I’ve read several articles lately about etiquette in the blogosphere. Etiquette, in terms of blogging however, falls into that reoccurring category of “You can’t make everyone happy.”
I think that this is a subject that has the potential to hurt feelings, and in no way is that the purpose of this post. I hope that the comments section today turns into a true discussion of this subject, and veers from openly hurtful jabs at others.
Let’s start with the subject of comments.
Here in the blogosphere, there is a “rule” (not sure if it’s written or unwritten) that returning comments to those who’ve visited your blog is necessary…and expected.
While I agree that people should try to reciprocate comments, it is not always feasible. With life’s responsibilities, a person may not have time to return comments in a timely manner. I know that I’ve lost readers because I didn’t reciprocate with leaving a comment at their site. Does this bother me? Sure, a little. I don’t want someone to comment here, though, simply because they are expecting me to return the favor. I also don’t want to allow the hours it would require to reciprocate EVERY comment to interfere with time with my children and husband. Also, it’s typically not a reflection of YOU if someone doesn’t return the favor of commenting. More likely it is just a busy life that prevents them from reciprocating.
One way that I make up for my lack of commenting is to promote blog posts I read via Stumbleupon, sharing it in my Google Reader widget, or Twittering about the post (as mentioned in the BTSP 7: Building Your Community).
Also in regards to commenting, I’ve received comments from people saying things like, “oh you’ll never read this, but…” and every time I want to reply back, “Of COURSE I read every comment! Is there anybody who doesn’t??” I think that there is a misconception that those who get LOTS of comments don’t really read them. I can’t imagine that there is a person out there who doesn’t read their comments, although I’m sure there are a small handful. Comments are what all bloggers thrive upon, to me it’s counterintuitive that someone WOULDN’T read them.
Moving along to linking.
My general opinion of linking to other’s blogs is this: Do it often! Be generous! Don’t be intimated to link to bloggers you feel have more traffic or are more popular! Link to posts you admire and relate to the subject of your post for the day. There certainly is a fine line between linking to those you admire for the sake of generosity and linking to others as bait.
I do think that if someone has linked to you (you can see most links on Technorati or WhoLinksToMe.), it’s nice to drop by and leave a comment. Is it necessary? No. If you don’t will you hurt someone’s feelings? Possibly. Should you lose sleep over this? NO.
I think that the biggest faux pas in relation to linking is NOT linking to someone you are talking about. If you are going to specifically name someone in your post, you really need to insert a link to their site.
Memes and Awards
When I first started blogging, I adored being tagged for memes and getting awards. Once you’ve been around the blogosphere for awhile, though, most likely you have participated in every meme known to man. Also, days when a meme is posted tend to be low traffic days for most people. For me, I prefer not to participate in memes since it takes a lot of effort to write them and you get very little return for the time invested.
If you wish to participate in memes, though, that is perfectly fine! It is also perfectly fine to tag others for the meme, but don’t get your feelings hurt when people don’t play along.
As for awards, it is always kind to give out awards. The recipient of the award may or may not choose to pass along the award. Also they may or may not the display the award. This is again one of those situations where you shouldn’t get your feelings hurt if someone doesn’t play along.
How about a discussion of Twitter etiquette?
Maggie Mason recently wrote an article pertaining to twitter etiquette over at The Morning News. This article has several thought-provoking points (as much as Twitter can be thought provoking..heh). While I personally agree with several of the points, I think it’s important to realize that not everyone uses Twitter in the same way.
Following those that follow you: Touchy subject, I know. For me, the purpose of Twitter for me is to get to know people and follow links posted. Therefore, I follow almost everyone who follows me. On the same token, it’s not necessary to follow back those that follow you, however if you want to seem accessible, it IS the nice thing to do.
There are people using Twitter only to keep in touch with those they really KNOW. Additionally, there’s a whole other set of people who only follow those that they deem cool enough. *shrugs shoulders* None of us should get our panties in a wad if someone doesn’t follow us back. If you’re really bothered by someone not following you back, then simply UNfollow them.
