PICTURE REMOVED
I looked back at my previous few posts and noticed that I’ve talked a lot about Carson and his normal, yet disturbing toddler behavior.
In the interest of not writing about his EVERY misdeed, I haven’t mentioned that lately, EVERYday has been a battle. His behavior has me pulling out my hair and questioning my parenting (and my sanity.) I haven’t mentioned that every night, bedtime has become a battle. I haven’t mentioned that at 2 AM one morning, after three hours of fighting him to stay in his brand new big boy bed, Tate put his crib back together.
I also haven’t mentioned that it bothers him that I get angry. “You happy now, Mommy?” he’ll ask with his eyes wide and brows furrowed in worry.
I haven’t mentioned the guilt that I feel when he yells, knowing that he learned yelling from me.
I haven’t mentioned that he comes up to me, spontaneously and says, “Mommy. I love you so much!” and buries his head in my knees, wraps his arms around my legs and hugs me until I nearly fall over.
I’ve never mentioned his love of chocolate pudding and how it can diffuse even the most volatile tantrum.
I don’t think I’ve ever written about when he’s sleepy, and he holds his teddy bear up to his nose and sniffs. (His butt. Go figure.)
Carson and I have started having the most amazing conversations while laying on his bedroom floor looking up at the ceiling. We discuss important topics like how Thomas got fish in his boiler, which makes us laugh and laugh. He can nearly tell me the entire story of Grover and the Everything in the Whole Wide World Museum from memory, even telling me what belongs in the “things that are heavy” room.
I look at Carson and sometimes I just want to tackle him…with love and kisses. Reaching, I touch him, trying to soak up his very existence. I know that one day, he’ll be twelve and embarrassed by me, or sixteen and driving away, or eighteen and moving away to college.
I want to remember all the wonderful things about my son. This blog, this memoir really, is the only tangible reminder I’ll have of his childhood. This memoir is also an exercise in self-reflection. I want to be a better parent, I want to be a better disciplinarian. When I look at all that I’ve written about him, so often it’s negative.
Life and all it encompasses is not always full of joy and happiness, but it’s not all negative either. These words I write are just a fraction of him, as my baby, as a person. He’ll continue to challenge me everyday, but I hope I can be mindful enough to share his good days in addition to the days I’d rather forget.
Hi Jen.
Just wanted to share with you…
I have a Carson, only his name isn’t Carson. It’s not really Linus either but that’s what I call him. He’s a yeller and a fighter and a cuddler. He is my kid with the “most” – most personality, most tantrums, most time-outs, most cuddles, most fun, etc. Anyway, I also have two that are opposite of him and one yet to be determined.
My point is this: don’t be too hard on yourself. Sometimes they don’t learn things like yelling because we yell. Sometimes they yell because they share the same genes we do. Even if you never yelled a day in your life, he might do that. My other son (the opposite one) is often so quiet I have to tell him twice “PLEASE speak up, Mommy can’t hear you.” and with Linus I am always saying “PLEASE don’t yell. We are right next to you.” So, don’t beat yourself up. Just realize this: if my mom’s right about you like she was about me, you’re just getting a child exactly like yourself. :>)
Texan Mama’s lastest post.."Special"
Oh I am so glad I’m not the only mom who feels this way!!
Ness’s lastest post..Keeping up with the Kardashians
I love you for this post.
Truly.
It goes for life as well as blogging. You hear a group of women together, a group that is close and comfortable and mostly it is the negative. Cause they find a kindred spirit in the others and the comfort to say that parenting is HARD WORK.
But sometimes we need to document the wonderful. Cause the wonderful does outweigh the not so wonderful. It is just the hard times need a shoulder.
Kelley’s lastest post..My husband has another wife.
I feel you. Hopefully, it won’t disturb you that I’m dealing with the same issues with my 8-year-old. Yes it gets better as they get older, but in some ways it’s harder. Mostly because she’s too big for me to bodily put her in a timeout corner.
I’m also trying to focus on more positives, look on the bright side. I keep telling myself, she will never be overlooked in life. She will be no one’s doormat. She will be strong. I just wish she wouldn’t be quite so “strong” ALL THE LIVE LONG DAY.
all things bd’s lastest post..Fashion Tuesday
Congratulations to you for taking a step back for a different perspective. I’m sure no one ever doubted that you love Carson, that there are wonderful moments, that you are a good parent. But it’s certainly helpful to be reminded of them when you’re really battling. Hopefully you bookmark this post for yourself and read it every morning before preschool to remind yourself why you’re fighting as hard as you are – because you love him and want him to have a happy life.
DeuceMom’s lastest post..Gratuitous Toddler Photos
beautiful post
Kara’s lastest post..karma
He’s such an adorable boy! Yes, savor these times, because in the grand scheme of things, these frustrating stages really don’t last that long.
