“Get over it,” I’ve been told.
“Just get over it,” said with their intended tone of irritation and impatience. As if unexpectedly moving my family should just be taken in stride. Like, oh! Just another life experience to welcome! Like, I don’t have a right to have feelings, very strong feelings, about being relocated a mere seven months after having just moved. I guess there’s a statute of limitations on the amount of time you have to get over entire life upheavals.
It’s been just over one year (a year and two days, but whose counting?) since finding out that we were being transferred to Tennessee and I am getting over it. Getting, but not yet over it. It’s a tall mountain.
This mountain I continue to climb hasn’t just been about the physical aspects of moving, the inconvenience, the starting over, the unknown, and the fear that comes with boxing your personal possessions and entrusting their care to someone you hope didn’t pal around with a criminal element. The place where I always get tripped up on my climb up this mountain was and continues to be about the feeling of finally being home where we were in Indiana. The sense that we lived in Lafayette, that our house was our house, our friends were our friends, our city was actually our city. A palpable sense of possession. It was that we felt like were finally someplace that was truly ours.
(And maybe I keep sliding down this mountain because of a smidge of pure unadulterated rage towards THE COMPANY.)
Crossing over the state line into Indiana, the day we moved there, was where for the first time in ten years that I let my guard down. I stopped looking over my shoulder after having run away for all those years from the monster of THE COMPANY with it’s sharp teeth and horrible breath snarling, “You. There. We’re moving your family.”
I feel that snarling monster’s breath on my neck everyday now, again, like I did for all the years leading up to our move to Indiana. I’m bitterly angry with THE COMPANY, but I’m even more angry with myself for having been naive enough to think that a company, whose first priority is to make money and make decisions best for themselves, would finally leave us the hell alone. THE COMPANY is a business plain and simple, I understand that, but I truly believed for those seven restful months in Indiana that we were safe.
I remember one night just a few days after learning about our move, lying in bed curled in a ball as my crying turned into sobbing. My sobs shook my entire body, I couldn’t even breathe and was covered in tears and snot. With my face in my hands, I kept repeating, “please don’t make us move, please don’t make us move, please.” Tate found me and pulled me into his warm chest and told me how sorry he was. I looked into his eyes and screamed through my tears how unfair it was that THE COMPANY was in control of our entire life. Helplessly, he held me and apologized over and over until I fell asleep in his arms.
I knew my tears were futile, I knew Tate and I had made the decision together to move, but I also knew that had we decided not to move, it would have brought Tate’s career to a screeching halt.
Every time I think about that night and my rage and despair, I cry.
The pain is not as acute as it was a year ago. As the months have passed, I’ve slowly climbed this mountain and have embraced my blessings. I’ve made friends here and am involved in lots of different things that keep the kids and I busy. Our home is beautiful, so beautiful that sometimes I can’t believe I live in it. Considering the economy, I’m thankful Tate even has a job and as a bonus, makes enough money which allows me to continue staying home with the kids. Tennessee itself is a wonderful, friendly place to live. I actually really like living here, a lot.
The move, though? I’m not over it yet. While I do live in the here and now, I know better now than to be naive enough to think that we’re actually here to stay.
Oh honey.
I understand to an extent but we’ve never been transferred. They were “offered” several times at his company (3 jobs ago!) but we always refused as they were across country and I was all “Hell no! My family lives HERE!” And then they stopped offering and he was stuck in a crappy position for longer than the 2 years they’d promised.
Careers, jobs, money… It all sucks. It has too much control over our lives, you know?
.-= tracey´s last blog ..Sunday Giggle =-.
there is no getting over it. there’s just getting through.
and it sounds like you are doing that perfectly. and really? the NOT moving part is hard.
we’ve refused to move for jeremy’s job as an airline pilot … so he commutes. and is gone for more days than he would be if we lived at his base. but the bases are constantly adjusting … and i just can’t do it. my family is here … and without my family … my entire being would come to a screeching halt. b/c he isn’t around everynight no matter where we live.
i guess everyone just does what they have to do. and we survive.
.-= jen´s last blog ..recognition. =-.
I can relate to an extent, except I always liked our moves. They were every 3 years or so. I always got an itch about that time for a change anyway. In doing, that, though, I do not feel as though anyplace is HOME. I want my kids to have a place to call HOME now.