Speaking of Unfollowing…See above about not getting our panties in a wad. Also, remember that Twitter gets hosed up OFTEN and unfollows people for you. I’ve discovered that Twitter has unfollowed LOTS of people for me. Try not to let it bother you if someone unfollows you, it was quite possibly unintentional.
Promoting yourself on Twitter. As I’ve already mentioned, people use Twitter for different reasons, one being promoting new blog posts. For some, this is their sole purpose for using Twitter. If this annoys you, then unfollow them. To me, I don’t care how others choose use Twitter (unless they are EVIL Twitter SPAMMERS…GRRR.)
I’m certain that I could write an entire novel on this subject of etiquette in the blogosphere. Hopefully I’ve made the point that 1) you can’t make everyone happy and 2) don’t get your feelings hurt over things that do (or don’t ) happen in the blogosphere.
Blogging…it’s supposed to be FUN, right? Perspective…
Discuss amongst yourselves.
You can find all of my blog tips HERE.
I just love, love, love this series you do. It’s helped me in so many ways. Even better than the Blogging for Dummies book I purchased (oh, yes I did!).
Fairly Odd Mother’s lastest post..One Flew Into The Cuckoo’s Nest
You been peeking in my windows?
Comments: I used to IMMEDIATELY respond in the comments and go and reciprocate. Now I simply don’t have the time. When some posts get 50+ comments I can’t possibly do it without spending all my time on the computer. I get called out about it all the time. I have people email me all angry that I don’t have time for them and they are unsubbing. It hurts to hear that but, well, that is their problem isn’t it. And really, if they are commenting just to boost comments on their site then should I really care?
Memes and Awards: Nail, hit on the head. Awesome.
Linking: I have been having some problems with this lately, the links not showing up in my dashboard or the blog not on Technorati. I only find out that they have linked if they tell me or I stumble across it. That sucks! Everyone should be hooked up with Technorati!
And to wrap up this HUGE comment, I just want to thank you yet again for doing this series. It has been fabulous!
Kelley’s lastest post..Green is the word, the word that you heard.
Great post!
What’s your opinion on replying to comments left on my own blog? I rarely go back and check for additional comments on someone else’s blog once I’ve read the post, unless the topic is controversial/thought provoking and there’s a great discussion raging.
Because of this, I don’t tend to reply to people who’ve left a comment on one of my posts (beyond visiting THEIR blog to leave a comment on one of their posts). If they ask a specific question, I might, but otherwise, is there an etiquette to this aspect of comments? Does this question make sense?
all things bd’s lastest post..A Glimpse Into the Near Future
I just wanted to say that I believe you’re one of those Rock Star Bloggers that seem to acknowledge most if not all of your commenters by checking out their blog and or responding back to our comments. It’s very much appreciated to the little guy blogger.
I really don’t know how you keep up other than you have some kind of addiction.
I totally can understand how there’s no way to keep up with everyone. Other people should understand this and it shouldn’t be a reason for them not to read anymore.
Jean@workingmomma247′s lastest post..38
I just love this series. This was particularly relevant to me because I’ve been feeling stuck in a rut of memes and awards lately. I don’t even want to blog when I feel like I have these things hanging over my head, especially knowing my traffic and comments go down on those posts. I’m going to try to stop feeling obligated to respond. Thanks for your perspective.
Great topic. I do think that disparity in traffic levels leads to misunderstandings. Bloggers who have a lot of email/comments tend to not be able to be as good at reciprocating comments, etc. I think that is totally understandable. When i leave a comment I don’t expect to get a response or that the person will visit my blog. I tend to just comment when i feel like I have something to add, or want to tell the person something positive about their post.
