It’s not an exaggeration to say that I am a magnet for Christians. They LOVE me. Really, I don’t know why I seem to attract so many Christians, but seriously, they swarm me. Where ever I go, I always somehow seem to end up talking to someone who really loves Jesus and wants to talk to me about it. Possibly I have that Catholic look and seem to be in need of conversion or maybe I just have an aura around me that screams “She-ah NEEDS-ah Jesus-ah!”
Now don’t get me wrong, I love Jesus, He’s one righteous dude. I’m just private about my beliefs and don’t feel comfortable openly talking about God, Jesus, church, or anything dealing with religion. I struggle mightily with my beliefs and the Bible, but I have the utmost respect for those who are dedicated to their faith, whatever their faith may be.
Something that I’ve learned in the my years living in the south, is that one of the first questions someone asks you upon meeting is, “Where do you go to church?” At first, I found it quite offensive and intrusive. Where I’m from, the Midwest, it’s just not something you ask, at least not when you’re first meeting a person. Religion was always a topic reserved for people that you were very close to and not something to discuss with random strangers.
I’ve grown accustomed to the question and even expect it now. I no longer stammer awkwardly trying to come up with an answer that doesn’t make Tate and I look like devil worshipping heathens. Now I’m prepared and typically fib, just slightly, which is wholly different from outright lying. I tell people that we are Catholic and just haven’t found the right church yet. The truth is actually that we attended one church since moving to Tennessee and didn’t like it AT ALL and on top of not liking it (AT ALL), Tate and I had to coax our wiggly children into submission with crayons, tractors, cookies and half-nelsons for the hour long mass. I always make sure to mention when I’m asked about my church attendance, that I attend Bible study every week, though I leave out the part about my initial reason for attending being the free childcare. (It bears repeating: FREE CHILDCARE.)
Today at the grocery store I must have looked particularly in need of some Christian intervention. The teenage clerk, without even saying “hello” asked me, “Did you go to church today?”
Um. This bears repeating, too. The clerk? As in the cashier, the employee of the store, also a teenager, asked me if I’d been to church today. Which I should mention is variant of the regular, expected question, “Where do you go to church?” This unexpected alteration was quite disconcerting and really caught me off guard.
“No,” I replied, not feeling like I really owed this kid any sort of explanation. Though I’ll tell you the reason that we didn’t attend church today was because Tate and I stayed out until almost 1 AM the night before, cussing and drinking, Tate was hungover as all get out, I was tired, and we had never even planned to attend church anyway. So there! Ha!
And that’s when the teenage clerk asked (you are SO not going to believe this), he asked, “Why not?”
Oh my freaking hell, he asked “Why not?!?!?” Who does that??
I wish I was one of those really quick witted people that can come up with retorts on the fly, but I was flabbergasted! My reply was lame. “Because,” I said with an irritated glare.
Oooh, I really showed him.
Except that I didn’t, because he wasn’t done with his line of questioning yet.
“What? You just didn’t get up in time?” he asked, completely clueless to the lasers shooting out of my eyes into his forehead.
I swear it just might be easier to start going to church.
NO WAY!! This is reason #2,381 why I will never move to the South.
.-= tracey´s last blog ..Like Miralax for the Mind =-.
That’s halarious! Wow, are we ever a bunch of heathen hippies on the west coast of Canada. No one cares if you go to church here. But then again hardly anyone goes. Oh, sure I see full parking lots at the churches on Sundays as we drive by on our way to the grocery store, but no one admits to going. No one comes out and says “I went to church today! Jesus loves you. Praise the lord.” That kind of stuff is reserved for the movies here. My dose of Christianity comes in the form of Mormons and JW’s at our door once every couple months. I point out our pagan prayer flags and they politely leave.
heh. I’m also from the Midwest where people are all low key and private about religion. The Bible Belt has a whole different approach!
.-= amy2boys´s last blog ..Basic First-Aid Kit for Camping with Kids =-.
Try saying that you’re a UU. Here in New England, most Unitarian Universalist churches close for the summer (ours included). On the best of Sundays, church is completely optional.
