My husband is not what I would call romantic, but he is a character. At least he has that going for himself.
Valentine’s day morning with barely opened eyelids, I walked into the kitchen. I began my daily routine of sleepily emptying the dishwasher. Tate stood obtrusively around, clearing his throat and doing odd head bobs. Finally I realized he was trying to get my attention.
I turned around and saw a single rose in a vase on my kitchen counter.
Everyone together now…”Aaaaaah!”
I hugged Tate and thanked him for getting me a rose. While hugging him, I noticed that the rose seemed a little…unreal, a little velvety.
Tate saw my quizzical scowl and asked me if I noticed anything special about the rose.
“Well, it looks like it’s a velvet rose.” I was trying hard not to sound annoyed (or to start crying, because A VELVET ROSE???? Could there be anything more UNromantic???).
Tate was beaming from ear to ear. “Yes, dear, it is a velvet rose. It will never die, just like my love for you. This rose is a symbol of my eternal love for you.”
Everybody together now…*eye roll* and “Puh-leeze!”
“Are you kidding?” I asked, again trying not to sound too annoyed or to cry.
Tate went on to explain how he came to give me a velvet rose. For Valentine’s Day. That was supposed to symbolize his eternal love. And how this was somehow a good idea.
The previous evening, Tate had gone to happy hour with some of his coworkers to a Mexican restaurant (even though he never gets home before 7PM most nights and he knows how much I’d appreciate him getting home early JUST ONCE, but who’s keeping score? Oh no. Not me, no siree.). I’m not sure if Tate had had too many beers or if he was struck suddenly mentally impaired, the details were sketchy, but he had the “good” idea to buy one of the velvet rose centerpieces on the table of this Mexican restaurant to give me as a Valentine’s Day gift.
*Heavy sigh*
Tate asked the waitress how much they would charge him for the flower and vase set. She went to go ask the manager and returned with the price of five dollars.
“Sold!” Tate had proclaimed.
The manager apparently thought that Tate had a death wish and told him so. Since he was such a big spender, the manager said that he could choose any flower in the restaurant just for me. For laughs, the manager threw in some bags of decorative blue and yellow glass rocks to make the velvet rose presentation even fancier.
“Did you notice how I layered the glass rocks in the vase? Yellow, blue, yellow?” Tate beamed as he pointed out his artistic creation.
“Well. It’s very, um, thoughtful,” this time I was trying not to laugh.
“This rose symbolizes my eternal love for you,” Tate explained. Again.
“Yes. You’ve already mentioned that.”
“Do you really not like it? I thought you’d think this was funny?” he asked, feigning the sound of disappointment.
“Actually, I love this Tate. You’ve given me something to blog about.”
Now if giving your wife blogable material isn’t love, I don’t know what is.
You mean velvet roses aren’t the best possible gift? Drat, that might explain it.
Oh well.
Dan´s lastest post..Ten Honest Things
I think I might have just pulled something laughing. No. Seriously.
The layered marbles really top it off. Tate, bless your heart
Jennifer, I have no words
WOW.
You know, D isn’t the most romantic guy in the world: GIVEN. But I just read this to him over the phone and his only reaction was, ”See? I may not be home but I’m also not….doing that.”
Ha! Great story.
CharmingBitch´s lastest post..Unlocked
Yes, well, ummmm, I think he should be given points for his attempt at artistic flower arrangement. Bless his little heart. Anyway, I agree, blog fodder is nothing to sneeze at.
Ali´s lastest post..Getting back to the tiny bities
incredibly cheesy…
but Hey!!!
my pland got twarted!!!
my husband bought me an “urn” for valentines day. he claims it’s to put dried greens in and not my dead ashes. seriously.
DesignHER Momma´s lastest post..Miserably on the mends
Um, well, that is perhaps the most interesting V-Day gift in all of history.
Shelly´s lastest post..Happy Friday the 13th!
@DesignHer Momma An urn? That may be even more unromantic than my velvet rose.
I got her a card. A nice, cheesy, over-the-top sweet card. Thanks to you, I now know it was a GOOD idea NOT to by the artificial flowers I was looking at. I do better by accident than some people do on purpose.
lceel´s lastest post..Bloggers well met – Part Deux
That is tragically funny!
See, now I kinda wish my husband had gotten me a velvet rose because I don’t have a thing to write about this week!
rimarama´s lastest post..Frisky
I’m glad Wally and I boycott Valentine’s Day.
I’m actually kind of disappointed, as I thought he was “making a beer run” for last minute V-day gift and only to come up with this.
