Some days are orderly and scheduled. We wake up early, I shower, we have a goal and a plan for the day. It could be as small as a trip to Target or even to the post office. Breakfast is served, followed by a snack around 10, lunch at noon, naps at 2. The house is tidy, free of stray toys underfoot, the beds are made, I’m wearing make-up, I may not even look at the computer until late afternoon when the children are napping.
On these days I feel accomplished. The children watch less TV, I interact directly with them more. These are the days that I feel the best, or at least better.
But then there are most days.
These are the days where I have nothing planned. We eat breakfast, I forget to shower, later I forget to serve a snack. At 12:15 I realize that I’m late serving lunch and that I’m still wearing pajamas. The majority of the day has been spent either in front of the television or in front of the computer. I don’t like these days because wearing pajamas seems like a great idea in the morning, but by afternoon, it makes me feel like a loser. I don’t like these days because I feel guilty for not having some fun and educational activity with the kids.
In the event that I do decide to get myself and the kids out the door, it’s usually too late because by the time I’ve showered and found the children’s shoes, it’s nearly noon. It would be foolish to take the children out at lunchtime or this close to naptime.
On these lazy days I rush to get the house in order, dishes washed, mail put in it’s proper place, toys thrown back in the playroom before Tate comes home. I’d hate for Tate to see that we basically did nothing for the entire day. These days kind of embarrass me.
I’m trying to forgive and allow myself to enjoy, or at least not beat myself up, on these days. Of course, I’ve been trying this for three years as a stay at home mom, but really for probably longer I’ve hated these types of days.
Despite most of my days being seemingly unproductive, my house is still somehow mostly clean, aside from some handprints on the windows, some dust on the end tables, and crumbs under the children’s chairs. I sometimes completely forget about laundry that has become increasingly wrinkled waiting in the dryer, but more importantly, my family wears clean underwear and socks everyday. I provide 3 mostly healthy meals everyday, and sometimes I even remember snacks.
When can I allow myself to be at peace with this life and not feel like I must DO and FACILITATE everyday? What’s really so wrong with not showering one day when I won’t see anyone but my children and husband? Pajamas all day at least mean that I don’t dirty more outfits.
What are your days like? Do you allow yourself these lazy days?
holy cow can i say “ditto”!
for some odd reason, i feel a little guiltier about the state of the house now that i have our baby girl than i did when i quit my teaching job for a few months waiting for another job to happen.
i feel trapped by her nap schedule; DO NOT LET HER MISS ONE. so we can only go out in the late afternoon…. by that time The Mr will be home soon. so- often it’ll be a week and i’m like “huh. i don’t think we left the house at all”
lazy lazy.
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I’d loooooove to stay in my PJs till noon! Never happens and never has. It sounds wonderful though! I think you’ve given me a new goal …. sometime in the next few weeks I need to do exactly that.
There are always Those Days. While there’s nothing intrinsically wrong with staying in your pajamas all day (apart from the way they smell at the end of the day! Ugh!), I don’t like Those Days because *I* don’t feel good about myself on them.
I feel good about myself when I get things done. I don’t have to go out, but I do have to follow my routine – the dishwasher must be unpacked when I get up. The toilet must be cleaned (dammit). That load of laundry must go out by 8am, and so on. Your routine will differ, but I think the point is that mindless routine allows us to feel like we have done something, which allows us to feel good about ourselves.
If I don’t feel good about myself, how can I expect anyone else to?
(Jennifer, I’m seeing an error displayed on the commentluv checkbox below the comment box)
Of course days like this are allowed! (granted my DH hates to see me still in my nightgown when he gets home.) Especially now that I’m 6 weeks from having 2 under two-ACK!
But, if it simply bothers you, not what others expect of you, why not try to make the majority (say 3 out of 5 week days) of your days the organized kind and then you can feel better about the off days? That seems to make the most sense to me anyway.
Rabbi’s Wife´s lastest post..Reflections on traveling with a toddler…
It seems that everyday (well, weekends anyways, weekdays are reserved for the mad rush to get out in time for work and school) is a lazy day. I guess it stems from when I was depressed after the boy was born and it was all I could do to shower every day, we never really got a routine going and after a while that just suited us. We’ll all happily stay in our PJs all day do nothing, it suits.
It’s been over 8 years for me and I still feel somewhat guilty for having those.
Of course, it’s better now because the boys are in school so I don’t have the guilt of entertaining them.
But the house? God, I could really care less most of the time. Granted, it’s cleaner than some we’ve seen, but I don’t obsess over every crumb and vacuuming every other day anymore.
There’s got to be more to life than how clean my house is, even if I am a stay at home mom.
Heather, Queen of Shake Shake´s lastest post..Respect my title or I’ll blow you up
ALL.THE.TIME.
Ohh the guilt..the guilt is what kills me.