Ew. That’s like your pizza guy asking you if you were a good girl today.
The worst I get in the cashier line is guys asking if I’m going to get teabagged and girls who I scream at because they’ve never heard of Nirvana.
.-= Jenny, Bloggess´s last blog ..It’s just coincidental that Victor got stabbed right after I wrote this. I didn’t even stab him. Some guy named Bill did. I’m the one who drove him to go get a tetanus shot. If anything, I’m a hero. =-.
Chat me up about politics any day of the week. Ask me about my soul and whether or not it has been saved, and prepare for a big ole helping of none-ya-business.
That clerk needs a stern talking to, and I was raised in the South!!
Funny post.
(over from Twitter – curious to what hot topic made people jump. Strange what causes the most controvery isn’t it? I received the nastiest comments on a post about hating Miley Cyrus. Consider me a new fan.)
.-= Em´s last blog ..Make an experienced parent laugh, tell them your toddler woes. =-.
I’ve had checkers ask if I was planning on getting pregnant when I was buying HPT’s with my kids in tow.
hehe
.-= Devan´s last blog ..Why do they have to grow up? =-.
Oh, Tennessee…
I hated that about living there. Telling people I was Jewish pretty much put an end to those grocery store questions. Except for the woman who made it her mission to convert me. That was fun.
.-= Scary Mommy´s last blog ..Helicopter Moms =-.
You handled yourself well.
Once I picked my jaw up off the floor, I probably would have pushed back. But, I’m a pushy Yankee that doesn’t like anyone telling me what I should or shouldn’t believe. I probably wouldn’t survive down there, lol;)
.-= Ashlie- Mommycosm´s last blog ..Why I quit the whole quitting coffee thing =-.
And to think, I only get a sneer when I ask for paper instead of plastic.
.-= Aunt Becky´s last blog ..And You Just KNOW I’ll Be “Plumpy.” =-.
Amen. So to speak. I must have the same look–I get a lot of invitations to church and am bewildered by it. I grew up in Massachusetts, and there, too, got invitations to very culty religious groups. But it does happen more now that I live in the south, too…
.-= Marjorie´s last blog ..Thanks a Lot, National Geographic =-.
No! I give in! It’s not easier to go to church. It’s much easier to lie about in sin!
.-= Heather, Queen of Shake Shake´s last blog ..And that was that. And then it wasn’t. =-.
So with you on this. Many members of my family are uber-Christians, and that’s what I was raised with. It wasn’t until college that I realized I had a choice and that I wasn’t really sure the Lutheran church was that choice. Its one thing to dodge the question from family, but the strangers? Do I really have to explain myself to them? And they come out of the woodwork, don’t they? I am from the Midwest and now live in San Francisco, and I thought I’d be free from it here, but nope! You can say a lot of things about SF, but you can’t say no one here goes to church! I usually just smile and say, “We’re fine. Thanks.”
.-= Beth in SF´s last blog ..10 Ways I Save Time and Sanity =-.
I’m going to blame innocence(?). It sounds like you’re in Leave it to Beaver or something. Church is what they do, and they just expect that everyone does it too.
.-= Joe @ Irrational Dad´s last blog ..bananas =-.
We’re always a dead giveaway that we’ve just come from church at restaurants/grocery lines/anywhere on Sunday noon-ish.
Our church makes us wear these stupid name tags for service, and I alway forget to take it off.
I’ll be paying for our food and the person behind the counter thanks me by full name, first and last.
.-= DesignHER Momma´s last blog ..The F Word =-.
I wish I could adequately explain to people here why, from the perspective of anyone who grew up outside of the South, it is rude to discuss religion with strangers. I think I would have lost my sh!t on this kid, then talked to the manager. That’s the kind of reaction that seems to be making me so many friends here.
.-= Country-Fried Mama´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: August 14, 2008 =-.
I’ll be prayin’ for ya, sweetie. ;P
I’m with Fairly Odd Mother: Either loudly respond that you’re Wiccan or with a mighty “YES! PRAISE THE LAWD.”
