Barely breathing | Playgroups are No Place For Children

September 23, 2008 | Filed in: Huh?, Indiana, hole-y matrimony, my stream of consciousness, tennessee

I’ve been trying to write these words for days and haven’t been able to form my muddled and numb thoughts into sentences. In a very short amount of time, my life has been completely turned upside down. I vacillate between intense woeful crying jags to sheer, bitter rage where I want to hit someone.

Tate has been transferred AGAIN.

We are moving to Tennessee.

I feel bitterly angry that I allowed myself to finally feel at home someplace. In the ten years that I have been with Tate, we have moved at every request of the company. For me, I moved begrudgingly and suspiciously and have watched over my shoulder and held my breath waiting for his company to call with our next move.

This time, though, I allowed myself to dream what it would be like to raise my children here, in THIS place. I allowed myself to breathe after ten years. I immersed ourselves into this town and embraced all it had to offer. We have made friends and we have made plans. We have made a life and a home here in Indiana. Never once had it occurred to me that I shouldn’t root myself and branch out and allow myself that hope of home.

I feel bruised and numb all at the same time.

Right now I have no desire to write. My mind swirls with nothing except relocation companies, mortgages, real estate, and moving vans. I don’t know if I’m taking a blogging hiatus for awhile or if the desire to write will return as I digest and stew on this information. If you’ve recently emailed me, I will reply sometime. I’m purposely ignoring my inbox because I simply do not have the power to think past myself and my family right now.

At least if we have to move, it’s to beautiful Tennessee and luckily we already root for the right team.

And you want to know something funny? I just got my Indiana driver’s license last week. I’m supposed to pick up my Indiana license plate tomorrow. [insert maniacal laughter and tears]

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Ugh. I’m so sorry. It’s really tough to uproot the whole family like that.

Yes, TN is beautiful. I hope you guys get to stay there for a while.

HeatherPride’s lastest post..They’re BAAAAAAaaaaaack

Oh, my dear! I am SO sorry. Tennessee is beautiful, but seriously… Again?! I would hit someone. I would. I really, really would.

I’m so sorry.

GHD’s lastest post..Ready to PO-TTY… or maybe not

((((Hugs))) That sucks. Tennessee is an okay place to go though. I am praying for relocation myself, because that would mean my husband actually had a job! Keep your chin up, it’s just a new adventure! At least your kids are not in school yet, so you don’t have to transfer schools. (((hugs))) again.

The Farmers Wife’s lastest post..Keepin’ It Real!

I am not at all religious, but I like the saying “we plan, God laughs”. Maniacally, I’m guessing.

I’m sorry that you’re moving again (and omg, does that mean that you’ll have to redesign your header?!) but please stop this ‘I don’t feel like writing’ thing. I need many many more tutorials.

Marinka’s lastest post..Questions That My Son Asked Me on This Morning’s Flight from NC to NYC

I am going to have to change my header! I was thinking the tagline could say something like “on tour since 1999″ and have some sort of band kind of look…if anyone wants to make me one, that would be cool. HINT.

And as far as tutorials, what would you like to know? I’m out of material…

Noooooooooooooooooooo……….

that’s all I got. seriously sad.

DesignHER Momma’s lastest post..oh, Mexico

Ugh, I’m so sorry. I moved every three years growing up, so I know how you feel about finally feeling like you could call someplace home.

I hope you’re able to embrace Tennessee. I think the “on-tour” idea for your tag line is great!

That is really not fair. I am so sorry. I can’t imagine how it must be for you to constantly uproot your family and move. Emotionally and physically. Man. That is really rough. I’m sorry.

And I will now stop complaining about moving across town.
Kat’s lastest post..Antsy

Oh girl, I’m so sorry. I feel ya. We moved over 10 times across the country in a few years thanks to corporate relo’s.

AND! IT SUCKS A DUCK!

I won’t blow smoke up your ass too much - but at least Tennessee is pretty.

If you want, meetcha at drink-thirty.

MamaGeek’s lastest post..Apple Pi (As In 3.14159265)

Oh Jenn. I am thinking of you and your family and truly hope you can find a little brightness in the gloom.

Teri’s lastest post..Done.

OMG…..I’m so, so sorry. Will it at least be Memphis? The Red Birds (The Cardinals minor league team) plays there…

I’m just shaking my head. I just don’t see how you do it. I’m so, sorry. Hugs.

abunslife’s lastest post..Just Three Minutes

OMG! No freaking way. Oh honey, I am so so sorry. I can’t believe it. You just got there, how can you have to move already??? But we haven’t even met yet!!!!!!!!