Devilish Southern belle’s lastest post..Why is it
oh I feel the same way too. Why is it so much easier to blog about the bad and ugly than the cute, lovely and good.
Probably a great idea to every once in a while, take a deep breath and look back at our post, just to see how the world is viewing our families.
But even so, based on your posts, I would never doubt your love and devotion to your family.
designHER Momma’s lastest post..downtown baby
Uh, yeah. We are definitely dealing with the split personality syndrome here at Casa BAR. Sending mommy strength your way ~~~~~~~~~~~~
Molly’s Mom’s lastest post..WW – Allow me to toot my own horn…
Sometimes I think it’s amazing that any of us survived past the age of three…because I’m quite sure that at several points our parents all thought they could just strangle our precious little selves.
At least you get to enjoy Carson when he isn’t in toddler tyrant mode – it’s nice that the good can still outweigh the bad.
Although maybe you could mention the toddler tyranny as a reason not to let him borrow your car when he’s 16? Those trying moments should be good for some sort of payback eventually…
Maggie’s lastest post..Wordless Wednesday: Tractor Time!
When we see ourselves getting onto our children more and more it is always important to remember the good times as well…it always makes it balance out.
Something I have started doing with Babyhead is really choosing my battles as to not yell at him so much. With Podling here now he is acting out more than ever and I found myself yelling at him for a great many things…I have decided to not yell so much anymore and just be patient with him.
I don’t sweat the small stuff anymore and try to see things from his perspective. I try to see if maybe he is scared or confused or just in need of extra attention and act accordingly without yelling.
It is easy to get overwhelmed with the bad behavior…just always try to look at it from his point of view and keep in mind all the good stuff that happens too.
Sandy’s lastest post..Playtime is Over
Oh yes. #1 was like Carson is. I quickly hated who I became when it came to dealing with him because all those buttons I didn’t know I had were pushed simultaneously and I just about lost it. FWIW, it will get better. You can and will change the way you deal with him as he changes.
I also know that I taught my oldest to yell when he’s upset, but in time I’ve also taught him how to not throw up so easily (he’s a puker), how to breathe deeply to calm down and how to give “Eskimo kisses”.
I think, around Carson’s age, I started to stop worrying about every little thing he did. I started, slowly, to let him face the repercussions of his actions and to really explain things to him so that he’d understand his choices. Most of the time he did it anyways, but it helps take the burden off your shoulders and, eventually, he’ll get it.
This is really well said. So often it is easier to write about the negative because that is what stands out, or is funny, or is frustrating, or is what is on your mind that you can’t get rid of, so you have to write about it. I do the same thing. But I also blog for the memoir, and, you’re right, it’s important to keep the positive things in there. For what it’s worth, I think you do a good job of it.
(And, yeah, I see in my oldest all the unpleasant behaviors I don’t like in me. It’s a killer. But there’s still time for BOTH of us to learn.)
Stimey’s lastest post..The Price of Literacy
They grow too quick. Way too quick. Don’t worry so much. They are born with so much of who and what they are – and are going to be. He will challenge and push and challenge some more. That’s him and his nature. All you can do is be honest and fair – say what you mean and mean what you say. And hang on – it’s going to be a bumpy ride.
lceel’s lastest post..Wordy Wednesday
You made my heart hurt because I’ve been feeling VERY much like you described.
Okay – I’m in tears here. Probably because I can identify SO much with what you’re going through – and look – all these commenters are going or have gone through it, too – what does that tell you? We’re normal moms, and we’ve got normal kids.
Not all that comforting when you’re dealing with the screaming tantrums, but extremely comforting when we question our abilities – at least it is for me, and I hope you too.
Annie’s lastest post..Does Supernanny do Refunds?
Love the picture. What a sweet post.
Devan’s lastest post..Optimistic Tuesday
oh, how you just spoke my heart. In so many ways–
I too love the memoir aspect of blogging and hope that my boys won’t be hurt by it (ever) one day. But I also hope they’ll be touched by true memories and raw feelings of a very real human mommy.
my boy does so many of the same things, such a roller coaster of emotions, this parenting thing.
Thank you.
Heather’s lastest post..The Perils of Ignorance
Thanks for the reminder. It’s easy to complain, harder to find the positive, on some of those crazy pre-school days.
Donna’s lastest post..And More Olympics…
I know excatly what you are going through. EXACTLY! Some days you get so frustrated that you want to run screaming down the street. Other days they do something so sweet it reminds you of why you love them so gosh darn much.
I tell you the 2′s and 3′s are tough. We are almost out of the 3′s (thank you dear lord) and they get easier to reason with. MUCH easier.