But, there have been a few situations lately that have been frustrating for me as a new blogger. I have made three or four direct messages lately to bloggers with high traffic, that answer specific questions that were asked by those bloggers, seemingly to the general public. In those situations, where you send a direct message in response to a question, I think it’s reasonable to expect a response. I get that people are busy, but if you want help I think you should at least acknowledge that a question you asked is being answered, even if it’s not by one of the Technorati top 100. JMO
anna’s lastest post..Ice Cream Bar Consistency Management System
I’ve been terrible about commenting. Right now it’s all I can do to write a post. But I hope to get back in the habit soon. I do read/visit everyone who comments. I just don’t always have something to say.
Like here! I read you every time you post. But my ability to think of meaningful responses is limited by the lack o’ sleep from my newborn.
But you know I love you, right?
I do.
mrs. chicken’s lastest post..Road To Recovery
You raised a lot of great points here, really well done.
Siobhan’s lastest post..HF: A Dog’s Life
I love this series. Some great points for discussion. I try to reciprocate to most of my comments, but then again, I only average about 5 comments per post. I don’t however, expect every comment I leave on other blogs to be reciprocated. Some days I read and comment on several blogs, and some days I need to live my life and pay some attention to my family.
I agree with all your points on linking. It’s the ultimate blogging compliment.
Mama Ginger Tree’s lastest post..Sleeping Together
Genius as usual.
texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana’s lastest post..It rained
Great post. I’ve slacked off in returning comments recently. It just seems like there isn’t enough time between my home life, my education, and my freelance writing.
good stuff… at the end of the day if it isn’t fun you should stop doing it…
marla’s lastest post..Little "C" and the snail
I’m slowly catching up on posts and love this one! Great job as usual, Jen!
Dawn @ Coming to a Nursery Near You’s lastest post..“I’m famous again, mom!”
@Fairly Odd Mother: Thanks! I thought about buying that book, but now I guess I don’t need to!
@all things bd: There are several issues here. First if someone has asked a specific question in your comments section, I’d answer them…1)by email, if they allow their email address to be shown when they comment OR 2) in your comments section if they don’t. But this is only if they’ve asked a specific question.
Since Blogger makes it difficult to reply to comments, I wouldn’t lose any sleep over not replying to someone if they don’t allow their email address to be shown.
So LISTEN UP out there, people!…if you are one of those people who doesn’t allow your email address to be shown when you comment on Blogger, then don’t expect people to respond to your comments/questions!!!
Does this make sense?
@mrs. chicken: Yes, and I love you, too!!!
It’s hard to comment on every site you read, at least for me. Sometimes everyone has already said what I wanted to say or I don’t feel like I have anything to add.
Having a newborn is MORE than enough to keep you from always commenting…
Thanks for the twitter stuff today.
I recently unfollowed some people-not to be mean but because they were not on for the same reason as I am. (I use it partially for the chit chat and partially to promote my blog.) I tend to follow only people that I have met or have developed a relationship with. Twitter has become a time suck for me and I need to keep it narrow and focused or it will spin out of control. I hope that no one’s feelings are/were hurt because of it.
As far as comments and reciprocation go I try to respond in an email, or by visiting their blog and commenting. I’ve recently found that I’m on the blogrolls of a bunch of people that I had no idea were out there. I’m enjoying checking them out but there is no way that I can pay close attention to all of them. (i.e. visiting/commenting every day) There are very few blogs that I can comment on every day any more-I’ve just got too many things on my plate. SO, I try to visit and comment on a rotating basis-so at least everyone knows that I know that they are out there. Make sense?
Headless Mom’s lastest post..Open Letter to People with Pools
I have a couple (quite possibly, dumb) questions.
1. What exactly is twitter? I see others writing about twitter in their blogs and I do not know what this is. I am new to the blogosphere (only been blogging for about a month).
2. How do I link someone in my post, if I so choose?
If either or both of these questions are answered in a previous post of yours, please feel free to let me know which post and I will go back to read it.
