This situation of which I’m going to describe is PURELY hypothetical. Not one ounce of truth to it, no siree. None whatsoever. *fingers crossed behind my back*
So tell me, what would you do if, say, you were on a walk with your (two) kids in an adjoining neighborhood and you suddenly had the most terrible, all-consuming itch.
The itch is in the upper crotch region, not to be confused with the lower crotch region-which obviously if you’re itching “down there” you might want to see a DOCTOR.
Anyway, this upper crotch region itch is a really, really itchy itch. It itches so much you can barely walk. It itches so much you feel like if you don’t scratch it, you’ll lose your mind.
Keep this in mind, you’re not in your neighborhood. It’s highly unlikely that you’ll see anyone you know. Even if you did see someone, most likely you’d never see them again. Also, it’s early in the morning, but not so early that there are lots of people driving by heading for work, kids have already left for school. Basically, it looks as if nobody even knows you’re there.
But also keep in mind the fact that it’s your CROTCH that itches and to scratch it looks incredibly nasty to the average Joe who happens to witness such an act.
Do you get in there and scratch away, right there on the street, trying to act like nothing’s amiss as you attempt to continue pushing your double stroller while getting after that itch?
Or do you suck it up and continue walking while thinking non-itchy and non-scratchy thoughts?
WHAT do you DO????
I’m just curious in case this ever happens to me. Also, I’m just collecting this information for a book I’m writing on survival skills in the suburbs. Um. Yeah.
The Farmers Wife
August 30, 2008 at 2:31 am
Yep, I’m all for the squat and scratch!
The Farmers Wife’s lastest post..Partaay Like A Rock Star!!! (or not so much)
The Farmers Wife
August 30, 2008 at 2:32 am
Yep, I’m all for the squat and scratch! When ya gotta itch, ya gotta scratch!
The Farmers Wife’s lastest post..Partaay Like A Rock Star!!! (or not so much)
Nannette
August 30, 2008 at 7:55 am
I say take a note from the toddlers and scratch that itch! I mean, come on….we suffer enough!
Nannette’s lastest post..Sometimes the clothes do not make a man
Tootsie Farklepants
August 30, 2008 at 11:19 am
I’d totally rub myself up against the handle of that stroller.
Tootsie Farklepants’s lastest post..Someone, Please, Help a Sister Out
Rosie
August 30, 2008 at 7:40 pm
I’d wonder where I got the crabs from.
Oh, and I’d squat and “look for something under the stroller.”
Rosie’s lastest post..Like clockwork
flickrlovr
August 31, 2008 at 1:21 am
I say hide behind the handle and do your business as quickly and discreetly as possible. Or drag it out as you’re walking by an old grumpy lady and smile wide. Take your pick.
FinancialFreedom
August 31, 2008 at 3:54 am
Good..very good.
Madness
August 31, 2008 at 12:53 pm
Madness would just scratch it .. and not only SCRATCH it..but she would make a huge production out of it. Oh Hells Yes she would. Madness has never cared what people think .. and she wont start worrying over an itchy whooohah now!
Madness’s lastest post..Tits List
Loralee
August 31, 2008 at 11:56 pm
I totally think that you should blatantly scratch it while waving with your free hand and yelling, “CROTCH PRIDE!!! CROTCH PRIDE!!!!!’
I’m just sayin’…
Loralee’s lastest post..Sideblog: The end of an era
Sus @ wigglerooms
September 1, 2008 at 7:16 am
Loved Nanny Goats’ idea: “You squat and pretend you are picking up something off the ground. Then, like a magician, you distract with your hand while drawing the focus AWAY FROM YOUR ITCHY CROTCH and you grind and mash the heel of your foot into that itchy area.”
Exactly, and well put, I might add, Ms. Goats. But maybe you could use the wheel of the stroller for even an extra level of discretion?
Sus @ wigglerooms’s lastest post..You’re It.
Liz
September 1, 2008 at 8:28 am
1) i hate the feedjit, but i guess it’s good internet-community building b/c i always feel like i need to comment so you know who is from baton rouge. as if you’d really care…but anyway. and we haven’t blown away yet.
2) i’d say go for it – discreetly…you could hide it in a motion to get something out from under the stroller. because after all doing the peepee dance for three blocks is way more conspicuous.
well crap there goes the electricity.
Liz’s lastest post..Here He Comes
AMomTwoBoys
September 1, 2008 at 2:57 pm
Wow. That’s quite a predicament for…someone.
I say scratch it. I mean, your, er, someone’s, comfort is much more important than a stranger’s perception. Just act as if you’re adjusting your uncomfy undies. Then at least they know (or THINK?) you’re wearing it.
Amy
September 1, 2008 at 5:38 pm
Good luck with the…book, yeah, that’s the ticket! Ha! I agree with the many previous posts, do the cami-scratch, your comfort is most important thing, not what gandering stranger neighbor people think. You totally crack me up!
Gina
September 1, 2008 at 8:11 pm
I’d just scratch and not care.
Gina’s lastest post..Out-Laws
Sissy
September 2, 2008 at 1:45 am
oh do scratch. and then post when you run into one of those people from the other neighborhood
By the way, did I ever even bother to write to you to say I bestowed an award to your blog? here’s the url of the post
http://coxfamily-sissy.blogspot.com/2008/08/looky-looky.html
Sissy’s lastest post..Another Sign
Burgh Baby
September 2, 2008 at 8:58 am
Dammit. Now MY crotch is itchy.
Burgh Baby’s lastest post..Breaking Out the Curses
Front Porch Legacy
September 2, 2008 at 12:35 pm
Two words: BRAZILIAN WAX.
Maeve's mom
September 2, 2008 at 3:12 pm
Another vote for squat down, pretend to be getting something out of the stroller basket and scratch away. Otherwise you’re doomed to spend your whole walk wiggling around trying to get the itch to stop!
Maeve’s mom’s lastest post..The First Day
bejewell
September 2, 2008 at 6:48 pm
You have crabs, don’t you? I bet you do!!
You totally have crabs.
I’m telling everyone.
bejewell’s lastest post..A Conversation with My 16-Month-Old Son
tracey
September 3, 2008 at 7:07 am
You pretend to trip and say “Ow! My leg!” So that you can sit down on the pavement, and hold your leg, during which you can use your leg and the stroller as shields to hide your incredible scratching fest.
tracey’s lastest post..How to earn my loyalty…
Brillig
September 3, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Okay, then. Fess up. What DID you do?
Brillig’s lastest post..When the Lights Went Out
Shamelessly Sassy
September 3, 2008 at 11:01 pm
I think after a while I would just break down and scratch myself or try to bend at an odd angle that no one would notice. Oddly enough, this has happened to me in the grocery store.
Shamelessly Sassy’s lastest post..The Herculean History of the Hemorrhoid Cream
kristin
September 5, 2008 at 10:29 am
Well,I k ow I’m late, but just scratch. Like a guy. Only not as obviously.
and definitely do not sniff.
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