Shelly’s lastest post..Are You There God? It’s Me, Shelly.

Oh, I am so sorry. I can only imagine the disappointment and frustration you’re feeling.

Erin’s lastest post..My Pumpkin!

i know this is a tough one for you… and i’m sending BIG hugs.

and it IS pretty there.

the planet of janet’s lastest post..The karate kid

*SQUEEEEEZE*

That’s all I got.

Miss’s lastest post..Ocean Sized Love

I’m so sorry…that’s just plain crappy.

How soon is this all going down?

Slacker Mama’s lastest post..the cat came back (just not the next day)

That really sucks - I’m sorry to hear it.

I am so sorry that you have to move, again. How utterly frustrating. My sister lived in Nashville for a couple of years and still says that it’s the nicest place that she ever lived…and not just because it was pretty, but because the people there are great too. You like country music, right??

Gail’s lastest post..Shaken Fetus Syndrome???

On the Bright side, Blissfully Domestic is having theat shindig in Nashville on the 18th of October. You’ll be closer. Check out Lotus’ post today. You DO know Lotus, right?

Sarcastic Mom.

lceel’s lastest post..One More Postponement

That truly sucks. What does he do to have to move so soon after moving AGAIN? I mean…you haven’t been in the new place that long??

I can say that TN isn’t SOO bad…I mean I did live there for 25 years of my life.

Hang in there!!

Sandy’s lastest post..To Kell…hope everything is going/went well!!!

Oh no Jennifer. I am so sorry. Offering you many virtual hugs.

But the tag line, “On tour since 1999″ is really great. Hope it all falls into place.

Aww sweetie I’m so sorry! You seemed to be enjoying IN.

Hang in there. It’ll be ok.

HUGS Let me know if you want me to send NY wine. It’s quite good in these parts.

CourtneyRyan’s lastest post..cryin’ lovin’ or leavin’

Man, I’m so sorry. It sucks harder than a Dyson to have to move across the country, and doing it that many times is just plain awful.

On the completely selfish side of things, you had better still be in Indiana around Thanksgiving so I can stalk you proper. And if not? You had be headed to the Nashville area. I might be willing to visit the other in-laws if it means another stalking opportunity. (Why yes, it is all about me and my ability to stalk peeps.)

*hugs*

Burgh Baby’s lastest post..I Want My Grandma

My husband uprooted us to TN 4 years ago. I went kicking and screaming, but it actually is a wonderful place. We’re back in MD now after 3 years there, but I do look back fondly. It’s not Chattanooga by chance, is it?

Scary Mommy’s lastest post..Imperfect Perfection

Well, as a current (and lifelong) resident of Tennessee, can I just say that we’ll be happy to have you! Moving sucks and moving consistently REALLY sucks. Hope it’s not too horrible for you, but maybe this move will be the last one. For a very long time.

Angie’s lastest post..The Happiest Place on Earth?

I’m so sorry. {{{Hugs}}}

I am going to act like I just didn’t read that!!!!!! Damn me for reading your blog today!!!! Call me when you can breathe & we will go have a drink & cry together. No more biker bars?

Heidi’s lastest post..What we should have done…

Oh Jen. I’m so sorry. Take your time-your family needs you to be ‘all there’ for this. I know that you’ll get through this (and you do too!) but I also know that it sucks to get invested somewhere and then get uprooted. Like you said, it’s at least somewhere familiar. All of us will be here, rooting you on, here for advice, or a shoulder to cry on. If I was there I would come over with chocolate! and let you vent.

Kisses, Friend!

Headless Mom’s lastest post..BFL-Week 1 (or is it week 3?)

[...] hug Jenifer. That really [...]

Oh I’m so sorry. Being constantly uprooted has to be so hard for you all.

Erika Jurney’s lastest post..I’ve been out of the loop for a couple of decades — is there a PC term for these yet?

It’s soon. Like right now. As soon as the relo company can get it arranged, we’re going to sell our house, buy a house and move.

Ugh. I know how much moving sucks. Especially when it’s not just you and your college stuff anymore.
If it’s any comfort… I grew up with a dad subject to the whims of his company. We only had to move once, but he was out of town ALL.THE.TIME when I was young. So, at least if Tate gets to come home every night that’s a plus.
That said, it was a lot harder on my mom than on us kids I think. If it’s any consolation, your kids will be fine!
Oh, and think of all the cool bloggers you’ll get to meet in Tennessee…

Krista’s lastest post..Book: Faking Grace

I know that feeling very well. I am so, so sorry.

ptoall’s lastest post..Tar-jay

No I won’t be here at Thanksgiving. And no it’s not Nashville…but I might come visit you there! It’s only about 2 hours away…

No it’s not Chattanooga, but it’s not far from there…

We actually lived in Tennessee for four years at the beginning of Tate’s career. We loved it there.