The Mrs.’s lastest post..Knights and Turkey Legs
@The Mrs.: Twitter is a microblogging platform…sort of a cross between a blog and instant messaging. Check it out at http://twitter.com…you follow people, they follow you back…you have conversations with people, it’s fun! Kind of hard to explain, though if you don’t know what it is.
To link to someone in a post, while in “compose” mode, look up at the little icons across the top of the box where you write. You’ll see one that looks like a world with an infinity symbol over it. Highlight the words you want to link, click that button, type in the url of the site you wish to link. That’s it!
Yeah – I hope people aren’t commenting on my blog only because I’ve commented on theirs – only because I don’t play that game. =) I comment when I like what I’ve read, or have the extra time to actually click out of my reader and into their blog. That being said – I probably wouldn’t have met you if you didn’t come back to my site and comment after I found you. So, yeah, thanks for that.
Oh and twitter – I recently unfollowed some – when I go to open my page and it’s the same name/picture taking up the entire first page – then I unfollow. Sorry Charly!
Anyhow – I totally agree that people need to calm down and relax about blogging and stuff.
Yeah. I’m tired.
Cathy’s lastest post..Twelve Hours
Jen,
Thanks for the comment about people not leaving an email address. I’ve gotten a ton of email messages from one gal who is SO complimentary. Unfortunately she has no e-mail address with Blogger so I wonder if she thinks I’m just a big snob. Hello Blogger Friends – Don’t omit your email address unless you’re leaving a snarky comment. Or, better yet, get a pair and leave your email address along with that snarky comment.
Not that you’ll ever read this, BUT…(kidding!) I don’t get much traffic comparitively, but when someone comments on my blog for the first time, I always visit their blog and leave a comment, saying thanks & commenting on one of their posts. Then I put them in my reader, and go back and visit and usually comment more. It works for me, I’m sure it would be harder if I had more readers/commenters though!
I really enjoy these posts. Thanks for taking the time to do them! In this one in particular, it was nice to learn that others struggle with some of the same things I have been struggling with lately. Too many wonderful, interesting people with blogs!
anymommy’s lastest post..I’m Going Insane. GOING INSANE??
looking for your blogroll…….found it, in its nicey labeled place!
tommie’s lastest post..Tag, You’re it
Like you said, memes and awards can be fun when you’re first starting out so you can build a network at first, get a feel for the lay of the land, so to speak. But it didn’t take long for me to try to avoid them; they don’t fit my blog content. I’d try to make them fit my content by turning them into a humor post, but DANG that’s hard.
And awards on blogs are just like awards ceremonies in real life. Only the awardees are interested (if at all) in reading a post about awards.
And while you don’t want to lose readers, you’re not going to make a needy reader happy. A successful blogger is generous and participates unconditionally.
Margaret’s lastest post..A Small Case of Attempted Murder
I don’t comment often and I don’t expect comments in return but I can see how people can be hurt.
What you said it true though.
Keep it in perspective.
I started blogging for me and I love comments (don’t get me wrong) but in the grand scheme of things blogging IS supposed to be fun.
Also.; I can’t work out how to use twitter. At. All.
I was going to start by saying “I know you’ll never read this but…..” and be all haha I’m so damn funny but then someone up above me did it already. Geez.
Anyhoo. Great post! I LOVE reading my comments (all two of them) and desperately want to respond but I always seem to get interrupted before I can send that email or whatever ya know? And then I feel bad.
I link a lot. I feel like I’m always sending people away from my site to the blogs of others, but I don’t mind…at least they’re reading something right?
I don’t use Twitter, it makes me feel like twit.
MadWomanMeg’s lastest post..I wanna be a blogstar
Great tips!
brandy’s lastest post..Just one more thing I have in common with Norman Schwarzkopf
i always email back everyone who comments.
everyone.
i feel like that’s my way of saying that i REALLY appreciate them..(which i do) but i might not have the time to visit everyone who comments on my site’s site to leave a comment on theirs
i dont think that you need to respond to every post that is put on your blog
You know, with the whole comment thing, I think what you do with your comments depends on what you want from your blog.
