Post inspired by a comment I left at Amanda’s site, Shamelessy Sassy.
When I was around three-years-old, I was married to a man named Robert. OBVIOUSLY Robert was imaginary, but he was as excellent a husband as an imaginary husband could be.
Robert had dark hair and was short, like me as a wee tot. We did all sorts of things together that married toddlers do. We played Barbies and with Weeble Wobbles. I drug him around everywhere I went (not to be confused with actually being DRUGGED with legal and/or non-legal pharmeceuticals…because it would be near impossible to drug someone who is imaginary). Robert and I were a very happy couple, as he always did whatever I wanted him to, as any husband worth his salt would do.
It’s possible that Robert and I had children together, I’m not really sure since it’s hard for me to remember DETAILS from 30 25 20 (Yeah!) years ago. I may be skipping ahead a bit in the story, but I know that I had LOTS of kids with LOTS of husbands during my childhood years. Most of my children never grew up past the age of “baby,” which is good, because, MAN, think of the college education costs.
Like many marriages that start off with passion (fruit juice, that is), my fairytale relationship with Robert eventually ended. For some reason, and again my memory from all those years ago fails me, Robert and I broke up. In fact, it was a pretty nasty break-up. Maybe it’s because we were SO YOUNG. Maybe he made eyes at an older four-year-old woman. Maybe he wouldn’t share his Cheetos. Who knows? Robert ended up stuffed in a trash can, which I *think* is how most toddler marriages are annulled. And I ended up married to Mark.
Details from my marriage to Mark are also fuzzy. Kids? I don’t remember? Marital activities? (NO, not marital RELATIONS, I was THREE.) I simply don’t know. I do know, though, that I have no recollection of ever having divorced Mark (Mom?? Do you remember?). Like I mentioned above, I know that I went on to marry lots of other fellas and make lots of babies during my childhood, but I cannot remember if my marriage to Mark was ever formally annulled.
Fast forward to today and I’m (again) married, keeping my fingers crossed that I’m not unintentionally practicing polygamy. I’m certain the Pope would NOT like that, although come to think of it, he probably wouldn’t be too thrilled at the sheer number of husbands I’ve had through my life.
When you were a child, did you have imaginary friends? Imaginary husbands?
I had an imaginary friend, but she ignored me most of the time. I only heard from here when she wanted something from me.
Come to think of it, the bitch still has my favorite sweater…
Loralee´s lastest post..I just found out I’m going to be on the radio* to talk about blogging tomorrow at 9 am. Help? (Edited)
I’m just going to sit here and giggle. Loudly. You’re phenomenal.
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I had an imaginary friend named Stunzy. I blamed most things on her. She was kind enough to give me a hair cut. It didn’t go over very well, and my mother made Stunzy move to Florida.
Shamelessly Sassy´s lastest post..The Myths
Hey, once you’re estranged in Scotland for 7 years, you officially have a common law divorce. Could totally work here for you, so no worries there.
I never had any imaginary friends, I’m suddenly feeling like I missed out.
so you were weird right outta the box huh? LOL!
Mz. Nesbit´s lastest post..Hello? Are you out there? Are you still alive? I miss you!
I didn’t have an imaginary friend growing up but voices in my head I got those….lots of ‘em.
Condo Blues´s lastest post..Bruce Campbell Pumpkin Meet the Mac O-Lantern [Digg]
I had an imaginary friend. Her name was Dorsey. That’s all I really remember. Thank god we never got married, because it is really hard to divorce someone you can’t remember well.
KD (A Bit Squirrelly)´s lastest post..Thankful Thursdays: Goofy Gratitude
Nope, not one. You know why? My six older siblings, that’s why. My imaginary play was all about being an only child! No one to share my toys with, no one to share my room with, and no one to tease me! Good times.
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I of course had an imaginary friend…Bob Hope. Yes The Bob Hope. I was 4 and talked all about our adventures together to my parents at a Sonic. I have no idea why this is so clear in my mind. I think it was just that one day kind of thing.