I have a love/hate relationship with “days with no plans.”
I too struggle with PJ day and slacker snacker syndrome.
I try and use my rational self to say “They are fine, they are little and like lazy days too.”
But then my estrogen flicks me in forehead and I spend a third of the day accessing the damage one episode of Spongebob did to their tiny brains.
the guilt…i’m melting…melting!
I feel like I’m not nearly as productive on most days as I should be. I always shower, always dress, always get the kid dressed, always feed him, but sometimes that’s about it. It’s tough drawing a line between ober-productive and lazy. If we’re lazy at least we’re spending some time with the kids. If we’re ober-productive, when do we have time for the kids. And then we start to feel rushed and too busy. At least that’s how it works for me. I think I’ll always wonder how to make it work.
Mommy Daisy´s lastest post..Just some stuff
DON’T FEEL GUILTY!!! Every mother of very young children has these days. I gave up making myself feel guilty long ago — no one else cares, even Andy, so why should I put that pressure on myself? Declare the day a pajama day and then you have a purpose.
Besides, if you make it to the end of a day everyone alive and intact (and fed!), you’ve been successful.
I hear ya. I used to apologize to my husband when he would come home and my son and I were still in our PJs. I would try to justify that “I really did get a lot done today” even though he never seemed to care whether or not we sat around doing nothing all day. He always said “I know he is a full time job.” (meaning our son) It’s true. YOU have 2 full-time jobs! Now that I’m back at work 2 days a week, I feel less guilty about spending maybe one day a week just lounging in my pj’s or yoga pants. My son and I totally lose track of time, but the three days a week that it’s just the two of us now feel more special since we’re apart the other two days.
Thanks for reminding me about the clothes in my dryer, by the way!
Jen L.´s lastest post..Things I’ve learned today
I try not to do lazy days, though I’ve started to allow PJs Day once every few weeks or so b/c she thinks it is so much fun. If I don’t at least shower I feel disgusting, so I always try to do that. But then I don’t do make up or hair if I’m less than enthused, which is most often. Some evenings when I’m getting ready for bed I look at myself in the mirror and wonder how I turned into such a frumpy cow.
Shelly´s lastest post..Band of Brothers
i hear you. now that my older has prek 4 days a week – we are a bit more scheduled and have a goal and i have been trying to make the gym an almost everyday goal. but yesterday was a snow day and we had nothing and i tried to just enjoy it b/c you know what, YOU WILL NEVER HAVE THOSE DAYS AGAIN. the kids will be in school for the rest of their lives…so don’t beat yourself up. before you know it you are going to have 50 million diff. activities btw the 2 kids and want to just sit on your couch for just one minute
feener´s lastest post..heartbroken
Don’t feel bad, everybody does it! I always try to get up before the kids to get around, but only make it half the time. Now that my daughter is in school 3 days a week, there are a fewer pj days. For the kids. I am in my pjs frequently at drop off. Thank goodness for in-car drop off!
Amy´s lastest post..Just a question
I shower every day before my husband leaves because otherwise it wouldn’t happen. The rest of the day is a blur of snacks, diapers, refereeing, trying to stay connected to the world via email. Most days the dishes don’t get done, the laundry doesn’t get put away, and I’m lucky if the toys get cleaned up. I rarely see another adult unless I’m taking my 4 year old to preschool.
I totally understand where you’re coming from. I would love more order but I think with 3 kids under 4 that just isn’t possible. Is it?
Kristin´s lastest post..Open Letters (edited)
I think it’s just this time of year..think about it…do you lay around in your pj’s all day in the spring or summer? I say enjoy it…and the same goes for your daily activities…things will change once it gets warmer out.
We are on our 3rd snow day of the week. I would like to say I’ve been productive, but my pajamas would give me away. It’s been nice to do basically nothing all day, but I feel yucky and guilty about it too. We have done some artsy, crafty things. We made cookies and decorated them. We played in the snow and made a secret clubhouse with pillows. But the majority of the time has been spent in front of the TV and computer. I don’t think I could do this every day though. I would weigh 300 pounds and most likely be admitted to the psych ward.
John Deere Mom´s lastest post..Snow Day, part deux
I don’t think it matters what I get done on any given day, I *always* think that there could be more that I could have gotten accomplished. And then I spend the end of the night thinking about how I should have done more. Which, in case you are wondering, is NOT the way to get a good night’s rest.
Although I will fully admit to not getting out of my PJ’s on days I don’t need to leave the house — because you’re right, less laundry!
Maggie´s lastest post..More Randomness
Spending a day at home without plans ALWAYS seems like a good idea, until it’s 11:00, I’m still in my pajamas, Bub is losing his mind with boredom and I’m counting the minutes until naptime. This inevitably is the day that the husband comes home early, only calling when he’s already off of the freeway giving me approximately three minutes to get the house in some semblance of order.
