So, yeah. Today was our very first day of “preschool.” I enrolled Carson and Ella in a Parent-Infant-Toddler program that meets once weekly, and the “Parent” part means that I get to go WITH them to school.
Thank GOD it’s only once a week.
A. Freaking. Men.
I’m sitting here, typing this through tears of anger and disappointment. Carson’s behavior was so terrible today that the thought of having to go back next Monday makes me sick. I know that the other moms in the group felt for me, several were very kind and said things to me to try and make me feel better, but I still feel like his behavior is a reflection of ME.
Since Carson was five months old, we’ve been going to story times at various libraries. And since the very beginning, he has resisted doing anything resembling “circle time” or it’s components known as “singing” and “generally NOT acting like an asshole.”
I was really hoping that somehow today would be different, despite his repeated past behavior. Driving to school this morning, I tried to be hopeful that the newness of going to school would be the saving grace for Carson today. I figured that a nuclear meltdown was more likely to happen next week when he realized what school actually entailed.
The morning started well with free-play. When it came time for circle time, though, he was the ONLY child who screamed. And screamed. And screamed. Finally I put him in the corner and swore under my breath, told him that he WOULD shut the f*ck up be quiet and they if he didn’t I’d sell him on ebay take away his TV for the day. Eventually he was quiet, but refused to even sit in the circle. I figured that this would be the worst of it, since he seems to despise circle time. Oh no, no. At gross motor time, he flipped out because he didn’t want to play with any of the toys offered. Apparently they were covered in fire-breathing dragons? He screamed some more as I tensed every muscle in my body in an attempt to not cry in front of the other moms.
I hate that everyone’s first impression of Carson (and subsequently ME) was as a crying, whining, bratty, difficult, screaming kid. I hate that I told the other moms that this was often times his typical behavior, failing to mention the times that he is wonderful and loving and a pure joy to be around. I hate that this was just the first week, and knowing his history, I don’t feel confident that he’ll improve.
All of the other people there deal with the same thing – toddlers are finicky creatures that way. But hang in there — they will get a chance to see Carson’s wonderful side too, it will just take a little time.
*hugs*
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Someone else touched on it as well…but could it be because you were there…? Has he ever been in a playgroup/daycare/school situation without you? Does he act the same? Just a thought. Sometimes kids overact or underact because mom’s around.
I hope it gets better!! *hug*
The Mom’s lastest post..We Miss Them Already
Recently, my then-4-year-old-now-5-year-old was having a hissy fit at our local co-op and I was having a hard time “managing” her. It must’ve been obvious how exasperated I was with her as she acted like a total asshole (thank you for being so frank and honest in your post!) because this older woman walked up to me and calmly put her hand on my arm. She said “oh hon, I KNOW it’s hard but just try to step outside of it and realize she’ll be 20 before you know it and GONE.” It made me realize that (a) I wasn’t alone in this sitch (b) that she really would be grown and gone before I knew it and (c) it wasn’t my fault. So, hon, don’t blame yourself! You obviously are a superb mom and he is a wonderful child.
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I was going to say the same thing as several others have… My kid does a great Jekyll/Hyde according to who’s there to witness it. Me? I get Hyde. Awesome.
Oh that stinks. My “middle” child (boy) started preschool last year at 2 1/2. About a month into the program he finally realized I wasn’t there with him and freaked. Then every time we went for about another 6 weeks he screamed and fussed. But once I dropped him off, he was fine and had a great time.
Change stinks for a little one. It’s so hard at 2 or 3 to sit still and pay attention. Sometimes it turns out that they plan just aren’t ready.
I hope next week is better for you. Hugs.
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Hello? I’m Heather. I lived that school situation for five years.
I say this with lots of love to commenters because I know everyone is only wants to help, but when I was told maybe Payton acted that way because I was around, it made me feel like total shit as a mom.
Yeah, some kids do show their butt a little more when mom is around, but this? Wow, this whole ginormous asshole behavior is such a different feeling and to be told he’s doing it because I was there…wow. It just hurts.
Here’s what I know about Carson:
Carson is a super smart kid. Period. Look how early he learned his letters and colors? Yep, definitely very, very smart.
