I don’t have a title, okay?

September 3, 2008 | Filed in: Go Fly a Kite, Little Monkeys, Mommydom, confession, hole-y matrimony, my stream of consciousness

I can hear him screaming over the monitor. Angrily I roll over to check the time on the clock. 5:48. Seething, I get out of bed, forgetting to stop and pee and march upstairs in the dark to his room.

I don’t know if I can do this again today.

“Mommy!” he screams. “Please don’t leave. Sit right here on the floor, beside me,” he pleads after I tell him that it’s not 7:00 yet and that Mommy is very, very tired and want to go back to bed.

I sit down wearily beside his crib, cursing inside. I wonder if he’s truly scared or if he’s just manipulating me. Also, I have to pee.

I promise him that I’m just leaving for a moment so that I can pee. “I’ll leave your door open. I’m just going right across the hall to the bathroom.” He starts to scream as I leave.

I turn to him and in my angriest voice, which surprises even me, I tell him to shut up and that I’ll be right back.

I only feel slightly bad that I told him to shut up. I hope he didn’t notice.

After he’s finally settled I go back to sleep for what seems like ten seconds, but rather it’s about 40 minutes. 6:58 is what I see on the clock as I hear Carson screaming for me again. Just to spite him, I want to let him scream for two more minutes until 7:00. Or to spite him, I want to go up to his room and scream at him to please just shut up and wait for f*cking 7:00.

I go in, scoop him out of his crib, saying nothing. The day begins.

*******

I look around the kitchen and notice the crumbs and fruit flies. My floor looks as if I haven’t swept or mopped since ever, despite having done both just two days prior.

There is a pile of dirty dish towels, in desperate need of washing and smelling like spoiled milk.

My washing machine is broken, full of water and wet towels.

*******

“Uh oh!” Ella squeals as she tosses her sippy cup, full of milk over the edge of her chair.

The cup is no longer full of milk.

It’s empty, the white milk in a puddle on the floor. Splashes of white milk dot the cupboards.

It doesn’t matter. The floor is already dirty.

*******

“You don’t even like me anymore. I can’t even joke around with you anymore.” In one respect, I hear Tate’s words and I feel badly that he could even think this. Of COURSE I like him. Of COURSE he can joke around with me, but after days of little sleep and constant battles, I need adult interaction. I need HIM to listen to ME.

Immediately his words make my heart harden and I feel my face redden with anger. “How dare he,” I think silently to myself. “All I do every minute of everyday is GIVE. What about me? What about thinking of MY feelings.” I say nothing.

*******

Ella is almost walking. She takes two or three hesitant steps, her arms out in front of her body for balance before she falls on her bottom. Over and over she stands up and tries again.

I smile at her and want nothing more than to swoop her up and feel her soft skin against my face and smother her sweet little neck with kisses.

In an instant I can go from feeling such rage to giggling in spite of myself.

*******

He asks if I need a break, just to get away. “Go for a walk,” he tells me. I can hear the annoyance in his voice and I want to shout back at him, “you have NO idea what it’s like to be home everyday with these kids. I do EVERYTHING for them. You have NO idea.”

I do need a break. I do want to get away.

NO. I want to RUN away.

“It’s too hot to go for a walk,” I say instead.

********

I consider not hitting publish.

But I do it anyway.

(Haven’t I written this post about a hundred times before?)

Oh honey, big hugs. I know. I KNOW.

Go read my post today.

I KNOW.

In the Trenches of Mommyhood’s lastest post..School Daze

i know. i know.
it’s really hard to give so much and get so little. until you remember how big those little things really are. sometimes it just feels better to let the emotion flow and have someone…anyone…empathize with you.
we’re here.
and i know this is bad timing…but i had to invite you to a virtual bloggy party i’m throwing. c’mon over. we can all sympathize together.
thank you for inspiring me to continue on…even on the toughest of days.

jen’s lastest post..why, come on back…we’ve been waiting for you!

Ditto! Thanks for the great post. I wish I could put it somewhere where my husband will find it….. Kudos to you for being so honest.

Janine’s lastest post..Two steps in saving money.

Hugs to you Jennifer…and remember to breathe. My mother always reminds her sisters that a little screaming and a shut door never hurts a child. Sometimes its better to keep your sanity.

CourtneyRyan’s lastest post..Wordless-ish Wednesday

Wish I was there and we could hit the bottle together. You need a break - a real break. You know a great place to take a break?

Cincin-freakin’-nati.

Amy in OHio’s lastest post..Palin in Comparison: “No issue stance yet recorded”

Yep. I know the feeling. All of it. The one thing we did with Babyhead (and a lot of people will tell me I am WRONG WRONG WRONG for doing it) is I do take him in my bed in the morning as long as DH is at work (otherwise there isn’t enough room). He usually goes back to sleep for at least another hour if not longer.

We did that since he was 18m old and had his own room. It worked for me…he was close to me, I got sleep…I even had the TV turn on at a certain time just in case he woke up before me he could watch Disney while I could take my time waking up. We still do that if Podling sleeps long enough…and sometimes she does. I am sure this time next year she will want to get in bed with us…and I will welcome it.

I love spending the morning in bed with my son…soon to be son and daughter when she is old enough. On the weekend’s DH wakes me up and brings both kids in with him and we all of us sit in bed for an hour.

Point is…try letting him in bed with you in the morning…but let him know it is ONLY in the morning after daddy goes to work (or whatever…I tell Babyhead the sun has to be up). He may go back to sleep then you can get some much needed rest as well.

Worked for me.

