You? Have opinions. I? Want them.
This is my first time participating in Mrs. Flinger’s Brutally Honest Monday.
I’d like your (brutally honest) opinion about a recent incident.
The kids and I went to watch Tate play softball last week. Being a magnet to puddles, Carson immediately found the biggest, muddiest puddle and jumped right in. Within seconds of getting to the ball field, Carson was soaking wet and dirty.
There were lots of other kids around Carson, laughing at him getting all wet. The next thing I know, I look over and a girl who looked to be at least eight or nine, was throwing handfuls of mud on Carson (and cackling manically…or so I imagined. I mean, maybe she was.)
I was FURIOUS.
I marched over there and yelled at her to stop. I told her how ashamed she should be for picking on such a little boy and that she should know better. There was lots of huffing and puffing (on my part.) Also, my face was most likely all sorts of red.
I was SO PISSED.
I made the girl apologize to Carson. She did, half-heartedly. Then I grabbed Carson’s hand and we marched off, with me saying the MOST mature, parental thing ever…”Let’s go play over HERE away from those MEAN kids.”
When I made it back to the bleachers, a few of the people who had witnessed THE INCIDENT, looked a little horrified. I’m not sure if they were horrified by how I reacted or by the girl’s behavior. Of course I assumed it was all about me. Also, I’ve told a few people what happened and each person acted like I overreacted slightly.
Here’s what I’d like you to consider when forming your opinion…
1. She was DEFINITELY old enough to know better than throw mud on a little kid.
2. She was throwing the mud at his head.
3. (Don’t forget the maniacal cackling.)
But also consider this…
1. He was already filthy, dirty from jumping in the puddle.
2. I probably could have left out the huffing, puffing, and stomping away with the immature retort.
I am a little nervous since this is “BRUTALLY HONEST Monday.” Don’t think the BRUTAL part means to be, you know, too BRUTAL. I’m tender hearted. **bats eyelashes**
*****
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Yeah, it’s NEVER okay to throw mud at another kid, period. While you may have gone a bit over with the yelling, something did have to be done about it. Where was this girls parents?? You have to protect your kids, especially in situations where the other child’s parent is obviously not doing anything.
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To be brutally (but not too brutally!) honest, I would have done the same thing. I know it may not have been the best, or most mature thing…..but I wouldn’t have let the little girl get away with it, either. However, the girl probably thought since he was already muddy, that it would be okay to make him more muddy. I don’t know. I once told my son to hit a girl back who kept punching him. Okay, I called the girl a not-so-nice name, but to my son. She was within hearing distance, though. He was about eight at the time, and this girl was easily 11 or so…she was bigger than me, at any rate, and my son was quite smaller than her. I blogged about it, and caught all kinds of flack for it. I concede that I probably didn’t handle things the best way. Yet..I can’t honestly say I’d do anything differently if I had it to do all over again.
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Ok, I’ll bite. This may well be my first comment here…
I absolutely would have done the same thing. Probably with the huffing, puffing and “mean kids” comment included. It’s not ok to pick on little kids. I hate bullies.
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It is made as clear as day from preschool onwards that throwing things, outside of sports or games, at someone else is NOT. ALLOWED. PERIOD.
I can speak only from a babysitter’s perspective, but if I take a little one to the park for some outdoors fun, I would be furious if a bully ruined it by, say, throwing mud straight for his/her noggin!
The huffing and puffing on your part may have been slightly out of line, but I definitely understand how the inner “mama bear” would get all riled up, especially if she was so much older and bigger than him.
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I do not have kids yet, but I totally would have done the same thing. No one should treat a kid like that, and if someone else was not intervening, you had to do something. Who knows, maybe this girl will think twice from now on and you may have stopped a bully in the making. Good for you!
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Brutal Honesty? For better or worse, I think I’d have ended up reacting the very same way.
I have, on a couple of occasions, had to thwart bullies and so far have done it without huffing and puffing and name calling in public, but only because said bullying was occurring in preschool while I was away from my little girl. Needless to say, I huffed and puffed to the right people and it stopped.
But, I would have SO gone there if I were you! I say do what you have to do to protect your kids.