Aww, thanks for this post.
My baby boy, who made me feel the same way at times, just started third grade this week. Just yesterday I asked him where my baby was and who this grown up guy is!
Your post made me all nostalgic for those sweet times and even for those frustrating times that, in retrospect, pass so quickly–although they feel like a lifetime when you’re going through it.
It sounds to me like you’re a great mom! Just go with it–this season will pass before you know it!
Shaye’s lastest post..Miscellanea
I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes I feel as if the only things I see are the negatives and I hate that.
We just reinforced our discipline strategies over the past few weeks because, well, they were shit. And they weren’t working!
Sometimes it’s hard to see all the wonderful sweet and fabulous things about our kids when they have us wanting to pull our hair out and order a Vodka tonic with breakfast.
This is a beautiful post. Thank you for sharing it.
That is a great photo! Really gives you an idea of Carson’s personality. My 5 year old has given me some really challenging days, but as she has gotten older it has gotten a little better. : ) I am really lucky I am not bald!
Very well said. My blog is my girls’ baby book (since I’m too lazy to actually keep up with baby books)…and I sometimes I feel like too much is on the negative — their behavior or mine.
Parenting is hard. And, for what it’s worth, I think you are doing a great job.
Slacker Mama’s lastest post..in your face, aap!
Texan Mama is right on! I have a Carson and I have an anti-Carson. They dont share my genes cuz they are adopted, so we can’t even claim that. Kids just have certain personalities. My Carson is now 5 -1/2. He is still my most challenging child at home, but at school he is a dream and is surprisingly quiet and well behaved and rarely takes risks. Cried his first time on the bus. Hugs me after school first thing. Just my sweetie, but my booger all in one.
KEEP BELIEVING
Angie@ Keep Believing’s lastest post..Kevin and Heather
Love this post, and totally identify. My son is just starting his terrible twos (at 16 months, lucky me) and wow is it challenging. But yeah, then there are the times when he’s just like a big sack of sugar, and I feel like I cannot get enough of him and I worry I will run out.
anna’s lastest post..Twits, Tweets, and Fail Whales
Oh, I am so right there with you. I’m lucky if I can go to the bathroom by MYSELF once a day. I have no idea where he has learned the things he is saying to me lately….”No, not ever mama, never!!” and “I tan’t eat that …..too hot”…and he says that about everything..crackers, bananas, cereal.
SO with you at bedtime too. Carson has been the BEST ever at bedtime…since he was 8 months old, falling asleep on his own and sleeping through the night. Just this past month bedtime has become a battle….a chore. My husband and I rock/paper/scissors every night to see who’s putting him to bed.
I read something in Parents magazine this month and put it on my fridge. It was called Memo to Mommy from a toddler…definitely worth a read. BUT….I am ready for him to move past this stage already! I so don’t want to be that mom that yells at their kid everyday…even if I feel like that’s all I do sometimes.
I think sometimes when we write about our kids it turns into our high school journals (At least mine, which were all about the PAIN! and AGONY!! of LOVE!!!
It’s easy to just write about the frustrations and jotting down the lovely things is a really good thing (though I could read your rants all friggin’ day because they are so darn entertaining).
I loved this, AND YOU.
Loralee’s lastest post..WHOOPS! I hate it when that happens!!
You’re doing a fine job. We ALL have moments where we wish we’d done something different or better. And all kids go through that stage where they’re trying to discover themselves while pushing the boundaries. It’s a hard time, but soon, he will understand and things will be better more often than not.
Lori’s lastest post..What up G?
What a cute kid!
Anonymous Her’s lastest post..The inlaws
I think you are literally echoing every other mom anywhere. And besides a memoir…that is the other reason to blog— to know that we are not alone….to work on getting better.
Powerful post. And oh so true. Every word you wrote is true of my spirited two year old. She throws herself into everything and does it 100% – tantrums and love. It’s exhausting and makes me question myself at every turn…but I wouldn’t trade it for the world.
Christina’s lastest post..The Princess and the Pee
Girl, you rocked this one.
Wonderful post!
i totally know what you mean. sometimes it seems like i harp on all the hard/difficult/annoying stages and forget to mention all the good stuff!!!
ali’s lastest post..skeletons
This is such a great post, Jennifer. I (and MANY others) can identify so, so much.
It’s nice that you had the sense of mind to put those feelings down. So that you have this reminder. And that when you look back, you’ll remember the reasons behind them.
Lovely – just lovely.
Mandy’s lastest post..What would YOU do?
Very nicely said. As a mom to an 18-month-old, I can say I’m just about at the same stage. (Damn stubbornness, NO, he does NOT get that from me!) As a mom to a 3 1/2-year-old, I can say this stage passes! Eventually…
A very wise post, and a good reminder for all of us. It’s so easy to get mired in the yuckyness.
