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People watching

While sitting in the Las Vegas airport attempting not to gamble and fill up on over-priced and over-caloric iced coffee beverages, I took notes on the interesting travelers sitting around me.  I love to people watch and make up stories about their lives and hypothesize about the whys of their actions.  These strangers, so close to talk to, yet only observed.

Here are their stories, at least my version.

The mother is sitting at the end of a row.  She looks prematurely weary and frazzled.  In her lap, she holds her pink yarn and needles, squinting and pushing her overgrown bangs behind her ear as she works.  An elderly woman sitting in front of her asks her what she’s making and the mother makes polite conversation back and replies that it’s a blanket.  Several times as she’s chatting with the elderly woman, she has to stop her knitting to glare and point at the seat where her two obviously bored young sons are supposed to be sitting while waiting for their plane to take off.  The boys father is sitting on the opposite side of the them, but is deep in conversation on his cell phone while silently cursing the lack of Wi-fi.  Occasionally he offers a terse “shh” to the boys.

I wonder if the mother of the boys is as irritated as I am that her husband is paying no attention to the boys and completely unable to let go of work now that they’re finally on vacation.  I especially wonder why she’s knitting a pink blanket.

The elderly woman reminds me of a spy.  She is wearing very mod white plastic sunglasses and is oddly proficient with her cell phone.  After taking her seat four down from my own, she makes her first call, speaking in a thick accent.  All I hear her say is, “I can’t talk long, but…”  

It was an odd couple walking swiftly out of the food court area.  She, tall and statuesque, dressed in obviously expensive clothes reminded me of a model.  Her hair was perfectly colored and styled, along with her nails.  Along side her walked her husband.  Perched atop two bird legs, his large round belly rested.  He was short and bald, yet strutted like a cowboy, proud.

Speaking of cowboys, why were there so many men wearing cowboy hats in the Las Vegas airport.  Were they all traveling to a cowboy convention?    A rodeo?  A renowned large belt-buckle maker?  A Wrangler’s jeans museum?

Across the aisle and with their backs to me, sat two menopausal women fanning themselves with copies of their itineraries.  They were chatting back and forth about this year’s cherry harvest.  Each one had a better story as to what farmers’ market they’d gotten their prized purchases.  One woman told the other she needn’t worry about going in the heat to the year’s remaining farmers’ markets because Carla’s husband was the produce manager at Kroger.  He could “hook her up.”

The preteen girl desperately tried to look cool and disappear all at the same time.  Her pimply face was covered in shine, and when she smiled, you could only see a mouthful of braces.

The other preteen girl had a blue mohawk and skeleton appliques on her jean jacket with it’s arms purposely cut off and frayed.

In front of me, two Asian women and a man sat facing me.  Each woman was dressed oddly.  One had white crocheted biker gloves, black panty hose, pristine white tennis shoes, a wide brimmed plastic visor, and a sequined (silver) Calvin Klein shirt.  The man had wiry salt-and-pepper hair and he wore wrinkled khaki pants and a blue oxford shirt with it’s sleeves rolled up to his elbows.  They sat and ate their lunches, bite by bite, in silence.  

Means to an end

My 30 days of free camera glory and all it’s unadulterated goodness are just about up and after much ADO, I’m keeping the camera.

About two weeks ago, Tate informed me that he really “couldn’t tell any difference between pictures taken with THAT camera *insert irritated huffing here* and our perfectly good, just bought less than a year ago camera.”  He went on to say other things about money and computer space and Snapfish, but all I heard was:

“WE’RE NOT BUYING THAT CAMERA.”

Oh the blog posts I composed in my head!  They were filled full of hateful words and threats.   I would just get my OWN job and make my OWN money, damnit!  How DARE he make me feel like a child asking her daddy for money!

Days upon days I stewed over this injustice.  I could barely speak to Tate, let alone be in the same room with him (naked).  Several days later was our anniversary.  To say that I was less than enthused for the day was an understatement.  I even wrote a post about memories from our wedding day on our anniversary just so that I’d remember that I did actually love him (at least at one time).

So on our anniversary, Tate surprised me by coming home in the middle of the day to bring me roses and a card.  Inside the card was a little homemade gift certificate for a camera lens.

I stared at the card in disbelief.  “Well…don’t I have to have a camera, first???”