.-= Must Be Motherhood´s last blog ..Grace in Small Things 18 =-.
As a new reader to your blog,…i wanted to let you know that I find your posts hilarious. My experience as a New Englander in TX was similar to your experience in Alabama- minus the getting robbed by your movers!
In the north- and I am generalizing here,..religion is something between you and your god. No one asks,..and no one tells. If you see someone you know at church,..you nod and move on.
In the South,..it’s everyone’s business and everyone DOES want to know where you go to church- and if you haven’t found a good one yet,..try theirs!
We always joked that we worshipped at “Our lady of eternal rest- Mattress of Serta” In the North- they’d laugh. In the South- they walk away like we have the plague.
)
merciful jesus, i think my head would have fallen off from the snap recoil it’d get after that question hit me.
.-= Bon´s last blog ..tangle =-.
I left the south when I was 18 (ran like hell actually) and have never looked back much. Reading your post took me back though.
I remember when I was 13, trying to be a good Christian, I did the unheard of thing. I actually READ the bible. Well, just start with Genesis and you find yourself having some questions…Lott and his two daughters anyone??? Abraham lived to be HOW old??? We won’t even go there with the Book of Job and I’m truly convinced Paul hated women. Anyhoo…the more I asked questions the more it scared the hell out of them. They finally just told me “Gentry, you are not supposed to ask questions about the bible. You’ll go to hell for that.”. So I actually think it might be best for you to just avoid church all together…because then you might start asking questions and I swear that is worse than just saying you didn’t go to church. Next time you are asked, my recommendation is to just LIE (of course I went! Praise Jesus and you?)..I swear they respond much better to this.
.-= Gentry´s last blog ..Oh pleeeeeeeaaaaaase be quiet =-.
OMG! Too funny! I have never experienced this before. While I do go to church a stranger nosing around in my personal business would make me uncomfortable.
You must be very friendly and honest that is why your attract so many different people. There are many good schools of theologythat are very interesting.
.-= ILIFF´s last blog ..Buddhist Christian Theologian, Ruben Habito, Named Everding Distinguished Lecturer =-.
Snort!!!
I’m the same way. Luckily in California, we don’t have that issue. I think I’m going to start telling people I’m agnostic and let them freak..
Lately, I have the Mormon target on my back. It must be becuz of the blogging.
I do love my Mormon friends though, and ex-Mormon Blogger friends…
.-= Julie @ Angry Julie Monday´s last blog ..Friday Fun: The Summer Fun Tag =-.
Man, I think I would have lost it on that kid.
.-= Stimey´s last blog ..Where I Am =-.
Wow! That’s just crazy. And don’t feel bad about the free childcare. I got in awesome shape after my first baby was born b/c of free childcare in my church’s exercise classes. I hate to work out, but free childcare???
Now, I work part-time at the same church, but I’m not in such awesome shape anymore.
.-= Anna See´s last blog ..Don’t Judge a Book… =-.
That is so rude!
That’s so rude!
Oh I can SOOOO relate to you on this one. I too am from the Midwest and when I first got to TN I was floored by how many church invites I received and how often people asked and talked about church. What!! We don’t talk about that stuff where I come from!
.-= Krystyn´s last blog ..I want Wednesday… =-.
Yeah. It’s one of the reasons that I’m SO happy to live in California. THEY would never be so bold as to ask you such questions.
(They WOULD however ask you: How much do you make? and/or Are those boobs real?)
.-= Lynette´s last blog ..Overheard =-.
I can’t believe how offended your readers are by this. As you made very clear, this is typical small talk in the South. In the northern Midwest, we talk about the weather, ad nauseum! I don’t believe this teen was trying to be pushy or offensive. He was simply chatting the way he’s heard people chat his whole life.
And there’s nothing wrong with responding “Church isn’t really my thing,” and then changing the subject.
There is a way to invite one to go to church – and there is a way NOT to. And the last time I checked going to church does not make ANYONE a “Christian…
.-= Debbie´s last blog ..Found: Great Stuff Online =-.