If you want to make money (with ads), then it is important that you reciprocate, because people like that and will come back to your blog. The more people you do with this, the bigger your readership. I know a lot of more popular (though not a-list) bloggers do this and that’s pretty much how they got popular.
If you want to build a community, then you should be more selective. I always follow a new commenter at least once, but it doesn’t mean I will subscribe to their blog just for the sake of reminding them to come to mine. If they like me, they will come regardless. As a result, I feel like I’ve got a great group of people that read my blog and a more personal relationship with them.
I used to struggle with this. I used to follow every commenter and comment back on their blog, but then I realized I don’t have time for that and I stopped doing that for everyone. What I found is that a lot of people were only coming to my blog because I was coming to theirs. My readership was cut in half once I slowed down on this, but I feel like I’ve got a real community now.
Does that make sense? I hope so and I hope it didn’t sound snooty either.
since i am essentially blog retarded i really appreciate your tips. (haha i accidentally wrote “tits” first and toyed with keeping it that way- but i digress). also i thought twitter was a dirty word until about a month ago when i signed up hoping for porn and found out its really just further proof that i’m computer retarded. i mostly have nothing interesting to say so i don’t really see how it will make me new friends, but maybe if i compliment everyone’s tits all the time i’ll make a name for myself.
I agree with you on all of it. I have stopped posting and passing on awards because I don’t want to seem boastful and I don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings if I haven’t given them an award for a while. It can get tricky. As for the meme’s, like you said, once you’ve done them all, ugh. No more!
Great post!
Kathryn’s lastest post..A Touchy Subject
oh yeah and a question…
will someone actually try to steal my kids because i use their first names in my blog? is that even possible? should i just resort to calling them “thing” and “face” like i do in real life when i can’t think of what to yell fast enough? have you already discussed this, because now i am having weird deja vu.
britt’s lastest post..pics of the new house and furniture
@britt: I sort of touched on it in this post:
http://playgroupsarenoplaceforchildren.com/2008/05/31/blog-tip-sharing-project-2-writing-tips/
And I know we talked about it another time…I use pseudonyms for my kids, just so that people can’t google their names and find this blog. I think it’s entirely up to you whether you use real names or not…and no, I don’t think that increases their chances for abduction!
@Natalie: Your comment makes total sense and it wasn’t snotty at all.
Possibly because I started on Blogger and/or possibly because I’m terrible about email, I reply to comments on my blog. Even though I know people rarely follow up where they’ve left comments (I know I don’t), and even though I don’t get that many comments, I just can’t handle the email thing. This makes me feel guilty, because I LOVE comments and really appreciate them. So I try to visit my commenters’ blogs, at least.
I try to leave comments when I read posts, but since I’m usually behind I will probably read four posts before leaving a comment on the latest one.
Jerseygirl89′s lastest post..Can You Force A Child To Become a Cross Dresser?
I have turned into THE biggest piece of crap as far as being a supportive member of the blogging community.
I have the best intentions, really.
But my personal life has turned into a bit of a puddle of crapola and I had to make some drastic moves.
I am hoping to get it together soon and find a balance because I have a sneaking feeling that I am hurting feelings every which way I turn.
:S
P.S. LOVED your SU segment of this series. It totally would have been awesome if I had managed to catch it before the SNAFU, huh? Heh.
P.P.S. You should also chalk up the tone of this comment to the fact that my husband and I got into a monster fight tonight and I am totally about to start my period.any.fracking.day.
P.P.P.S. There is probably a whole post you’ve written on TMI that I missed, huh?
Loralee’s lastest post..Sideblog: Inappropriate Stumble Upon tag
[...] Blog Tip Sharing Project 12: Etiquette [...]