My stuffed Mr Peanut and I were married a dozen times and somehow our babies always attended the wedding..ahem.
Jean@workingmomma247´s lastest post..Thursday 13-Observances From The Past Two Weeks
I am pretty sure all those other marriages aren’t even recognized since they did not happen IN the church–so you should be off the hook.
as a side, I gave Water for Elephants a B. However seeing how you graded some others, I would have to downgrade to a C+. Good Luck.
mandy´s lastest post..You’re a mean one, Mr Grinch…. Going "green" at the holidays, Part One
lol Not that I remember…
I had an imaginary dog named Ruby. She was actually a ghost dog, and I made her a real leash out of pipe cleaners – that way I could see where she was even though she herself was invisible. Ruby slept next to my bed every night – my room was scarily full of ghosts, and Ruby’s sole function was to keep the ghosts away from my bed. As I recall, she had a vicious ghost bark, so all of the ghosts were scared of her.
No imaginary husbands, though.
Donna´s lastest post..For Your Reading Pleasure
yup…
I still wonder how imaginary they were tho…
the friends I mean… no husbands here…
only WIFE I ever had is wiffey of my heart!
I never had imaginary friends, but I did want a dog so badly that I put a leash on my stuffed dog and dragged it around the house behind me.
And I did love a boy named Robert when I was little–actually two different Roberts one old (12) and one young (5). I had forgotten about both of them until reading this.
Maybe you’ve inspired a post in me.
Oh, yes, Earl and I were very happy for a number of years. We were going to settle down in Orlando and both work as characters for Disney. I would be Snow White, he, of course, would be Prince Charming. We’d live in a condo on a lake with our 3 kids (including twins named Patrick and Patricia…how precious) and 3 dogs. I wonder what ever happened to Earl? I don’t remember a set “Break Up” or “Divorce” between us, he just kind of faded away.
Jen L.´s lastest post..Yes, but it’s MY rut…
It’s girls like you who give toddlers a bad name!
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The pope wears a funny hat, doesn’t date and hangs out with old men all day. He should worry about what you think of him.
Knot
Knot´s lastest post..Live Birthday Blogging All Day – 4:15 PM
Imaginary monkey: Chester.
Chester Drawers.
No Roberts, though.
Call me on “Jack” day, though.
Busy Mom´s lastest post..Lands’ End Free Shipping Code
I had one imaginary friend, a few imaginary husbands, and lots of imaginary kids. I have five imaginary kids with one of my imaginary husbands! Three boys and two girls. I didn’t have a way to take any family photos, so I drew pictures of us. None of us resembled one another, hehe.
I had two imaginary friends, they were sisters. They also had a brother, but he died. He was climbing a chain-link fence, but he fell and those pokey v-shaped pieces of metal impaled him, killing him instantly.
I was a weird kid.
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I think after 20 years of not co-habitating and sharing juice boxes, that equates to a common law toddler divorce…so you *should* be ok.
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I had an imaginary friend, her name was Barbara and she was very mean to me. Always, hitting me and taking my toys. She really never wanted to be around me. Oh wait, that was my sister.
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I don’t remember Mark but I sure remember Robert. He went everywhere with us for a while.
I liked to pretend that I had an imaginary twin sister named “Christina.”
Embarrassingly, this was when I was like THIRTEEN.
Can’t say that I ever married any of my imaginary friends. And it sounds like you might have hidden Mark from your mom. Was he a rebel or something?
patois´s lastest post..File Under "Are You Nuts?"
LOL! I like the part where you can’t recall if you had kids.
My sister and I had imaginary enemies…the Folger Girls (yes, we stole the name from a can of coffee). We had to beat these girls in everything, riding bikes, swimming, dance offs, and kung fu fights. We kicked their butt every time.
I had two friends Dandy and Shusha. Dandy was like a human version of Raggedy Andy and Shusha was Hispanic. Also, we all played with an imaginary dog named Dummy.