When it comes to my girls’ well-being, I’d rather overreact than underreact…
Mature be damned. Your kid! She threw mud. Period. I’d have thrown mud back at her and asked her how SHE liked it when someone older and bigger picked on her. I’d like to see how mature HER mom is about THAT. HAH! Being all politically correct is a pain in the but-tocks (pronounced like Forrest Gump), I think it’s better to just be yourself and stop worrying about the reaction.
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(OOOH I WANT BRUTALLY HONEST MONDAYS TOO!
oh now wait
I so dont :))
Id have done the same thing….which prolly means dont listen to me
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Mmm, right response, wrong target. After the half hearted response from the kid, the next response is to find the kid’s mother and ask the mother confronting questions. “Do you think it’s ok that your daughter was throwing mud at my kid’s head?”
Next why were you not monitoring your son closer so that he wasn’t in a mud puddle.
Don’t agree with the mean kids thing. That’s sheltering. I’m a little lost on Carson’s age, but an age appropriate talk would have been in the mix as well.
~Jef
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Grrr, Jef, don’t question a mom. Seriously, dude, are you crazy?
Also, I hesitate to yell at other kids because their parents may be bigger and meaner than I am. That being said, I would have totally wigged out, too. No other child has the right to throw things at your kid’s head- ever. She sounds like a brat. I would have probably taken the route of quietly screaming at her and threatening to kick her in the head (so that no one could hear me) but I do think your reaction was justified. Honestly….
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For those wondering, I don’t know where the girl’s mom was, she was probably on the other side of the ball field in the opposing team’s bleachers. I was too lazy to push Ella’s stroller over the gravel and mud and carry Carson over there to hunt the mom down.
Holy crap.
I would never do that.
Not because I think you’re wrong. I would so WANT to do that because that would SO PISS ME OFF…But I just am not that gutsy, to yell at another person’s kid.
I would have probably yelled at my kid hoping that it would trickle over to the older kid. Then, feel guilty for yelling at my kid when I should have yelled at the other kid. Because you know, yelling at your own kid NEVER hits the other kids around her. THEY ignore you when you are yelling at your own kid.
I wish I COULD do what you did.
Go girl.
Plus as Toni said, I’m afraid of other parents. You know they are crazy right?
~JJ!s last blog post..Guilty
I think my reaction would have depended on how Carson was reacting to mud being thrown at him. Was he laughing? Was he wincing? Trying to cover his face? Saying stop? If he was laughing I probably would have gone over and told that little girl to STOP - that is not a good idea. If he was wincing, covering his face, saying stop, OH, she would have heard a mouthful in my “May Teacher Voice” which is much different than my teacher voice any other time of year.
Kind of related - the other day I came home from work only to be greeted by one of my neighbor’s kids who’s ALWAYS at our house (uninvited) and he squirts me right away with his super soaker. Oh so not okay. And since I was in teacher mode and this kid is 8 I let him have it. Then, I took his super soaker and told him if he wants it back his mom will have to come and get it. I then explained to her that this is an ungoing problem, him and his brother coming over with their super soakers and spraying our house, windows, and Quinn (who can’t figure out how to use one of those). And then me! It’s so hard to parent your own kids PLUS other kids… Sorry for the long comment. =)
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In my best Swiper voice, “Awwwww, Man!” This is a tough one to answer.
The girl is definitely old enough to know better, but personally, I would never yell at another person’s child unless they were in danger. I try and put it in perspective that if someone yelled at my kid, I’d want to rip their face off, even if my kid WAS doing something wrong. It’s the same instinct you had - to protect your child, him from a bully, her from an adult yelling at her.
As for the huffy thing, I am just not a huffy person, and I’m non-confrontational to the max, so I probably just would have grabbed him and walked away.
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I’m with JJ. I would want to yell at the girl, but I’m not sure I have the moxy to do it. But, having said that, I’m not sure yelling at the kid is the way to go.
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Cathy…Carson reaction was sort of mixed, he was wincing and looked uncomfortable, but was laughing.
I KNOW that working in schools for years makes me “braver” to yell at kids when I think they deserve it.
AndreAnna…If it were my older kid throwing mud on a little kid, I wouldn’t be at all mad if another adult yelled at them.
