This post is actually going to be about two entirely separate issues. Mostly it will be about this one: discipline and how sometimes I feel like I’m the one being punished and a little about this: Children’s haircutteries.
Issue one: This whole discipline and standing by WHAT I SAID thing comes back and bites me in the arse more often than not. In my head, I hear that sarcastic voice of mine taunting, “Newsflash! Parenting requires sacrifice and it’s often inconvenient!”
I KNOW.
As soon as I set the limits and “or elses” for Carson, I know, I KNOW, that we’re headed down a slippery, yet sharp and jagged slope. Most likely we end up at the bottom of the cliff, both mildly injured and near tears.
I took Carson to get a haircut at a place that specializes in children’s haircuts. It’s the type of place where instead of regular seats, kids can pick to sit in a race car or fire truck…, they get to watch a video during the haircut, and they get a balloon when they’re all done. Fun! What’s NOT to like about a place like this if you’re two??? I specifically chose this place because we’ve been twice before and Carson hasn’t thrown a fit or cried. It seemed logical to go back, right?
“Newsflash dumbass! Logic and toddler are incompatible words! FAIL.”
I KNOW.
I had an extensive talk with Carson about what would happen WHEN he was a good boy and got his haircut. I promised a trip to the holy land of Target. He LOVES Target (and Meijer), so I figured that it would be a great reward AND I could get the Method shower cleaner Becky told me about or the automatic one Charming Driver told me about AND it’s right across the street. Carson was very excited at the prospect of going to Target.
Carson screamed bloody murder during the entire haircut. Of COURSE he did.
I sweated like a pig.
As we were leaving, Carson started in with the begging to go to Target. I remained silent the entire walk to the car, as Carson repeated over and over, “I ready to go Target.”
Here’s the thing. I STRONGLY considered just going ahead and going RIGHT ACROSS THE STREET to Target and saying SCREW parental responsibility JUST THIS ONCE so I could go and get the BLEEPING shower cleaner that we’re completely out of and we have guests coming on Friday and now I’ll just waste the VERY EXPENSIVE gas having to COME BACK LATER. I didn’t want to discipline him this time. I WANTED TO GO TO TARGET. *pouts*
“Newsflash lady! You’re the parent. Do your job and PARENT.”
I KNOW. I KNOW. I KNOW. Alright.
I decided that since I had said that we’d go to Target ONLY if he made good choices while getting his haircut and he wailed the whole time, I HAD to prove my point and go home. I knew that giving in was just asking for more of the same and worse behavior in the future. Having to miss out on the NEEDED trip to Target pissed me off because I shouldn’t have used that as a reward in the first place!
GAH! I need to go back and read some of my child behavior modification stuff from the two million hours of inservice I sat through while working in the schools.
Issue the second: Where do they find the people to work in such a thankless environment as a children’s haircut shop? I know Carson is not the ONLY kid throw a conniption fit, so I can only imagine the sheer hell of cutting these little tyrants’ hair.
He is pretty cute with his new, Target-free haircut.
PICTURE REMOVED
We did haircuts today too! I only took them to Supercuts though, not a cool place like you.
Sticking to your guns is so difficult, but it’s rewarding in the long run… or so I hear.
Being a parent sucks. Believe it.
He looks adorable! I’ll have to post a pic of Monkey and his new super short haircut.
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Exactly why I never do those if this than this punishments. Because the person who really ends up suffering is the mom!!!
mojavi at simple things’s last blog post..don’t lie to me!
I FEEL you. Several times I’ve had to leave a lunch date with beloved friends because my kid was acting up and I uttered the words “We’re going to leave if you don’t do xyz”. We stayed home from a friend’s birthday party, and cut a trip to DISNEYLAND short after serious infractions.
I felt like I was punished more, but fast forward a few years, and my girls KNOW I will turn around and leave just about ANY situation if they don’t shape up.
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LMAO (sorry)
Solution: Keep duct tape in car. Put duct tape over child’s eyes. Tell him he is somewhere else. Shop your heart’s content.
If words come out of child’s mouth to challenge where you said you were… put duct tape over child’s mouth.
See? Duct tape solves all problems.
<3 you, hot momma.
Sarcastic Mom’s last blog post..I only wanted to crawl in a hole and die for a little while.