Apparently silent treatments and no nookie is the key to getting what I want.  I’m not sure if I’m actually comfortable using my womanly prowess for such endeavors and getting goods in exchange, but I really, really, really wanted that camera.

I guess the end justified the means THIS TIME.

Tate got what he wanted out of the deal, too.  *AHEM*  So it’s not all bad??  Right? 

***

halp!  Can anyone give me any ideas on what lens to get??  I borrowed and 18-200mm lens from Anne Glamore and then I rented a 50mm lens…but I’m still not sure what to get.  I really want something versatile and I love bokeh.  Suggestions PUH-LEASE!

Bruised wah-gina and a leaking boob makes Jennifer ever so attractive

So first it was the wah-gina injury which left me bruised, then it was my leaking yellow goo boob.  The image I must conjure in your head!  You must all thinking, “what a babe!”

Raur!

All of my girl parts appear to be JUST FINE, which is excellent news.  The bad news is that being nervous all day gave me gas and now my belly is distended and uncomfortable.  Bruised, leaky, and distended.  If you didn’t think I was a babe before, surely now you do.

The doctor thought that it was not unusual for someone just two months post breastfeeding babies back to back to have some discharge.  She did not feel any lumps so she sent me on my merry (and relieved) way.

Thanks to you all for your encouraging words, I thought about them as I sat in my hospital gown, open to the back, waiting and waiting and waiting for what seemed like hours.   You ALL helped me. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

 

Stat

I’m typing this as I’m on hold to make an appointment with a doctor.  Apparently my symptoms warrant me being seen TODAY, or tomorrow at the latest.

On Saturday, I noticed that I had some yellow discharge from one of my breasts.  Of course in the back of my mind it could be, you know, SOMETHING BAD that starts with a C, or it could just be (and probably was) a plugged duct.

When they say they want to see me TODAY, it makes me think of that BAD thing that starts with a C.

***

I have an appointment at 2:40 TODAY.  For my hopefully plugged and infected duct, and not, you know, something BAD.

FREAKING OUT.

Blog Tip Sharing Project 8: Your brand

Welcome back to class after last week’s vacation.  I hope that those of you who attended BlogHer are recovered and those of you who didn’t are recovered.  I’m NOT recovered, so forgive me if my voice sounds squeeky, or at least squeekier than normal.

The focus of today’s post is your brand.  How your blog looks and how you market it is your brand.  Think about brands you see everyday.  You can see the “golden arches” and immediately recognize McDonald’s or the red target and know Target (duh.)  Your blog should have something similar that makes it easily recognizable.

Consider the following areas when developing and marketing your brand.

1.  The name of your blog

Most likely if you’re reading this, your blog already has a name.   If not, then try to come up with something unique and memorable.  Google the name to be sure nobody else has the same or too similar blog name.

Also, since it’s very easy and FREE to set up a blog through Blogger and Wordpress.com, I’d recommend setting up a blog with your blog name with those sites so that no one else can.  I have blogs set up at playgroupsarenoplaceforchildren.blogspot.com, playgroups…forchildren.wordpress.com, AND I own this url.  In Blogger and Wordpress, there is a way to make it so that it’s not found easily by search engines so that people are not accidentally redirected to those dummy sites.

2.  A visual association to your blog

My visual branding is the buckethead picture.  It’s the picture I use for most everything I do related to my blog.  It’s my twitter picture, my favicon, my avatar for StumbleUpon and MyBlogLog…it’s MY BRAND.  People recognize the buckethead pic and immediately know it’s me.  Those who don’t know the picture will see it and think, “hmm!  That’s a funny picture, I’m going to click to find out who that brilliant genius is!”

In all actuality, I have no idea exactly what people really say when they see the picture, but I do get compliments on the picture choice.  I purposely chose it because it was unique, funny, and easily recognizable.

3.  Your personal nickname when blogging

I use the name “playgroupie” because 1) it’s easily derived from my blog name and 2) it’s unique.  With a very common name like Jennifer, I like to use “playgroupie” as my email address, twitter name, etc…

Also whenever I leave comments, I say “Jennifer, Playgroups are no place for children” to distinguish me from the 2,000,000 other mommybloggers named Jennifer.  I recommend that if your name is Jennifer, Heather, Deb, Amanda, or something equally as common, you choose a nickname derived from your blog name and/or use your name followed by your blog name.

