Post inspired by a comment I left at Amanda’s site, Shamelessy Sassy.
When I was around three-years-old, I was married to a man named Robert. OBVIOUSLY Robert was imaginary, but he was as excellent a husband as an imaginary husband could be.
Robert had dark hair and was short, like me as a wee tot. We did all sorts of things together that married toddlers do. We played Barbies and with Weeble Wobbles. I drug him around everywhere I went (not to be confused with actually being DRUGGED with legal and/or non-legal pharmeceuticals…because it would be near impossible to drug someone who is imaginary). Robert and I were a very happy couple, as he always did whatever I wanted him to, as any husband worth his salt would do.
It’s possible that Robert and I had children together, I’m not really sure since it’s hard for me to remember DETAILS from 30 25 20 (Yeah!) years ago. I may be skipping ahead a bit in the story, but I know that I had LOTS of kids with LOTS of husbands during my childhood years. Most of my children never grew up past the age of “baby,” which is good, because, MAN, think of the college education costs.
Like many marriages that start off with passion (fruit juice, that is), my fairytale relationship with Robert eventually ended. For some reason, and again my memory from all those years ago fails me, Robert and I broke up. In fact, it was a pretty nasty break-up. Maybe it’s because we were SO YOUNG. Maybe he made eyes at an older four-year-old woman. Maybe he wouldn’t share his Cheetos. Who knows? Robert ended up stuffed in a trash can, which I *think* is how most toddler marriages are annulled. And I ended up married to Mark.
Details from my marriage to Mark are also fuzzy. Kids? I don’t remember? Marital activities? (NO, not marital RELATIONS, I was THREE.) I simply don’t know. I do know, though, that I have no recollection of ever having divorced Mark (Mom?? Do you remember?). Like I mentioned above, I know that I went on to marry lots of other fellas and make lots of babies during my childhood, but I cannot remember if my marriage to Mark was ever formally annulled.
Fast forward to today and I’m (again) married, keeping my fingers crossed that I’m not unintentionally practicing polygamy. I’m certain the Pope would NOT like that, although come to think of it, he probably wouldn’t be too thrilled at the sheer number of husbands I’ve had through my life.
When you were a child, did you have imaginary friends? Imaginary husbands?