*hugs*

Sandy’s lastest post..Death is the Debt That All Men Pay

Does your husband read your blog? I couldn’t write anything like that because mine reads mine - and gets MAD if I put anything less than flattering about him in there.

Your post gives a clear glimpse into the life of a mom with young children. It is real. And the flip between rage and joy can be bewildering.

You need a break honey.

I always say, “If Mama ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy!”

(Don’t you hate it when people give you unwanted advice?)

A Serious Attempt at Fun’s lastest post..Triathlon Time 4 Me?

If it helps, I don’t feel like I’ve heard it 100 times before. I do feel like I’ve lived it 100 times before. {{{hugs}}} Somedays it’s just really, really hard, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. Shoot, some weeks it’s really hard. Hope today is better. Glad you feel like you can be honest. It’s not anything that anyone who’s home with their kids hasn’t experienced. I wouldn’t trade being home for anything, but that doesn’t mean it’s always sunshine and roses.

Mom24@4evermom’s lastest post..It’s so much easier when they’re little…

I remember having a conversation eerily similar to this with my mom. She refered to motherhood as relentless.

It truly is a perfect word to describe it. Hold on tight…it’s going to get better.

Slacker Mama’s lastest post..the cleaner

It’s going around. I wrote the same post last week
And I still haven’t gotten a break.
Sending hugs.

Kristin’s lastest post..And then there were three

Oh, man, can I relate and sympathize. I recently told my 8-year-old that she sucked. Who does that? Someone who recently completed a 5 week trip with them, sans hubby, and then missed out on a girls weekend away because of a debilitating migraine.

Would that suggested walk possibly include a stop at a local pub, because I’d sweat for THAT!

Keep on keepin’ on.

all things BD’s lastest post..Fashion Tuesd… Er, Fashion Thursday

What a hard and dark tunnel you are walking. It does get better, though I know it doesn’t help to hear it when you’re walking it.

Queen of Shake Shake’s lastest post..Everything’s A-Okay If Living with an Evil Genius Equals A-Okay

It doesn’t matter if you feel like you’ve written this before - you’ve got to get it out, so get it OUT!

Life can be so hard sometimes. Especially when you are sleep deprived and feel like all you do is clean up after people only to wake up and start cleaning up after people again.

All I can say is, I am right here with you AND, in the words of my mother: “This too shall pass”

Let’s just hope that we don’t lose our minds in the meantime.

Hugs honey. Try checking on him when he starts up (just to make sure he hasn’t got stuck in the bars of the cot) and then explaining that you’ll be in the next room until it’s time to wake up. It may take a few days, but eventually he should get the message.
Then sit down and talk with Tate - if you had a job outside the home and were unhappy I presume you’d talk it through with him. Treat this one no different. He probably has no idea how you’re feeling.

Jesus. You are in my head.

What the hell is going on here? Are we all under some kind of PMS mind meld?

I love you for writing this. However many times you think you have written it before. I love it anyway.

HUGS.

amy’s lastest post..To A Smart and Thoughtful Lurker

Totally feeling you…right down to those friggin fruit flies.

AND….Why do husbands feel the need to suggest we go for a walk? My DH always does that! ….what I’d really like is for him to take both kids on a walk…for about an hour and let me have the house to myself!

Hang in there. I swear it gets better.

I wrote a similar post today, about being tired. Know, that you are not alone.

OHmommy’s lastest post..The Incoherent Ramblings of an overtired PTA SAHM

Take that walk. Even if it a walk is sitting in your room w/ the door locked. Or sitting in the car w/ the radio blaring. Do it!

Lori’s lastest post..Yikes!

Hugs hugs hugs hugs HUGS!
Oh, my, you could have been reading my mind. It’s a relief to know I’m not the only one with these feelings!!!

Sabrina’s lastest post..Big News

I could totally write this same post. Hugs to you, I hope your day gets better.

SJSFalter’s lastest post..Good For The Whole Family

Man, I could have wrote this! I relate. We(meaning my hub and I) always say people who don’t have kids wouldn’ believe it!

Mrs Mogul’s lastest post..It happened in Cairo!

Oh man.

Take that break offer and have a stiff drink.

I think almost every mom has been in your post…

oh honey. i know how this is. even though my baby is now 14 and long past that, i remember. all of it.

the only thing i can tell you is this:

this too shall pass.

i promise.

hugs.

the planet of janet’s lastest post..A tale of two shopping trips

I don’t know if this helps at all but I’ve totally been there too.

Get a babysitter asap. You DO need a break. You deserve one.

Sarah, Goon Squad Sarah’s lastest post..Three Embarrassing Confessions

“you have NO idea what it’s like to be home everyday with these kids. I do EVERYTHING for them. You have NO idea.”

That plays in my head at least once a day, more if my hubby is around (like on the weekends). I know it doesn’t help when it’s sucky, but you are not alone.

Shelly’s lastest post..Playing Catch Up

Parenthood, it has the ability to bring you to your knees or having you soaring in the clouds. And sometimes? Those two diverse feelings can hit within minutes of each other.

You do need to find a way to get some “me” time everyday, lest you lose your ever lovin’ mind.

Hugs

Have the T-Shirt’s lastest post..Some Things Never Change (And a Hint for Young Mothers Everywhere)

You need to pick Tate up by his balls (so you’re sure to have his attention) and make him understand that he needs to be supportive and attentive and he needs to help you and it ain’t ALL ABOUT HIM!!! YOUR job starts when you get up in the morning and doesn’t stop unitl you go to bed at night - and even then it doesn’t really stop.

How would HE like being nailed to his job for that kind of shift - every day - 7 days a week - 52 weeks a year?