One of the only good things about moving is the fact that it’s TN. We lived there before so at least we already have a few friends and know the area and schools.

I’m so sorry! Moving so much sucks!!
I’m only about an hour & a 1/2 or less from both Nashville and Chattanooga, so maybe now we can meet for reals.
Devan’s lastest post..Ode to my Kindle

Oh my God, Jen. When?? I am so very sorry. I can only imagine how you feel. I will be leaving my home in just a little while, too, and it is horrible. I am so so sorry.

mrs.chicken’s lastest post..Breasts On A Plane?

Oh Jennifer! I am so sorry…it is hard to make a place feel like home, so to have to leave so quickly…well, it just $ucks!

The last three moves for us have been at 23 months, 11 1/2 month, and 11 months. I was so glad to finally settle in one place once we got here. Moving that often isn’t good for anyone!

Do what you need to do to take care of yourself! I’ll be reading if you decide to come back.

Best wishes….

tommie’s lastest post..Manic Monday and a funky dream

this must be so hard for you and your family. what does tate do that they move him so much ????

the only words i can say is that at least he has a job, in this economy and all. hang in there and hope you get the will to write more.

feener’s lastest post..Firsts …

I do know all about the moving all the time. I hope that you find something to enjoy in Tennessee.

Lynette’s lastest post..Music = Love

oh no! Talk about a shock! I am so sorry.

mayberry’s lastest post..V-Motion = Junior Wii?

OMG, we must now be sworn enemies since I live in Kentucky!!

OK, I don’t even follow basketball so I couldn’t really care less.

TN really is pretty. You will love it.

I am so sorry you’re dealing with another move with 2 young kids…I can’t imagine how difficult that is, especially since you’ve found comfort in this town I will be thinking about you in the weeks ahead and that you can eventually find peace with this move…really hard stuff.

I know its hard right now .. but try to keep your chin up. You NEVER know .. this could turn out to be the BEST.THING.EVER.
You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.
Love
Madness

Madness’s lastest post..How we all got HOSED and taken from behind .. and I aint talkin the GOOD kind of taken from behind EITHER

I’m so sorry. Take care.

Shauna’s lastest post..Christmas In July

I know you were loving your new state. I hate you have to leave it.

andria’s lastest post..Happy Birthday To Me

We have been with Caterpillar for 12 years and they move us (and our friends) A LOT. However, there is always such a strong Caterpillar group everywehre we move that is also so used to moving around a lot that we tend to get close FAST. Maybe Tate’s company has something like that? Lots of other transient families? A thought, althought I am sure you have already thought of that.

You will find, though, that the entire mood for your family with respect to this move will reflect what yours is. If you can feign excitement, then your kids will be excited and Tate will be excited. If you react with remorse and fear and bitterness, so will your family. I know it sucks, but I think you will find with your kids getting older now, they will have more uneasiness in this move than you realize (our kids were 2 and 3 when we moved to Canada years ago and WAY more affected than I had anticipated), so the safer and more relaxed you can make them feel (because you are eminating it yourself) the better it will go.

Not that you need to put on a happy face and not be sad, but it is what it is and I hope you can make the best of it.

Maybe you will get to meet Sarcastic Mom. and it is still not THAT far from Missouri. Easy drive anyway.

KEEP BELIEVING

Angie@ Keep Believing’s lastest post..The miracle of Gavin

I am so sorry! That totally sucks, and you have every reason to feel the way you do.

Hillary - The Queen I Am Not’s lastest post..All Things Bavarian, Except for the Italian

That SUCKS big time. I’m sorry.
Sue @ My Party of 6’s lastest post..An update

Ugh, that is so rough. I’m sorry you’ll be uprooted again. Hang tough.

all things BD’s lastest post..Fashion Tuesday, Sort Of

Jennifer–
I can’t imagine having to move AGAIN so soon! How scary, annoying, terrible, tiring and crummy. What part of the state are you moving to (ie, BBQ, Country Music or Football)? My family is there (and didn’t Tate maybe go to school there or am I dreaming that?)
Good luck!

Meredith’s lastest post..