For example:  Deb, Mom of 3 Girls, or Heather, Queen of Shake-Shake, or Burgh Baby

4.  Use your blog name or blog nickname as your email address, and put your blog url in your email signature

I mentioned this in number three, but it bears repeating.  Everyday I get emails from people whose addresses I don’t recognize and without their blog url in the signature, I’m so confused as to who I’m replying to! 

Also, if you’re not using Gmail, *HEAVY SIGH*, you really must get with the program.  Gmail is far superior to crappy Yahoo and Hotmail email accounts.  With Gmail, you even have the ability to chat with your contacts (which is a great way to be accessible to your adoring fans! ;) )

So that’s it!  Unique blog name, associated nickname, unique visual representation of your blog, and a Gmail account and you’re on your way to becoming a millionaire blogger!

I wish.

Please leave your thoughts about branding in the comments section.  Next week we’ll discuss RSS feeds and learn why partial feeds ARE EVIL.

To read more of my blog tips, go HERE.

Rachael Ray lied to me. Also, my cilantro rant.

Haiku Friday

Thirty minutes, Rach?
Let’s try FIFTY instead, k?
It was still yummy

Last Christmas I received the magazine, Everyday with Rachael Ray, as a gift.  Now I realize that there’s a lot of hate in this world directed at Rachael, which if you ask me (and you didn’t but this is my blog so HA!), I think it’s silly.  Sure she’s a little too perky and animated and I swear if she throws salt over her shoulder or says EVOO ONE MORE TIME, I may have to charge my TV and squish her head.  But overall she’s just a seemingly genuine, sweet gal with a few annoying tendencies.

Her magazine freaking rocks, though.  I have made many a recipe from her magazine and they are all SO GREAT.  Last night I made Corn and Salsa Tortilla Soup from the 30 minute section of her magazine.

Rachael flat out LIED to me.  It took me fifty minutes, not the promised thirty, to make this dish.  There was lots of poblano pepper blackening, corn tortilla baking, cutting kernels off fresh corn cobs….had I blessed with a sous chef, I could’ve whipped that recipe up no problemo.  But one little person (me) endlessly chopping with three little children running circles around my feet and whining (Tate, Carson, and Ella), made the thirty minute preparation IMPOSSIBLE.

Luckily for Rachael, the Corn and Salsa Tortilla Soup was mmm, mmm, mmm delicioso*.  (*phrase courtesy of Dora’s backpack!)  (Swiper no swiping my delicioso soup.)

Now onto my cilantro rant.  There are two types of people in this world, those that like cilantro (Goooo cilantro luvahs!!!) and those who don’t (BOOO!!!)  Frankly, those of you who don’t like cilantro can suck an egg.  I DON’T GET how you cannot enjoy the yummy freshness cilantro adds, especially to a spicy or tomato-ey dish. 

Cilantro fans unite! Rise in protest against our enemies! Let’s put an end to all these weirdo cilantro haters (BOO!).

Girl Junk in Recovery

This morning while playing chase with Carson, I got injured.  SEVERELY injured.

See, I was chasing him back and forth, catching him, tickling him, then sending him on his merry way for more chasing.  For some unknown reason he veered from our silently agreed upon game and decided to HEAD-BUTT ME IN MY CROTCH.

Huh?  Wha??  Crotch head-butting wasn’t a part of the game I was playing???

OH my aching crotch.

It was all I could do not to scream shitf*ckdamnhellc*ntf*ckf*ckf*ck!

Having a crotch wound is not only painful, but awkward to nurse back to health.  Rubbing my sore, achy crotch…well, it looks weird.  I can’t really go out in public, stroking my girly region now can I?   Also, there’s no easy way to wrap an Ace bandage around your crotch.  Trust me.  I tried.  Band-aids cure most ailments, but not those where HAIR and tender skin are involved.  I also attempted putting ice on my crotch, but um…ice?  It’s especially cold when touching your crotch.

I haven’t, uh, visually inspected my crotch to check for bruising, but I don’t think I need to SEE it.  I FEEL it, thankyouverymuch.  My crotch HURTS.

My crotch won’t be accepting ANY visitors any time soon (sorry Tate, talk to CARSON about that), but she is accepting sympathy cards.  You can send those to:

Jennifer’s Crotch
c/o Jennifer…because it’s MY crotch, that’s why.  I’m caring for it the best I can.
Comment’s section
Playgroupsarenoplaceforchildren.com

# of times the word “crotch” appears in this post…12.  Awesome.