He needs to understand what you do - day in and day out - is mind numbingly difficult to do - over and over again, day in and day out.

Make him get the dishwasher fixed.

Make hime hire someone to come in once in a while to help you with the house.

And let Carson scream. If you check him and he’ssafe and not hurt and not wet - turn around and go back to bed - turn the monitor down - he’ll stop screaming when he realizes he doesn’t have you wrapped around his finger.

I know. Unsolicited advice. Do with it as you will.

lceel’s lastest post..To, To, Tuesday

Those years when they’re little are precious and oh, so difficult at the same time. Hang in there.

HeatherPride’s lastest post..Warning: McDonald’s Toys Will Make You Blush

I know where you’re coming from and completely understand tha frustration and exhaustion that comes with giving everyday. Sometimes I just want to take. I hope you were able to get some time just to yourself.
I talked with a woman last week who said being a mom to young kids was draining, just the whole being completely responsible for safety and everything could really be exhausting. It was the best explanation for what I feel sometimes.

Meredith’s lastest post..What I did for free chicken…

*sigh* have you been living in my house? This sounds so horribly familiar.

Devan’s lastest post..Secrets

You know what? You should’ve taken the walk.

It’s OK to need some time to yourself. To walking away from the messes. To admtting that being a mommy is hard and frustrating and at times, really horrible.

You are not alone. And it’s OK to take some time to yourself.

moo’s lastest post..bucket list

((hugs)) xxx

such a raw post. love it. captured the feelings very well. the one i really liked was where you said you want to run away. sometimes mats will say - go upstairs and rest, OR he will say, I will take one of them and all I am thinking is, going upstairs is NOT enough. take one of them ?? please, i want you to take both and leave me….

i have said shut up to my kids…..you are not alone, you are a mom, dealing. and you are doing a fine job.

feener’s lastest post..I am Curious

I’m sure I’m not going to say anything different than the 33 people above me, but everyone has days, weeks, months like this and you are still a good mother. And human.

AndreAnna’s lastest post..It’s been a busy weekend

i so much could have written this myself. generally at times like these i plead doc for more zoloft. if other peoples kids mak you less angsty, maybe we could trade for awhile? hope you like the backyardigans.

britt’s lastest post..bitchfest!!

You’ve had a lot of kind words, but I thought I’d throw my two cents in, too. I know that a lot of moms feel this way - I know that I have. I’m not able to stay at home full time, and I admire the strength that SAHMs possess.

I haven’t been there yet, but I hear that “this too shall pass.” Not necessarily comforting when your baby is keeping you up at night and your toddler is tossing cups of milk on the floor, but it’s something to cling to.

Any other mommies in your area that you can turn to for support? Any chance of starting a “Mommy Co-Op” so that you could all get a little rest while someone else helps watch the kids?

iMommy’s lastest post..Changes!

I made my husband read this and he too was floored at how it (literally) hit home. I have said your exact words. He has said your husband’s exact words. I have felt at least two opposite emotions all day every day for over three years. Thank you for making me feel less insane by speaking my mind.

Heather of the EO’s lastest post..A Solo Vacation Daydream

I hate the walk idea….as if the same mess won’t be waiting for you when you get back!

If Carson’s waking up corresponds to the sun coming up, try room darkening shades. Both my kids’ rooms are pitch black except for the night light. Has helped.

I’m buying you a shot. No, ten shots.
*hug*

Miss’s lastest post..The imaginary perfect ending

I’m so sorry you’re having such a rotten time. I’ve been there. Heck, most of us have. The key for me has always been remembering to stay logical about it: it’s a bad period, but it won’t be like this forever. It WILL get better. Big hugs.

Feather Nester’s lastest post..To My 10-Month-Old Papoose

you need a break. you need to allow yourself a break! i’ll buy the alcohol
ali’s lastest post..the day after labor day

“Haven’t I written this post about a hundred times before”

I think we all have, or at least wanted to. I feel you sister. Hang in there!

mep’s lastest post..Visit it. Resist it. Admit it. Listen to it.

Were you in my head on this one???

If my husband says to me one more time, “You just don’t like me” I’m going to deck him! And I DO like him! It’s just not always about him.

I’m sorry! Big hugs and know that we know!

Alison-Mountain Momma’s lastest post..How Our Third Child Came to Be

Moms are like a well that just gets drawn from by everyone and everyone.

Make sure you take some time to let the well replenish, hey?

Hugs.

Angella’s lastest post..Seasons Change

Need a playdate? Or a sitter? Give me a call…

Amy’s lastest post..Mary Grace and School

I am right there with you. Only my resentment at doing doing doing revolves more around MY HUSBAND instead of my children. Hang in there. We’re gonna get through it. Your kids will grow up and my husband will…get hit by a bus?

Karly’s lastest post..My Money Tree? It Died.

Amazing post, so true. It’s hard sometimes, and I bet about 99% of the moms who read this will think “wow, was she writing about ME?”. (Hugs)

Hang in there, Mama. The challenges change, the constantly needy days will end. Those days were also some of my darkest. You’re not alone!

Headless Mom’s lastest post..Not a Good Start

how did you get in my head?

(keep hitting publish)

mrs. chicken’s lastest post..If You Have A Spare $2,000

Wow - you just hit the nail right on the head. I have to remind myself how hard it was to be a working mom, but I miss the adult interaction…I miss justifying taking a break because I had been “at work” all day. Now I am at home all day and I feel like I shouldn’t need a break. Well, thanks for posting! I needed that!

