I have been sick all day, the kind of sick that I’d rather not gross you all out with. I have a theory that finishing THAT book made me physically ill, as my symptoms appeared but a mere two hours after finishing it.
I jest, I jest, I don’t really think it was THAT book that made me sick, but in I did finish Twilight yesterday and I guess what I have to say about it is this:
“Well, that’s done.”
I suppose that I can see how some people enjoy the storyline and think that Edward is the cat’s meow. The story (and Edward) really had so much potential and therein lies my disappointment with the book.
The hype about this book (and the whole series) has just been so over the top that I really expected it to all ring true and to ADORE this book as much as so many of you. But the writing? It was so juvenile, and YES, I realize it was initially a book written for teens, but so was Harry Potter and that writing WAS NOT juvenile.
And since this book is a teen book, it was missing a huge, necessary-to-the-storyline, MAJOR detail.
Edward and Bella should have done the horizontal mambo. I NEEDED them to get it on. I kept waiting for it and hoping for it. If I were a 17 year old boy, I’d tell you that I finished that book with a raging case of blue balls.
I’ve struggled all day with what grade I’d give this book and think I’ve decided that I give it a “C-.”
If anyone would like to read it, I’d be happy to send it to you to read with the promise that you WON’T blame me for the sucky plot, lame dialogue, and lack of sex.
Just leave a comment that you’d like to me to send you the book and I’ll choose one questionably lucky winner sometime this week. (I’ll be really busy moving into my BRAND NEW HOUSE so I don’t know exactly when I’ll be able to choose a winner.)
That is exactly what I said. But you know what really irks me? When they finally do get busy? After their wedding? She calls it beautiful and say that they ‘made love’.
Um, no Bella, dude told you he was a vampire and would probably kill you if he did you so you guys didn’t make love. I’m guessing that after what? 100 years of being a teenage boy he !#$#$#@$ the #@$#@ out of you. And since the intense desire you felt dear girl, and how much you longed for him, you #@$@#$@# the #$# out of him too.
Totally unrealistic. Hmph. These books are a plague on humanity.
Maria´s lastest post..You know those cupcakes I said I was going to make?
Count me out, but dude, you want a book no one’s every heard of with a fabulous plot and totally hot and cleverly placed sex? Living in Little Rock With Ms Little Rock. My personal #3 all-time favorite book. It’s out of print, but well worth the hunt.
Mr Lady´s lastest post..What if Christmas, Perhaps, Means a Little Bit More?
lord knows i don’t need yet another copy of that book in my house. don’t send it here.
but as for the lack of horizontal polka? remember that the author is mormon, and it takes four books AND A WEDDING for them to get it on.
morals, chickadee. morals.
the planet of janet´s lastest post..Haiku Friday: the what-the-?? edition
@planet of janet I know, I know, morals. Sheesh.
Actually, though, I think that it’s actually good that they waited until marriage since SO MANY impressionable teen girls are reading these books. I guess I just needed to read the ADULT version.
I already have the book, and I agree, they needed to get it on. But it at first it was about restraint and chastity until she became pregnant and Edward pushed for an abortion. I needed some bumping uglies (even undead uglies) that didn’t have the ironic and unbelievable twist involved.
kirida´s lastest post..how is that "vegan" thing going, mona?
Doesn’t look like I’m going to have a lot of competition for the book. I haven’t read it yet, even posted about all the hype. Thus I’d like to know what it’s all about, but I don’t want to spend my money, because I have a sneaking suspicion I’ll feel like you do about it.
I haven’t read it, either. Now that you’re describing the lack of sex, not sure I want to! (HA!) Maria’s comment was flippin’ hilarious!
Jen L.´s lastest post..Home again, home again, but not for long
Oh God no, don’t send that awful book here. I thought I was the only person on the planet who hate hate HATED it. I never read a book where people could “chuckle” in so many ways – they chuckle happily, shyly, quietly, loudly…well, you get the point. Annoying.
And we get it – Edward’s skin is white and cold. I don’t think we have to be reminded on every other page.
Yeah, some sex might have helped. I would have rather heard about his ice cold tool two or three times per chapter than counting how many ways he could chuckle.
Jean´s lastest post..Just for fun on the last day of that &*$@#^! NaBloPoMo
Poking my head out from under cover to say I’m glad there was no horizontal mambo. If it’s meant for teens, it’s refreshing that restraint was shown.
