, watching. A boy, five-years-old, had died in a swimming pool after being pushed in. He didn’t know how to swim.

Why didn’t I go sooner to get my dad?

Where was the babysitter?

Why did he push that boy in the pool?

How did his mother survive? What happened to that family? What happened to the boy who pushed him in?

I think about him everyday. And I can’t even remember his name.

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Oh Jennifer, that story just broke my heart. I can’t imagine how hard that was for you as a little girl to have been there. Oh and the poor family.
Thank you for sharing your memory with us.

HipMarye’s last blog post..FromTwilight to Breaking Dawn

I heard about that story myself. It’s heartbreaking…and yours even more so. To witness something like that. My heart goes out to you having that memory.

Sarah’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen #17

That is so sad.

I’m sorry that happened.

Connie’s last blog post..I’m Calling The Supernanny!

That is so incredibly scary and sad! But if I can pull anything positive from this its water safety and taking my eyes of my children for even an instant could be detrimental in certain environments. *sigh*

Worker Mommy’s last blog post..That Friend

I am so sorry for everyone who has to carry that memory with them. I’m so sorry.

Things like that just never get out of your head. I didn’t witness anything like that but remember a boy in my 5th grade class who drowned right after school was out for the summer. I remember on the last days of school him just randomly telling me he would love to know what it would be like to see the future, him saying this days before he passed. Those words have haunted me to this day.

Oh, how awful. For your five year old self, and your grown up self. What a horrible thing to carry with you all these years.

I saw that story this morning, too. It’s frightening and sad.

AMomTwoBoys’s last blog post..Surprise!

Yikes, I’m so sorry you had to see that and remember it (although how you couldn’t is beyond me.)

Thank you for sharing that with us. I’m going to go read about the dry drowning now.

CourtneyRyan’s last blog post..wordless wednesday

Truly sad.

Sandy’s last blog post..Will you PLEASE listen to what I am saying?

Wow… that is just so heartbreaking.

Miss’s last blog post..…

*shivers* I almost drowned when I was little. That’s why I never had to courage to learn how to swim. My parents never let my younger sisters back in the pool either so they don’t know how to swim. My husband taught our kids to swim. Although I do freak out a little whenever they’re in the pool. Especially since I can’t get int here to save them if something bad happened. I really need to just learn how to swim already.

You were only 5 - good for you for even thinking of running to get your dad. Most other 5 year olds would probably be too much in shock to do anything but sit and watch.

SherE1’s last blog post..Comment Junkie, for REAL

Oh, that gave me goosebumps.
I saw the Today Show segment this morning too. We just moved to a house with a pool. Scary stuff.
I’m sorry for you to have to live with that memory and so sorry for that family. Tragic.

LifeAsIKnowIt’s last blog post..Just For Today

How horribly sad. For him, his parents, for you.

Arkie Mama’s last blog post..Next stop, kindergarten

I have never heard of that. We are moving very near a creek with three adventurous kids. Thanks for the link.

That is so, so sad about that boy. I can’t imagine how scary that was for everyone involved.

Andria’s last blog post..The End of This Chapter

so very sad. I have a cousin who drowned in a river when he was 3 - the family is still greatly effected and its been about 31 years …

mandy’s last blog post..todays somethings

i am officially terrified of the swim lessons my daughter is going to take this summer. what an awful sad story.

feener’s last blog post..Update

Swim lessons could save her life…don’t be terrified of them.

If the boy would have known how to swim, well, I suspect he’d still be alive.

My heart breaks for your five year old self, Jennifer. And for the family all these years later, who are still surely affected.
Swimming lessons are so important.

Death is so hard…I couldn’t imagine having to process it at age five. I dealt with it for the first time at 15 and I asked myself the same questions as your 5 year old self asked. —always wondering if it could have been prevented. Going through everything that I had done to see where I could have made a mistake or maybe changed something. I still think of him everyday…his name was Daniel.

rachel b.’s last blog post..signing off….for now

How hard for you to have to hold that in your heart. That is so heartbreaking.

Lori’s last blog post..A Heavy Heart

The fact that I can’t remember his name is one of the things that I feel guilty about…like it makes his death less significant…which OF COURSE it doesn’t. I just wish I knew his name.

At five, you were too young to know what to do. Heck, some adults would know what to do, but stand there in shock. It’s extremely normal, but still hard.

When I was seven, a boy nearly drown at day camp. It was a crowded pool and I know for a fact that I stepped on him. Seconds later, a teen was yanking me out of the way, while another was getting the boy out. They had to call 911 and paramedics showed up in seconds, although it seemed like years to me and they got him to breath.