Meredith’s lastest post..Mothers’ Morning Out

I’m crying. Isn’t that silly? But I am. Because I really could have written this. It sounds just like me.

I’m glad you hit “publish”.

Kathryn’s lastest post..Back On The Clock

Wow, I love reading your blog. You speak the truth, when others shy away from it…. afraid they are the only ones that feel that way.

You are not alone. I have many episodes of what you have just mentioned. I have felt like you many many times. Just 2 weeks ago, when my newborn wasn’t sleeping through the night and I was tired beyond belief, and my 1 and 3 year old were driving me out of my mind, I often said “I love my children, I just don’t like them sometimes”. And that’s ok.

Thanks for posting… you make me feel like I’m not the only one out there going through it! I know I’m not, but sometimes it feels like I am.

Clara’s lastest post..

i could have written this exact post.

thanks for hitting publish friend.

amanda’s lastest post..cold turkey

I have written this post in my head a hundred times.
Thank you for putting it out there.

Hugs Jennifer. Take the damn walk at the grocery store, or the library, or somewhere! Just go. You need it, your family needs it and mostly you deserve it.

rachel’s lastest post..Monkey See? Monkey Spoiled.

(((hugs))) Go get a pedicure girl or just a milkshake and sit quietly by yourself somewhere. Take the break! I’ve been there, it’s maddening because they really never will understand all we truely go through. Lots of Love.

The Farmers Wife’s lastest post..One Line or Two? Pink or Blue?

Delurking to say I TOTALLY understand your post. In fact I was you last Friday, almost. I only have one child and she is only one, so I am still feeling new-ish at this motherhood thing. What I can’t figure out is why we hold it all in rather than just saying we need a break? And why do we shoot ourselves in the foot and not take the break when it is offered (why not say ‘No, I don’t want to take a walk but I am going to go to XYZ’ and run with it)? Is it because it would be a daily conversation? Because it is hard to respond without shouting since what we need seems *SO* obvious? I thought maybe it was just an extension of my introverted personality, but it seems more universal than I realized. I have no great insights here, just trying to figure out how to avoid letting the resentment edge out the love. Thanks for the post.

man, you and I might be living the same life in alternate universes!

Sissy’s lastest post..Another Sign

I’m glad you hit publish. If nothing more, at least we have that, right?

Brillig’s lastest post..When the Lights Went Out

Because you hit publish, the rest of us who have felt this way and not said anything are feeling a little less alone.

Thanks.

Insta-Mom’s lastest post..Fear

I want desperately to say in TOTALLY NEW AND INTERESTING way that I feel the very same things and think the very same things and do the very same things and cry the very same tears and yell the very same horrible things and… and…

But I’m not very original or interesting. So who cares.

I have this little rhyme running through my head lately…

Money’s tight,
Times are hard,
Here’s your damn old Christmas card.

Not sure how it applies to YOUR situation, but it totally fits in our house right now.

Here’s my question(s)…
Do we have to laugh with them whenever they try to be funny?
Do we have to want to have fun with them whenever they want to?
Are we really that essential to their happiness and joy and entertainment? If making me laugh is the most entertaining thing he can think of trying to do, then he needs to go to the damn movies.

Can you tell Aunt Flo’s here?

I told The Mighty Hunter last night that I was amped up and wanted someone to piss me off good so I could get mad and cry and feel all better. Believe it or not, he knew that HE should not be the one to piss me off.

Instead, he just left me alone. I went to bed and slept almost all night before Lucky woke up and needed to snuggle.

Auburn Gal Always (Keri)’s lastest post..I managed not to cry

I swear I read this post today and it was exactly how I was feeling this morning - the worst mood ever and SO sick of doing freakin’ everything around here. I put my purse and cell phone in the trunk on the way to work so I wouldn’t call Mike and really lay into him for what, I don’t remember, but boy was I pissed about somethings. And poor Quinn - I feel bad when a little boy doesn’t want to hold his hand, but that doesn’t stop me from getting short with him or telling him to go play by himself because I don’t want to. *sigh* Sometimes it sucks. And sometimes it doesn’t. It would just be nice if it didn’t suck so much or so hard. Uh - what am I talking about?
Yeah - anyway - hope the air clears. I felt a bit better by the time lunch rolled around - getting out to work really helps my pissy moods.

Cathy’s lastest post..The First Day

A-FREAKIN-MEN. Don’t feel badly and I’m glad you hit publish.

Nannette’s lastest post..Ready for My Close-Up

Been there. Done that. Will be doing it again tomorrow. At least I’m not the only one…. or maybe I should wish I was the only one!

hahahehe too funny stuff i like it to read when i sit at computer

I’m glad you published it. So we all know we aren’t alone in this.

catnip’s lastest post..10 must read books

Thank you for reminding me I’m not the only one living this life of crumbs on the floor, milk in the carpet and wails from the baby monitor at 5:58am.

Zellmer’s lastest post..The Random, Unexplainable, Super Annoying Night From Hell

You are not alone and it is nice for me to be reminded that I am not alone. We fought most of our vacation with a few high moments every now and again.

But there were a few times when I just wanted to walk away, but I couldn’t because there is no one else here… it feels as if I have not an ounce of energy left.. but yet I push on.. I’m guessing that is what makes us Moms.. that we battle on.. even when we feel we have nothing left…

Shamalam’s lastest post..Wide Open Spaces

One of the many things I love about your blog is how open and honest you are about your life and the things going on in it. I’m positive that I haven’t heard the same thing 100 times from you. But I have lived through it about that many times.

It’s so hard to get those men to understand sometimes isn’t it? And then we get to the point of not saying anything, because it almost seems pointless.