Now, if this kid would have been probably 5 or younger, I wouldn’t have yelled at them. Instead I would have said in a sing songy voice, “Now, now let’s not throw mud.”
I don’t think I would have yelled at the kid, but that’s just me and I can say that easily because I wasn’t there.
I know I would have been irritated. Maybe the little girl thought it was fun and okay to do? I don’t know.
I would have let my kids play in the mud too, why not? They’re kids, it’s what kids do.
I would probably have talked to the little girl about what she was doing, why it wasn’t nice and better ways to play with people 1/2 her size but then again, I might have flipped out… I don’t know how I would have reacted.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Great first Brutally Honest Monday.
XOXO
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Jennifer .. you did exactly what I would have done, only you were way more mature, even with the huffy puffy mean kids comment. That girl needed to be scolded.. and good thing you did, cause if the next kid she through mud at were mine you’d be begging people to click the “Bail Madness out of Jail and Convince the Judge to put.her.in.the.mental.hospital. Where She Belongs” button.
And to the commenter who said something about “why werent you minitoring Carson” .. um.. yeah.. all I have to say about that is .. “WhatEVER!!” .. obviously HE doesnt have children and if he does, then Im quite sure he’s got them on their tight little leashes and he should be oh.so.proud. that he is super dad of the year. Lets all say “Yay for Super Dad of the Year” and carry on.
Jen, you rock…dont let brutally honest monday get you all fussed up.
K love you,
Madness
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Let’s be honest I’d want to pick up a fist full of mud and throw it back at the kid and scream “pick on someone your own size” - so really I think you’re just fine with your reaction.
Now if you live anywhere like I live where the people are oh, so judgemental the looks might have been about your child being filthy from the puddle….that kind of things is “frowned upon” where I live and I just hope we move before baby girl wants to play in the mud because I believe very firmly in getting dirty while wearing dresses.
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I did the exact same think a few months ago when my 2 year old was being bullied at the park by a couple kids. I may have even told one of them to go wipe the booger off from his face.
I just wish that I had thought to make them apologize!
**note to self** make the bully say he is sorry next time!
Someone needs to teach these unruly kids a lesson!!
Go Jennifer!!
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Watch out. I’m going to cause quite a splash in the pool here…
As the mom of a 7 y-o girl and a 16 m-o boy, I do NOT think you were WRONG to correct the girl. Yelling? Probably not the best method. eh, whatever.
But I can understand a little easier how an older child (even a very tender-hearted one like my Stinkerbell) might find a lot of humor and fun in throwing mud on another kid - even a little kid.
I never thought I would have to tell her not to lick her brother in the middle of Target. Yet, I did. I never thought I would have to tell her not to sit on her brother. Yet, I said it. (she wasn’t completely on top of him. Just hovering over him. Still, it was “sitting’ and I said it.)
Even kids with great parents (ahem, tucking hair behind my ear) do things that are stupid and not nice and bully-ish. And Stinkerbell is defintely not a bully.
So, no. You weren’t wrong to CORRECT the big kid.
But, no. She wasn’t a totally mean kid necessarily.
Should you have yelled at her? Don’t think so. Now you’re the mom that “yells at other people’s kids”.
But they can totally count on you to make sure that mudholes will be GUARDED!!!
What would I have done?
I would have chewed out my kid and asked the other kid to consider how it would feel to have mud thrown at their HEAD. She is definitely capable of empathy, but might have missed that teachable moment in her house.
’sok. You’re still invited to my playgroup. And you can yell at my kids anyday. But don’t be surprised if they chuck a wad of mud at the back of your head as you priss off.
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I think we all get upset when we see kids pick on our children. It’s our motherly instinct. I think I probably wouldn’t have gone huffy, but rest assured, I certainly would’ve said something. Throwing mud is not okay, even if a kid is already dirty.
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I think for clarification purposes, let’s review “yelling.”
I’m not sure that our definitions are the same…I never raised my voice, but did use a VERY stern tone, had a furrowed brow, and pursed lips. In between sentences there were heavy sighs. Also, disapproving glares.
Maybe saying I yelled at the girl isn’t truly accurate.
Not that this should make a difference…just to clarify.
