I am in love with NPR. Listening to NPR seems so pretentious, somehow, but I’m also convinced that I’m becoming more learned by listening. When I’m listening, I imagine myself sitting in a brightly lit sun room, drinking small sips of very strong and very hot espresso. There are cats around, particularly evidenced by the cat hair covering my large, fluffy sweater. I’m leisurely completing a very challenging crossword puzzle, absentmindedly pushing reading glasses up on my nose, while occasionally glancing out of my window to admire the ocean view of my beach front home.
Life is nothing like this when I listen to NPR, I don’t have a sun room, I don’t like coffee, let alone espresso, and I haven’t had a cat since I was a kid. I haven’t done anything LEISURELY in three years, THANKS KIDS! I refuse to wear glasses and my home is most certainly not beach front with an ocean view.
Instead of this fantasy listening scenario, most of my NPR listening is through podcasts that I listen to on my phone while making dinner in my empty field view home and drowning out the screaming of my children during the witching hour.
So anyway, one of my favorite shows is This American Life. A few weeks ago, the subject of the broadcast was whether or not there was just one person out there for you, just one perfect soul mate.
I think that at one time, maybe when I was younger and less experienced (less cynical maybe?), I WANTED to believe that there was just ONE perfect soul mate. How could there be more than one?! Of course there’s only one! If there’s more than one, doesn’t that invite the possibility for infidelity?!
The allure of romance clouded reality, I think, though. I think it’s possible and probable that there is more than one person on this planet that we could be compatible with, HAPPY with, in love with. This doesn’t mean that I don’t completely love my husband and believe we are meant to be together! I couldn’t imagine life without him, don’t even WANT to think about life without him.
I just think that the possibly exists that that I could be compatible with someone else.
What do you think, is there more than one person out there for each of us? Or does THE ONE exist?
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I think we can love and make a happy life with more than one person, though I am thrilled with the person I chose.
Do you watch Big Love? Polygamy is NOT for me, but the show forces you to at least think about how it might work for some.
mep´s lastest post..New Favorite Places to "Shop"
@mep, I didn’t even think about polygamy in terms of there being more than one! Interesting point and I agree, that show has made me at least think of the possiblity of plural marriage.
One of the few things I miss about commuting to and from work is listening to NPR in a quiet car. Now there is either a child trying to talk over it or my husband rolling his eyes and asking if I meant to turn this channel on.
As for 1 person, no. I think that statistically there are very few who could put up with me and make me happy at the same time but I’m sure there must be more than 1. But I like to think that my hubby is the perfect one.
given my widowed grandmother’s very happy 2nd marriage, I vote for more than one.
The thing is, we all change through the years. Hopefully, you and your partner change in complimentery ways. But, should you lose them, there will be someone else to match the current you. Just as your partner might not have fit at this point had you not been changing together; this new person might not have fit if you’d met years before.
To everything there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven…
Shh…don’t tell, but I don’t believe there’s ‘one’. I think my hubby and I are a pretty good match, but the only one out there for each other? No.
Mom24@4evermom´s lastest post..It’s not easy being…
I vote for multiples! (somewhere OctoMommy puts down the collagen needle to cheer!)My husband was in a “mood” the other night and he asked me ” honey do you think people can be soul mates” and I answered ” well, I think we are fundamentally compatible and we work hard to realize our shared values” he was totally crest-fallen and said “oooh kaaay, Dr.Spock, so much for romance”. I’m the worst kind of cynic, the kind that thinks they are a realist. But in all seriousness, I think it’s much more noble to make it work than just have it work.
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I also looooove Big Love, very thought provoking and good sex scenes.
juliet´s lastest post..
I’ve always had very strong feelings on this topic. I believe our society does our young people a major disservice by perpetuating the myth that love is something that happens to you and over which you have no control. Love is a daily choice. Of course we try to pick someone compatible and likeable and with whom we can experience passion and romance. But those feelings can not be counted on to carry a relationship anymore than the idea that two people are “meant” to be together can. I love and am in love with my husband. But some days the choice is a bit harder to make. I’m sure he would say the same. But it makes me feel safe in my relationship, knowing we are both committed to making that choice, rather than relying on our “destiny” or feeling “in love” to keep us together. If one partner is no longer willing to stay committed to making the choice to love, then a relationship is doomed. Not because they “fell out of love”.
Wow, that probably came across really judgy and harsh.
But the bottom line is, I do think we can decide to love whomever we choose.
Shannon´s lastest post..Not That It Happened To Me Monday: The Youtube Edition
If you believe that there is only one person out there for you, then most people will never be happy or will limit themselves to the first person that smiles at them.
