I arrived home the other afternoon from grocery shopping to find a very large man happily vacuuming my living room.
“Oh hi!” he said. Seeing my puzzled look, he continued. “I’m just vacuuming your living room!”
“Yes I can see that, but….” I said coolly. At the same time, Tate came into the room looking at me with wide eyes and a “help me” look. “He’s a vacuum cleaner salesman,” Tate explained.
The house was in complete disarray, the children were in the playroom screaming, there were bags and bags of groceries to be unloaded from the car, and it was time to start preparing dinner. And the vacuum cleaner salesman was trying to spout the wonders of his Kirby over the chaos.
I was not amused.
My darling husband kindly offered to retrieve the remaining groceries from the car, leaving me to deal with screaming kids and the fracking vacuum cleaner salesman, who continued jabbering on and on and vacuuming every surface of my house.
“See this flexible hose?! It’s great for getting to all those hard to reach places, like behind your TV. Wow! It sure is dirty back there…”
Annoyed, I attempted to calm my children and unload grocery sacks, AND start dinner. I completely ignored the vacuum cleaner salesman. Tate invited him in, Tate could deal with getting him to leave.
He kept right on talking (and talking), as if I were listening.
Tate finally completed the unnecessarily long process of unloading the groceries and went back to the vacuum cleaner salesman. I was sure that Tate could see my irritation, it was obvious in my glare. He surely could also hear the children crying because of hunger, and I KNOW he could see all the groceries that needed putting away. Head hanging low, Tate went to deal with the vacuum cleaner salesman.
The vacuum cleaner salesman apparently had some sort of mesmerizing effect on Tate. “How much would you be willing to pay for this vacuum?” he asked Tate.
I wanted to scream, “NOTHING. Please GO AWAY. Can you not see that this is a VERY BAD time?????” Surely I didn’t need to say anything. SURELY Tate would tell him to leave.
My darling husband kindly inquired about the price and told the man how impressed he was with the vacuum. I nearly screamed.
The vacuum cleaner salesman refused to give a price and somehow wrangled himself inside of our bedroom to give a demonstration of it’s “awesome” mattress cleaning abilities.
With the groceries put away, I began to fix dinner. I could hear the vacuum cleaner salesman wheeling and dealing with Tate.
“This is a one time offer. I’m just down from South Bend, doing the folks here in New Town a favor by offering you this Kirby.”
I can hear Tate stammering in reply. “Uh. We don’t. Uh. No. Uh. Can I just get your card? Uh. We’ll call you?”
After about TWENTY minutes of this “It’s a one time deal,” “Uh. No, we don’t want it,” the vacuum cleaner salesman finally gave up.
I wanted to scream, “Praise Jesus! He’s leaving, he’s leaving!!!”
That’s when Tate did the unthinkable. He said, to the ALMOST FINALLY DEPARTING vacuum cleaner salesman, “So, you’re from South Bend? You a Notre Dame fan?”
And that’s when my head exploded.
As I was picking up the remnants of my skull, I heard Tate offer the vacuum cleaner salesman a DRINK. A DRINK! For the next HALF HOUR, they talked football. FOOTBALL! All the while, the vacuum cleaner salesman is guzzling glass after glass of water and hinting about how the dinner I was preparing sure smelled good.
I know one thing. When you’re trying to get a MALE SALESMAN to leave your house, under NO CIRCUMSTANCE do you bring up fracking FOOTBALL, nor do you offer them food and drink.
Let this be a lesson learned.
Your husband is either really nice or extremely touched in the head! I mean, I COULD HEAR you seething through the computer, how come he couldn’t?
Be glad you didn’t get it. Kirby’s suck. But not literally. Still kicking my husband and myself over that purchase…
Way to be restrained – I would have drop kicked both the salesman AND my husband.
If you need an alibi…. lol.