And AGA, I’m glad I can still be invited to your playgroup. I don’t mind at all being known as the mom who yells at the kids.
honestly, I’m a big wussy and would have just pulled my daughter away from the big girl and gave her a dirty look.
Then, I would have written a blog post about how I wish I would have brutally verbally assaulted her….and kicked myself for not standing up for my kid.
you probably did the right thing…
Brutally honest, huh? Is it possible that Carson might have started it? Could the girl have been reacting to something he did?
That being said…NEVER EVER ok to throw ANYTHING at another child. I don’t care if they are related…NEVER EVER OK! I probably might have reacted in a similar fashion. I definitely would have said something to the little girl like, “Would you like it if someone threw mud at you?” Or something like that. And I absolutely would have removed my kid. AND I would have made the same comment walking away.
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Eh, I say you were ok. I mean…mud can HURT especially if there was a hidden rock or goodness forbid a piece of glass in there that the little girl didn’t know about. Has nothing to do with being dirty…but she should have been old enough to know better not to throw mud.
I think too many people are more than willing to not say anything for the sake of peace…but at the same time how are children going to learn what is acceptable behavior if no one ever corrects them?
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Here is what I would of done in a prefect world and if I had control of my temper at that time. Sometimes I accomplish this and sometimes well notsomuch.
I would of calmly asked the girl why she thought it was ok to throw mud at another person younger then her in the head? I would of asked her if her parents were around and then talked to them about it. (This is in a prefect world because I’m not a confrontational person) But more then likely my MaMa Bear claws would of come out and I would of done anything to protect my kid.
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Woulda done the exact same thing. EXACT! Also…where the hell are this girl’s parents. BIG HUGE BEEF of mine…parents who don’t adequately watch their kids. And since it’s Monday and I’m all ranty….
People who live in my neighborhood and right behind me??? It is NOT OKAY to let your 8 year old son ride off by himself on his 4-wheeler (should he even have one? Debate for another day). Why? ‘Cuz he’s EIGHT!!! And ‘cuz we live in a new sub which means a CONSTRUCTION ZONE!
Ohhh…sorry…what were we talking about ???
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I haven’t read all the other comments yet (hi! lazy!) but my opinion is this: I would have done the same thing, as long as it wasn’t a ‘game’ that the two kids were tossing mud at each other and you only happened to see her end of it and not Carson’s. It still isn’t ok for a bigger kid to do that to a younger one, but it does change the situation slightly if they were doing it to each other.
My assumption is that this was not the case, which puts you totally in the right. Carson isn’t to the age where he can really stand up for himself, and the girl was most certainly old enough to know better than to do that. The fact that Carson was already dirty doesn’t matter - you weren’t upset that she was getting him dirty so much as the fact that she was throwing something at him.
Kids will be kids, and everyone does things like that sometimes. But that still doesn’t make it ok. The little girl was wrong and needed to be corrected, by the person who saw it first - which in this case was you.
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Alison…No, I had only turned around for a second and when I turned back around she was throwing the mud. Before that I was watching him the whole time since I was a little worried about him possibly drowning in the puddle of water.
If he’d done something first, I would have yelled at Carson, too.
An eight year-old throwing sand and, worse yet, laughing maniacally at a toddler . . . I think your stern reproach was completely justified. I would have done the same and maybe only regretted the “mean kids” comment and even that, not so much.
On a side note, my dad played competitive softball for years when I was little and my mom still loves to tell stories about how dirty my sister and I would get at each game, no matter how cute we looked when we showed up.
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I’m with you - I would have yelled at the girl too and I probably would have done it with raising my voice. You don’t pick on younger kids (except younger siblings, those are fair game, hee hee) and if the girl’s parent can’t be bothered to watch her, then someone has to protect littler kids. Like you, having worked in schools for a number of years, I have no problem talking to another parent’s kid. And know what? I don’t care if I did get known as the parent who yelled at other kids as long as I’m known as the parent who protects my own. If I had kids, that is, which I don’t so this point of view may not even count:)
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Okay, I’m throwing myself under a bus here. I would probably have just called over to the girl to stop that, it’s not okay to throw mud, don’t do it again, and left my kid to continue splashing.