Smart kids are afraid of circle time because they think “normal” and “average” are diseases you can catch by breathing the same air of “normal” people.
(They may be right)
No, seriously. I think there is something inherently uncomfortable about the masses to these super smart kids. Also, they intuitively know they are smart and want to follow their own ideas of play and fun, not someone else’s.
But still. They have to operate with the masses, no? It’ll come. It may be a slow process, but it will come. And I’m sure MUCH sooner than it did for me because you know all of these cool tricks and techniques that I didn’t know.
BTW, was he hungry? Had enough protein? You know how I am about the protein soapbox and how it cuts down on that irrational, uncontrollable asshole behavior. Do you think he needed a snack?
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Holy cow, look at that novel comment! I’m sorry. I try to avoid them and would have called, but it’s dinner time and didn’t want to interrupt you. Feel free to edit down or delete that monster of a comment.
Queen of Shake Shake’s lastest post..Curly or Straight: The Next Great Marital Debate
I too understand, although it has been years. Giggles wasn’t too keen on doing things with kids her own age, ever. She does now but that is just because of the sports. If she didn’t have to deal with them she wouldn’t. Chicken on the other hand was very uncooperative all the time, but that got better when we found out she needed glasses. (Not that I think Carson needs glasses) hopefully next week will be better. HUGS!!
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ah gad. feel your pain, nothing is worse than feeling as if your child is losing it and all the others are fine and every Mom is staring at you. my only advice would be that there is no need for him to play with the toys offered….he doesn’t have to play with them. my daughter does the old waits her line in turn and then as soon as it is her turn she turns around from the person and says NO….but I know she wants her turn….it is infuriating. today at a bday party she did this and instead of getting upset and forcing her, i simply took the bag offered for the treasure hunt and said, ok i will do it with your sister and she eventually took the bag and went on her way. transition is hard for her and she just needs time and a different way of presenting it to her. all kids are different. you and carson will find your groove, and one day you will see another mom in the same position and you will give her the nod of support and understanding.
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Well Jennifer, I’d say it’s pretty obvious from your comments that you are not alone.
You’re not. I’ve known so many women who’ve quit playgroups/pre-schools/library circles etc… because they felt terrible about their kid’s behavior. All of our kids have their moments, some are more vibrant and vivacious and independent than others.
Take heart that other mom’s there were nice enough to talk to you about it, that means they understand, otherwise they would have avoided you.
I hope it gets better, I believe it will get better.
Good luck darlin’.
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I feel for you, really I do. My oldest is a little stinker anytime I am around. I take her to an hour long exercise class 1-2 times a week for toddlers. I can stay in the room or leave. She is perfect in there. It doesn’t even seem like the same child. She has never once thought twice about doing any of the activities, but if I would suggest them she would argue and fight. My MIL is says that they are completely different when the parents aren’t around. I know as a mom, I hate to admit that when you take me out of the equation that I have a perfect angel, but sometimes that is the case. Just an idea.
Lauren’s lastest post..So, what is it?
oh no! i’m sorry!!!
hopefully the moms remembered when this happened to them and didn’t judge you at all!
wish someone could’ve offered you some help/sanity.
good luck next week!
mpotter’s lastest post..things they don’t tell you
*hugs* Been there. Try to feel better about it soon, though. A lot, if not most, parents can truly relate
Devilish Southern belle’s lastest post..Wow.
To each and every one of you, thank you so much for your kind words. I DO feel better knowing I’m not the only one.
To answer a few questions…Here in New Town, IN, true Preschool doesn’t start until 3, which is why I signed up for this program. As soon as I can, I’m going to try and get him into a regular preschool without me. I KNOW he’ll do better.
Montessori really isn’t an option, unless of course, we win the lottery.
Ella did come and was a perfect angel. She is very easy, go lucky and does well in these kind of situations.
And to all the new commenters! Thank you all so much for stopping by! I wish I could respond to each of you individually, but I’d be here all night.
Oh I am so sorry. I know your pain. My eldest was always the one bouncing off the walls when he was suppose to be quiet. The one getting so crazy that someone always seemed to get hurt…the glaring eyes. OY!
As hard as it is, you have to keep with it. He’ll get better and it will be good for him. I know how hard it is. Hugs to you!!