Oprah (I know, I can’t believe I’m about to say this either) said it best when she said that “Being a mother is the hardest job in the world”.

Being a wife runs a close second sometimes.

((HUGS))

MadWomanMeg’s lastest post..Speaking of lessons learned ….

I haven’t found any good way to explain this phenomenon to my husband. He just doesn’t get it. I’m not sure he can unless he did what I do here at home every day. He usually gets mad and thinks I’m suggesting that he DOESN’T work hard and deal with crap all day. It’s just so hard to explain the monumental difference between dealing with work hassles with adults and dealing with the never-ending demands of infants and children.

So, so glad you hit “publish.” As evidenced by all the moms above saying, “Amen sister!” it’s just so comforting to know that other moms go through the same crap and that we’re not completely insane.

Hang in there.

PsychMamma’s lastest post..Did you know?

I feel ya sister!

Lauren’s lastest post..Computer Time and Picture Taking

Here *hands you my latte*
Here is my shoulder. It is OK, it is waterproof.
Day, weeks, months like that suck.

Thank you so much for posting this. This was exactly like my day today and I’m relieved to hear from you and other comments that I am not alone. Your blog is honest and great.

Wow. First I read your post and was so happy to hear you voicing what’s been in my mind. Then I was practically in tears reading all the comments of others that are feeling the same way. I’m just a little, itty bitty relieved to know that I’m not alone.

Jenny Henny’s lastest post..A True Jen Adventure

I am so with you.

I say: Hit publish every time — it doesn’t stop being true just because we’ve written it before.

Then again, my readers might wish I would stop publishing my sleep debacles… what would I write about instead???

Julie @ the calm before the stork’s lastest post..being nine months old

Oh Jennifer, i know what it’s like, I’ve been there and I know there is nothing I can do to help, to make it go away. Just keep the mantra “this to shall pass” in the back of your mind. It really will pass, I promise.

Gawd, we’ve all felt this way many, many times, haven’t we? I certainly have. Right down to the “shut up”. I HATE it HATE it when Hubby asks if I need to “get away.” Basically, he might as well put an ad in the paper and say, “My wife is a crazy bitch. HELP ME! Save the child(ren)!”

Here’s a little parenting tip for you. It works for me, sometimes…

I go into my laundry room and pound the sh*t out of my washing machine and yell f*ck, sh*t, d*mn, several hundred times. Then I realize that my hand is burning in pain and I kinda forget about what made me so angry in the first place. Kinda. Sorta.

Oh, and just to keep it real for you? My kid gets up between 5 and 5:30 every. single. day. Count your blessings, baby!!

Kia’s lastest post..First Day of Junior Kindergarten…

Yup, I have been there. And there. And there too. The exchanges with your husband could not be written more perfectly.

It really, truly does get easier as they get just a little older though. The four year old watches a movie while I get some extra sleep. The two year old plays with her sister, not needing so much so often from me. As a result I resent the husband less, enjoy him more. The house is still a mess though. That has not changed.

Beth’s lastest post..spoiled

It’s nice to know I am not alone.

Veronica’s lastest post..Ivy Girl

Oh, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. There are so many moments like this daily. The wonderful joys and the ones that make you want to go outside and scream while pouring liquor down your throat. You are a wonderful mom.

Anglophile Football Fanatic’s lastest post..Calgon Stat (A Story of Survival you Might See on a Lifetime Movie)

Carissa over at goodandcrazypeople.blogspot.com recommended I check out your site. Glad I did. I have another mommy with whom I can perfectly relate.

Great post… even though you were frustrated.

jyl @ mommygossip’s lastest post..Wordless Wednesday—Cascade Springs

When I was a SAHM, I could never complain to my (now ex-) husband, because he’d say “You want to stay home, you chose this, don’t effing complain about it. If you don’t like it get a effing job.”
Nice, eh.
I feel your pain, truly I do….

dysfunctional mom’s lastest post..Ladies, this is not pretty.

so glad you hit publish. You needed to vent and you will feel better reading this stuff. I say that even if he is snide in his comments about taking the kids, just do it! You need a break and even if he doesn’t understand he can still keep the kids entertained for a bit. It does get better, I swear! And I agree that it may be as simple as the light waking him up in the morning.

HUGS!!

Heather~Domestic Extraordinaire’s lastest post..out of commission

round here a bit like this too. I am sorry it is hard - I understand 100%. Chin up brave mama! Ride the wave.

amy’s lastest post..But if you try sometimes you just might find

I think most SAHMs have been there and can totally relate.

As they get older, it gets a little better. My kids will crawl in with me and let me sleep a bit. They know how to work the remote to turn PBS on.

The husband part though…well, despite good intentions, they just don’t ever fully GET IT.

Ashlie- MommyCosm’s lastest post..Total Transformation Program: Lesson One: Why Does My Child Act This Way

You are speaking for all of us with this one, J.

Toni’s lastest post..Holy Hanna!

you are preaching to the choir on this one…

GENIUS.

texasholly @ June Cleaver Nirvana’s lastest post..She keeps linking and linking and linking

Very poorly written. I feel bad for your children damn near. You’re a parent. Suck it up and deal with it. If you didn’t want to give your all (and it appears that you do not, and when you do, you get frustrated), then you should have learned what contraception was. It’s parents like you that need to have your kids taken away. I’ll be DAMNED if I let my child grow up in filth and tell them to shut up.

Have some respect for your children, and for yourself.

Or, in lamens terms.. YOU’RE DOING IT WRONG.