Over the past few weeks, my son has started making imaginary friends, mostly characters from television and books. In fact, I just tucked him and four Sesame Street twiddlebugs in for their naps.
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I think I found my first girlie magazine in my dad’s workhshop when I was about 6. I had a lot of imaginary girlfriends after that.
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Delurking to claim a brief but happy marriage to Joe Namath when I was four. That’s how old I am.
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No imaginary spouses but I did have an imaginary friend named Julia. She lived in the garbage disposal and ate all the food I didn’t like
What a wonderful story! I wish I did have childhood imaginary friends and marriages to confess.
I had stuffed animals, and one cloth holly hobbie doll. I married them off based on size and texture. Ex: Two medium sized soft stuffies, one cat and one dog, went together. Holly was married to a stuffed bear. I put the entire lot in pairs, in three rows, largest in the back, smallest down front, next to my pillow, between me and the wall, at bedtime.
Okay, that was something I haven’t thought about in (ummm… 20? hah!) years, or told anyone before.
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My mom loves to tell people about how I used to play school with my stuffed animals, which consisted of me lining them up, and then beating the hell out of them with a ruler while yelling “That’s wrong! That’s wrong!”
This really didn’t have anything to do with imaginary friends but if you can have a weird childhood flashback, then so can I.
bejewell´s lastest post..It’s What You Didn’t Become That Hurts
Oh, there was just a huge fight one night between me and a pile of dolls that sent me running to my parents in tears with crazed threats to throw all of them in the dump.
I’m impressed with the commitment of your toddler imaginary relationships. Admirable.
Mad´s lastest post..Joe the . . . oh, you know
I never had imaginary husbands…they were all one-night stands. Cuz at three, that’s how I rolled.
Margaret´s lastest post..How to Attain the Elusive: Blog About It
i totally got married to steven someone-or-other when i was 9. i wore a formal dress, had actual guests attend the wedding, threw a boquet- the whole nine.
we had a baby as well, her name was stephanie.
we divorced when he tried to dry hump me in my mothers basement. we had actual divorce papers. i had sole custody of stehanie after that.
britt´s lastest post..i’m one sexy bitch!
if someone knows why there is a goat picture on my comment, i’d love to be in the loop.
seriously?
a goat?
britt´s lastest post..i’m one sexy bitch!
okay- so? not my goat?
britt´s lastest post..i’m one sexy bitch!
i did have imaginary friends, but i never thought to marry them myself. i had 2 couples that were married that i remember. i do remember that one couple got a divorce b/c he wanted pizza & she wanted chicken.
since i don’t eat pizza, i wonder what prompted that (ha)
mpotter´s lastest post..a poll on human nature- take two
I had an imaginary identical twin sister who lived on the other side of the mirror. Since I’m right handed she was left handed of course!
Ha ha ha! I only hope your real hubby doesn’t end up in the trash can one day.
Was so great to meet you this weekend!
I never had an imaginary friend. Now both my younger siblings had one and it was kind of creepy. One time when my sister couldn’t find her friend I told her that Dad ran her over with his patrol car when he was rushing back to work. My sister was beside herself and I was in so much trouble when the stepmom figured out what I said. I tried to tell her I really couldn’t see her friend but she didn’t believe me.
Come to think of it she never came back, damn, I think I have realized what is wrong with my little sister’s and my relationship. I murdered her best friend. I totally suck.
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I had an imaginary friend named Stunzy. I blamed most things on her. She was kind enough to give me a hair cut. It didn’t go over very well, and my mother made Stunzy move to Florida.
i was an only child so let’s just say i had a LOT of imaginary friends. i was a total biggamist and was married to both the mascot for BYU (a cougar) and the game show host on sesame street. do you remember him? wasn’t he divine?
i also had a *cousin* that i spent most of my day talking to.
i prefer to look back and realize that i was just a very verbal child… not that i was completely delusional.
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