I’ve been trying to write these words for days and haven’t been able to form my muddled and numb thoughts into sentences. In a very short amount of time, my life has been completely turned upside down. I vacillate between intense woeful crying jags to sheer, bitter rage where I want to hit someone.
Tate has been transferred AGAIN.
We are moving to Tennessee.
I feel bitterly angry that I allowed myself to finally feel at home someplace. In the ten years that I have been with Tate, we have moved at every request of the company. For me, I moved begrudgingly and suspiciously and have watched over my shoulder and held my breath waiting for his company to call with our next move.
This time, though, I allowed myself to dream what it would be like to raise my children here, in THIS place. I allowed myself to breathe after ten years. I immersed ourselves into this town and embraced all it had to offer. We have made friends and we have made plans. We have made a life and a home here in Indiana. Never once had it occurred to me that I shouldn’t root myself and branch out and allow myself that hope of home.
I feel bruised and numb all at the same time.
Right now I have no desire to write. My mind swirls with nothing except relocation companies, mortgages, real estate, and moving vans. I don’t know if I’m taking a blogging hiatus for awhile or if the desire to write will return as I digest and stew on this information. If you’ve recently emailed me, I will reply sometime. I’m purposely ignoring my inbox because I simply do not have the power to think past myself and my family right now.
At least if we have to move, it’s to beautiful Tennessee and luckily we already root for the right team.
And you want to know something funny? I just got my Indiana driver’s license last week. I’m supposed to pick up my Indiana license plate tomorrow. [insert maniacal laughter and tears]
Sue @ My Party of 6
September 23, 2008 at 5:47 pm
That SUCKS big time. I’m sorry.
Sue @ My Party of 6’s lastest post..An update
all things BD
September 23, 2008 at 5:58 pm
Ugh, that is so rough. I’m sorry you’ll be uprooted again. Hang tough.
all things BD’s lastest post..Fashion Tuesday, Sort Of
Meredith
September 23, 2008 at 6:08 pm
Jennifer–
I can’t imagine having to move AGAIN so soon! How scary, annoying, terrible, tiring and crummy. What part of the state are you moving to (ie, BBQ, Country Music or Football)? My family is there (and didn’t Tate maybe go to school there or am I dreaming that?)
Good luck!
Meredith’s lastest post..
Texan Mama
Twitter: TexMama
September 23, 2008 at 6:11 pm
Hey Jen, I know exactly how you feel. I wish I had some good advice, but I think *I* need advice too! We’ve lived in 3 homes in 5 homes in 10 years and Texan Papa just told me that he’ll be watching for a position back up in the Midwest (where we’re from). We just moved her 5 months ago and I can’t think about moving again right now. But, just wanted to tell you, it gets easier each time. And, it builds solidarity through your family. You really have to rely on each other. That doesn’t make the move easier, but I thought I’d throw in one platitude anyway!
Texan Mama’s lastest post..What is She (Really) thinking?
Kristin
Twitter: kristins4kids
September 23, 2008 at 6:11 pm
I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine. Sending good thoughts your way.
Kristin’s lastest post..Taking the wind out of their sails
Donna
September 23, 2008 at 7:08 pm
I’m so sorry. We move every 2-3 years because we’re with the Foreign Service, and though it’s fun to BE places, it’s never fun to LEAVE places. Moving is truly a hard thing to do. I’ve been in China for over a year now, and am only just now beginning to put down roots (in time for the next move, no doubt). One thing this moving has taught me: you will find your way in the next city. It may take awhile, during which there are lots of no-fun moments. But you will find the friends and the shops and the things that you need just when you need them. Good luck to you.
Donna’s lastest post..Mother Daughter Days
MadWomanMeg
Twitter: MadWomanMeg
September 23, 2008 at 7:12 pm
Oh boy. I feel your pain baby. As someone who has moved her entire life, I know exactly how hard it is to pick up and leave again. Sucks. Ass.
At the risk of asking the annoyingly obvious question, when is this all planned for?
I hear Tennessee is really nice. Is there a chance that his company will make you move again or will you be able to look forward to settling there?
We’re about to embark on a huge move ourselves, so I imagine my husband is experiencing some of the same emotions as you.
(HUGS)
MadWomanMeg’s lastest post..Stupidest. Show. Ever.