In the Trenches of Mommyhood’s lastest post..In An Instant
I raised one very, very difficult child and one very, very easy child.
I can’t say I wished the difficult one had been easy because, that’s just not who or what he is.
He was demanding because he had so much he was interested in, he became frustrated because he wanted to be more capable than his body allowed. He resisted bedtimes, and circle times and car seat times because he had other plans, other things he wanted to do.
I could always see the reasons behind his behavior and it made me better able to cope with it.
But, yea, I yelled at him a lot more than my easy child, and guess what? He still loved me anyway.
Have the T-Shirt’s lastest post..The Returning Warrior
Well of course your son has awesome, loving, fun, enjoyable qualities too! Otherwise you would have left him on someone’s doorstep long ago!
So, does this mean you will bring chocolate pudding to the next circle time session at school?
Margaret’s lastest post..Can Openers: They’re Not Just for Cans Anymore
Those “Thomas the Tank Engine Days” will soon be a distant blur, so soak it all in while you can. My son and I used to sit together and watch the Thomas videos. Now he is a middle-schooler who is most interested in watching YouTube : )
carma’s lastest post..Dudes with Globes (and such)
Such a great post! I feel the same way about my 9 year old. Glad to know I am not the only mommy who feels this way.
tressa’s lastest post..Happy Birthday Pirate!
I think that our blog holds much the same magical power as a close group of female friends, in that when we get together we feel a certain comfort that allows us to talk about the things that are on our mind. Unfortunately what can often end up happening, in either situation, is that the bad can outweigh the good. I don’t think this is because we are inherently whiny people, but because we’ve often talked about the good stuff with our husbands or friends before, so the next time around you can feel like a broken record. Also, we rarely need input on the “good” stuff as much as the “bad”.
I’ve been reading your blog for awhile now and to be perfectly honest with you, while I ALWAYS enjoy it, it made ME feel better (I’m sure that was your goal right?) to see a few more negative aspects creeping in. It reminded that not only were you human but that you experienced the same trials and tribulations in parenthood and life as I did.
We all know that you love your children, and Carson will be able to look back on this when he’s older and realise “Awww my mom’s such a sap, look how much she loved me…even when I was being such a brat”.
While I’m glad that you stepped back and took a different perspective on it all, please also realise that no one is sitting at their computers reading your stuff and thinking badly of you. We’ve all been there.
You rock!
MadWomanMeg’s lastest post..Just like the Pussycat Dolls….only better
I have the same kid! Sometimes I can’t be in the same room with her which makes me feel horrible. Every day we get up and start over, and I know you do too.
Just wanted you to know I was rootin’ for ya.
<>
Our children are so very demanding and so very frustrating, but so VERY LOVING. It amazes me the amount of love they have to give, and thank God. Because I just don’t think us mommies would get through the day without it!
Petra aka The Wise (*Young*) Mommy’s lastest post..Definition of the Day: "Cuteaful"
I guess they’re like this at every age, huh? Damn. I was so hoping mine would outgrow this…and she’s only nine months old. Lovely.
He is so cute – it’s hard to stay mad when you look at all the love in his eyes.
heather…’s lastest post..Lunch Time Stripper
Sometimes we just get so mired down in the trenches of parenting that it’s tough to see the moments that shine…especially when we’re surrounded by poop and tantrums. Sounds like you’ve got a great perspective and just being aware is a positive.
Jamie’s lastest post..Relieved It Wasn’t Thong Day
Awesome post!
AND awesome picture – I was noticing in your flicker account just how much Carson looks like Tate – it’s crazy!
Cathy’s lastest post..Let’s Talk About My Lists, Shall We?
I had so many difficult days with my Manchild when he was younger.I felt like I was constantly apologizing for something he had done.I even ask my husband to bring a priest home for en exorcism. I was afraid to leave him at a friends for fear of what he might do to the other child or my friends home. Now that he’s 8 he seems so different. I think being very strict and extremely consistent is the only thing that saved us. I know you will remember the good times as well as those that were’nt so good.
I think we all have moments like this, where we feel like the negative has been outweighing the positive and yet, when we pause, we can think of so much more good stuff to counteract the bad. I also think that it’ll be good for our kids, when they’re adults and are reading this, to see how much we loved them, even through our exasperation and dismay. The love always shines through, even when we’re bitching about the trials.
Kia’s lastest post..Playground Fun?
I totally understand your post. Sometimes I get caught up in the chaos that is raising a teenager and tween that I don’t savor the everyday stuff. Thanks for the insight into your awesome little man. HUGS!
Heather~Domestic Extraordinaire’s lastest post..Random letters