While watching the Today Show this morning, I saw this story about a boy who died as a result of “dry drowning.”
Immediately I was taken back to my five-year-old self as I stood watching my dad blow air into a classmate’s mouth, a little boy, whose family was from Africa. I can still picture his mother wearing gorgeous orange and red robes and hats. But I can’t even remember the little boy’s name. Yet, he always slips into my thoughts, nearly everyday, for 28 years.
The details aren’t even clear, as they are the memories of a five-year-old. What I do remember is asking my mom if I could go to the little girl’s house and sit by the pool. I remember dangling my legs in the pool and wanting ever so badly to jump in and swim. Slowly, I’d hold my body on the side of the pool, dropping my legs in, almost getting my shorts wet. But I didn’t get in, my mom had told me not to. I made sure not to let my shorts get wet so my mom wouldn’t know I almost got in.
I remember there was supposed to be a babysitter watching us children by the pool, but she was inside. My mom wouldn’t like that nobody was watching us. We were supposed to be watched.
There were older boys horsing around the edge of the pool. I remember thinking how old they must be, but were probably only third or fourth grade boys, but at the time they seemed so big and old. There was also a little boy, five-years-old, like me, and my classmate.
It was warm. I really wanted to get into the pool. I wanted to swim.
Suddenly there was a commotion.
“He can’t swim! He can’t swim!!!” His older brother was yelling at the boy who had pushed his little brother in the pool.
Why wasn’t he just swimming to the side?
Yelling. The older boys were arguing and yelling and accusing.
There were bubbles. Lots of tiny bubbles, spreading over the surface of the water.
WHERE WAS HE?
Why isn’t the little girl going to go get the babysitter???
Isn’t anybody going to help him?
I jumped up and ran all the way home and found my dad sitting outside in the lawn chairs talking to our neighbor. I remember the lawn chair falling over and hitting the pavement with a clanging sound as my dad jumped and ran back to the house with the pool after I told him that a boy had been pushed in the pool.
Why didn’t I go sooner to get my dad?
He was lying there, just in his underwear, stark white, against his brown skin. I’d never seen a boy in his underwear before. His hair had beads of water in it, it looked like a spider web to me. I was so confused and scared. My dad and other dads tried to save him, but he died.
Crying.
We went home and watched on the news what we’d just witnessed in person. I sat on my dad’s lap, watching. A boy, five-years-old, had died in a swimming pool after being pushed in. He didn’t know how to swim.
Why didn’t I go sooner to get my dad?
Where was the babysitter?
Why did he push that boy in the pool?
How did his mother survive? What happened to that family? What happened to the boy who pushed him in?
I think about him everyday. And I can’t even remember his name.
Oh Jennifer, that story just broke my heart. I can’t imagine how hard that was for you as a little girl to have been there. Oh and the poor family.
Thank you for sharing your memory with us.
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I heard about that story myself. It’s heartbreaking…and yours even more so. To witness something like that. My heart goes out to you having that memory.
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That is so sad.
I’m sorry that happened.
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That is so incredibly scary and sad! But if I can pull anything positive from this its water safety and taking my eyes of my children for even an instant could be detrimental in certain environments. *sigh*
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I am so sorry for everyone who has to carry that memory with them. I’m so sorry.
Things like that just never get out of your head. I didn’t witness anything like that but remember a boy in my 5th grade class who drowned right after school was out for the summer. I remember on the last days of school him just randomly telling me he would love to know what it would be like to see the future, him saying this days before he passed. Those words have haunted me to this day.
Oh, how awful. For your five year old self, and your grown up self. What a horrible thing to carry with you all these years.
I saw that story this morning, too. It’s frightening and sad.
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Yikes, I’m so sorry you had to see that and remember it (although how you couldn’t is beyond me.)
Thank you for sharing that with us. I’m going to go read about the dry drowning now.
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Wow… that is just so heartbreaking.
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*shivers* I almost drowned when I was little. That’s why I never had to courage to learn how to swim. My parents never let my younger sisters back in the pool either so they don’t know how to swim. My husband taught our kids to swim. Although I do freak out a little whenever they’re in the pool. Especially since I can’t get int here to save them if something bad happened. I really need to just learn how to swim already.
You were only 5 – good for you for even thinking of running to get your dad. Most other 5 year olds would probably be too much in shock to do anything but sit and watch.
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Oh, that gave me goosebumps.
I saw the Today Show segment this morning too. We just moved to a house with a pool. Scary stuff.
I’m sorry for you to have to live with that memory and so sorry for that family. Tragic.
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How horribly sad. For him, his parents, for you.
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I have never heard of that. We are moving very near a creek with three adventurous kids. Thanks for the link.
That is so, so sad about that boy. I can’t imagine how scary that was for everyone involved.
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so very sad. I have a cousin who drowned in a river when he was 3 – the family is still greatly effected and its been about 31 years …
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i am officially terrified of the swim lessons my daughter is going to take this summer. what an awful sad story.
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Swim lessons could save her life…don’t be terrified of them.
If the boy would have known how to swim, well, I suspect he’d still be alive.
My heart breaks for your five year old self, Jennifer. And for the family all these years later, who are still surely affected.
Swimming lessons are so important.
Death is so hard…I couldn’t imagine having to process it at age five. I dealt with it for the first time at 15 and I asked myself the same questions as your 5 year old self asked. —always wondering if it could have been prevented. Going through everything that I had done to see where I could have made a mistake or maybe changed something. I still think of him everyday…his name was Daniel.