I clicked in my reader for the first time in DAYS and said, “Holy cow! Did I seriously miss FOUR posts of J’s?!” I was totally shocked. I know exactly what you mean. It’s harder and harder to reciprocate. However, I will still do my darndest to respond to all comments – and I do 99% of the time. I mean it’s the reason I moved to WP in the first place. I think you hit the nail on the head with this post, Jennifer.
Anglophile Football Fanatic’s lastest post..How to Mess with your MIL
Being a “semi” newbie blogger (only been blogging for about 5 months or so…I still do quite a few memes (more than I should) and do enjoy the little awards ceremonies that people have (and I enjoy passing them along usually too). It’s a fun way to get to know people. But I totally don’t get annoyed when people don’t participate if I’ve tagged them or awarded them with something. Yeah, it’d be nice, but people are busy! I get that. I’m busy too. So it’s something that’s not really worth getting upset about, in my book.
I have a little dilemma with returning comments. I ALWAYS reply to any comments I get on my blog, but lately, I’ve realized that DUH! people don’t usually come back just to see if I’ve posted a reply. I’m looking forward to getting over to WP completely and having the option of emailing people all the time to return comments or whatnot.
Again, great BTSP post! Thanks Jennifer!
flickrlovr’s lastest post..The Shortest Post Ever Written
Hey mama!
What a wonderful post. I try to take the time to get back to anyone who comments at my blog – because I’m just so grateful to have ‘em! It’s hard to be a busy mom, and pregnant currently, to return comments but I’ve often gone to check on a gal’s site and found such great things that it motivates me. I especially like seeing who links to me, which is how I’ve found some favorite blogs and great friends.
Great post!
Commenting back is my pet peeve. I ALWAYS return a comment. If someone is kind enough to leave one for me, I would feel horrid to ignore that kindness. So not everybody feels the same way, that’s ok, too.
Maybe it’s just me, but from the very beginning, I take the time to return a kindness.
Gretchen’s lastest post..Worldless Wednesday
@Gretchen: I feel like I kind of better reply to this comment!!
I don’t disagree that it’s kind to return a comment. Early on when I first started blogging and I had fewer readers, I was able to return comments and visit every blog of every visitor. I was obsessed about possibly hurting someone’s feelings.
Now that I have nearly 900 feed subscribers, it’s impossible to return every comment or visit everyone’s blogs. Especially now that I get dozens of emails per week from people asking in depth, blog related questions. That takes hours of my time.
I attempt to find a balance of replying/visiting/twittering posts/stumbling posts. Every visitor here is appreciated and it’s regrettable that I cannot always return the favor.
I’m not going to lose sleep over it, though.
I’m with Mrs. Chicken… the newborn has completely cramped my commenting time. I feel badly about not being able to keep up with everyone. Hopefully that will improve soon.
And yes… “attempt to find a balance of replying/visiting/twittering posts/stumbling posts”. When you figure out how to do that you should write a post on it. Man, would that be helpful.
When I started blogging/twittering/facebooking/etc etc etc I never imagined there would be etiquette to worry about. Who would’ve guessed?
Colleen’s lastest post..Wordless Wednesday – Who’s who?
Wow. For some reason, when you did the two sessions of Q&A, I assumed that that was the end of the Blogging Tips series and that school was out. So, I’ve been lounging on the beach, staying up late and drinking more than I should. Oops! Now I’m behind. It’s a little like those dreams that we’ve all had about showing up to school on the first day, naked. And school has already been going on for a few weeks.
Anyway.
I love this series, so I’m so glad that it’s not over. It’s not, right?
Thanks for doing this!
Marinka’s lastest post..Doggy Style
@Marinka: Well, see, the Q and A was supposed to be the end. Then I had the idea to do this post. Now I’m not sure if it’s the end, but I can’t think of anything to talk about for this week!
Any suggestions? Anyone? Bueller??
[...] here are a few good places to start: Scary Mommy and Playgroupie. Both have excellent guides for new bloggers (with some tips that even us seniors can learn from). [...]