GoNads | Playgroups are No Place For Children

August 28, 2008 | Filed in: Indiana, Life in LA, Randomness, my stream of consciousness

When we lived in Alabama, we were not friends with any of our neighbors. There were no evening chats in the middle of the street, no neighborhood parties, no anything even remotely neighborly.

My new neighborhood here in Indiana is the POLAR opposite. Everyone talks to each other (except one family and they don’t talk to anyone), we have neighborhood parties, and we all are always just, well…NEIGHBORLY. It’s exactly what I wanted in a neighborhood, down to the ability to walk next door to grab a cup of flour or have the neighbor across the street offer to take my kids when I have to go to the doctor.

Though wonderful, it can be a little overwhelming at times, to say the least.

Partly because we live on a virtual postage stamp and partly because there are lots of kids in the neighborhood, there is NO privacy. There have been times I just want to go outside, watch the kids play, and not talk to anyone. Instead of peace and quiet, I’ve had a two hour conversation with one of the neighbors while the kids run around screaming. Other times, I’ve had to be the bad guy and carry two screaming children home from an impromptu neighborhood get-together with all the kids because it was well past dinner time. Try explaining to a two-year-old and a fifteen-month-old why everyone except them gets to stay outside and play. (Hint: It’s not fun. Lots of screaming is involved.)

I truly love the community where we live. However, it would be nice to be able to control how much community I have to ingest sometimes.

Not being one to just bitch without having a solution, I think I have found the answer. Not only will my idea bring joy and happiness to weary neighbors across the universe yearning for peace and quiet, but it will make me RICH.

It’s called the Go! Neighbor Alert/Deflection System, or GoNADS. It’s very simple, all you need is three colors of fabric, red, green, and yellow. You may recognize the red, green, and yellow colors from when you learned about traffic laws. In case you’re not familiar with this or you’re just plain dumb, let me give you a brief refresher course…

Red means “stop.”

Green means “go.”

Yellow means “be careful, slow down.”

Place your selected flag to alert neighbors of your outside plans on your mailbox or flagpole. As an added bonus, you can also use “flag holding” as a means of punishment for unruly children, making them sit in the driveway holding the flag, for all the neighbors to see.

Now your intentions will be known. When people see a red flag, they’ll know that they need to stay the hell away. A green flag tells your neighbors, “hey! We’re ready to play! Bring some beer when you come!” A yellow flag means, “be careful. I have PMS/my husband is going to be late AGAIN/I’ve been drinking. You may not want to come over right now unless you want me to talk your ear off.”

I’m going to sell these pieces of fabric in a kit, complete with rubber bands! Right now, I’m thinking that $39.99 is a good price for my GoNADS, so I’ll start taking orders now.

Cha-ching.

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I’m in! The place where we live now isn’t so bad, but the last place we lived was awful. I could never sit outside and watch the kids play while just reading a book, everyone always wanted to talk to me. At first I thought it was because of my stellar personality but now I realise it likely had more to do with their complete lack of life.

Set me up with one of them there GoNADS ….. I might need it in my new place.

MadWomanMeg’s lastest post..With friends like this……

I’m one of those private people who really likes the *idea* of a neighbourly type of neighbourhood. Sadly, I know that in reality I’d part of the family that just don’t talk to anyone else but I really need to space.

Please remember me when you are rich.

Queen of Shake Shake’s lastest post..An Important In Your Face Announcement

I so could have used one of those flags the other night when a neighbor came by to ask a favor (naturally) - which took FOREVER and by then my dinner was burnt
carma’s lastest post..Varmint Critter Commentary #3

$40 might be a little steep for me right now BUT, we live in a cul-de-sac and have the same issue. I would be willing to “test” out your goNads (just had to type that) and maybe become a distributor for you. You ARE going to be rich, Oh, and I’d probably just need the yellow flag, lol.

mommyto2’s lastest post..Tuesday’s Wine Spotlight (with chocolate!)

