So, yeah. Today was our very first day of “preschool.” I enrolled Carson and Ella in a Parent-Infant-Toddler program that meets once weekly, and the “Parent” part means that I get to go WITH them to school.
Thank GOD it’s only once a week.
A. Freaking. Men.
I’m sitting here, typing this through tears of anger and disappointment. Carson’s behavior was so terrible today that the thought of having to go back next Monday makes me sick. I know that the other moms in the group felt for me, several were very kind and said things to me to try and make me feel better, but I still feel like his behavior is a reflection of ME.
Since Carson was five months old, we’ve been going to story times at various libraries. And since the very beginning, he has resisted doing anything resembling “circle time” or it’s components known as “singing” and “generally NOT acting like an asshole.”
I was really hoping that somehow today would be different, despite his repeated past behavior. Driving to school this morning, I tried to be hopeful that the newness of going to school would be the saving grace for Carson today. I figured that a nuclear meltdown was more likely to happen next week when he realized what school actually entailed.
The morning started well with free-play. When it came time for circle time, though, he was the ONLY child who screamed. And screamed. And screamed. Finally I put him in the corner and swore under my breath, told him that he WOULD shut the f*ck up be quiet and they if he didn’t I’d sell him on ebay take away his TV for the day. Eventually he was quiet, but refused to even sit in the circle. I figured that this would be the worst of it, since he seems to despise circle time. Oh no, no. At gross motor time, he flipped out because he didn’t want to play with any of the toys offered. Apparently they were covered in fire-breathing dragons? He screamed some more as I tensed every muscle in my body in an attempt to not cry in front of the other moms.
I hate that everyone’s first impression of Carson (and subsequently ME) was as a crying, whining, bratty, difficult, screaming kid. I hate that I told the other moms that this was often times his typical behavior, failing to mention the times that he is wonderful and loving and a pure joy to be around. I hate that this was just the first week, and knowing his history, I don’t feel confident that he’ll improve.