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It will get better, I PROMISE! Remember I taught the program…your child isn’t the first or only one to act that way. Hugs to you!
Brandy’s lastest post..boring
Wait – did you take MY son to circle time? Sure sounds like it!
Seriously, don’t worry. Most of us have at least ONE of those kids, and totally understand. One thing you might want to consider is holding off on those experiences with him for a little while. What we found with my little screamer and overreactor was that it was all too much for his senses, and once we gave him a little extra time, everything changed. We just realized that it took him about 6 months longer than my older son to be ready for those types of experiences. Just because the schools, books, and other parents say they’re ready … sometimes the kids just aren’t.
I have learned from experience that the only time mother’s and others really look at that situation with judgment is when the kid is being a tantruming ahole and the mom does NOTHING, but just lets the terrror continue completely unchecked while acting like she thinks he is god’s gift to nature and children everywhere.
And that? Would not be you.
EVERYONE has been in that situation. EVERYONE.
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omG, i’ve sooo been there! if there’s embarassment to be had, i’m usually the one who gets it. like the above commenter, i have a son with sensory issues, known as sensory processing disorder. usually new situations like the one you attended today turn out really badly for us. for my little man, it’s usually too loud, too bright, and just plain overwhelming for him. sounds like your little guy has similar stuff going on. either that, or he could just be a jerk, like you’ve said. KIDDING, of course!
sorry you had a horrible time. take my advice: crawl under a rock with your kid and never go back. hahahaha
Kia’s lastest post..I Need to Get My Funny On…
I feel your pain. All four of mine, on so many occasions, would act like Satan spawn in some public group thing, it made me wish they knew what a nasty mean mom I am and that they don’t usually misbehave. But, you know, just in PUBLIC.
But I know, you want to wave a big red flag that says, “seriously! my kid isn’t always a huge asshole!”
And, call me a quitter, but some of the “extra” things, like toddler reading time at the library or something like that, if they were psychotic brats more once, we didn’t go back. It was too much misery to keep dragging a kid who was determined to misbehave, so they got 2 strikes and we stayed our asses home.
Which probably qualifies me for some suckass, lazy mom award but when the kid is awful, they don’t get to do fun shit anymore with me dragging their carcass all over. DONE.
I know the trepidation with which you fear the next group thing, hopefully it will be much more smotth – I will cross my fingers for you!
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Is there a MDO program near you? Because my son is a LOT like Carson. At Little Gym? He never once stayed with the group. At Kindermusik? He lasted 10 minutes before he wanted to run amok. Same thing with library story time. They are 2.5 year old boys. Their attention span is 0. But, I think MDO really did help both he and I last year. I needed that time off, and he needed to learn without me needling.
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Whoa I have no wonderful words of wisdom. Good luck next week. Maybe continued repetition will help. I know, you really want some advice, yeah? Okay, don’t beg me…
Try to prep him ahead of time, like 2 days beforehand, then one day beforehand, then 12 hours ahead, then 3 hours ahead, then in the car, then at the door, then as he hangs up his coat…. Tell him how good he’s going to be, you just know it! And how when he’s good he’ll get [fill in reward here]. And you know how he can do it! And ask him, what will you do at circle time? How will you feel? What if you don’t want to go to circle time, what will you do? How will you act? I mean it, go over it with him more than they prepped OJ about the black glove. If he sees himself being a good boy, he’s more likely to succeed. Well, anyway, that’s the only consistent success I’ve ever had with my kids.
Half the time as I’m walking out of Wal-Mart, I’m cursing myself, saying, “Why didn’t I prep the kids in the van before coming inside???”
Texan Mama’s lastest post..Kudos
I just wrote a post re: boy tantrums. Seriously.
I can’t tell you what to do, but what has worked for us is total ignoring. NOT ignoring the behaviour, really, but simply picking the child up at the FIRST sign of trouble, getting in the car, and going home. No cajoling. No bribes. No begging. We’ve hauled ass out of supermarkets, restaurants, and playdates. But we’ve only had to do it once per place. After that, he knew. Mummy is not fooling around. If I pull that shit, she will not let me get away with it.
Good luck!!