Here I thought that you were going to ask for suggestions on how to work out issues of not offending neighbors while retaining privacy and was surprised that you have it all worked out. I think it is a wonderful idea. Altho I have a moody and sometimes sullen teenager that I can rent out to. She will sit in your driveway and give “the look” to approaching neighbors.

Oh wait you probably don’t want that, they may never come back.

Heather~Domestic Extraordinaire’s lastest post..Wordless Wednesday

You neighborhood sounds like ours, only more neighborly. We do like to stand outside and chat and let the kids run around.

Our strange new daycare provider who thinks we’re low-income and divorced/not married (I represent public aid, we’re not on public aid), also objects to Henry playing with the older kids in our neighborhood. She thinks he’s learning roughness and mean words from them. Gah! You could NOT ask for nicer elementary school children. I mean, we lie in bed at night and say things like, how did we get so lucky with these neighbor children who like to play with a three year old and are the nicest kids in the whole WORLD.

ANYWAY, I’d put my yellow, “gonna talk yer ear off” flag up any day for you.

Rayne of Terror’s lastest post..nail polish = divorce?

I think that sounds like a great idea! I’m pretty sure you will make millions - so just don’t forget all of us when you’re rich and famous…

I see a late night infomercial in your future.

I think we may be in the same situation. Already, in less than 1 week, we’ve had more interaction with our neighbors here than we did in 3.5 years in FL. We’ve had 2 different welcome gift baskets and everyone waves and smiles as we go by. While I welcome the friendliness, I am worried about the privacy issue. Sign me up for GoNADS, please.

Shelly’s lastest post..Moving In

My neighborhood is like that too, until winter hits and we all just hibernate. We have fabulous walking paths and our house is surrounded on 3 sides by either the road or the path…I’m doomed whenever someone is outside. We have a huge back porch, so there is no hiding.

I’d buy your GoNADS, lady!

MommyCosm’s lastest post..100 Words: Faster

I wish I lived in a neighborhood…it would be nice to have SOME neighbors! All the neighborly chatting would surely drive me crazy at some point though, so I’ll take some GoNADS! (and an extra set for my mother)

I want one!
We have lived in that community too. I actually have posted red and green construction paper on our door. The neighborhood kids know that green means the kid can play and red means they can’t and when there’s duck tape over the doorbell… it means they will be eaten alive by the mom monster if they ring it and wake the sleeping baby.

rachel’s lastest post..‘O’ Nose

I don’t have to worry about the adults talking my ear off, but I would like to free myself of the extra 2 or 3 kids that are always here. I also have a sign to put up and usually designate a time it would be ok to come over. Then I have kids sitting in my driveway waiting.

Maybe a giant flag would mean they could wait at home!

Hilarious! In our old neighborhood we had kind of an unspoken rule..if the garage door is up, come on over, feel free to bug us. If the door is down, leave us alone.

We’ve lived for 2 years now on the end of a cul-de-sac and don’t talk to any of our neighbors. In fact, I haven’t even met some of them (still they feel the need to solicit money for whatever org. they love….drives me nuts!).

As I was reading your post I was thinking of how much I would love that interaction at the end of the day…you know between 3 and 5 when the kids are driving you nuts and your husband still isn’t home. I usually spend that time outside with the kids..checking my phone every 5 minutes to see if an hour has passed yet, holding the teething baby while the 2 year old wants me to destroy spider webs and play dump trucks in the sandbox…..really makes me wish he had a neighbor buddy to do that with. I’d trade you in a minute!

Great idea but you won’t be able to sell one to me.

You see, I am a Non-Mormon living in a ALL Mormon community that shuns anyone that refuses to give up alcohol and soda and join the church. We are ignored and no one waves to us. My poor children are friendless.

I hope you become VERY rich!

My neighborhood is like that too. Naturally, I am closer to some families more than others. My biggest problem is if you have a “party” and don’t invite everyone, somebody winds ups getting pissed off.

Mrs. Schmitty’s lastest post..Out of the loop? I didn’t even know there was a loop.