We also visit a place locally called “Kidz Cutz” the whole salon is painted out like a scene from finding nemo – and same scenario, the kids get to watch a DVD of their choice during the ‘process’. Skippy has NEVER complained during a hair cut. Thus after we moved 45km away to another suburb, we STILL Make the drive out to this place because I know it’s the only fail safe way to ensure happy child + good haircut = happy mommy = screw the gas bill.
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It gets harder as they get older. Two years ago I had to stick by my threat to take driving priveleges away from my teen daughter FOR 3 WEEKS! It meant I had to get up at 5 a.m. to take her to school, stop everything mid-day to pick her up (an hour round trip twice each day). Not to mention driving her to and from her job, etc., etc. I felt like I was the one being punished. It was torture (for me). HOWEVER … I did it. And you know what? I never had to do it again. She realized I would enforce the rules and she didn’t dare break them again. Thank God!!
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Oh, I HATE it when I have to act grownup! Sorry you missed out on Target!
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I usually threaten something like a time out or a smack to the booty (which we only do playfully around here and it makes them laugh when I say it). I hate taking away good stuff!! More than that, I despise the whining that happens once said good stuff is taken away! Sometimes being the grown up is no fun at all!
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Discipline ALWAYS comes back to bite me in the tush too. Oh well, good lesson anyway. Warning: I started out taking my kids to the cute little kiddie salons too, and now it’s the only place they’d even consider getting their hair cut. Personally, I’d like to transition to the $4.99 Great Clips cut, but it’s not worth the trauma. Jacob thinks the world truly would end if he couldn’t play video games while he gets his hair cut! I have visions of him being 16 and still going to the kiddie salon.
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I have totally been there and made a threat and I didn’t want to follow through on. But I did it anyway — pouting the whole time. But go you for sticking to your guns!
And Carson’s haircut is so cute — he looks so grown up! To cease the screaming try a sucker — they work wonders!
I asked the girl at the kid haircut place why in the world she would do that rather than cut the hair of someone who would sit still and not scream their bloddy head off. She said that kids don’t bitch about wanting it ‘just right’ and that parents, at least for the most part, just want a trim so that their kid can see out from under the mop of hair, rather than wanting a totally specific ‘style’ like adults.
For the record, I think that people who work at those types of places probably ought to have their first miracle toward sainthood waived. Seriously.
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Oh man, being the parent sucks!
I’m glad to know I’m not the only one who sweats like a pig when my kid behaves like an asshole. It’s an automatic, totally unflattering, response that I hate.
My oldest son is three and we JUST had his first haircut without a grand mal seizure.
He did start out with some tears – but then it was like the heavens opened up and golden light of reason poured into his head: “Oh – so it’s really NOT that big of a deal…okay, thanks for the lollipop.”
In the past we’ve left haircuts covered in sweat, snot – and of course hair (because I was that mother who still had to hold her son on her lap so she could restrain him). Now the younger one is starting to fight haircuts – so I guess the cycle begins again. Thank god his sister is still pitifully hairless – I can only handle so much drama per haircut.
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He is adorable!! So cute. I am wanting to take my 2 year old to do the same but I am afraid of the “scream” fest as well! I want to do it and get it over with just to get her bangs trimmed (I mess them up myself) OI!! Thanks for the comment and for stopping by!
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I hated reading that story because that kind of crap happens all the time in our house. I need to think of a better method.
As for the haircut. Try this: Give him a lollipop DURING the haircut. I know, it is gross. There will be sticky nasty slobbery hairy goop everywhere. But he will be quiet. Just a thought.
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See…that is why I do Babyhead’s hair myself…it’s real easy. I got a pair of clippers and just buzz it short (not bald short…but short). All one length…no fuss…5 minutes tops. I dread when he wants a cut that is something OTHER than that though…
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I hope everyone posts a haircut horror story so I can feel better about the fact that my kid won’t be needing her first haircut until she’s 47. Thanks for the momentary boost of, “Hey! There’s advantages to having a kid whose hair doesn’t grow!”
Love the photo and you are obviously getting really good with that camera.
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OMG I miss Meijers. We had that in Indiana when I was growing up. I loved going there! My friends and I used to walk forever to get there, just to spend our 5 bucks.
I love his hair cut, it looks so cute!
J’s last blog post..It’s Deja Vu, all over again.
Oh I dread getting my son’s haircut…and having to come up with new and inventive ways to parent when all I want to do is have my own tantrum…
I ask, when will Mommy get HER way?!
I hope you make it to Target soon
Oh no!
