When we lived in Alabama, we were not friends with any of our neighbors. There were no evening chats in the middle of the street, no neighborhood parties, no anything even remotely neighborly.
My new neighborhood here in Indiana is the POLAR opposite. Everyone talks to each other (except one family and they don’t talk to anyone), we have neighborhood parties, and we all are always just, well…NEIGHBORLY. It’s exactly what I wanted in a neighborhood, down to the ability to walk next door to grab a cup of flour or have the neighbor across the street offer to take my kids when I have to go to the doctor.
Though wonderful, it can be a little overwhelming at times, to say the least.
Partly because we live on a virtual postage stamp and partly because there are lots of kids in the neighborhood, there is NO privacy. There have been times I just want to go outside, watch the kids play, and not talk to anyone. Instead of peace and quiet, I’ve had a two hour conversation with one of the neighbors while the kids run around screaming. Other times, I’ve had to be the bad guy and carry two screaming children home from an impromptu neighborhood get-together with all the kids because it was well past dinner time. Try explaining to a two-year-old and a fifteen-month-old why everyone except them gets to stay outside and play. (Hint: It’s not fun. Lots of screaming is involved.)
I truly love the community where we live. However, it would be nice to be able to control how much community I have to ingest sometimes.
Not being one to just bitch without having a solution, I think I have found the answer. Not only will my idea bring joy and happiness to weary neighbors across the universe yearning for peace and quiet, but it will make me RICH.
It’s called the Go! Neighbor Alert/Deflection System, or GoNADS. It’s very simple, all you need is three colors of fabric, red, green, and yellow. You may recognize the red, green, and yellow colors from when you learned about traffic laws. In case you’re not familiar with this or you’re just plain dumb, let me give you a brief refresher course…
Red means “stop.”
Green means “go.”
Yellow means “be careful, slow down.”
Place your selected flag to alert neighbors of your outside plans on your mailbox or flagpole. As an added bonus, you can also use “flag holding” as a means of punishment for unruly children, making them sit in the driveway holding the flag, for all the neighbors to see.
Now your intentions will be known. When people see a red flag, they’ll know that they need to stay the hell away. A green flag tells your neighbors, “hey! We’re ready to play! Bring some beer when you come!” A yellow flag means, “be careful. I have PMS/my husband is going to be late AGAIN/I’ve been drinking. You may not want to come over right now unless you want me to talk your ear off.”
I’m going to sell these pieces of fabric in a kit, complete with rubber bands! Right now, I’m thinking that $39.99 is a good price for my GoNADS, so I’ll start taking orders now.
Cha-ching.
Dude, I am SO seeing QVC in your future.
And, they can be designed to hang on those annoying little garden flag holders, the ones that say “Happy Birthday!” or “Welcome Spring!” etc. I hate those things.
Texan Mama’s lastest post..When to say No?
You’re on to something here…maybe in conjunction with my pool post!
Headless Mom’s lastest post..Works For Me Wednesday-School’s IN!
Madness isnt the chatty type .. especially with neighbors .. mostly because Madness isnt the LAWN MOWING type and always feels like neighbors are snickering at her and talking mad crap about her and her icky lawn. *note – Madness lawn GETS MOWED .. just not in a timely fashion*
Additionally .. Madness yells. A lot. Even when the windows are open.
Sigh.
Madness makes ass of herself often.
Can I get a discount if all’s I need is the red flag?
Kudos on yer idea Jen .. KOO-DOHS
Love
Madness
Madness’s lastest post..BlogBlogBlog…BlogSpot…
WTF?!?! Somehow that last comment linked to my OLD WORDPRESS Blog .. *shudder*
Jen, I am SO sorry for leaving janky links.
Madness’s lastest post..I can has Readers?
That is a FANTASTIC idea. I think I would have to make a revision however: I would have to sew a green and a red flag together because I will probably NEVER want to hang with the neighbors to the south of us, but we would be open to hanging with the neighbors to our north
misfithausfrau’s lastest post..It’s Going to be an Interesting School Year
Ha! I definitely want one of these kits. We moved back to small-townville to be closer to family and friends and experience the same thing you’re talking about. I would like the kit to also be very portable, so that you can take it to the grocery or the bank – wherever, b/c I HATE when I feel like (and/or look like) crap and just want to run in to the grocery to buy a few things and run into 4 people who each want to chat for 1/2 hour.