Mommy Daisy
Twitter: mommydaisy
September 23, 2008 at 7:19 pm
Oh my goodness. I’m so sorry to hear that. We’re here for you. You know you can complain to all of us. I missed your posts while you were away. I wish you the best of luck in relocated again.
Mommy Daisy’s lastest post..More about TTC
Ashley. Unscripted...
September 23, 2008 at 7:21 pm
Big bloggy (((HUGS))). It’s really been a shitty day all around looks like.
Ashley. Unscripted…’s lastest post..Shit-tastic Day
Katie
September 23, 2008 at 7:24 pm
We just found out that we’re moving too. Hubby’s job is taking us about an hour west, so I guess it’s not a big move. It still sucks – big time. New doctors, new grocery, new friends, ugh. I’m already tired just thinking about it.
All the best to you as you move…
Katie’s lastest post..Still here
catnip
September 23, 2008 at 7:30 pm
Oh man, that’s awful. I hate moving and hope to never do it again. I hope it goes as smoothly as possible for your sake.
tracey
September 23, 2008 at 7:42 pm
I am SO sorry!! I cannot imagine… You are a better wife than I, my dear….
Brandy
September 23, 2008 at 7:43 pm
HUH?????? Oh my! I’m so sorry, I’m going to miss you guys!!!
Brandy´s lastest post..boring
April
Twitter: MommyNamedApril
September 23, 2008 at 7:53 pm
I’m so sorry for the crummy, nay, devastating news.
Take a few minutes to get the wind back in your sails; hopefully the horizon will look better in the morning.
(cheesy enough? maybe go kick something inanimate, that always makes me feel better)
April´s lastest post..sh-t.
HeatherY
September 23, 2008 at 7:54 pm
That has to be difficult to deal with now that you feel settled and happy where you are. Hope you feel better about things soon.
HeatherY´s lastest post..Please Tell Me Why You are Crying???
Meredith
September 23, 2008 at 8:02 pm
I’m so sorry! You seemed so happy in Indiana. My husband and I move a lot as well, and I am completely miserable with our current location (it’s much the way you felt about Alabama.) We actually moved here from East Tennessee, and it’s a really beautiful area. After living in a not friendly place, I can tell you that the people there are very nice. I’ve also lived in Memphis, and it’s a nice place as well. Hopefully you’ll like Tennessee and maybe you won’t have to move after a few months.
Meredith´s lastest post..Where’s the lemon?
HellTygr
September 23, 2008 at 8:16 pm
:::hugs::: Moving stinks, it’s not a consolation to think one has become a pro at it at all, is it?
Glad to hear it’s not going completely into the unknown at this time at least, hang in there!
HellTygr´s lastest post..I’m leaving on a jet plane!
misfithausfrau
September 23, 2008 at 8:35 pm
I can relate on so many levels. We just had our 10th move in 15 years. And we moved to Tennessee. Last month. And I told my husband that this HAS to be our last move. I.Can’t.Take.It Anymore.Best of luck with the move.
misfithausfrau´s lastest post..Y’all Need to Calm Down
Feather Nester
September 23, 2008 at 8:53 pm
I’m so sorry for all the upheaval. If it helps any, I’m in TN, and if you’re moving anywhere near me, we could meet. I know that’s a drop in the bucket, but it’s all I can offer. Hugs.
Feather Nester´s lastest post..Home Again, Home Again
Mandy
September 23, 2008 at 9:11 pm
Aw, Jennifer!
No! We were just getting to know one another! I’m SO sorry that you are having a hard time with it (as I’m SURE I would be). Prayers for peace coming your way. Take care, dear. Email me anytime. We need to do one last rendesvouz before you pack ‘em up, and head ‘em out.
Mandy´s lastest post..Obsess much? aka My ode to Stephenie Meyer
Beth
September 23, 2008 at 9:11 pm
I can only imagine how hard this is for you….I still remember you being pregnant with Carson and crying in a staff meeting because you were moving….and that was like 2 moves ago……I’ll def. be thinking of you!
Angella
September 23, 2008 at 9:17 pm
SO sorry Jennifer! If we had to move I would crawl into a corner and cry myself to sleep.
Sending hugs to you!