Hey Jen, I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had some good advice, but I think *I* need advice too! We’ve lived in 3 homes in 5 homes in 10 years and Texan Papa just told me that he’ll be watching for a position back up in the Midwest (where we’re from). We just moved her 5 months ago and I can’t think about moving again right now. But, just wanted to tell you, it gets easier each time. And, it builds solidarity through your family. You really have to rely on each other. That doesn’t make the move easier, but I thought I’d throw in one platitude anyway!

Texan Mama’s lastest post..What is She (Really) thinking?

I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine. Sending good thoughts your way.

Kristin’s lastest post..Taking the wind out of their sails

I’m so sorry. We move every 2-3 years because we’re with the Foreign Service, and though it’s fun to BE places, it’s never fun to LEAVE places. Moving is truly a hard thing to do. I’ve been in China for over a year now, and am only just now beginning to put down roots (in time for the next move, no doubt). One thing this moving has taught me: you will find your way in the next city. It may take awhile, during which there are lots of no-fun moments. But you will find the friends and the shops and the things that you need just when you need them. Good luck to you.

Donna’s lastest post..Mother Daughter Days

Oh boy. I feel your pain baby. As someone who has moved her entire life, I know exactly how hard it is to pick up and leave again. Sucks. Ass.

At the risk of asking the annoyingly obvious question, when is this all planned for?

I hear Tennessee is really nice. Is there a chance that his company will make you move again or will you be able to look forward to settling there?

We’re about to embark on a huge move ourselves, so I imagine my husband is experiencing some of the same emotions as you.

(HUGS)

MadWomanMeg’s lastest post..Stupidest. Show. Ever.

Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry to hear that. We’re here for you. You know you can complain to all of us. I missed your posts while you were away. I wish you the best of luck in relocated again.

Mommy Daisy’s lastest post..More about TTC

Big bloggy (((HUGS))). It’s really been a shitty day all around looks like.

Ashley. Unscripted…’s lastest post..Shit-tastic Day

We just found out that we’re moving too. Hubby’s job is taking us about an hour west, so I guess it’s not a big move. It still sucks - big time. New doctors, new grocery, new friends, ugh. I’m already tired just thinking about it.

All the best to you as you move…

Katie’s lastest post..Still here

Oh man, that’s awful. I hate moving and hope to never do it again. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible for your sake.

I am SO sorry!! I cannot imagine… You are a better wife than I, my dear….

HUH?????? Oh my! I’m so sorry, I’m going to miss you guys!!!

Brandy´s lastest post..boring

I’m so sorry for the crummy, nay, devastating news.

Take a few minutes to get the wind back in your sails; hopefully the horizon will look better in the morning.

(cheesy enough? maybe go kick something inanimate, that always makes me feel better)

April´s lastest post..sh-t.

That has to be difficult to deal with now that you feel settled and happy where you are. Hope you feel better about things soon.

HeatherY´s lastest post..Please Tell Me Why You are Crying???

I’m so sorry! You seemed so happy in Indiana. My husband and I move a lot as well, and I am completely miserable with our current location (it’s much the way you felt about Alabama.) We actually moved here from East Tennessee, and it’s a really beautiful area. After living in a not friendly place, I can tell you that the people there are very nice. I’ve also lived in Memphis, and it’s a nice place as well. Hopefully you’ll like Tennessee and maybe you won’t have to move after a few months.

Meredith´s lastest post..Where’s the lemon?

:::hugs::: Moving stinks, it’s not a consolation to think one has become a pro at it at all, is it?
Glad to hear it’s not going completely into the unknown at this time at least, hang in there!

HellTygr´s lastest post..I’m leaving on a jet plane!

I can relate on so many levels. We just had our 10th move in 15 years. And we moved to Tennessee. Last month. And I told my husband that this HAS to be our last move. I.Can’t.Take.It Anymore.Best of luck with the move.

misfithausfrau´s lastest post..Y’all Need to Calm Down

I’m so sorry for all the upheaval. If it helps any, I’m in TN, and if you’re moving anywhere near me, we could meet. I know that’s a drop in the bucket, but it’s all I can offer. Hugs.

Feather Nester´s lastest post..Home Again, Home Again

Aw, Jennifer!
No! We were just getting to know one another! I’m SO sorry that you are having a hard time with it (as I’m SURE I would be). Prayers for peace coming your way. Take care, dear. Email me anytime. We need to do one last rendesvouz before you pack ‘em up, and head ‘em out.

Mandy´s lastest post..Obsess much? aka My ode to Stephenie Meyer

I can only imagine how hard this is for you….I still remember you being pregnant with Carson and crying in a staff meeting because you were moving….and that was like 2 moves ago……I’ll def. be thinking of you!