KEEP BELIEVING
.-= Angie @ KEEP BELIEVING´s last blog ..eight… =-.
I totally feel your pain – in the way it relates to The Mighty Hunter’s work. Aug 15 was a year that we closed the business. Sept 29 will be a year since he started his job with the insurance company, requiring him to travel 10 out of 14 days.
Which sucks.
Big time.
Big time sucking.
Big time sucking 10 days in a row.
But life is going on. And it will for you. There are days that it sucks more than others. And there are days – when he is home – that our family time is so special and sweet and wonderful and just FULL.
Like you, I am sooo thankful he has his job and that it allows me to stay home. I have no idea how I’d have handled it if I had had to go back to work last year in the middle of the rest of our upheavals. Sissy and Lucky needed my full devotion and attention so they (mostly Sissy) could adapt to the changes that came with the business shut-down.
So, yes. It sucks. But it is also good. But isn’t that how life always is? A mixture of sucky and good.
Hugs to you.
.-= Auburn Gal Always (Keri)´s last blog ..wait just a minute =-.
I grew up as an Air Force Brat, so I completely know that feeling. It’s incredibly hard to love a place and its people when you know that it could all be taken away at any moment.
.-= Burgh Baby´s last blog ..She Did Apologize. Eventually. =-.
We moved here to Indy 2.5 yrs ago from Boston for the husband’s career and I am STILL NOT OVER IT. Whenever I think about all of my good (and fading) friends and how much I miss that city, it feels like my heart is falling over a waterfall and I start to have a panic attack. So I don’t think about it anymore.
I say mourn it as long as you want, but try not to let it hurt your marriage–I’m learning this the hard way.
.-= Must Be Motherhood´s last blog ..The Pitter School of Misheard Lyrics =-.
Can you keep a secret? I may be in your shoes soon. Shhhhh. Can I put you on speed dial?
.-= Headless Mom´s last blog ..7 Blog Tips For New(er) Bloggers =-.
hang in there, i’m going through the same growing pains now moving 5 hours away to north carolina. ugh.
.-= Carolina John´s last blog ..hip flexor =-.
You know my story… from Texas to London to California within a span of six months and all for Hubby’s career.
I’ve rolled with it, made jokes, vented on my blogs.. but I am definitely NOT over it.
We’ve now been living in Silicon Valley for more time than we lived abroad and my mouth still burns, my heart still aches, and my sense of truth has all but vanished.
In other words, I’m right there with you.
PS I like the new profile pic. You look very pretty!
.-= Formerly Gracie´s last blog ..Love At First Sight =-.
I’m sorry. I grew up an army brat and although we didn’t move that often, every year a third of my friends would be gone. When I went off to college, I was amazed at how many folks had known each other since preschool and wondered what that must have been like.
I do hope you find peace about this, not to fulfill other people’s expectations but for your own self.
.-= Tracy´s last blog ..I have one of the best writer’s websites in 2009 according to Writer’s Digest =-.
I don’t think you have to be over it yet. You will be whenever you’re ready. I think people that don’t have to move often for jobs don’t get it, don’t fully understand the depth of strength it takes to relocate “home”. There are some places that feel like home and some don’t, so when you find a place that makes you feel cozy, of course you don’t want to leave. I have that here and I know we’re going to have to move in order for the hubs to find a job and it’s crushing. So for now I pretend the possibility doesn’t exist.
.-= Shelly´s last blog ..The Joys of Last Week =-.
so stressful. i’m sorry.
but can i say, the part where tate held you?? THAT is a beautiful thing.
you have that in IN or TN or wherever… how great.
i do hope good things continue.
you’ll get over it in your own time. no rush.
.-= mpotter´s last blog ..96 & 97 explained =-.
We moved all the time when I was a kid, like at least once a year. And I pretty much never got over any of them, I missed all my friends and our neighborhood and the pets I had to ditch.
.-= Beth in SF´s last blog ..Big City Livin’ =-.
I hate when people tell you to get over something. You’ll get over it when you’re damned good and ready.
It’s hard…
.-= Maureen@IslandRoar´s last blog ..Family Tree =-.