Angella´s lastest post..Win $50 At Amazon
Christina
September 23, 2008 at 9:21 pm
Oh Jennifer, I’m so sorry. You must be furious, and you have every right to be. I can’t even imagine what it must be like, because I’ve never been forced to move out of state before.
Rant, cry, throw things if it helps any. I hope you can find some peace in this unexpected change in plans.
Christina´s lastest post..Signs of a Good Birthday Party
Cathy
September 23, 2008 at 9:27 pm
Well then – looks like TN is beautiful! I think I’ve only driven through it. Maybe we will come visit you there. =)
Cathy´s lastest post..15 Month Check Up
Maggie
September 23, 2008 at 9:29 pm
I am so sorry! That breaks my heart to hear that you have to leave your home…kudos to you for all of your moving though – the very thought makes me feel panicky, so you are handling it better than I ever would.
But I’ll be thinking of you – and hoping that you find a wonderful place to call home in TN.
Maggie´s lastest post..Best Shot Monday: Quality Time
Rachel
September 23, 2008 at 9:49 pm
Oh Jennifer, I’m so sorry.
We too, move at the whim of the company. I feel your pain. You put this beautifully, despite your pain. I’m so terribly sorry.
I’m sure there’s a wonderful experience right around the corner for y’all. I’ll be praying for you.
Hugs.
sam {temptingmama}
Twitter: temptingmama
September 23, 2008 at 10:01 pm
OMG. HOW? WHY? WHAT?! *sigh* I just don’t know how you do it.
Sending love!
sam {temptingmama}´s lastest post..Back in Ten & Rookie (Mom): Week 4
Trish
September 23, 2008 at 10:12 pm
I don’t know how you are even coping right now. You poor thing! Thinking about you here in CA.
Trish´s lastest post..So Excited I Could Just…….Cry
Fairly Odd Mother
Twitter: FairlyOddMother
September 23, 2008 at 10:14 pm
Oh dear–you poor thing. I can’t even imagine trying to pack up a house with all the kiddos’ stuff and moving. I hope this is your last move and you can grow some deep roots.
Fairly Odd Mother´s lastest post..Who’s In Your Village?
Stimey
Twitter: Stimey
September 23, 2008 at 10:32 pm
I’m so sorry. I haven’t had to move nearly as much, but I did have to make a couple of major moves for my husband’s job, and it sucks. Hang in there.
Stimey´s lastest post..One of Those Days: A Timeline of Minor Annoyances and Downright Failure
Bridge
September 23, 2008 at 10:45 pm
I hate moving. Missing friends, uprooted. Tennessee is beautiful, and full of loving wonderful people. I hope it feels like home quickly!
Jill
September 23, 2008 at 11:00 pm
I actually worked for quite a while for a relocation company, and I worked with “national accounts” or a.k.a. relocating employees just like your family…it is a logistical whirlwind, I can only imagine going through it with two little ones! Hopefully everything gets settled for you quickly and your transition is smooth! This is selfish (because I like you and your blog!) but maybe you’ll feel like blogging for therapy? You’ll always have lots of well-wishers thinking of you!!!
Take care!
Jill´s lastest post..Torture Tuesday….
Maeve's mom
September 23, 2008 at 11:00 pm
So sorry, this totally sucks. I can’t imagine having to move so often with small children. It’s especially unfortunate since you like where you are. Hopefully all this moving will stop by the time the kids are in school.
Maeve’s mom´s lastest post..Happy Birthday Maeve!
Rachael
September 24, 2008 at 12:57 am
I’m sorry. Resettling is always so hard. Good luck with everything. (Hugs)
Rachael´s lastest post..America’s Next Top Model as told by fourfour
Kelley
September 24, 2008 at 2:25 am
The best part about MPS’s breakdown was no more moving. I totally understand your pain babe.
I am here to vent to if you need me K?
Kelley´s lastest post..Hi, how are you?
tiff
September 24, 2008 at 3:26 am
I can’t imagine how it would be just getting settled and then having to move again.
It sounds so very stressful and painful.
I hope that things go smoothly for you over the next little while as you get used to the idea of being uprooted again.
tiff´s lastest post..A few facts.
tiff
September 24, 2008 at 3:28 am
Wow!
Suddnely I’m Kelley! Pass me the yellow mustard!
tiff´s lastest post..A few facts.