I know, your son is younger than my kids, but even when mine were young, I just couldn’t get worked up about a grave injustice done to my kid. Life’s rough, accidents happen, and there are assholes in all walks of life. As long as it wasn’t extreme danger they were placed in, we dealt with it and moved on.
There have been several incidents where MY kid was the jerk and I had to apologize for them, so I tend to give other kids and other parents a little leeway.
And the last point before I get off my high horse and get trampled by it: my kids are GIANTS, and people expect a lot more of them because they look older than they are. That might not be the case with this girl, but I’m just throwing that out there.
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Oh see now, I would have done the exact same thing. Seriously. And if it were my older child throwing mud on a youngling I would want a parent to intervene in the EXACT SAME WAY. Because that kind of behavior IS NOT ACCEPTABLE. Period. I don’t care that he was dirty. I might have even hauled her over to her parents and had a little discussion with them as well.
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If that was me walking to the ballgame with the kids and I saw the mud puddle as we approached the field, I would have gotten a hold of my son’s hand and made sure he didn’t get near the puddle. I don’t care how much he loves puddles….
If my son was pulling me to go to the puddle–THAT’S when I would have started yelling.
I try to avoid problems as early as possible.
(NOT judging you on the way you handled it–just being honest about what I would have done)
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What I wanna know is where the hell was her mom?! What is the deal with MIA Moms?! I don’t get it.
I applaud you for doing what you did. If I was your son, I would be grateful to have a mom that stood up for me.
Girl, I think as long as you didn’t push her face in the mud, you were reacting with restraint. Or maybe I just have some issues. You were well within your right as a mom to address the issues with the older kid. Brutally honest? I would have probably been playing in the mud with my boy, but I only have one kid. I’m impressed that you could keep both your kids under your hawk eye at the same time in a public place. Good job!
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I would have went over there and told my kids to gather the mud and throw it back at the girl. So I am WAY more immature than you!
I honestly think that kid sometimes just act how they are going to act…I’m not sure…but she probably didn’t mean it maliciously…she probably saw that he was enjoying himself in the mud and that she was helping in the fuN? I don’t know I wasn’t there…but I think as a mother…however we react is how we react…we are human…
She was throwin stuff at him! I would have done the same thing you did!
It’s all fun and games until someone loses (or gets mud in) an eye!
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Rock on Sister! That mom should have kept an eye on her kid. “Yell” away…
I’m yelling from here!
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And then… I think they were just playing. Kids don’t have the best judgment, but I have done EXACTLY what you did so often that I think my own kids have suffered. As in, “don’t play with X because his mom is a crazy byotch.”
I’m just sayin’ — you can’t control anyone elses’ kids, just your own. You shouldn’t put him in the dirt if he can’t get dirty.
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First of all, come to my blog and visit the sidebar to win a raffle for a Nikon D40.
And then… I think they were just playing. Kids don’t have the best judgment, but I have done EXACTLY what you did so often that I think my own kids have suffered. As in, “don’t play with X because his mom is a crazy byotch.”
I’m just sayin’ — you can’t control anyone elses’ kids, just your own. You shouldn’t put him in the dirt if he can’t get dirty.
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Here’s the tricky thing: if I had been in the bleachers watching you I would have thought “Dear Lord, tone it down Lady.” But…if it had been me whose child was on the receiving end of the mud-slinging, I would have done all the same. Probably with even more stomping and definitely having said a few more immature things. I just have no tolerance for children who act like that and whose parents are not the ones putting a stop to it. Good for you for defending your child!
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ditto — would have done the same thing. Had it been my husband… he would have hunted that girl’s momma down and yelled at her to reign in her kid.
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I honestly would have done the same thing. We are protective of our kids, it’s nature. Not always the most mature thing to do, but it’s true. I am one that would definitely give that girl what-for. (oh, that made me feel old.)
From what you’ve said it’s not like you were a screaming banshee. I think you were well within your right and at a good acceptance level for what was going on
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First, I LURVE that you joined in. I’m all giddy and blusning. Look! blushing!
And, to be totally brutally honest? I’d have done The. Exact. Same. Thing. And even would’ve posted about it later because I’d second guess myself.