My last Significant Other was THE ONLY one for me… until she found a few other people that were apparently better for her. So… I went back out and found a better person for me. We’re extremely compatible and extremely happy now. And to think that I thought the last one was the one. humph.
Joe @ Irrational Dad´s lastest post..Interview 2009
I used to think along the same lines; that there was only one person for me. But as I have aged, I have come to feel that is not quite the case. If you think about all the close friends in your life, you notice that you have a different relationship with each of them. You may love two girlfriends equally, but it’s generally for different reasons. I believe this is how life would be should my spouse kick the bucket first. There would be different men (maybe) but they wouldn’t be the same. The relationship would be different.
Then again, knowing about my tremor and IBS, you should probably be directing this post to my husband.
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Hey ! A boy! a Real boy! Sorry Joe, I’m kind of a pain in the arse.
Shannon, preachy and harsh is the new black.
juliet´s lastest post..
My husband may not be the only one, but he’s the one I got and I’m very, very happy for that. However, it’s fun to imagine that I might also be compatible with someone as completely intriguing as Ira Glass. (ahem)
Teresa´s lastest post..Losing my cool
Laughing so hard… You crack me up. I totally see you in your sweater, cussing the cats, spilling your espresso, and yelling about the salt air. But I think that yes, more than one person can make you happy. There are traits that are “musts” and there are the “extras” that can mix and match… Next man I have, he’s gonna love doing dishes. It’s a “must”
Heidi´s lastest post..Not Me Monday
I think there can be more than one person out there that you could spend your life with.
First of all, I love that you said you want to be “more learned.”
As for your question, I used to be verrrry romantic and bought the ONE theory. And then I got married.
Just kidding. But it’s kind of true. I love my husband and cannot possibly imagine being happy with anyone else. At the same time, I think that God is bigger than me – and He probably made more than one person I could have loved and lived with forever.
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hmmm, this is an interesting question. My answer is maybe. I mean-could I imagine my life without my husband? No. And circumstances being what they were it was very unlikely that we should have gotten pregnant. Did I think fate intervened. I am not sure. I know that I love my husband now more than I ever have before, and that if we didn’t work at it we probably wouldn’t have a marriage.
So I guess I should revise my answer to yes, but I think that I have my perfect puzzle piece linked to me now.
Domestic Extraordinaire´s lastest post..Tuesday’s Top Ten-The Awareness Edition
OMG, you mean having cat hair on your sweater is a sign of learnedness?
My god, I’m an F’ing genius!
Oh hell yes I believe I could be compatible with men other than my husband. Like Johnny Depp. Daniel Craig. Just to name two.
I would agree with you. I would love to believe that fate makes sure that you wind up with “the one” but I just don’t buy it. I was lucky enough to find the love of my life at 17, but I def. think that God has a few people out there for each of us, so that depending on what path we take, we will find one of them to spend our lives with.
PS. How did I not notice you don’t drink coffee? That blows my mind!
shannanb aka mommybits´s lastest post..A Beginners Attempt at Couponing
I think whomever you decide to make your one will be it. Love is a choice. You either choose to love the person across the table from you or not. If you do, they become your one over time. This is why Orthodox Jewish dating and marriage works (less than 8% divorce rate), not because you find “your one” but because you choose to make a good candidate “your one”.
Rabbi’s Wife´s lastest post..Reflections on traveling with a toddler…
I don’t believe there is one person out there for everyone. To me, that’s like thinking there are a limited number of people you can be friends with. I found my husband, and I believe we fit amazingly well together, we are such a good match that sometimes I don’t believe it. But it’s not without some problems. I believe that if life’s circumstances had been different, I still would have met someone I’d be happy with and adore just as much. I believe we have choices.
Rachael´s lastest post..Wordless Wednesday
I think God gives us the ability to love lots of different types of people. I think that we WANT to believe that we’re destined to be with just one person, because that’s the person we ended up with and to believe otherwise would start our hearts in search of someone else. But, only a deep trusting caring relationship can be developed over many years. We can’t “love” someone that way unless we’ve known them a long time. I think being married is a huge blessing (some days. Other days, a curse!) LOL
Texan Mama´s lastest post..SuperSpouse
I adore NPR. I listen every day, and I still have an entire iPod full of podcasts to catch up on.
I don’t think there’s only one person for everyone, and some people may not even find one person.
corrin´s lastest post..Ten Years Younger
Oh I only listen to NPR these days, it’s the only non-noggin news I get:)
And yes, I am sure there may be another person out there who may have made me happy in a life that existed before the one I have built now. But now, I am in too deep (in a good way:). The pieces that build me are rooted half in me, and half in my husband, so now…the thought seems impossible to me. there is no way I could ever be as complete and happy with someone else.