AAACCCKKK!!! I would KILL someone…KILL!
haha me with no tact would have unplugged the vacuum and said we’re not interested and you need to leave now.
i have zero patience for that crap, and i actually used to be a vacuum salesman.
my husband would do the same thing. and why in the world are there still people who sell things DOOR TO DOOR in the age of the internet.
We were once practically held hostage by a vacuum cleaner rep who came to our house before 6 p.m. and didn’t leave until after 9 p.m., and that involved me, once again, telling him that it felt like he was harassing us and I’d call the police. It was awful! I had a starving child. I was pregnant and irritable. The rep kept calling his “manager” to get us a better deal. On and on. So awful. It felt like a horror movie! I got the shakes for weeks later just hearing the word vacuum!
You missed your opportunity to say 10 bucks when he asked how much you’d pay for it! That would have made him leave in hurry.
We are married to the same man! The two-timing S.O.B!
The problem with men is …. Let me start over. ONE of the problem with men is they honestly believe if they BUY the vacuum, it will make the house clean. They forget someone has to USE the vacuum. And really, who wants to do that?
I think your head exploding is an accurate reaction. I would go nuts! I hate random people in my house. I should probably knock on wood, but I have never had any kind of door to door salesman, outside of kids trying to sell me magazine and chocolate so they can go on their class trip.
Men!
So did you let him stay for dinner?
LOL! I used to do this for a living. Not with Kirby, though. I was young and I needed the money.
I would have kicked that guy out faster than you can say “HEPA filter”.
Of course Tate started talking to him about football. THAT is too funny!
And I want to know too – did he stay for dinner? Are Tate and him planning on going golfing, or hunting, together soon?
Is he invited to the next neighborhood BBQ?
oh no you poor girl. That sucks-hopefully he left before dinner or you just let Tate and his new friend visit and ate without them.
I did not know that door to door vacuum cleaner salesmen still existed!
omg. HAHA!
Tate was probably afraid to be alone with you after his “friend” left. hehe.
I find this hilarious. Brian is the same way. He is a sucker. I am a sucker for anyone under the age of 16 trying to sell me something. I have a bullsye on my front door and they flock to me because I will not say no.
KEEP BELIEVING
O.M.G.!! I don’t know how you kept yourself so composed! My head practically exploded just reading your recap!
@feener: I KNOW!!! And when the guy kept saying it was a one time deal…like I couldn’t just go online and buy that stupid vacuum!
@Amy: No he didn’t stay for dinner!!
@Cathy: Ha! They probably should have set up a playdate, since I wouldn’t let him stay for dinner!
Oh my gosh. There are still door to door vacuum cleaner salesmen out there? That just flies in the face of my world order.
However, I think I’d need him to show me the vacuum’s performance in each and every room of my house before I was satisfied. And under my couch cushions.
I’m with all things BD – I had no clue there were door to door vacuum cleaner salesmen still.
I was first amazed by that, and second feeling really sorry for you about your dear hubby.
My hubby bought a newspaper subscription from some kid, giving the kid 20 bucks, which po’d me A LOT, and we’ve yet to receive a newspaper.
I’m taking the higher road and I’m not mentioning the fact that he gave up 20 bucks and we have no newspaper.
He’s also the type that’ll buy candy from strangers.
Sounds like something HD would do. I’ve been trying to train him to be better but it’s not always effective. My head would have exploded too.
I’ve gotten very good about saying no, sorry but NO, and closing the door.
Too funny!
My brother-in-law sold these vacuums for a while. He only went places where they sent him (people who’d asked for a demo). But when he was first starting he needed to try out his demo on family and friends. So while we were at my parents house he came over and did a shortened version. While he was vacuuming the living room for my mom, he found a dead mouse behind a piece of furniture.
My mom was mortified. BIL just laughed and took care of the house. Good thing it wasn’t a real salesperson visiting. (BTW, my parents live out in the country near lots of fields and no matter what they do a few mice always sneak in each winter. Country living.)