Oh Sweetie, I hear you. Motherhood can really and truly suck the life right out of you sometimes. Okay, a lot of times. We give and give and give. I’m sending a lot of hugs to you because you are not alone!!

Brian is just an idiot.

Really. And he has no clue what it is like to raise kids.

I’d delete his comment.

My “kids” are 42, 38, and 35. I haven’t stopped giving yet. But, I have gotten to the place where it’s not ALL about them. I do finally have some “me” time. Once you become a mother, you’re a mother forever.

Fran Carasone’s lastest post..http://carouselle.stumbleupon.com/review/24639250/

@Brian:

Don’t delete this comment as suggested below; this perspective illustrates well the kind of insult-to-injury full-time caregivers are up against.

Gee, Brian, since you know the ‘RIGHT” way…
any helpful suggestions?

I should say, suggested *above* : j

Okay sweetie this is to Brain and hopefully you’ll get something out of this.

Brian,
I had great parents and I grew up well rounded, polite, have two degrees, my own business, and have gotten very far in life because of MY parents. But guess what? My parents did this..

Instead of saying shut up in a angry voice they yelled, “Shut the FUCK up!” And guess what, I did.

If I didn’t guess what else, I got a spanking and with a wooden spoon sometimes. Guess what? It worked.

My mom had no outlet like the internet to vent or get the help of other moms feeling like she did. Jennifer does. I do. It is the best thing ever and helps us to be better parents. It’s called free emotional support and you can’t beat it.

Jennifer isn’t doing a damn thing wrong and it makes me sick to hear you say she is. My parents didn’t do a damn this wrong either. They did what they knew, loved us like crazy, provided for us, empowered us, gave us everything they could but they also were human and sometimes they made mistakes. That doesn’t make them wrong or bad and it sure the hell doesn’t make you the be all end all to say so. We aren’t in Jennifer’s shoes but instead should be offering her comfort, advise and support not judgment and mean comments.

Oh, one more thing…who says a parent has to give all the time and just suck up and deal? The best parent is the one that can sometimes take for themselves to make them a better more giving parent.

Sommer’s lastest post..Let Nature Clear the Air

Oh, I had a morning like that once. I ended up with a hole in my wall because I was so very tired and fed up with my not-sleeping boy (seriously, that boy lived on like 6 hours of sleep a night at the age of 2) that I hit the wall between our rooms. Still feel bad about it now many years later…

We all have days like that…but next time…RUN when you have the chance
Sarah’s lastest post..Ivy Girl

You mean you don’t keep a cold bottle of wine in the fridge?

Thanks to each of you who’ve been so supportive and told me that I’m not alone. All of us have felt this way before, as mothers.

Also thanks for all the defense against “brian.” Just so you all know, s/he is simply a troll looking for us (well ME) to get all up in arms about his comment.

I’m not going to delete it, but leave it so that “brian” can eventually read his/her comment again and be ashamed.

Please ignore “brian” from here on out. Let’s NOT feed the trolls.

And by the way, this is my very first troll…do I get an award??!!!

One last thing, any further comments from “brian” will be deleted, unless it’s an apology for the previous comment. Oh an his/her IP address banned.

I totally know too! I can’t remember the last time I slept though the night, and my youngest is THREE. She slept great when she was a baby. Exhaustion breeds discontent.

Forget the walk… go buy People magazine and get your toenails done. Or eat out with a friend. Or take a WHOLE Saturday off.

I will get better. And then it will get worse again. But it always gets better again.

Hang in there.

Sue @ My Party of 6’s lastest post..Can you hear that?

Sorry… IT will get better.

Sue @ My Party of 6’s lastest post..Can you hear that?

Thank you for this post. Really. Thank you. I have never visited your blog before, so I can’t say I’ve heard this “100 times” but I SURE have felt it at least 100 times.

And hey, congrats on your first troll!
Allison’s lastest post..Turning One is a Big Deal

OMG this so reminded me of me the last few days. We had a night where I literally got 45 minutes of sleep AND I had a job interview the next morning. Do you ever just wish you were sleeping alone in a hotel? Just for a night or two?

*Applauds*

Burgh Baby’s lastest post..Burgh Perfect Staycation Step #6: Venture Out

[...] I don’t have a title, okay? [...]

this is me at least once a week - and my kids are 7 and 9.

jess’s lastest post..HA! The dollar is not as bad as it was…

I just stumbled onto this and all I can say is that I feel really sorry for your children. How do you expect them to act with such a witch for a mother? Wanting to spite a two year old? Grow up, lady.

@Maria: I feel really sorry for you that you felt the need to comment and call me names. It’s unkind to call people names. Please don’t come back, you’re not welcome in my community.

Food for thought. Mine are grown ups, but good to see mom’s are going through the same stuff.

And FYI, who is “LAMEN” and “What are his terms”? teeeee heeee

I just want to tell you, as a veteran mom whose children are now 16 14 and 8, that it DOES get better, and you will get through days like these, and despite the times where you feel like you’re losing it and no one understands, they do. Your kids are going to love you, today, tomorrow and years from now.
Mine do, and they don’t even remember the day they trashed the playroom so bad and had a million puzzle pieces strewn around, so my reaction was to take a trash bag and throw away every last puzzle piece. They are not scarred for life, though I beat myself up after the fact for days.