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There are many different people in the world that you could have fallen in love with – it’s finding one that also loves YOU that begins putting limits on the field. It’s also possible to love more than one – but one has to step outside the limits of culture to do that and most don’t feel comfortable out there.
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I definitely think there is more than one person out there for us , out of the billions of people on this planet there must be.
I don’t think soul mates really exist.
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may i please move into that NPR listening scenario with you? (i promise to being a tape roller thingy to clean up the cat hair …)
i think … that it all depends upon where you are in your life. earlier … i think you meet someone, fall in love and grow to become soul mates. later in life, i would think that you are probably more likely to meet “the one”.
i really think i could have taken 3-4 of my past boyfriends and smooshed them all together to make the perfect one. thus eliminating the things i hated about each and every one of them. not a possibility. so i found myself with the one person that drove me the least crazy. it works.
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@Shannon, I don’t think you sounded judgy or harsh. In fact, I agree with you and do think that society does a disservice to young people, promoting the notion of just one. It truly is a choice to love, it takes lots of work. The myth of “one” seems to denote that love shouldn’t be work, if you’re with your soul mate, it should just allows be sunshine and daisies.
@Joe, I agree, you will be incredibly disappointed in life if you think there is just one.
@Shannan I don’t like coffee, but I will drink it on occasion (ie: at breakfast at Pancake Pantry when I’m very tired from a great weekend!).
Caffeine makes me jittery and coffee gives me gut rot. Not a fun combination!
@Rabbi’s Wife I love when you comment and tell little facts about Judaism! I really love learning more from you.
@jen Doesn’t that scenario seem so…intellectual? I like to imagine myself as intellectual when really I’m just a ding bat.
And I like the thought that my husband is the one who annoyed me the least. I guess the converse is true for our spouses. So yay for being least irritating!
I think there are many more than The One. If there wasn’t there would only be about 3 couples in the world, because how would we ever find that person?
Susan´s lastest post..Works For Me
NPR is prestigious and quite possibly pretentious, but mostly just awesome.
Honestly? I think it comes down to timing: where you are in your life, where he is in his life, and whether your mutual expectations are compatible.
(Not that I don’t love my Hubby and think that HE COMPLETES ME, mind you.)
Trenches of Mommyhood´s lastest post..Pepperidge Farms/Fishful Thinking
too cute-especially the last photo!
Domestic Extraordinaire´s lastest post..Wordless Wednesday-I can’t be the only one who sees this edition
I love it when I find other NPR fans like me! I always miss “This American Life,” but I especially love it when Sarah Vowell is on. My favorite broadcast is “The Splendid Table.”
I used to think we all had soulmates, and that my boyfriend in hs/college was mine. I held on to that belief long after the relationship was over. Result? Lots of cringe-worthy memories of drinking-and-dialing, humiliating letters sent, and general borderline stalking on my part. Now I look back (our families our friends, so we are still in contact) and I realize what a horrible fit it would have been for us. God certainly has a plan.
I love my husband dearly and see us growing old together, but I also believe that there are others out there who we could make a beautiful life with as well.
Soulmate seems to conjure up an image of a perfect relationship that is effortless to maintain. That kind of thinking will get you into trouble fast. Or at least into divorce court.
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Just one? Nah. As one of my college professors said: I am a nice looking gal, I have my good points. Lordy, there must be more than ONE man on the planet who can put up with me!
And I believe that.
I think a person could have MANY potential matches. Its respecting the person you’re with and not wanting to hurt them that becomes part of the love you feel for them — and why you shouldn’t stray.
Colleen – Mommy Always Wins´s lastest post..Eat at Bob’s
One of these days I’m going to totally dork out any buy one of the NPR music compilations they sometimes do. Because I love everything they do that much.
And yeah, there are many, many people out there for all of us. Can be a trick to stick with the one you’ve got (and do love) if you’re not careful and things get tough.
Must Be Motherhood´s lastest post..It’s a wonder any of us survive the first year
NPR kept me sane for a fairly long period during my youth… now we don’t have a local station nearby, and I blame my decline in sanity on it. PBS to the rescue!
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I definitely think we could be happy with more than one person. As much as I love and adore my husband, I know there are other people out there I could likely be just as happy with, if in slightly different ways. I know without him I couldn’t have THIS life precisely, and that (and him) I’d rather never give up! But I think if there’s only ONE person out there then we’d all have a really shitty chance at ever finding them, statistically speaking.
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I am so with you on the NPR thing. It’s the only thing I can stand on the radio these days. Plus, it always makes for great conversation later
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