After my post last week where we all fessed up to our serious Internet addictions, I’ve decided to help you in your effort to GET OFF THE COMPUTER and spend more time with your children.
Enjoying some dirt while mommy checks her email for the 20 billionth time.
First of all in order for you to actually DO any of the things on the list you’ll need to prepare. You’ll want to get one last fix so start by looking at your email ONE more time, checking your stats ONE more time, reading those last few twitters and then *gasp* SHUTTING DOWN the computer. Simply putting it in sleep mode or shutting the laptop isn’t going to cut it…you already KNOW that you will peek and get sucked right.back.in. Now. Once it’s turned off, put the power cord in a really hard to reach place, like in that ridiculous cabinet over your refrigerator or have a trusted neighbor babysit it.
The power cord suggestion may seem a little much, but desperate times call for desperate measures.
“So what am I supposed to DO without Internet access?” you moan. Here are a few ideas!
1. Bake! Cookies, brownies, whatever. No, this doesn’t help with losing any extra pounds, but is sitting on your ass twittering really helping? I didn’t think so.
2. Water Balloons! Sure the throwing of water balloons between siblings will cause World War III, but think of it this way…all that arguing is killing time. Be sure to do this OUTSIDE. That’s the place on the other side of the door where the sun shines and it’s hot.
3. McDonalds Playplace/ Chick Fil-A Play area! The great thing about this suggestion is that it’s really a two-for-one outing because within a week after letting your kids play at a place like this, you’ll be leaving the house again to take them to the pediatrician when they come down with some terrible malady.
4. Library! This place is so awesome! They let you borrow books for –get this–FREE. That’s right! FREE! (Also they have time-limited Internet access there.) (Yes, I’m an enabler in your attempt to break your addicion.)
5. Crafts! You’ll be cleaning up glitter and wiping crayon marks off the walls and cutting glue out of your carpets for MONTHS to come. Think of all the time you WON’T be stumbling and commenting!
6. Clean the house as a family! See above. (Vacuuming also drowns out crying.)
7. Use your navigation system to go on adventures! This suggestion will sadly use entirely too much gas because you are certain to get lost, but think of the adventure! For extra educational value, have your navigation system speak in a foreign language, I especially enjoy British English. VERY foreign.
8. Play Hide and Seek! You hide in the bathroom (door locked) with some ice cream, OKAY, WINE and have the kids try and find you. (iPods can drown out the crying in this scenario.)
9. Take lots of pictures and video! Let your kids ham it up! What a great way for YOU to come up with even more fodder for the ol’ blog. (Me=Enabler)
10. Go take a walk to get your power cord back from your neighbor! You’ve earned it with all this “family enrichment” crap. You can even make it a FAMILY activity to go retrieve your power cord. Win-win situation!