‘Twas the night before Christmas Eve Eve
And all throughout my house
Chaos and toys had taken over
I shrugged and said, “It’s time to get soused.”
The wine glasses were filled to the brim with care
in hopes that a cleaning fairy soon would be there
With Tate wrapping presents and I frantically dusting
I suddenly yelled, “This bathroom’s disgusting.”
When down in the basement there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my duties to see what was the matter
Away to the kids’ rooms, I flew in a flash
But the kids were asleep lightning fast.
Tate mentioned something about my “moon” and my breasts
I just rolled my eyes at this wonky sex attempt, as you probably guessed
He retreated in defeat and went back to wrapping
I finished up cleaning and yearned for some napping
With an arm full of gifts, Tate came upstairs
I rummaged through the gifts to catch any spares
One for Carson, for Ella, for Tate, and for Nanny
For Papa, Uncle J, Aunt M, and for me
From Etsy, From Amazon, I already knew
Two more boxes, surprises!
My eyes how they twinkled!
This Christmas would be merry!
Even though my butt is all dimpled
and my fat rolls are like jelly
I spoke not a word, but went straight to work
I tugged on Tate’s hand and said, “you deserve a perk!”
We went back to the bedroom, for cuddles and kisses
Tate was quite pleased to get all of his wishes
And I heard him exclaim as he drifted off to sleep,
“Merry Christmas, sweetheart. I got you surprises to keep.”
(Slightly edited version originally published last year.)