Oh, do i want to play with this one - GoNADS!! But I think I’ll behave myself. this time.

lceel’s lastest post..Wordy Wednesday - Tribute - One Week Gone

Our neighbourhood is far too neighbourly at times also. It has it’s drawbacks. Just yesterday I had to haul the 4 1/2 year old screaming down the street. AHHH. Good times.

Teri’s lastest post..Obsession

I always knew you were a genius, this cinches it.

I live in the same neighborhood. Unfortunately my neighbors don’t drink beer.

/sigh

If only they drank beer I could hang out for hours.

Bridge’s lastest post..Photo Contest *** Reminder

That is genius! As someone who just moved to the town where all her friends live, I can relate. I am not use to having people drop by at any given time. It almost makes me miss living outside of town where nobody would bother coming. Naked Sundays no more.

in our last neighbor hood i could have used some GoNADS you could have sold a ton! there were just way too many to fight off. and often my neighbors would comment on how much i must love orange juice because it got to the point where i was never outside without a big glass of it and i would never let my kids have a sip… you get the picture!

monica @ transplanting me’s lastest post..who knew

hahaha. gonads. love it

Funny!

Smoochiefrog’s lastest post..That’s NOT What I Meant!!!!

You are so frickin’ brilliant. You better run out and trademakr GoNADS right away.

shannanb aka Mommy Bits’s lastest post..Oh No He Didn’t!

This very system has been used for years by people who have in ground swimming pools in their backyards!

I think it’s time to market it to the masses and expand it’s purpose to include all neighborly interruptions.

I’m like you, little yard, closely spaced houses. I just get my dog to barking if I don’t want to be bothered. She not only runs off the rabbits and birds, she can run off the neighbors too.

Have the T-shirt’s lastest post..Thursday - Post #2

Aw yeah. I’d also like a version for new neighbors so I can tell if they are the “we watch our kids responsibly”-type or the “we throw our kids outside and assume every other mom will watch them for us” -type.

Greta/Does This Blog Make Us Look Fat?’s lastest post..Back-to-School Prize

haha! I’m more of the “wave but don’t be TOO SUPER friendly” kind of neighbor. I don’t mind an ocassional conversation, but I don’t want to HAVE To chat everytime I go check the mail, kwim?

Devan’s lastest post..Am I the only one?

I’d love to live in a neighborhood like that…but i think the GoNADS are a great idea!
the dragonfly’s lastest post..Wordless Wednesday - Little Drummer Boy

I wish we had friendly neighbors. We have large lots, so people tend to keep to themselves. I WANT to have people to chit chat with!

Lori’s lastest post..Shouldn’t I be goofing off or something?

How do you handle RED flags for some neighbors but GREEN flags for others? RED flags for certain kids and green for others? hmmm?

abunslife’s lastest post..He’s super duper fast….

You are certainly on to something. It does, however remind me of going to dinner at Fogo de Chao. Hmmm. Now I want to go there…

Anglophile Football Fanatic’s lastest post..I took the Bait - Hook, Line & Sink-her.

Brilliant.
I dated a guy once who wanted to invent a “pizza lite” - a battery operated sign for mailbox or door to show the pizza guy YOU were the house that ordered! I thought the pizza guy might know from your ADDRESS, but he swore this was going to make him millions. Never happened.
THIS idea though? MUCH better! Priceless in fact.

Heather of the EO’s lastest post..Not Natural

I would totally pay for your nads.

Miss’s lastest post..On my mind…

My neighbors are acres and acres away. It’s kind of awesome.

If I were in your neighborhood, I would TOTALLY buy into your idea.

Another option would be to just walk around naked. I’m pretty sure that would keep *my* neighbors away at least.

Angella’s lastest post..Little Miss Me

Awesome!

And may I suggest a travel version for the train/bus/coffeeshop set?

TheMama’s lastest post..In Which I Ask For Guidance. Again.

My awesome but all retired neighbors don’t bother me much, so I can’t justify the GoNADS. However, I will donate $10.50 just for the entertainment value of the incredibly clever product name. Where do I leave my credit card number?

