I just thought you all should know that the hole in the crotch of Spanx that I assume is for bathroom convenience, doesn’t work as intended.** It’s not important how I know this, just that I know this. Please don’t make me explain in detail, it’s just too humiliating.
What? You don’t understand? Fine. Here’s one word to describe the calamity I experienced. MOIST. Happy now?
**Spanx hole intended use. (I suppose there is another reason there could be a hole in the crotch of Spanx besides for tinkling, but no. We are not discussing that here! My delicate eyes! My delicate eyes! Don’t you know this is a family blog?! ?) (Well, okay, we’ll talk about it quickly since we’re in the safety of parentheses.) (Ooh, look! Parentheses! It’s almost like I’m talking to myself. No one can really see what I’m writing!) (Why on earth would you get it on while wearing Spanx?) (I don’t really even want my husband to know that I own or have a reason to own Spanx.) (As much as I love that Spanx are completely unnoticeable when I’m clothed, they are QUITE OBVIOUS when I’m not clothed, therefore, NO.) (I would not use the hole in Spanx for the loooove.) (Carry on. Let’s pretend this conversation never happened.) (Ooh look! Is that Johnny Depp over there?!)