Though I give him a B- for effort.
Jean M.´s lastest post..Yo Plus Yogurt Review and Give Away
@Jean That is actually the sad part. He went to happy hour, got home just before the kids went to bed and THEN went out again to “make a beer run”/get me a V-Day card.
It’s the thought that counts?
Yeah, I’m trying. Just doesn’t apply in this situation. More like…
What the hell was he thinking?!
Ashlie- Mommycosm´s lastest post..Rediscovery: A Wrinkle in Time
HAHAHAHA!
I thought the same thing when I woke up to find my rose shoved in a diet coke can on the counter!
brittany´s lastest post..Sweet Cheeks
i’m looking for the velvet lining here….
the planet of janet´s lastest post..Smile! You’re on Candid Camera (and Mommy’s blog)
That’s one way to try to get laid. Not sure that it would work on me, but it’s one way.
Burgh Baby´s lastest post..Subliminal Messages? Where?
that’s pretty funny. at least he thought of the whole “it’ll last a lifetime” cliche.
but i gotta admit, when i read the title, all i could think of is five dollars at a mex rest. would buy me a margarita. and it may not buy eternal love, but it would buy some “something something” for the night.
mpotter´s lastest post..vividity
Lulz… I thought for sure he was going to tell you he bought it at a gas station. You’ve gotta give him credit for thinking of you while out drinking though. Those points should offset the points taken away for giving you a fake flower.
Joe´s lastest post..Charades
That could be sweet in a slightly impaired kind of way. Or sad. Glad you went with funny – seems like the right way to go.
Michelle Smiles´s lastest post..Happy Valentines Day
I think it’s super sweet because he really really tried! It’s the thought and all that, right?
catnip´s lastest post..checking in
So, my rose, delivered in a giant Whataburger cup is better because it’s real? Maybe, but I’m still not sure. These boys may never learn…
@stormy Did you at least get a whataburger with it? That would sorta make up for a rose delivered in one of their cups.
Oh, Tate. My tulips that smelled like fish pale compared to the velvet rose Jose Cuervo told Tate to give you.
Anglophile Football Fanatic´s lastest post..Simulations
Well, at least it isn’t turkey targets like the wife on Dr. Phil got!
The hardest part would be determining if the gift was a joke or if he was serious.
Nicole “The Card Eagle” Bandes´s lastest post..Send Out Cards Anywhere in the World
My hubby sent me a “Jingle Bells” bouquet this year, complete with holly and berries. And it arrived on Thursday. The 12th of February. I’m still not sure what to make of it all…
Ilana´s lastest post..Half-empty, Half-full
I love the precise presentation. And yes, blog fodder is always a good thing
Angella´s lastest post..Mad At Dad?
more importantly, did he bring you home any tequila from the Mexican restaurant?
It’s really sweet that he tried. And good to blog about. At least it wasn’t an urn. Creepy.
Sabrina´s lastest post..Dig that Running!
I once got a rose tucked into a paper sack that was carrying a bottle of Tequila from the liquor store up just up the street. Good times.
Thank your husband for me…he just made my husband look really good.
i think thats a funny gift..maybe he dont have a clue..
hahahahahahahahaha
It could be worse. It could be much, much worse…
so who is going to be wiping the dust off of your eternal love.
I so vote for him.
Domestic Extraordinaire´s lastest post..Experiencing Bliss
He’s better than me. I e-mailed my husband a picture of St Valentine’s skull in a gold box. (Yes, the real St Valentine and yes, it is really his decapitated skull.) With the caption “‘Cause nothing says I love you like a little Valentine!” I laughed hysterically when I sent it. He called me and said, “I don’t get it.”
I figure it’s his own fault for having no sense of humor and for marrying an obviously disturbed woman.
(For the record, all my friends thought it was brilliantly funny, so obviously the problem is his. Obviously.)
the Mom´s lastest post..A Fuzzy Lump
I like it! It’s pretty cute actually!
Kelly´s lastest post..It’s A Hard Knock Life For Us
oh no no no no no…..
Sarah @ Ordinary Days´s lastest post..How This Midwestern Honkie Got Her Some Culture
You are a lucky lucky lady! Blog fodder for Valentines Day. What more could you ask for?
A rose made out of a thong perhaps?
Don’t make me send you one for your birthday!
courtneyryan´s lastest post..Thursday Thirteen (#6)
Seriously LMAO!
The least he could have done was to artistically arrange the rocks in a margarita glass, and bring you a keg of margaritas to go with it!
Geez, not even some chips and salsa.