I’ve never forgotten it and I’ll never let my kids go to day camp because of it. But I don’t remember his name either. I do however remember how bad I felt, because I knew I’d stepped on him.

Phoenix’s last blog post..Wordless Wednesday: The Obama Addition

What a heart wrenching thing to witness at such a young age! You have me in goosebumps
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You’s last blog post..Welcome to yet another theme change!

I just want to hug your 5 year old self. How horrible. How sad that the people who owned that pool would put you all at risk like that. So, so sad. When I saw that story this morning I just couldn’t believe it. It makes you feel like you can’t win as a parent, you know?

Mom24’s last blog post..You want to do WHAT???

i saw this story on the news this morning. it was HORRIBLE.

i can’t imagine how that family feels (and i hope i never can) and the heartwrenching memories that stirs for you…

the planet of janet’s last blog post..The weekend from hell … a memoir, part 2

What an sad story, I’m so sorry you had to experience that!!

The dry drowning story has me even more upset.

Jen’s last blog post..Cocktail, I Mean Otter Pops Time!!!

i was a lifeguard for years…..pulled many little boys out. All made it, thank God. But it IS the scariest thing ever.

And swim lessons are the smartest move a parent could make in the summer.

designHER Momma’s last blog post..whatever and stuff…

And that is why I get my daughter swim lessons EVERY summer. Pools are so scary. We rent a vacation home with a pool and I am already terrified of my little guy being around it. *shudder* That poor family- both of them…

Toni’s last blog post..I’m Raising A Cage Fighter

What an awful memory. I am so sorry that you think about it still.

RubiaLala’s last blog post..Attempt to Find My Passion v.1.2

Oh darling- i am so sorry about this haunting memory. How sad. It made me feel so startled and nervous for a moment..We have just come back from swimming and all I do in a pool is stand guard and feel worry…xo

amy’s last blog post..Well swimmin’ up this river/With sentimental fever

Ahhh, what a memory. What a tragedy.

Smiling Mom’s last blog post..Diaper-free and filled with glee

It was until a few years ago that I understood why my mother made me wear water wings/swimmies until I was 9/10 at other people’s pools and would only allow me to go in the pool if someone (adult) was out there with us. (not that water wings would save a person any way)

This is an awful awful memory for you to have images of. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it.
So sorry. So very sorry.

Mary’s last blog post..We signed!

Wow, that is so sad. I didn’t even know you could drown later. Thanks for linking to that other article for the info. I do hope your friend’s family has gone on and done well through their grief.

Krista’s last blog post..Book: Washington’s Lady

I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. This is my worst nightmare put into words Thanks for the link, but I must say that I don’t know if I’d be able the signs either. There but for the grace of God go I…

Jess’s last blog post..Plane rides and Jack Daniels– Part Deux

What a scary thing to watch happen. I’m sure that it hasn’t left the minds of anyone else who was there that day either.

I saw the story on dry drowning this morning too. What a sad thing for that mother and family.

Maggie’s last blog post..A Shout Out to Steve Urkel

How absolutely heartbreaking for everyone involved. The boy who pushed him. The babysitter. Your dad. You. His brother. HIS MOM.
I just can’t imagine.

Kathryn’s last blog post..Soothing Storms

I can’t imagine witnessing that. At any age. How tragic!

Hillary’s last blog post..I Thought Getting Older Meant Growing Up

That is so awful.

Veronica’s last blog post..Your Questions About Tassie Answered

Well, that’s an awful memory to have hanging around in your brain for your whole life? And your guilt still seems pretty intact about the whole thing. The part where you don’t remember his name is really pretty normal, considering you were 5!

I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.

Good&Crazy’s last blog post..Cell Phone Love

Oh my God, Jennifer, I’m so sorry that happened. What a terrible memory.

You did the best you could. You were just a baby.

Hugs,
Amy

Amy’s last blog post..Murphy’s Law: The Oprah Corollary

How horrifying! I can’t imagine experiencing something like that as an adult, much less a child. I’m sure you acted much quicker than you think and probably quick for a 5 year old…time drags to an eternity during those times.

Queen of Shake Shake’s last blog post..This Is What Married People Do

What a horrible memory. And I’m sure it frightens you more as a mother.

That poor family, and the poor boy who innocently pushed the other one in. I’m sure it haunts him, too.

Shauna’s last blog post..Sweet Memories

Jesus.

I’m so sorry that you have that memory in your head.

I’m so so sad for you tonight.

~JJ!’s last blog post..Crap

*crying*

Can you do a search through news articles online based on city and date/year?