So, um yes I have these days too.
And the guilt is inevitable, but I try to save it for big things, like realizing that we have exactly one diaper in the house and NO wipes. Not that that’s ever happened to me.
I love lazy days. Those are the ones I remember most fondly. Maybe that just makes me a bad mother. But a happy one. At least on lazy days!
patois´s lastest post..I’d Laugh if it Didn’t Hurt So Much
This might sound crazy but if I put my shoes on…I have a very productive day. If I don’t put on my shoes…nothing gets done and we are off schedule all day.
Once in a while we have pajama days but it is usually on the weekends and we all do it (Daddy too).
Connie @ Young and Relentless´s lastest post..A Wake Up Call
With moving, we’ve had a lot more “lazy days”. Days where we’re busy doing stuff and the tv is on all the time, but I’m not exactly getting anything accomplished and there’s never anything to eat.
By the way, I’ve been meaning to asking you how you cope with all the moving. Seriously, we need to talk!
American Mom in London´s lastest post..The Next Chapter
I’m still trying to adjust to this new full time job of SAHM hood. I admit I have more of those days than I should be allowed. I like to tell myself that I’ll make up for it double time on the more productive days.
The guilt is the worst and just trying to prove to the hubs that I’ve been “productive” all day is the hardest. I’ve almost considered going back to work full time just to feel better about myself.
Though I really love my new job and finally getting to enjoy all those little things I’ve missed.
Jean M.´s lastest post..Because We Didn’t Document The Ice
I struggle with this on a daily basis. I can esp. relate to the part where you scramble to clean up before the husband gets home…I do this, so that it doesn’t look like I’m lazing around the house while my husband is working his tail off. One time he asked me (in a nice way) what I accomplished that day, and I got so defensive. Speaks volumes, I think.
Anu´s lastest post..One Nation, under Obama
Yeah, I know those days. Every day since we brought our son home from the hospital, nearly 6 years ago.
Two things I’ve learned: don’t apologize for how your house looks, no one believes that it just happened. And there’s a HUGE difference between choosing not to take a shower and not getting to take a shower.
I try to get dressed everyday, but most days it isn’t before hubby goes to work (10:30 a.m.) I started putting yoga pants on in the mornings to get the girls to school. Giggles has to be at school by 7:23 so if I wanted to shower & get ready before I left the house I would have to get up at 5 or earlier to accommodate our one bathroom house. When the girls were younger I would try to plan out what things I was going to do with them for the week on Sunday and post it on the fridge. These plans were completely flexible but it was a rough idea of places I needed to go and things I wanted to do with the girls (and the others as I baby sat kids as well)
sorry for the novel! You can smack me around in a few weeks when I see you for it ;O)
Domestic Extraordinaire´s lastest post..It’s Tuesday again!
Uhhh – who are you and how dare you take over my life?!!
Right.there.with.you!
Annie´s lastest post..Just because…
We have a lot more of those days in the winter. When there’s a -40 wind chill it seems silly to get dressed and head out. It makes much more sense to stay in, stay warm and relax. I always figure I make up for it during the warmer months by spending lots of time at the pool, the park, the library, the farmer’s market, all that feel-good-about-my-parenting stuff.
Jen´s lastest post..To sleep
Well, honestly, I didn’t struggle with that overly much when my kids were little. I HAD to get out every day. I craved human interaction, even if it was the old man at the grocery store.
But now that they are in school… dude, the laziness, the procrastination, the rushing around at 2:30 because I realize they’ll be home in 20 minutes and I’ve been on the computer SINCE THEY LEFT. I struggle to stay on top of things that I have ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD to accomplish.
I’m chalking it up to the first year that I can BREATHE with no children in the house after being a SAHM for 8 years. Pretty soon that’s going to have worn thin (denying that it ALREADY HAS), and I’ll have no excuse for gluttony and sloth.
all things BD´s lastest post..Inclement Weather
First thing when we wake up my 4yo asks if we can stay in our pajamas that day. If nothing is scheduled the answer is yes. But I agree with the comment that it’s the season. Cold. Dreary. So much more comfy to stay in jammies.
I am also struggling with the notion that in a few months my 4yo will be 5 and starting kindergarten. Pajama days will be few and far between so we are relishing them while we can. (And totally less laundry. Always a plus…)
Brigid´s lastest post..the reason for the drool
Are you sure you’re living in your house and not mine? That sounds exactly like me. But you forgot the third category. The day where you DO get up and shower and TRY to be productive — but you’re being fought tooth and nail by a cranky toddler who apparently got more than milk in his cheerios. That’s the day I’m having today. Thanks for the post, it made me feel better to know I’m not the only one who is this way.