Ha! Hubby made the mistake of letting a Kirby salesman in once, and we couldn’t get him to leave either. We even told him repeatedly that we would NOT buy one. At the end, he acted mad at us, but had the gall to ask for something to drink. Taken aback, we offered him water, juice or soda and he got even grumpier and said, “Don’t you have some beer??” What the heck? He was from South Bend too. Maybe it was the same guy??
Hey — at least you got your house vacuumed! And your mattress — though I hope Tate put the sheets back on!
I am from South Bend and I am almost positive that I know which Kirby salesman you are talking about. I just moved to a new neighborhood and I started lying to all the sales people and tell them that I already have a Kirby and that I am not interested in upgrading.
It’s hard to believe door-to-door salesmen still exist!
First of all, you are to be commended for not completely losing your shit. I’d have killed them both.
Secondly, please tell me that your hubs learned the error of his ways and gave you a foot massage last night while calling you pretty.
We have a Kirby. We love our Kirby. Not exactly thrilled with the way they’re sold, but it IS a really, really good vacuum cleaner.
@Mommy Daisy: We live right behind a soybean field. Come harvest time in a few weeks, I guarantee we’ll have mice in the house! Eww.
@southernfriedgirl: He did feel really badly because he knows how much I hate strangers being in my house. He’s apologized over and over again!
@Ashley: It’s a small world, I bet it’s the exact same guy!
@PsychMamma: I wonder if it was! He seemed disappointed when Tate only gave him water, but I think he really wanted what I was cooking for dinner. He all but flat out asked to stay.
I too fell for it once. While I must say I like the vacuum, I don’t like their tactics.
And my hubby left me w/ the “meat” man the other day. The guy was talking to him and he turned him over to me, since I’m the meat buyer. I could’ve killed him!
Well…. at least he didnt BUY the vacuum cleaner.
They still have Vacuume cleaner salesmen!!! My mind is offically blown!
I guess I am lucky…DH hates salesmen with a passion and always heads them off at the pass.
I’m dying to know…were your fixing your Carnitas?
Tate sounds like my husband. He will engage any human with a penis in conversations about football, no matter who it is or what we are doing or where we are trying to go. Good times.
@Slacker Mama: Ha! No, not carnitas, taco meat for taco salads!
I live in the woods, so traveling salesmen are hard to find around here. But oh my god if that happened at my house I would have killed my husband. Dead.
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Gee, I didn’t think door to door salesmen existed anymore. Thank god they didn’t come to my house. I would have demanded to see his wares one more time in every room until my house was fully vaccuumed. Then I would set the cats on him:)
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That sounds awful!! I would have been so irritated!!!
My husband will sit and talk with any salesperson. He won’t necessarily purchase the item but he will sometimes give them tips on how to sell better. Can get frustrating when I just want to leave or have the salesperson leave our house!
i didn’t know that actual door-to-door salesmen existed! i thought it was something you only see in movies! ha!
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Dear God, Jennifer ~ I was just transported to a VERY unpleasant memory from my not too distant past. It was a time when I was babysitting for a toddler, a VERY fussy baby, as well as caring for my OWN toddler and newborn baby. Same. exact. experience – almost verbatim. (Mealtime, screaming and all.) Only I was left ALONE with the guy! All the kids were screaming, and he WOULD. NOT. LEAVE! I wanted to strangle him with my bare hands. I can completely empathize. Funny thing? One came to our door yesterday, and it was all I could do to not slam the door in his face. Luckily, my husband had just gotten home, and I sicked him on the guy, shutting the door behind them. ha! Seriously, what’s the deal with the door to door? Yeesh.
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Sorry to take Tate’s side, J, but when it comes to Irish football, I would’ve let the guy stay overnight.
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THANK SWEET BABY JEEBUS it wasn’t Monday Night Football.
And WHY on earth do vacuum salesfolk pitch the vacuum has a lifetime warranty and will last forever?
Somehow I think vacuum technology just MIGHT improve in my lifetime and I may want another 1 or 2. Just sayin’.