Hubby and I both long for the days of being a number in a big city quite regularly.
I think you should apply for a patent RIGHT NOW.
Ha! I definitely want one of these kits. We moved back to small-townville to be closer to family and friends and experience the same thing you’re talking about. I would like the kit to also be very portable, so that you can take it to the grocery or the bank – wherever, b/c I HATE when I feel like (and/or look like) crap and just want to run in to the grocery to buy a few things and run into 4 people who each want to chat for 1/2 hour.
Hubby and I both long for the days of being a number in a big city quite regularly.
I think you should apply for a patent RIGHT NOW.
Psychmamma’s lastest post..Interview With a Toddler
Sign me up! Do you think I could use GoNads in the grocery store and at church, too? ‘Cause really, sometimes I just want to shop for food without having to smile and pretend to be happy to see someone who knows my Hubby. I grew up in the big city, so this small town stuff can be really annoying at times. Hubby owns a third-generation business here with his dad, so it feels like everybody “knows” him, and thus, me. Yuck. Anonymity can be great…
Kia’s lastest post..I’m Still Kicking Asses and Yet Still Sucking Lemons, Too…
Jennifer,
I just discovered your blog and so far I’m enjoying it! You mentioned that you like having neighbors to help out with babysitting, and I thought I’d leave a comment to let you know about HelpingHero, a website I stumbled upon not too long ago. HelpingHero is a site where you can connect with parents in your area and share services such as babysitting, car pooling and more. Feel free to check them out when you have the time. Personally, I think they (HelpingHero) offer a great service for parents, especially busy moms.
By the way, I love your GoNADS idea! My kids are older now, but I sure wish something such as this was available when they were little.
Keep up the great writing!
yeah that sounds like your typical cul-de-sac filled neighborhood.. but wait. Don’t you have a backyard?
mojavi at simple things’s lastest post..you go!
You are an absolute GENIUS. You better patent that idea QUICK. I have to say, my flag would be on red more often than not.
dysfunctional mom’s lastest post..Thursday Thirteen
Genius! And, this was one of the funniest things I’ve read in a very long time!
Cindy’s lastest post..Grateful Friday
Dude. that is damn near genius. sign me up.
southernfriedgirl’s lastest post..Can’t imagine why I don’t love it here. It’s a mystery.
I am the go-to house for all the neighborhood kids to play at all summer. I think their parents reason “well, she’s a teacher, she must miss be surrounded by kids all day, sure go on over!” Summer ’07 I actually instituted a version of your GoNads idea – I bought some cute flags and installed hooks on our front and back porches. Now all the kids know – if the flag is up, we’d love to play! If the flag is down, come back later. And I don’t mean ring the doorbell to see if maybe I just forgot to put up the flag, because that gets you an instant lecture in my best teacher voice!
In my neighborhood, we open the garage doors and/or our front doors if we are “open” to guests, if not, we keep them shut and this typically works. We have a fairly small neighborhood, though, of about 12 houses….and, luckily, my family has a private back yard!
Toni’s lastest post..Good Times
Great idea, I love it! I especially love the name and I think the Christian community will really respond, don’t you think?
Petra’s lastest post..Do Not Try This at Home
Another solution that is used by my friends, who live in the same situation as you do: When the garage door is open, we are AWAKE and ready to PLAY. Garage door closed? We are napping or having family time or trying to dig a grave in the basement for MIL- do NOT come to play.
Marie Green’s lastest post..In Which My Baby Itch Gets… More Itchy
I am so.glad. that I’m not the only one who likes to not be neighborly every so often! I’d totally buy one of these!
Molly’s Mom’s lastest post..Heading Out
Yes! I’d love a kit–can I get two red flags in mine?
As for the itch, ooh, tough one. How about reaching down to “scratch” your foot, while your arm helps scratch your, well, you know, in the process. Might make it worse though, not being a thorough scratch and all. Good luck with that. If it ever happens, that is.