Maybe it’s already been suggested, I didn’t read the comments.

Maybe if you could remember his name you could put him to rest in your mind.

So sad. I’m so sorry.

Danielle’s last blog post..Oh, the Lovely Comments!

I have done research…but can’t find anything that goes back further than 1989. I have an email into the webmaster at the Tulsa newspaper.

Knowing his name would help.

I became a lifeguard because of this boy. I never had to save anyone.

what a sad story, jennifer. there are so many stories like that where i hear them and just can’t imagine how the family goes on. i heard about the today show piece, though, and my husband and i were so crestfallen by it: look for signs of odd behavior and tiredness - after a day at the pool? geez, what am i supposed to do with that information other than be scared?

Sus’s last blog post..Girl, You’ll Be A Woman … Soon

Ditto to everything everyone else has already said. What a tragic, heavy memory to carry around in your heart for all these years. What a brave and smart 5 year old you were to at least run to your Dad and ask for help. You were the only one. Sending lots of hugs to you tonight. What a memory. I hope it can be let go of, as much as you want to, bit by bit, and I hope you’ll find peace with it someday.

flickrlovr’s last blog post..WTLBW (and my first ever VLOG!)

Oh my, how completely awful.

I’m sorry that you had to go through that.

Melody’s last blog post..Cheater Cheater, Punkin’ eater…

Oh that’s just an awful memory to have. But thank you so much for sharing it with us. It’s a great reminder for all of us moms to really pay attention this summer - I’m sure that’s not what you meant, but we’ll all be thinking of this anytime we go near a pool with the little ones.

Cathy’s last blog post..Liam 151

That’s such a heartbreaking story. I am so sorry you carry this with you.

Robin’s last blog post..What not to wear

BOTH of these stories are so terrifying and sad

My husband sent me the dry drowning story this morning. Just another thing to obsess over.

A reminder to be ON my kids at all times, teach them as much as I can, and realize how things can change in “just a sec”

I have always always had a severe hatred for Those People who push people in the water and think it’s so f-ing funny. it’s NOT. Same goes for those people who think it’s funny to splash everyone. That poor boy. That poor boy’s poor mother.. ugh.

jen’s last blog post..in lieu of an actual post…

Oh, Jennifer. This is so sad. I don’t even know what to say.
andi’s last blog post..How you doin’?

Truly tragic and tramatic for everyone involved. I am sure it haunts all of you to this day.

KEEP BELIEVING

Angie’s last blog post..Gone fishing…

oh my gosh…that is one of the most moving posts I have ever read…i think i am going to call my local YMCA and get my son into swimming classes…

kerith’s last blog post..Etsy, Baby, Etsy

When I was in the 6th grade I was riding the bus home from school when a 3 year old little boy ran out into the street and was killed by our bus. I saw him run out, felt the horrendous bump as the bus ran over him and saw what he looked like once the bus stopped. I don’t think there has been a day that I haven’t thought of this little boy (and our bus driver-she quit that day and never drove a bus again). I never found out his name and I’ve always felt so bad that I don’t know. It was one of the worst days of my life.

oh my gosh.. how absolutely horrible. it’s stories like this that prove to me how important swimming lessons are for my girls - most especially my 3 year old.

thinking of you …

Jill’s last blog post..Parting Is Such Sweet Sorrow

Lurker.

I am truly sorry. My stomach went all icky reading your memory. My 11 month old is in swim lessons for that very reason. You aren’t always in control of your environment and I need him to be able to handle something like being pushed into a pool.

Shell’s last blog post..From Incredibly Smug to Really Freaking Humble

Two sad stories… but thanks for posting the link. It is worrisome, but I’d rather know about it than not.

I’m so sorry that you have that memory to carry with you. I don’t think you should feel guilty for not remembering his name. A name is just a name, you remember the person every day and have compassion for him.

Rachael’s last blog post..TV Tuesday: Top Chef, SYTYCD, Battlestar Galactica, LOST

Your ability to look back on the situation give clarity to the 5-year-old mind. I know it’s easy for me to say, but you shouldn’t blame yourself. It would be shocking to view someone struggling as an adult too. Everything seems like slow motion. You ran and did something.

My oldest, Ian (almost 4), fell in grandma’s pond when I was heavily pregnant with my 2nd. Thankfully he was OK after my husband grabbed him out, but it was very close.

Swimming lessons are thankfully recommended 4 and up.

Siobhan’s last blog post..HF: Montana-stachey-views

Hon, it’s not your fault.