Sus’s lastest post..Shucks

Well I did a product search on google and your Gonads are the cheapest for sale…actually your Gonads are the only ones for sale. So do I have to get the whole pack, or can I order some red and yellow in bulk?

rachel b. (three day blog)’s lastest post..cReAtIvE bUg

I love this! I have the same problem (I live in the Cincinnati suburbs; it must be a midwest thing.) I’m in.

Man. If only someone would PAY us for these truly fabulous ideas we come up with on our blogs!

Mrs. Who’s lastest post..Making A Perfect Hard-Boiled Egg

YOU are a GENIUS!!!!
If only it’d work. Because I hear you on SO many levels.

Mandy’s lastest post..Zoobilation

I’m in!

Rosie’s lastest post..Good Stuff

brilliant. absolutely brilliant!

i’d love a set.

the planet of janet’s lastest post..What a difference a year makes …

Ha. Too funny. I live in the sticks. No, really, one neighbor on my road. And I OWN the road. Sticks I tell you.

Kristin’s lastest post..I didn’t have my A game today

Brilliant!!! I’ll be the first to purchase.

Although in my neighborhood, your abundance of children are my gay men and empty nesters.

designHER Momma’s lastest post..Mom down! Mom down!

I like that idea. Very smooth, Jennifer. Sign me up for a pack. Or two.

i so love this idea! only wish i had enough neighbors to fight off… funny when we live in noblesville, in back in the 80’s is sure wasn’t like this…

marla’s lastest post..interview with a 7 year old

You can’t set an ideal level of friendliness. It’ll take the spontaneity out. Just be glad you have nice neighbours. Many people don’t.

I think it’s genius. A larger scale, classic twist on the college “underpants on the dorm room door” warning system.

manager mom’s lastest post..I’ll Take Manhattan

Awesome idea! That is the exact reason why I really don’t want to live in a neighborhood. Although I like the idea of being able to borrow a cup of flour, I just don’t think I could handle the non-stop obligatory friendliness. I am way too much of a hermit.

Jenni’s lastest post..The Obligatory Birthday Post

Dude, I am SO seeing QVC in your future.

And, they can be designed to hang on those annoying little garden flag holders, the ones that say “Happy Birthday!” or “Welcome Spring!” etc. I hate those things.

Texan Mama’s lastest post..When to say No?

You’re on to something here…maybe in conjunction with my pool post!

Headless Mom’s lastest post..Works For Me Wednesday-School’s IN!

Madness isnt the chatty type .. especially with neighbors .. mostly because Madness isnt the LAWN MOWING type and always feels like neighbors are snickering at her and talking mad crap about her and her icky lawn. *note - Madness lawn GETS MOWED .. just not in a timely fashion*
Additionally .. Madness yells. A lot. Even when the windows are open.
Sigh.
Madness makes ass of herself often.
Can I get a discount if all’s I need is the red flag?
Kudos on yer idea Jen .. KOO-DOHS
Love
Madness

Madness’s lastest post..BlogBlogBlog…BlogSpot…

WTF?!?! Somehow that last comment linked to my OLD WORDPRESS Blog .. *shudder*
Jen, I am SO sorry for leaving janky links.

Madness’s lastest post..I can has Readers?

That is a FANTASTIC idea. I think I would have to make a revision however: I would have to sew a green and a red flag together because I will probably NEVER want to hang with the neighbors to the south of us, but we would be open to hanging with the neighbors to our north

misfithausfrau’s lastest post..It’s Going to be an Interesting School Year

Ha! I definitely want one of these kits. We moved back to small-townville to be closer to family and friends and experience the same thing you’re talking about. I would like the kit to also be very portable, so that you can take it to the grocery or the bank - wherever, b/c I HATE when I feel like (and/or look like) crap and just want to run in to the grocery to buy a few things and run into 4 people who each want to chat for 1/2 hour.

Hubby and I both long for the days of being a number in a big city quite regularly.

I think you should apply for a patent RIGHT NOW.