I have had to do that many times, and it hurts. But, when they listen and KNOW you will do just what you say….the power! It almost makes me drunk.
Oh, and the Method stuff won’t clean the shower in a day if it’s already dirty. It’s more like clean it, start using that stuff and never clean it again. Just FYI since you have company coming.
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I love getting the sweat on while child-wrangling. I figure it counts as cardio.
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those haircutting places make me so angry. they overcharge just so my kid can sit in a friggin’ boat or car or whatever and watch Dora while a completely incapable woman cuts his or her hair to shreds. i’ve stopped going to them. GRRR> sorry…end of rant.
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@ali: OH yes. They OVERCHARGE big time!
I guess, though, I feel like at least at a kid’s haircut place, they are used to screaming kids. Other places would be less patient. Also the stylists at those places are skilled at working with a moving target and are less likely to jab my kid with the scissors!
Sometimes, being effective in the parenting department totally sucks.
Sunshine’s last blog post..I’m Paying You To Leave
Well you are definitely not alone!! I’ve always taken my now 4-year old son to the kiddo salon too, but it is always interesting to see how he reacts. Some days he’s cool with watching Cars and cooperating, other times he screams like a banshee and I worry that the stylist is going to lop off an ear. And although I wish I could say he’s gotten better since he was 2, sadly, it’s not the case. It’s always a gamble.
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It is so hard to do the right thing when you have to sacrifice something like target…but at least the result is so adorable!
rachel b.’s last blog post..some little bug is going to find you sometime.
Yeah. I have walked into that SAME parenting trap a few times. Sucks ass.
I think from now on I’ll offer a lollipop or soemthing easier.
Oh he does look adorable!!!
I hate haircut places. I took Brandon to one of those overpriced jokes of a haircuttery that was supposedly designed for children. The idiot behind the smock decided that clippers w/o warning or explanation on a 2 year old’s FIRST haircut was a BRILLIANT idea. Scared the living crap outta the kid and getting him in for a tear free haircut was ruined for the next FIVE years. I cut his hair now. And I will never…ever…ever…shell out the amount of money they ask for at one of those places again. I’ll handle the girls hair and the boys hair myself. I’m the only one that gets to shell out insane amounts of money for haircuts anymore
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We got haircuts yesterday too. Both kids at a place just as you decribed. Muirne’s hair is perfect. Bardolf’s cut is horrid and we ended up getting a gift certificate for a free cut next time. The kids were perfect…not the cut.
That being said you did the right thing. Which you already know. When Muirne was about 3 we really struggled with tantrums and I had to leave several playgroups because of it. *I* always felt like I was being punished just as much, but at least she knew I meant business!
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You have my respect. I would probably have caved and gone to Target.
I used to dread my kid’s haircuts. All three would scream, scream, scream through the whole thing. Now that they are 6, 6 and 3 it is a much more pleasant experience.
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I’ve definitely shot myself in the foot like that before.
Now I remember to use buying a trinket from the One Spot (aka Bribery Central) as the proverbial carrot…not the entire trip to Target.
Slacker Mama’s last blog post..eyes on the prize
My kids respond well to “The manager is watching you through his special spy cameras. Do you want him to make you sit in his office? or Do you want him to kick you out in front of EVERYBODY(large mom eyes and pointing at all the people) here?” Even at almost 5 and 6, they are terrified of managers everywhere. When people leave before us at a restaurant, T assumes they have been kicked to the curb for some sort of unruly behavior.
“OH NO!, the camera just pointed to us when you did that!!!” works well to remind them of the fear!
I know what you mean though about being punished yourself. When I was packing for a trip the other day and had a million things to do- STUPID, STUPID
me banned them from TV for the day. Had to pull the- “silly you, I banned you from anything but long MOVIES for the day.”
ugh. I hate punishments that punish me too. I would have been VERY VERY tempted to go to Target anyway, but you did the right thing. Maybe now you can sneak away with no children and actually enjoy the experience!
Devan’s last blog post..Just how is this supposed to work?
Having read your post about standing by what you said, I figured that was the way to go and have been trying very hard since. It’s not easy – I totally admire you for sticking to your guns on that one, despite the cost and inconvenience involved.
oh I feel your pain! Jacob (my 3yr old) scream when you even mention getting a hair cut. We’ve tried the kid places and still screams. Now we just do it at home and try the best we can…half the time it’s so uneven and drives me nuts.