Vic @ Glowstars
September 24, 2008 at 5:02 am
I’m sorry sweets – this sucks big time. Is there anyway that Tate can get the company to stop picking on him and start on someone else, just to give you guys a little more stability?
Terri
September 24, 2008 at 7:21 am
Oh, how stressful. We just had to move to a new apartment and now I need to learn to feel at “home” again since it’s a whole new neighborhood and section of town. I feel your pain in a small way. I’m glad you’re going somewhere you know and like. Hugs to you during this stressful time.
Ashlie- MommyCosm
Twitter: mommycosm
September 24, 2008 at 7:51 am
That totally sucks!
I get that feeling of not wanting to commit to a place being “home” and it’s such a shitty feeling.
My husband was laid off, oh, 14 weeks ago and I’m holding my breath with each interview…does this mean we can stay here? or move to MN? or CO? or TX? Aruba?
Our daughter just started 1st grade and I want to jump in and join PTA and all, but I’m so hesitant b/c we could be moving at the drop of a hat.
Hang in there. Everyone keeps telling me that it’ll work out for the best. I’m still waiting to see what that means.
Good luck…remember to breathe.
Ashlie- MommyCosm´s lastest post..What do Mommycosm, Problogger, BlogHer and Starbucks all have in common?
Karly
September 24, 2008 at 7:59 am
Oh, I’m so sorry. I hope you guys find a happy place in TN.
Karly´s lastest post..We’re Off To See The Wizard
Katia / Crazy For Trying
September 24, 2008 at 8:00 am
Man, that blows. Uprooting oneself it difficult, even more so when children are involved.
Katia / Crazy For Trying´s lastest post..wordless wednesday — brussel sprouts, not found in your local grocer
shaz
September 24, 2008 at 8:06 am
wow. i feel for you – life falling apart and all that, somehow it eventually works out tho, i guess. take care.
shaz´s lastest post..My weekend
Liz@thisfullhouse
September 24, 2008 at 9:06 am
Hang in there, Momma.
Liz@thisfullhouse´s lastest post.."I Hate You" – It’s totally personal!
Lo
September 24, 2008 at 9:25 am
if you ever have the patience and time to read thru every comment, maybe you’ll read this one. if not, holy cow mama, wish you all the luck.
i’m a military brat. i have been uprooted, moved, shattered, bullied, exhilerated, frightened, bashful, nervous, anxious, depressed… everything. all at a very young age. i learned a lot of tough lessons at a young age.
i just want you to know that i was moved, way, way more than any child should ever be moved. and yet, there are people my age out there that were moved more, some are scarred more, some less. i walked away from that life with a lot of battle wounds.
but i also walked away with an amazing perspective on life, a huge heart that is extremely diverse and open-minded. your kids will eventually adjust as i’m sure they’ve done before. as will you. in the meantime, remember that your true roots are the ones you’ve built around you- your family. and tho you may move place to place that doesn’t mean they’re ever uprooted. if anything they cause you to be more grounded w/in your core family circle.
good luck to you and remember, this too shall pass, this is life, embrace new experiences (even if you want to poke someones eye out with a pencil.)
Lo´s lastest post..ode to television series
Ashley @ mrs007.net
September 24, 2008 at 9:41 am
I am sorry you are having to go through the turmoil of uprooting life. Tennessee is great though. I have lived here all my life and no matter where we move I think I will always end up here. If you are going to be in Middle TN we will be neighbors!
Ashley @ mrs007.net´s lastest post..If Hitler were Mayor of Nashville
Jess
September 24, 2008 at 10:50 am
Oh Jenn. My heart hurts for you. Truly, I’m so so sorry. We love you and will always be here for you. Hiatus or not.
Carrie
September 24, 2008 at 10:53 am
Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.
Take your time. We’ll all be here waiting for you….
Carrie´s lastest post..Old Haunts
Mary Beth
September 24, 2008 at 10:58 am
Oh man, that blows! Didn’t you just get settled? Good luck with the move and know that there will be lots of people waiting for you to return to the blogosphere:)
Mary Beth´s lastest post..IT’S A BOUNCING BABY BLOG!
Jessi
September 24, 2008 at 11:46 am
So sorry to hear that you guys are being uprooted again *hugs*
Jessi´s lastest post..Wordless Wednesday