Hubby and I both long for the days of being a number in a big city quite regularly.

I think you should apply for a patent RIGHT NOW.

Psychmamma’s lastest post..Interview With a Toddler

Sign me up! Do you think I could use GoNads in the grocery store and at church, too? ‘Cause really, sometimes I just want to shop for food without having to smile and pretend to be happy to see someone who knows my Hubby. I grew up in the big city, so this small town stuff can be really annoying at times. Hubby owns a third-generation business here with his dad, so it feels like everybody “knows” him, and thus, me. Yuck. Anonymity can be great…

Kia’s lastest post..I’m Still Kicking Asses and Yet Still Sucking Lemons, Too…

Jennifer,

I just discovered your blog and so far I’m enjoying it! You mentioned that you like having neighbors to help out with babysitting, and I thought I’d leave a comment to let you know about HelpingHero, a website I stumbled upon not too long ago. HelpingHero is a site where you can connect with parents in your area and share services such as babysitting, car pooling and more. Feel free to check them out when you have the time. Personally, I think they (HelpingHero) offer a great service for parents, especially busy moms.

By the way, I love your GoNADS idea! My kids are older now, but I sure wish something such as this was available when they were little.

Keep up the great writing!

yeah that sounds like your typical cul-de-sac filled neighborhood.. but wait. Don’t you have a backyard?

mojavi at simple things’s lastest post..you go!

You are an absolute GENIUS. You better patent that idea QUICK. I have to say, my flag would be on red more often than not.

dysfunctional mom’s lastest post..Thursday Thirteen

Genius! And, this was one of the funniest things I’ve read in a very long time!

Cindy’s lastest post..Grateful Friday

Dude. that is damn near genius. sign me up.

southernfriedgirl’s lastest post..Can’t imagine why I don’t love it here. It’s a mystery.

I am the go-to house for all the neighborhood kids to play at all summer. I think their parents reason “well, she’s a teacher, she must miss be surrounded by kids all day, sure go on over!” Summer ‘07 I actually instituted a version of your GoNads idea - I bought some cute flags and installed hooks on our front and back porches. Now all the kids know - if the flag is up, we’d love to play! If the flag is down, come back later. And I don’t mean ring the doorbell to see if maybe I just forgot to put up the flag, because that gets you an instant lecture in my best teacher voice!

In my neighborhood, we open the garage doors and/or our front doors if we are “open” to guests, if not, we keep them shut and this typically works. We have a fairly small neighborhood, though, of about 12 houses….and, luckily, my family has a private back yard!

Toni’s lastest post..Good Times

Great idea, I love it! I especially love the name and I think the Christian community will really respond, don’t you think?

Petra’s lastest post..Do Not Try This at Home

Another solution that is used by my friends, who live in the same situation as you do: When the garage door is open, we are AWAKE and ready to PLAY. Garage door closed? We are napping or having family time or trying to dig a grave in the basement for MIL- do NOT come to play.

Marie Green’s lastest post..In Which My Baby Itch Gets… More Itchy

I am so.glad. that I’m not the only one who likes to not be neighborly every so often! I’d totally buy one of these!

Molly’s Mom’s lastest post..Heading Out

Yes! I’d love a kit–can I get two red flags in mine?

As for the itch, ooh, tough one. How about reaching down to “scratch” your foot, while your arm helps scratch your, well, you know, in the process. Might make it worse though, not being a thorough scratch and all. Good luck with that. If it ever happens, that is.

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Nice to Meet You

I'm Jennifer, Mom to Carson, 3, and Ella, 1. Wife and Bossaholic to Tate. My claim to fame is that I'm the #2 search result on Google for "kids pooping in pools!!." You can follow me on twitter, see my stumbles at StumbleUpon, view my photos on Flickr, and contact me by email.

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2008 Booklist

~~Pillars of the Earth~~ B-
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The Kite Runner
~~Memory Keeper's Daughter~~ C+
Water for Elephants
~~Nineteen Minutes~~ B-
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The Rabbit Factory
Waiting for Birdy
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