Good for you for making sure you followed through…I hate it when we get punished cuz our kids couldn’t act appropriately.
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I think you did the right thing not going to Target. I know it was a PITA for you having to go back, but maybe he will put the offense with the consequence. But at 2 there is no telling. I am so glad that I have girls with the whole haircut thing. I would just trim their ends until they were older and wanted a different cut. Really Chicken could still get her cut at home but she enjoys our gal doing her hair too so it isn’t too bad. Plus she is in the tweens and if it isn’t just right she gets mad at me. Hopefully you got to Target. HUGS!
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I second the suggestion for using a toy from the Dollar Spot as the bribe. That way, you can still go to Target and get what you need. Gas is too expensive to have to go back. My son used to scream bloody murder at the kids’ haircut place. I always assumed that’s why they charge a fortune, because they have to pay those stylists to tolerate all the screaming. Finally my husband took my son to the woman that cuts his hair, she asked Braden if he liked M&M’s, he said yes, she pulled out a bag and said “Get in the chair and get a haircut like a big boy, if you don’t cry or squirm you can have these M&M’s”. He did it and she only charges $5.00! Wish I had known chocolate and a stern warning would be enough to stop the fits.
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First of all, your kid is GUH. OR. GEOUS.
Secondly, “say what you mean and mean what you say” is one of the hardest parts of parenting, and you rocked the house on it today, sister. Hats off to you.
laurie, thatsthewayitis’s last blog post..Toddlers: Dysfunctional Hobbits
That is why I only give punishments that I can live with. My husband is always threatening this and that (sometimes not even realistic at all). Sometimes he threatens the kids that they’ll have to sit on a stool in the kitchen while I make dinner! WTH! Who’s getting the punishment them or me? I only the other hand totally manipulate the punishment/reward to my liking so that I’m never inconvenienced. Wow, I’m shallow!
Dang. this is the EXACT reason I have not taken my two-year-old twins to someone “professional” for hair cuts. I struggle every few weeks here at home to cut their hair, and it’s never pretty… gulp.
You have more guts than I do, that’s for sure.
AND — GOOD FOR YOU for not taking him to Target. I would have done the same.
Kristin @ where my boys at?’s last blog post..Alice in Non-Dairyland
I count myself very lucky that my son’s father does hair for a living. That is one battle I do not have to fight.
You just proved yourself a better parent than I am. I probably would have done Target anyway, reasoning that it caused such horrible trauma that he deserves it.
THAT is the wrong answer, yours was the right.
Natalie’s last blog post..Three Ring Binder
I’m just now learning to only threaten things I am willing to take away myself. It sucks, huh?
And I second the vote for the automatic shower cleaner! LOVE mine! You have to have a clean shower first, but it does do a pretty decent job of keeping it clean after that! And it smells REALLY GOOD.
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Hey, that is sacrifice. I could not resist Target.
I HATE having to follow through when it’s something I want to do!
On the flip side…if I know that he will slip I’ll use something that he wanted to do but I wouldn’t! Make sense?!? I know, it makes me a little evil…but it also makes me follow through!
Way to stick to your guns! YAY!
And OMG! He is darling!
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It’s kind of breaking my heart that he still wanted to go to Target.
I got tired of the tears at the $18 a pop kids haircuttery, so I started buzzing his hair at home. First I do his dad’s hair while he watches. Then we sit him on his dad’s lap and he touches the clippers to see they don’t hurt. Then we cut.
After the second time, he became EAGER for it to be his turn. (and I got better at not giving him the escaped mental patient hairdo) The clippers were $13 at Target and have saved us SO MUCH MONEY.
(he does look pretty cute, though)
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great haircut, even without target.
and yeah, be careful what you threaten.
sigh.
the planet of janet’s lastest post..The next step in my evil plan
I think you did the right “teaching moment” thing since you stuck to your word…but maybe (tiny voice here) you were asking too much of him at the Cookie Cutter place? Maybe he was afraid (but you know him best obviously) or it was overwhelming for some reason b/c of all the “fun FUN!” stuff they have there?
They seriously are so inconsistent with what they can handle. Maybe just keep low expectations, baby. VERY low. And then you don’t have to give up Target. Wee!
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Ugh. Haircutting day is always such a pain! But my oh my is he ADORABLE! Ya done good, mom…
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Good job mama!
I would be scared to work at one of the kid’s haircut places. Screaming, flailing kids + sharp haircut scissors = very scary combination and potential for accidents.
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