Never was. The sad fact is some people don’t watch kids the way they’re supposed to, and accidents happen. You ask yourself why you didn’t go sooner? Why didn’t the boys who pushed him jump in and get him right away? Why did they push him in the first place knowing he can’t swim? So many questions that demand answers - yours is not one of them, you were 5, how on earth would this have been your responsibility? Forgive yourself. It’s time.

Ness’s last blog post..It arrives…a total screw up…and a hottie.

That makes my heart ache for you, the boy, his family. I have gotten so that I cannot even watch the news. Since having kids any story even remotely sad or upsetting is too much to handle, especially about kids. I can’t do it. So I choose to live in denial.

Angie’s last blog post..Thursday Thirteen

I agree with Angie. My stomach sinks when I hear these stories and my heart clenches up. It’s horrible.

However, I’m really glad you posted this. It’s the beginning of summer and I’m sure we’ll have the kids in the pool more days than they’re out of it. Thank you for the reminder to be on alert the whole time they’re in there. You never know, posting this may have saved a life.

Domestic Spaz’s last blog post..Beer, Wine, Spirits; Fight the Frump with Booze!

I agree, since its summer, this story is a wake up call to anyone who has/or will be around a pool this year.

We have an inground and my kids are small (2 and 4). Last year we invested in a summer safety cover. This stays on the pool at all times, unless we are in it with them.
It has an anti-mortality rate of 100% if used correctly.
http://shop.bluehaven.com/product/Water-Warden-In-Ground-Pool-Safety-Net/in-ground-pool-safety-covers

Hopefully this type of thing will be used more widely.

Sorry to hear your story though….but at 5….you did the right thing.

Val’s last blog post..Trying out Optimism for Size

Your story is heartbreaking. It makes me realize that all kids need to learn to swim. Whether they will be in a pool or not.
That dry drowning thing freaked me out so bad. I saw it on the news yesterday. I had never heard of it until then.

Marti’s last blog post..Bean Funnies

Oh, that is such a sad and tragic story. My kids learned how to swim well enough to get to the edge of the pool very early on, but my fear is that they would panic and not be able to get to safety if something happened. Now they are bigger and can just put their feet down, but I still never let Little Miss get in the pool unless someone is watching her. Thank you for sharing.

justmylife’s last blog post..It’s going to be a LONG day, Folks!!!

Oh how absolutely heartbreaking. And for you to carry that memory forever. Wow. I agree with Val though. At 5, you did the right thing.

I just heard about the dry drowning story this morning on another blog. I had no idea that was even possible. The worry, it never ends, no?

mommypie’s last blog post..Egg is to Dooce as sperm is to … the rest of us.

Doesn’t help, and I am sure that everyone else has said the same thing, but you did the very best any 5 year old could. Others would have run away and hid. Or, God forbid, jumped in the pool as well.

What a terrible memory to have. I hope that there are more happy ones to follow.

Kelley’s last blog post..Plurk, it sounds like vomit.

That poor family.

And poor you. You were far too young to have something like that happen. And even though you know deep down you did what you could, especially at such a young age, there is always, always guilt involved in tragedy, whether it is logical or not.

Loralee’s last blog post..Five

How sad, for that family and for you.

dysfunctional mom’s last blog post..Sweaty Hot Fun

That story is heartbreaking. That poor family. And poor you.

Jerseygirl89s last blog post..Should I Post This In Town?

Jennifer, that was so difficult to read. I can’t imagine how hard it is to carry it with you every day of your life.

What happened to you, the five year-old you, is a totally common psychological reaction (I can’t remember the medical term for it). When people encounter a crisis situation where someone is in jeopardy, they almost always think, “Somebody DO something! Why isn’t anyone doing anything?”

Of course, this means that nobody is doing anything.

But you, YOU did something. You had the presence of mind at FIVE years old to snap out of it and take action. That’s amazing…I hope you realize that.

Christines last blog post..Getting to know me, getting to know all about me…

This is one of the more traumatic stories I’ve read. I can absolutely understand why it stays with you. So scary.

Stimeys last blog post..Who Hates Cancer?

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Nice to Meet You

I'm Jennifer, Mom to Carson, 3, and Ella, 1. Wife and Bossaholic to Tate. My claim to fame is that I'm the #2 search result on Google for "kids pooping in pools!!." You can follow me on twitter, see my stumbles at StumbleUpon, view my photos on Flickr, and contact me by email.

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2008 Booklist

~~Pillars of the Earth~~ B-
~~East of Eden~~ A-
The Kite Runner
~~Memory Keeper's Daughter~~ C+
Water for Elephants
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