SO sorry Jennifer! If we had to move I would crawl into a corner and cry myself to sleep.

Sending hugs to you!

Angella´s lastest post..Win $50 At Amazon

Oh Jennifer, I’m so sorry. You must be furious, and you have every right to be. I can’t even imagine what it must be like, because I’ve never been forced to move out of state before.

Rant, cry, throw things if it helps any. I hope you can find some peace in this unexpected change in plans.

Christina´s lastest post..Signs of a Good Birthday Party

Well then - looks like TN is beautiful! I think I’ve only driven through it. Maybe we will come visit you there. =)

Cathy´s lastest post..15 Month Check Up

I am so sorry! That breaks my heart to hear that you have to leave your home…kudos to you for all of your moving though - the very thought makes me feel panicky, so you are handling it better than I ever would.

But I’ll be thinking of you - and hoping that you find a wonderful place to call home in TN.

Maggie´s lastest post..Best Shot Monday: Quality Time

Oh Jennifer, I’m so sorry.

We too, move at the whim of the company. I feel your pain. You put this beautifully, despite your pain. I’m so terribly sorry.
I’m sure there’s a wonderful experience right around the corner for y’all. I’ll be praying for you.

Hugs.

OMG. HOW? WHY? WHAT?! *sigh* I just don’t know how you do it.

Sending love!

sam {temptingmama}´s lastest post..Back in Ten & Rookie (Mom): Week 4

I don’t know how you are even coping right now. You poor thing! Thinking about you here in CA.

Trish´s lastest post..So Excited I Could Just…….Cry

Oh dear–you poor thing. I can’t even imagine trying to pack up a house with all the kiddos’ stuff and moving. I hope this is your last move and you can grow some deep roots.

Fairly Odd Mother´s lastest post..Who’s In Your Village?

I’m so sorry. I haven’t had to move nearly as much, but I did have to make a couple of major moves for my husband’s job, and it sucks. Hang in there.

Stimey´s lastest post..One of Those Days: A Timeline of Minor Annoyances and Downright Failure

I hate moving. Missing friends, uprooted. Tennessee is beautiful, and full of loving wonderful people. I hope it feels like home quickly!

I actually worked for quite a while for a relocation company, and I worked with “national accounts” or a.k.a. relocating employees just like your family…it is a logistical whirlwind, I can only imagine going through it with two little ones! Hopefully everything gets settled for you quickly and your transition is smooth! This is selfish (because I like you and your blog!) but maybe you’ll feel like blogging for therapy? You’ll always have lots of well-wishers thinking of you!!!
Take care!

Jill´s lastest post..Torture Tuesday….

So sorry, this totally sucks. I can’t imagine having to move so often with small children. It’s especially unfortunate since you like where you are. Hopefully all this moving will stop by the time the kids are in school.

Maeve’s mom´s lastest post..Happy Birthday Maeve!

I’m sorry. Resettling is always so hard. Good luck with everything. (Hugs)

Rachael´s lastest post..America’s Next Top Model as told by fourfour

The best part about MPS’s breakdown was no more moving. I totally understand your pain babe.

I am here to vent to if you need me K?

Kelley´s lastest post..Hi, how are you?

I can’t imagine how it would be just getting settled and then having to move again.
It sounds so very stressful and painful.
I hope that things go smoothly for you over the next little while as you get used to the idea of being uprooted again.

tiff´s lastest post..A few facts.

Wow!
Suddnely I’m Kelley! Pass me the yellow mustard!

tiff´s lastest post..A few facts.

I’m sorry sweets - this sucks big time. Is there anyway that Tate can get the company to stop picking on him and start on someone else, just to give you guys a little more stability?

Oh, how stressful. We just had to move to a new apartment and now I need to learn to feel at “home” again since it’s a whole new neighborhood and section of town. I feel your pain in a small way. I’m glad you’re going somewhere you know and like. Hugs to you during this stressful time.

That totally sucks!

I get that feeling of not wanting to commit to a place being “home” and it’s such a shitty feeling.

My husband was laid off, oh, 14 weeks ago and I’m holding my breath with each interview…does this mean we can stay here? or move to MN? or CO? or TX? Aruba?

Our daughter just started 1st grade and I want to jump in and join PTA and all, but I’m so hesitant b/c we could be moving at the drop of a hat.

Hang in there. Everyone keeps telling me that it’ll work out for the best. I’m still waiting to see what that means.

Good luck…remember to breathe.

Ashlie- MommyCosm´s lastest post..What do Mommycosm, Problogger, BlogHer and Starbucks all have in common?