I allow myself one of those days each week. I think it’s even good for Maggie to just have a day to chill without running around like a nut all day. Mondays we do MyGym, shop, run errands. Tuesdays or Thursdays are usually our lazy days, and Wed & Fri I work so she goes to daycare. I do understand the guilt though, at the end of the day when I realize we did nothing at all productive or constructive, sometimes I feel a little pang of ‘whoops!’
Dude, they’re not pajamas – they’re house pants. If you’re home, they’re a-o-k in my book!
Bunny´s lastest post..Too Ghetto For A Bikini
Yep. I have lazy days. I also have the guilt that comes with that. I think because in my working outside the home life I actually accomplished x,y,z throughout the day and would have something to show for it. Now, I may be accomplishing giving the kids one on one time and nurturing their minds blah blah blah but I don’t have anything I can point to and say, I did that today.
Maybe I will measure them daily and see the progress as mission accomplished. lol
i totally could have written this – not as well of course, but i never knew i could feel such guilt over a pj day.
i struggle often with the balance between super mom days and super slacker days.
i wish i could be more like my hubby about it…when i whine that i don’t feel accomplished he simply asks if everyone is still alive. i reply of course. then it was a good day he says.
amanda´s lastest post..everyday ordinary
Don’t know if anyone wrote this yet, I’m to lazy to look, but wear sweat pants and sweat shirts to bed. Not sexy, but you can just put on a bra and voila! You are dressed. Sort of…
Don’t let these days get you down. Lazy days are needed to take a break from the craziness of every day. Embrace them!
xo
Angella´s lastest post..Grace In Small Things – Dos
I think everyone has lazy days and *might* feel a bit guilty about the occasionally. Like yesterday, I pulled my hair back and wore the yoga pants I slept in to work. The kids got where they needed to be and all, but I fed them oatmeal for dinner and tried not to care.
Misty´s lastest post..Star Boy
I actually enjoy having pajama days. I don’t have them very often though. When I do have them, I’m usually working on a “special” project…like organizing the kitchen cabinets, cleaning out closets, etc. Pajama Day always ends with a nice bath and fresh pajamas…
Mags´s lastest post..I’m in Trouble…
Now I know I am not the only one who feels this way, thank you!
My days? I’m just struggling not to beat myself up for everything. It’s called sleep-deprivation, and it’s making me an emotional basketcase. Most of my days are free-form-pajamas-until-we-HAVE-to-leave but I’m trying to try to have a schedule.
Sabrina´s lastest post..Wordless Wednesday: 19 month edition
Lord what I wouldn’t give for those days! Just think, you could wake up to an alarm at 5:45 rush to get dressed and then head off to work.
Yuck!
WM´s lastest post..And now a kid friendly giveaway…
You are talking about the curse of the stay-at-home-mom, and yep, I know what you’re talking about. I find that the days I figure out a way to exercise I get much more done and feel better about myself. Then I tend to get more things done and not beat myself up.
That said, some days just keeping my (only one) toddler alive and well seems like all I can handle!
anna´s lastest post..How to Blow Dry Your Hair Like a Pro With Sean James, Hairstylist to the Stars
I’ve so had too many of those days where I clean up right before my husband gets home. Way too many. In fact, today is one of those days…
Hillary´s lastest post..Wordless Wednesday–Sleep Position #35
We have these days more than I care to admit…
I’m trying to be ok with it, but I’m also trying to be better about scheduling more for me and the kids to do. Though I’m not good at keeping a schedule, which could be my main problem.
Plus at heart I’m really really lazy. And I adore these days, but I hate to admit it – for my kids sake.
Corinne´s lastest post..Snowy walk
I go through phases where I give myself very little allowance… but that generally doesn’t help the house get clean, make the kids more content or magically place stylish and unstained clothes upon my body, so my latest thing is to back off and take it easy on myself.
Phew.
Ha! You just described my lfe. I feel like super mom when I actually get out the door by 10 to go to target and the grocery store.
Most days I take a quick shower at 430 before my husband comes home so he doesn’t think I am TOTAL loser…still wearing whatever I slept in…
mollie´s lastest post..
I may not get dressed, but I always work. The kids feed themselves. That’s what long term “forgetting” will do.
Tracee Sioux´s lastest post..Fit Girl Series – Obese Teens on Oprah
I crave those days! I love pajama days! Most days seem like a chaotic, jumbled mess of running from here to there. I need more time to just do nothing. I do understand what you are saying though because I am disappointed when I don’t get accomplished what I wanted for the day.
Michelle´s lastest post..Grocery Store Nicey
You never feel guilty about a few do-nothing days – you savor them. Its when you have months of being home with little ones and not much to do that it becomes hard. it is so hard to motivate yourself if there is no reason to get dressed or tidy up, other than that people expect you to wear clothes and have space to walk around in your house! and its hard to remember if you did laundry mon or wed, since all the days are so much like another – you end up going by the size of the dirty clothes pile. (works better than the size of the clean clothes pile, since most of those are still in the dryer).