Tammy’s lastest post..What are little boys made of?
yeah so we are buying a new construction house next month and i took me 3 year old to finally get to go in and see it. she screamed like i was sticking pins in her. i’m sure the rest of the neighborhood can’t wait until we move in. i told the lady that was letting us in “she’s not usually like this”, (which she is not), but doesnt every mom of a wild screaming beast say that? bah! you’re not alone, mama.
britt’s lastest post..is this child negligence???
You poor thing! I know it won’t really help to say this, but I bet he would do better with you not there.
When I took my oldest (she had JUST turned 2 at the times) to our pre-school to tour the program and try to get her into the program, she threw a major fit. Right there in front of the Director. I thought for sure that they would not take her. But they did. And she was fine. As long as I wasn’t in the room. She is just that kind of girl.
Good luck! I’m sure that it will get better. You could also try to make him more comfortable with pre-school by letting him know exactly what they are going to do. If you want to take it this far you could even have a little mini circle time at home so that he could practice.
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oh, I’m so sorry, that is such a terrible feeling.
Perhaps, (and this is just my asshole advice here) he was overwhelmed by everything and just needed to be eased into it on his own, rather than forced to sit in the goddamn circle?
The other moms understand. Trust me on that.
moo’s lastest post..John Denver
I’m so sorry. I know exactly how it feels to be in that situation. Your sweating and crying and feel terrible. But I agree with the other commenter, the other mothers understand and there is always next time.
I am so sorry that you had to go through that. Next time people stare say “You should see how I get when I am mad.”
I want to add the same sentiments as the others. This is NOT a bad reflection of you. As much as it sucks to be in that kind of situation, just keep your chin up and do the best that you can in the situation.
That is all you can really do. Hugs.
Angella’s lastest post..Extreme Makeover: Laundry Room Edition
UGH. Carrrrrson! Why’d you have to do Mommy like that? She’s just trying to get you out and help you meet new friends and play…promise! It’s fun! Really!
Chill out, bud.
Jennifer-all I can really say is: (((HUGS))) and I hope he learns to like it. How was Ella? I’m guessing that C’s behavior overshadowed any issues with the baby (if she had any). But boo for screaming tantruming children. I feel for you.
As a childcare provider, I do have a sense of how embarassing it can be to be in charge (hah-who’s really in charge?) of a 2 year old out in public who decides to scream bloody murder like ohmigawd you’re twisting and breaking my arms and legs and drowning me and oh how I hate you because you’re trying to make me do something I DON’T.WANT.TO.DO.
I’ve turned verrrry red when out in public with the kids I watch. It’s made even harder by the fact that since you’re not their parent, they don’t always take you as seriously, and try to get away with more. SIGH.
Kids.
flickrlovr’s lastest post..What You’ve Always Wanted To Say But Haven’t
I’m sure it’ll get better. It has to, right?
Maria’s lastest post..My Anger Stems from Pain.
Isn’t the sweating the worst? I ALWAYS get that. Like, PITTED OUT. Because Addy acts like this pretty much any time we attempt an organized social thing. Kindermusik? Yep. Story time at the library? Yep. Tumbling class? That was the worst of all. Had to leave early every time. And it was so embarassing because there were kids younger than her following directions, and meanwhile she was running around doing her own thing, yanking away from anyone who tried to direct her behavior. And then as I’d be trying to guide her, someone from the childcare center would have to come get me because Eli was screaming HIS little head off!
I’ve just kind of given up on organized events for awhile. I decided I’ll try preschool when she’s four, and I’m also trying to bribe her with ballet class WHEN she gets potty trained. But I’m sure that won’t be anytime soon…!
Sarah’s lastest post..The Times, They Are A-Changin’
I’ve been there. And I’m fairly certain that once Quinn starts back at school in a couple of weeks that I will be the mom of the asshole kid who won’t play with the blocks unless they’re yellow and who will screech at anyone who touches him. It sucks. I’m sorry. But there will be good days for us, and for you. And pretty soon the good days will outnumber the bad and in a couple of years, you’ll read this post and won’t be able to believe that was what his first day was like.
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Ugh. Not fun. Hopefully, things will get better in the coming weeks, but if not, I always hold on to the hope/fact(?) that they won’t be behaving like this in 10 years. Or maybe 20. It’s my “this too shall pass” mantra.