I can’t tell you how disheartened I am to see the young adult reading section at the bookstore. Remember Sweet Valley High, and all the angst leading up to the first kiss that pretty much ended the book? Sigh. Those were the days, and I wish my girls were living in them. Pretty sure that makes me 137 years old and exactly the wrong demographic for this book.
all things BD´s lastest post..Things I Don’t Understand
My daughter is very offended. It’s her favorite book in the world. I happen to agree with you however, except for the lack of sex part. She wants me to remind you that it’s a teenage book. It shouldn’t have sex in it. I do agree with her on that part. The rest? I just don’t get it. It’s nice to hear someone else say that too!
Mom24@4evermom´s lastest post..Matt and Lily
I just finished the book and I really liked it. I like the juvenille style of writing because it is from a teenagers perspective so it made sense. I’m REALLY glad they didn’t do the nasty. Unnecessary at this point I think.
It actually reminded me of my high school years. With a lot less vampires.
Kat´s lastest post..Many Thanks
Coming out of lurkdom to comment….I, too, have never read this series. (though I would say I am an avid reader)…just never made it around to this set. I would love to read one for myself!
Your description leaves me wanting to know what it really is all about!
tommie´s lastest post..Pancake Sundays…..
nothing like a sucky review to make me want to run out and grab a copy.
please don’t sign me up for that one … i need to use my literary time wisely! (and with my luck, i would totally win it.)
jen´s lastest post..looking into their eyes.
I think I’m gonna regret this, but, you can put me on the list of reader’s who’d like to have the book. Like Jen said “nothing like a sucky review to make me want to run out and grab a copy.”
MommyCity´s lastest post..Dearest Basil Leaves…
I’m one of the crazies who LOVED the books. And I’m dying to reread them but I borrowed them so put my number in the pot for your copy!
Sissy´s lastest post..I’m Bitching Again
Ha ha! I’d LOVE to be sent this book – I’ve also been questioning the hype about it and therefore I’m not willing to shell out the dough for it. So… please pick me!
I don’t need the book. I really liked them, but I read them before the hype really got started. Plus, I am a huge fan of the vampire/werewolf genre, so I read this kind of book all the time. Actually, it’s funny because I REALLY liked the fourth book, while fans of the series didn’t seem to like it as well.
Rachael´s lastest post..I Hate Nature
I actually refuse to give into the hype. To be honest, there is a better series out there that HAS the sex, and the lust, a great mystery plot line, witty dialogue and moments that literally have you rolling off of the couch with laughter…AND it was written BEFORE Twilight, thank you very much. Check out the Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris (first book is Dead Until Dark). Then wait for the first season of True Blood on DVD (not really too much like the books, but still awesome!). There is currenly 8 books in the series w/ book 9 due for publication in May.
Nope, I’m not obsessed…really.
Oh, and good luck with your move in!!! I hope it all goes smoothly!
Sarah´s lastest post..New blog, and a review!
That was just about my only complaint with the book…but it’s a huge downer. I needed them to get it on, too…you just had the balls to say what I wouldn’t!
I’d love a chance at the books, I’m totally unbias, just reading all the hype and the movie buzz. I LOVED Harry Potter so i’m a tad skeptical now!! Thanks for your honesty!
The Mom´s lastest post..Weekly Winners
Will you send it to Holland? Because I would also like to see what on earth the hype is about!
marit´s lastest post..Therapeutic
@all things bd
Oh I completely agree that the book SHOULDN’T have sex in it since it’s for teens, in fact I think it’s GOOD that the characters didn’t have sex! But I wish there was an adult version since it was already so “cheesy romance novel”, because that story needed a little sumpin’ sumpin.’
That book is not on my “must read” list. Vampire themed books are not for me. Give me a self-help book any old day!
kj @ Where my boys at?´s lastest post..Cut it off!
I haven’t read it yet, but kind of want to. Oddly, now that you say you don’t like it, I want to read it even more.
Good luck moving into your new house! Lots of work, but soooo cool that you’ll be in before Christmas.
Ashlie- Mommycosm´s lastest post..Raggs totally rocks!
There is an adult version out there, Jennifer – but only her sister has it. She didn’t want to have the teenage audience get it. I was glad they showed restraint & waited until Breaking Dawn to sleep together. And, it was all Edward – cause Bella begged quite a bit for two books…but you gotta remember he’s patterned after Gilbert Blythe & Fitzwilliam Darcy, and neither of them would’ve had sex with their girls without the I Dos. The build up to the sex scene is actually a good part of the story.