Absolutely loved your blog!! As a mommy to three teenage boys and one preteen boy, I’ve had my fair share of wanna get away moments. Even better is the husband wanna get away moments… “You mean you’re too tired to have three hours of great sex?” I hang my head down and silently wonder….Does he really get it? Too funny!!! Hang in there~ Now that my boys are older it is easier, its different in its many challenges but it does get easier. Thanks for your awesome blog. I look forward to reading more~

P.S.
I’m sorry people are writing mean, harsh comments re your blog. Please ignore them cause I truly valued the honesty you shared.
Take Care,
Juana

Awww, I’m so sorry. I know exactly how you feel. And it really is essential that you get a break, for everyone involved. You deserve it. There is nothing more exhausting that dealing with kids all day–sure you love them, want to eat them up, and that time is precious–but it is also hard, hard work. It is the hardest work I have ever done, and I only have one child at present!

I can’t really help you, but I really appreciate this post, it voices what I and (I know) so many other moms go through on a regular basis.

anna’s lastest post..Attention: It’s Time for the Second Bimonthly(?)/Periannual/Bicentennial ABDPBT Sucky Sweepstakes!!

Thank you for posting this and thanks for it being on Stumble. I so needed to read this and realize I am not the only one. It gives me hope.

No, it’s not that Maria. It’s the Maria that would like to rip that Maria’s throat out and would defend you to death but will respect your wishes not to feed the trolls.

I love this post, I think mainly because I think you influence a lot of other mothers out there with your blog. I think there are a lot of new moms in the blogosphere that have these thoughts and feelings and experiences, and are shamed or even afraid of them. To read this probably lifted a weight for them. It’s a great thing.

((hugs))

Maria’s lastest post..I was so, so sure. And I was so, so wrong.

I know I’m late for this party…I mean post but I wanted to send hugs, lots of hugs and I wanted you to know that when I read your post I cried because my day is going down much the same, except that I have a sick kid and a husband that thinks I am whining when I ask him to stay home in case I need to take her to the hospital. Some days just suck.

tiff’s lastest post..Just when you were losing hope with humanity…

Oh man, if I could give you a hug thru the moniter, I would. Stay at home moms have the HARDEST job in the whole world. I admire all that you do all day long. I often bitch about being a working mom, and how I want to stay at home, but I know that I could never handle it. There will always be tough days, hang in there. It gets so much easier when they get a little older, I promise. Mine are almost 9 and 5 and it’s not as much damage control. Breathe. Tomorrow will be better~

amy’s lastest post..Stuff the Stuffed Animals

Man. That is a rough one. I think we have all been there. Sometimes it just builds and builds, until you just can’t go further.

I am glad that day is over. Amy was right…Cincinnati would be the perfect place for a break!

Shannanb aka Mommy Bits]’s lastest post..Sometimes You Just Can’t Stop Yourself From Yourself

I’ve been an ‘at-home’ mom for oh, all of 2 months now (barely) but am really starting to be able to relate to this. It’s hard! Much harder than any ‘job’ I’ve ever had. But oh, so much more rewarding.

Thank you for having the courage to hit the ‘post’ button!

Okay, a big GRRR-ending-in-OWL to “Maria” who I’d also like to slap. Ahem. I didn’t type that, just thought it.

I’m not “there” yet (with kids) but this summer, I traveled with a family (kids were 4, 2, and 8 months at the time) and I was their nanny for them while they were moving. I was essentially parent to 3 children, 24/7, for 10 days. There were about 5 days in a row where I had to wake up early with the baby, even when I wanted to sleep in…get the kids fed, happy, playing, do things with them, baby down for nap, oh bottles, more food for kids, diapers for two, potty break, swim in the pool, more food, naps, more food, dinner, diapers, baths, put them all to bed (a 1117 step process for each child). It was utterly EXHAUSTING. I feel like I can *almost* truly relate to what it feels like to be a parent now. It is emotionally, physically, and mentally draining. I had to scrounge around and find some fiber of my being that didn’t feel like screaming when the preschooler and toddler were fighting over toys (for the 101th time that morning) or when the baby was overtired and simply screamed and wouldn’t go down to bed. I called my Mom crying one morning because I was SO DAMN TIRED. It’s completely draining. It’s also wonderful. Now that I’m back in CA, and they’re all out in MD, I miss them terribly. Spending that much intense and routine time with kids inexplicably bonds you together like Crazy Glue. It can be both wonderful and ridiculously hard, although that seems so strange. I think I learned that this summer-an incredibly valuable lesson.

I feel for you Jennifer. I wish I could reach out and simply throw my arms around you. Or take the kids for a few hours-heck, a few days, and just give you a break. Or maybe both. But hang in there! I know you know it gets better, but I am so impressed and proud that you did hit the ‘publish’ button. It gives all of us a little dose of reality, and honesty is so good for the soul.

HUGS Jen.

Some days are shit like that.

And some days are priceless. Hopefully, the good ones outnumber the bad ones. And when they don’t have a drink.

A little one.

kristin’s lastest post..A drought and a search for inspiration

can i just say that tho the subject of your post sucks……… it was extremely well written!

may the rest of your days get better…..

mpotter’s lastest post..order more bonbons

My own kids are 18 and 15 now (one at college for god’s sake) but still, I remember these days. I more than once screamed at a child because it was 5f-ing o’clock in the morning and there is no reason for you to be AWAKE at this HOUR go to BED until 7!!! As if she could tell time.

Dear girl, try to breathe, and know that it does change. I don’t want to say it “gets better or easier” because that’s not necessarily the truth. It changes. Instead of battling over what time they get up in the morning, you’ll be battling them to get up at all.

Candy’s lastest post..Another good reason not to be a poodle

Jennifer, I’ve been reading your blog for a while (and I live your favorite Southern state, too!) but never commented until I read this post.