Just a thought: maybe if you weren’t there, he would “suck it up” a little more. My 2 y/o behaves much better when I’m not around. ALL. THE. TIME. I think kids just feel more comfortable & safe around us, so they’re not afraid to let it all out. Like we unload stuff on our spouses that we wouldn’t with others. *ahem* Plus, kids learn fast that we frequently give in when it’s an embarrassing public situation. Sigh. Parenting is hard.
Hang in there. Sending happy thoughts your way.
PsychMamma’s lastest post..Art and Imagination
Ive been there.
but Ive cried.
MizFit’s lastest post..Tuesday Testdrive and RAK revisited.
Seriously made me laugh. I could have typed this post. Caden HATES any kind of circle time still at 3 years old.
He screams and flips out.
I’m glad I’m not the only one who says my kid was acting like an a-hole. It’s quite refreshing actually.
Boys are sooo different!
Julie D.’s lastest post..Fall Clothes
Oh sweet pea I promise you NO ONE was judging you.(besides yourself. swat swat. stop it.) Toddlers are insane. Period. Mine flips the flippity out when dropped off at nursery at church. Lovely. You’re wonderful and seriously, we’ve all been there.
–and I’ve found that you get a better price when you list the children on craigslist rather than ebay. just sayin…
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Ooooh, I am so sorry about your day. I have been through this so many times. Thanks for being real. You are NOT alone.
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[...] And we’re off with a thud [...]
Gross motor time? Seriously? I’m just laughing at that.
I really hope next week goes better (it will). I feel your pain and just know that he’ll get better – he really will (and, he’s only 3…..)
Teri’s lastest post..The Princess is a Dancing Queen
Oh girrrl, I’ve been there one too many times and I also take it personally and think that if I were a better mom my kids would behave better. Bullshit!
What I have learned through many, many mistakes is that in order for your child to be successful you need to put them in situations where they can be successful.
Your son is young and obviously has difficulty with new situations, group settings, and change. Maybe he needs a setting where he works one-on-one such as a Montessori setting, maybe he needs really warm and fuzzy teachers, maybe he needs mommy to get lost? My kids behave much better when I’m not around.
You are a great mom. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Figure what works best for your son and don’t apologize for it.
slackermommy’s lastest post..A “Juicy” rant about the Princess Entitlement Complex
I’m so sorry. I received a great line from a friend years ago when one of my cherubs flips out in public.
I look a Staring Stranger in the eye and say, “We’re working on it.”
Which you are! So am I!
Hope it goes better next week!!
Carla’s lastest post..Sane Maker
@Carla: Actually that is a really fabulous comeback!
My oldest was always horrible at story time – until she started preschool. Without me there (or with some magic her preschool teacher performed), suddenly she embraced circle time. Now she’s the best kid at story time, seriously.
Of course, now it’s the middle child throwing fits at the library. But not at story time. Because why be predictable?
Just remember, Carson’s behavior is NOT your fault. And I think maybe you should plan a girls’ night out for Mondays.
Jerseygirl89′s lastest post..Haiku Friday
Dude. I don’t have time to read the other eleventybillion comments that I’m sure say the same thing, so here goes, sorry if it’s redundant.
Those moms KNEW that that wasn’t the “normal” Carson. They’re moms of pre-schoolers. They GET the temper tantrums and EXTREMELY irritating behavior that seems to be ten times worse at exactly the point you want it to be best. They’re not judging you. They’re not judging him. They’ve ALL been through it, and if they say they haven’t they’re full of shit.
Keep your chin up, it’ll get better. I promise.
[...] and not royally screwing him up, I didn’t actually reward Carson’s surprisingly AWESOME school behavior with pudding. Rather, I rewarded him with MAKING pudding. That’s totally [...]
Sorry to chime in so late. Waaay behind in my reader.
I have a funny selling-child-on-ebay story. Maybe it’ll help you laugh a little?
Now I’ll go read more to see how things turned out for ya.
[...] was so sure that this attempt at preschool would be more successful than the last because last time, I was in the classroom with him. I’ve heard from everyone that he’d act just fine once he was on his [...]