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How hard for you to have to hold that in your heart. That is so heartbreaking.
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The fact that I can’t remember his name is one of the things that I feel guilty about…like it makes his death less significant…which OF COURSE it doesn’t. I just wish I knew his name.
At five, you were too young to know what to do. Heck, some adults would know what to do, but stand there in shock. It’s extremely normal, but still hard.
When I was seven, a boy nearly drown at day camp. It was a crowded pool and I know for a fact that I stepped on him. Seconds later, a teen was yanking me out of the way, while another was getting the boy out. They had to call 911 and paramedics showed up in seconds, although it seemed like years to me and they got him to breath.
I’ve never forgotten it and I’ll never let my kids go to day camp because of it. But I don’t remember his name either. I do however remember how bad I felt, because I knew I’d stepped on him.
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What a heart wrenching thing to witness at such a young age! You have me in goosebumps
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I just want to hug your 5 year old self. How horrible. How sad that the people who owned that pool would put you all at risk like that. So, so sad. When I saw that story this morning I just couldn’t believe it. It makes you feel like you can’t win as a parent, you know?
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i saw this story on the news this morning. it was HORRIBLE.
i can’t imagine how that family feels (and i hope i never can) and the heartwrenching memories that stirs for you…
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What an sad story, I’m so sorry you had to experience that!!
The dry drowning story has me even more upset.
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i was a lifeguard for years…..pulled many little boys out. All made it, thank God. But it IS the scariest thing ever.
And swim lessons are the smartest move a parent could make in the summer.
designHER Momma’s last blog post..whatever and stuff…
And that is why I get my daughter swim lessons EVERY summer. Pools are so scary. We rent a vacation home with a pool and I am already terrified of my little guy being around it. *shudder* That poor family- both of them…
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What an awful memory. I am so sorry that you think about it still.
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Oh darling- i am so sorry about this haunting memory. How sad. It made me feel so startled and nervous for a moment..We have just come back from swimming and all I do in a pool is stand guard and feel worry…xo
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Ahhh, what a memory. What a tragedy.
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It was until a few years ago that I understood why my mother made me wear water wings/swimmies until I was 9/10 at other people’s pools and would only allow me to go in the pool if someone (adult) was out there with us. (not that water wings would save a person any way)
This is an awful awful memory for you to have images of. It makes me want to cry just thinking about it.
So sorry. So very sorry.
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Wow, that is so sad. I didn’t even know you could drown later. Thanks for linking to that other article for the info. I do hope your friend’s family has gone on and done well through their grief.
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I have a lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. This is my worst nightmare put into words Thanks for the link, but I must say that I don’t know if I’d be able the signs either. There but for the grace of God go I…
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What a scary thing to watch happen. I’m sure that it hasn’t left the minds of anyone else who was there that day either.
I saw the story on dry drowning this morning too. What a sad thing for that mother and family.
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How absolutely heartbreaking for everyone involved. The boy who pushed him. The babysitter. Your dad. You. His brother. HIS MOM.
I just can’t imagine.
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I can’t imagine witnessing that. At any age. How tragic!
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That is so awful.
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Well, that’s an awful memory to have hanging around in your brain for your whole life? And your guilt still seems pretty intact about the whole thing. The part where you don’t remember his name is really pretty normal, considering you were 5!
I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.
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Oh my God, Jennifer, I’m so sorry that happened. What a terrible memory.
You did the best you could. You were just a baby.
Hugs,
Amy
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How horrifying! I can’t imagine experiencing something like that as an adult, much less a child. I’m sure you acted much quicker than you think and probably quick for a 5 year old…time drags to an eternity during those times.
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What a horrible memory. And I’m sure it frightens you more as a mother.
That poor family, and the poor boy who innocently pushed the other one in. I’m sure it haunts him, too.
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Jesus.
I’m so sorry that you have that memory in your head.
I’m so so sad for you tonight.
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*crying*
Can you do a search through news articles online based on city and date/year?
Maybe it’s already been suggested, I didn’t read the comments.
Maybe if you could remember his name you could put him to rest in your mind.
So sad. I’m so sorry.
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I have done research…but can’t find anything that goes back further than 1989. I have an email into the webmaster at the Tulsa newspaper.
Knowing his name would help.
I became a lifeguard because of this boy. I never had to save anyone.
what a sad story, jennifer. there are so many stories like that where i hear them and just can’t imagine how the family goes on. i heard about the today show piece, though, and my husband and i were so crestfallen by it: look for signs of odd behavior and tiredness – after a day at the pool? geez, what am i supposed to do with that information other than be scared?
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Ditto to everything everyone else has already said. What a tragic, heavy memory to carry around in your heart for all these years. What a brave and smart 5 year old you were to at least run to your Dad and ask for help. You were the only one. Sending lots of hugs to you tonight. What a memory. I hope it can be let go of, as much as you want to, bit by bit, and I hope you’ll find peace with it someday.
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Oh my, how completely awful.
I’m sorry that you had to go through that.
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Oh that’s just an awful memory to have. But thank you so much for sharing it with us. It’s a great reminder for all of us moms to really pay attention this summer – I’m sure that’s not what you meant, but we’ll all be thinking of this anytime we go near a pool with the little ones.
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