As a former English Lit teacher, I fully “get” the flaws in the story: the overuse of the same metaphors, the unrealistic teen language (how many teens say absurd?), the flawed writing style….but the story was quite good, I thought. And, another English teacher (Laski) thought so, too. If you can get past the juvenile? It’s a good story. Send me your address – you need to read The Hunger Games. Meyer recommended it and it was so freaky I had nightmares.
Anglophile Football Fanatic´s lastest post..HOLY Hell-o: Same Song, 2nd Verse
Congratulations on the move. And good luck.
lceel´s lastest post..You can go home again
I am SO GLAD that they didn’t have sex. It was refreshing to see some sor tof entertainment where the characters can exercise self-control and wait to be married to have sex. There was definitely a sexual element… as would HAVE to be the case in a teenage book, but I, for one, was happy that they didn’t. Maybe I am a prude.
RACHEL´s lastest post..Happy Thanksgiving
I am glad to see that I am not missing out on anything major by not having read that series. Your review convinces me that I can refrain from rushing out and getting my copy…thanks!
Maggie´s lastest post..You Put Your Hands WHERE?
Ugh. I hate it when I read a book that everyone else loves, and I can only say, “eh.” If you’re giving out a copy, I’d like one! Otherwise, I guess I’ll go to the library to see what all the fuss is about.
Carrie´s lastest post..A Very Thankful Post
Ya, count me out. I’d need the “gettin’ it on” too.
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins´s lastest post..Weekly Winners – November 23 – 29, 2008
No fangs, I mean thanks.
I just wanted to wish you luck with your move from the floral nightmare from hell.
Binks´s lastest post..Christmas Meme
i hate to tell you. i work for the publisher that published harry potter. and all the editors here agree…it was written for kids and the writing is also juvenile…the subject matter might be more engaging for you…but twilight and HP fall into the same category…FOR KIDS.
that being said, i go against all your commenters and tell you that even though it was cheesy and took them forever to do it…i LOVED it. and edward? *swoon*
ali´s lastest post..broken limbs and apple-themed decor
I’ll give it a read. I picked it up and read the first 10 pages at Borders, and decided not to spend money on it. But I’ll read your copy.
Amy´s lastest post..Books I’m Reading…
@ali, I agree that both HP and Twilight are for kids, but the writing in HP is FAR superior to the writing in Twilight. It was really hard to get past that. And I really wanted to! I love a good romance/vampire story!
Honestly I enjoyed the whole Twilight series until the 4th book where I started to feel let down a bit. But it was good fluff reading for awhile. And I keep re-reading the books now.
I like Vampire stuff, and I had the same objection as you..no sex. But that’s why I read Kresley Cole and JR Ward. Yummmy vamps in those ones.
MadWomanMeg´s lastest post..Winners and Losers
I loved your review, and now I got to tell you, I wamt to read it…Actually, I am a readaholic mother of two who would read the receipe off a cardboard box if that’s all I had (and I don’t cook!) i do promise, if you send it this way, I will in turn give it to any one else who wants it…I just can’t throw out a book, some kind of readers sacreligious act…
Anyway-Loved your blog-I’ll be checking back! Thnks
I will take the book. My husband lost his job last week and time is going by with nothing to do.
DOOD. No WAY could a Mormon author let a teen do the unmarried mambo. She would have been blacklisted at church forever.
P.S. My biggest beef? NO WAY would someone who has been on the earth for 90 years opt to perpetually hang out with teenagers for eternity.
Loralee´s lastest post..Awesome tshirt idea.
I must live in a cave…I had never even heard of this book series until the movie came out and someone I talked to was all on about it. She was amazed that I had no idea what it was.
I’m with you! I can’t understand all the hype! This is the first time I’ve actually said so, because I was afraid that I would be tarred and feathered.
Dory´s lastest post..And I’m spent.
I’ve been resisting the Twilight mania for awhile now, but it has taken over the blogosphere by storm. Can’t avoid it. I also had to ask my sister, do they get it on?! No, awww…..
Noob Mommy´s lastest post..E.A.S.Y. for 4-9 Months
If I had a dime for every time a book gave me a case of blue balls, I’d have – well no money.
KEEP BELIEVING
Oh yeah. The writing was AWFUL. It drove me crazy sometimes. But yet, I still fell under it’s spell and devoured all four books in rapid succession. Cuz… I’m lame.
FWIW, they DO get it on in the last book…
[...] to add: No need to recommend the Twilight series. I’d rather not read the remaining 3 books. Share with [...]