I felt like you read my mind. I’m a new stay at home mom to a 9-month-old. You described the emotions I experience almost daily so perfectly. Some days are so tough, but I love my daughter with so much depth it constantly amazes me. I totally understand the wanting to escape! Honestly, being a mom is the hardest thing I’ve ever done.

I admire your courage to hit that publish button. It’s nice to know that there really are other moms out there that feels the same things as me. Daddies just don’t get it, do they? What I wouldn’t give for time for a pedicure or even part of a Saturday off!

Thanks from all of us new mommies out there…

i am so very late to this discussion. it’s been on my mind since i first read it yesterday.

i honestly believe that the angry reactions we have to our children are COMPLETELY normal and in fact they stem from our hard-wiring. seeing how mom gets pissed when they demand too much reinforces our children’s desire to learn more, to try more, to take more steps toward independence. it also exposes them to another emotion they are going to have to know how to handle from others.

please go easy on yourself. as a mom to two boys who are 1 year 1 month 1 week and 1 day apart, i’ve been in your shoes. they are now 7 and 8. somehow, we all survived.

be well. and go easy on yourself.

patty’s lastest post..stop the mommy wars

I wish I didn’t know this feeling.

I wish I hadn’t hit publish so many damn times myself on This Post.

But at the very, very least - know you are not alone.

And it does NOT last forever. ((HUGS))

Miss Britt’s lastest post..Nicotine Killed the Blogger

I just want to thank you for publishing this. I know how hard it can be to try and be the mother you want to be and watching yourself, as it were, being the mother you never wanted to be. We ALL have days like this - even the ones who came here to criticise you; but they’re too scared to admit it, just like they’re too scared to leave a forwarding address.

I need breaks too and rarely take them until I am at breaking point. I need to start dating my husband again and getting in a babysitter twice a month. Well done you for being the voice of so many of us.

Is a new washing machine in your future??

Siobhan’s lastest post..Photo Hunt: String(s)

This is me lately. I lost my job (thanks for your comment) and I’ve been just going through life like I’m trying to fight my way out of a black hole. I finally grab the edges to try to pull myself out and I’m sucked back in again.

It’s hard. It’s so hard.

And I’m so glad I’m not alone in feeling like this.

Robin’s lastest post..Life continues

Raising kids turns life into one long chore-filled day. Luckily there are also some great rewards for parents along the way.

As a stay-at-home-dad I relate strongly to the need for adult conversation.

Reservoir Dad

Reservoir Dad’s lastest post..A Home Dad, Oozing Dr Hook Coolness, Rocking His Children

honestly, people who would be offended by this post are clearly not the primary caretakers of their own little kids. if if they say they are they are liars.
it is not possible to be a normal human being and be day in day out with multiple, (or even one) little kids without at some point wanting to tell them to shut their cry holes, or without fantasizing about hanging them upside down in a closet by their toenails.

when my son was first born everytime he cried i *wanted to* (but didn’t) stuff a ball of socks in his mouth to shut him up. my newborn son. of course there was a major case of PPD involoved that required medication, but my point is kids make you crazy sometimes. literally. but you love them anyway because you are their parents.

little kids are made cute so you don’t strangle them. cuteness is their defense mechanism.

anyone who thinks otherwise can bite my ass!! and i’m not as nice to trolls. (or i wouldnt be if i had any at least. my mom is the only one who ever reads my blog. haha!)

litanyofbritt’s lastest post..bitchfest!!

I hear ya. I definitely hear ya.

Becki’s lastest post..Sneaky, sneaky me!

I’ve started attaching swiffer wet jet pads to the bottom of the moosh’s feet. Works wonders when she throws a foot stomping fit in the kitchen.
I personally enjoy a good walk in the mall to spend his money. Heh.
xoxo

moosh in indy.’s lastest post..blog fizzle. fo’ shizzle.

thank you for writing this! I need to show it to my husband to let him know that it is NOT just me. He doesn’t believe that others think/feel this, he thinks it is just me and that i need to fix “whatever is wrong”. thanks for letting me know I am not alone.

workout mommy’s lastest post..Kind of like a twinkie, but not really

I so totally can relate to this post, as I am sure a million other moms out there can. I especially hate when filling out surveys when the list “homemaker”. I hate that title worse than not having one at all. Add a puppy into the mix and life gets very interesting I must say!

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I'm Jennifer, Mom to Carson, 3, and Ella, 2. Wife and Bossaholic to Tate. My claim to fame is that I'm the #1 search result on Google for "kids pooping in pools!!." You can follow me on Twitter, see my stumbles at StumbleUpon, view my photos on Flickr, and contact me by email.

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2009 Booklist

The Given Day
Love in the Time of Cholera
Esther; It's Tough Being a Woman
~~Why is My Mother Getting a Tattoo?~~ I
~~Whitethorn Woods~~ B
~~The Five People You Meet in Heaven~~ A
~~Paula Spencer~~ B-
~~Digging to America~~ A
~~Rebecca~~ A-
~~The Friday Night Knitting Club~~ B
~~The Reader~~ B+
~~The Shack~~ B+
~~The Kite Runner~~ A
~~Three Junes~~ C-
~~Kitchen Confidential~~ A
~~A Cook's Tour~~ A
~~The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas~~ A
~~My Friend Leonard~~ A
~~Daisy Chain~~ F
~~The Gravedigger's Daughter~~ B-
~~A Girl Named Zippy~~ A-
~~Eat, Pray, Love~~ A
~~Water for Elephants~~ B+
~~The Book Thief~~ A++
~~The Poisonwood Bible~~ A+
~~The Hunger Games~~ A

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