You and I are the same. I feel cool now.
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Overreacted? Maybe a bit I’d have to have been there to see the whole thing…but I’d be inclined to say that you didn’t from what you said.
Then again, when it was my sister in a similar situation (I’m 14 years older than she is and I always looked older than that…Mostly people just assumed she was my child unless they knew better) I was the one asking the girl where her mommy was so I could talk to her. And by talk I mean rip her a new one. So what I was 19?
So maybe I over reacted too?
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allthingsbd…you didn’t throw yourself under the bus! I asked for an opinion, you delivered.
I DO agree about this, “I know, your son is younger than my kids, but even when mine were young, I just couldn’t get worked up about a grave injustice done to my kid. Life’s rough, accidents happen, and there are assholes in all walks of life.” However, I just really felt like in this situation that girl needed to be called out for her actions. I do think that my huffing and puffing and “mean kids” reply were childish and silly and completely unnecessary, though.
If it were to happen again (and it will), I’ll say something, VERY sternly, but without the drama. I want my kids to know the right way to stand up for themselves.
I just don’t think it’s okay to throw mud at someone, especially someone younger/smaller. And I have no problem reprimanding someone else’s child (if they aren’t doing the reprimanding themselves!). I probably would have done the same thing.
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I definitely would have said something to the girl. Firmly. But probably with a bit less drama, since I hate attracting any attention to myself. That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t be fuming inside!
But who am I to say? I haven’t really ever had this happen to me before. It’s hard to put yourself in someone else’s shoes. Carson is little and I’m sure if someone was doing something mean to my littlest one, I would react. Not sure how I would react. But I definitely would.
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I probably would’ve walked over, and asked her nicely to stop. If she didn’t, then I would’ve slammed her into the mud and shoved her face in it.
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Mmmmm…ya, I think you may have over-reacted..just a little and with the best intentions and probably in a very classy kinda way that made those around you say, “wow, she has it all together” .
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So as I was reading your post I was thinking to myself … wow, she really did over-react just a tad. BUT in saying that and thinking about my own kids I know I would’ve done the same thing.
There was a little girl at a playground not too long ago who wouldn’t let my 20 month old on the steps to a cute little cottage. This other girl was at least 5 or 6 and was waving a really long stick in my little girls face and demanding that she not go up there. I thought I’d wait for just a moment to see how it would pan out and whether the little girl would in fact let my baby go up to the cottage but when she almost hit my baby in the face with the stick I stepped in and told her exactly how wrong she was and she decided to ‘answer me back’ by proclaiming that the door to the cottage was locked and she was trying to protect it. I told her that as the mother of the baby I will decide where my daughter can go, not her, so step aside or else.
I’ve learned - the hard way - that it’s never viewed as acceptable to discipline other people’s children. This doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be done. In the heat of the moment you did not react any differently than anyone else would. As a parent, it is your duty to protect your children from harm. Actual or perceived.
Was there a better way to handle the situation? Probably, but you had only seconds to react. It’s unlikely that anyone could have swooped in, saved their child, firmly, but politely disciplined the thrower, and then organized a game of red rover that left all the kids BFF.
I would have jumped her.
Kidding.
But I would have fussed at her. He is a little kid. She is not. She KNOWS better!
I don’t think you overreacted at all! I think kids these days (what am I, 90?) could use more people holding them accountable. When I was little we behaved ourselves because we knew that if any neighbors or adults saw us misbehave they woud not only tell our parents but they would put us in our place too. It takes a village… and maybe it will make that nasty little fart think about doing something so stinking next time.
Perhaps people were acting like you were overreacting because it wasn’t THEIR child getting mud thrown in his face. I’m just saying.
Kathryns last blog post..Misfit Love
I would have used my stern voice to ask where her parents were. Then I would have walked with her to her parents, had her tell them what happened, then left the parents to deal with it. Though not exactly the same situation, I’ve done similar at our Children’s Museum when the bigger kids were out of hand. Be calm and firm and it’ll be fine.
Rayne of Terrors last blog post..Month 40 and three-quarters:
I would have done the same things you did, perhaps even more things. You are fine.
RubiaLalas last blog post..