I embraced our cross-country move with 1 week to decide to accept or decline the offer and then 3 weeks to move. I thought it was a big adventure. I really like it here but 6 months later I really miss having friends. Sure I know people and I am trying to be more involved but I don’t have any girlfriends that I can call up and meet for coffee or see a movie with. Maybe someday or maybe I still have such great friends in Colorado that nothing will quite live up to them.
I hear what you’re saying. When we moved to Boston last year it was because that was where there was A job. Not necessarily THE job or THE location we wanted. And now, after 14 months there, getting to move home, to the place that feels like home to my heart, I feel so lucky it hurts! I hope you get to do that too, some day! Until then, it sounds like you are managing just fine, even though it’s really hard sometimes!
.-= Shannon´s last blog ..Renovation Purgatory =-.
Sounds lika a lot of us are or have been in the same place. I feel stuck in LA…so thankful that my husband has a good job where I don’t have to work, but I have never in five years felt at home & that just doesn’t make it feel worth it!
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Another First =-.
Isn’t it crazy how we all think we are so alone in our journey when in fact there are so many others in the exact same position. It doesn’t make it much easier, but it helps. Thanks for the post and all of your followers/friends comments. It helped me. We moved from a small town in Wyoming to a medium /large town in Oregon 3 years ago, by choice, kind of, and I am still adjusting. I still miss my friends, our church, our family, the good places to eat, yeah there’s more stuff here, but I don’t “own” it yet, I haven’t layed claim to any of it. I know there is a move in our future and why bother I think most days, but then on those other days I think this is it, this is my life, I can be a part of it, or I can wait for what if and miss out on so much. So I am trying, trying to find that shop that I love, trying to say hi to the other moms at the park, trying to put some roots down. It’s not always easy, but what is
Good luck in your journey.
*deep breath*
I am so there with you. I’m still getting over our move (we’ve been here for a month). I know from experience, the adjustment takes time, the tears have to come, the hard part is only a brief moment in time. But it doesn’t make it any easier.
But we chose to move. The yanking around? That would make me MENTAL.
.-= Jenna´s last blog ..Montes-sorry? =-.
I understand this from a child’s perspective, being forcibly moved overseas when I was 15.
I understand this from a wife’s and mother’s perspective, after moving to a place I hated and putting down roots there, only to be uprooted again very soon.
I get this, and I’m sorry.
i so don’t blame you. i would still be upset too
.-= MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..He Was Really Hoping His Cousin Would Play Choo-Choos. =-.
You know, we chose to move from Decatur to LeRoy 5 years ago and I’m still not completely over it. I’m only 45 minutes away and I can still swing through and get my favorite pizza (Del Carmens West) and I can still stalk my house, but there are still time I miss living there SO much. Like when all our westend friends get together for an impromptu bbq and put the pictures on facebook. KILLS me.
I can’t imagine what it would be like to be tossed around the way your family is. I feel for you.
I’m in this situation right now. We are moving from MA to NC and I have never lived anywhere but MA. Everything in NC is right for us, slower pace, more time for Joe at home, great weather, less traffic, but this is home. Such a tough decision. I know I will struggle, too.
I hope you are seeing the benefits and that it is working well for you…please tell me that – even if it’s a lie.
.-= LZ @ My Messy Paradise´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday: We’re not in Boston anymore… =-.
So hard! We moved two years ago to a town only one hour away from our hometown so my husband could take a new job and leave the job he hated. I moved a lot as a child and was so happy to think that our kids would grow up in our hometown (he grew up there and I graduated from high school there) and had both parents and high school and college friends there. I was very happy, very involved and settled living my dream! Hubbie always wanted to escape the bubble of our hometown and I felt as a SAHM that I could onyl refuse to move so many times and this wasn’t too far. Well…it’s been two years and very hard. Many things are great and a nice change. The kids are adjusted for the most part, but the school system is not as good. I have been very bitter as I feel I gave up my lifetime dream and my life and now only have time to keep the kids happy, and the house running. Luckily we live in a college town and our small neighborhood has lots of new coaches,etc. moving in from all over the country. This has helped to make friends as we are all new to the area and have made friends, but it is not the same. I constantly remind myself that this happened for a reason and we are blessed to have a job and home. And I am not sure if this is where we will be forever….I have good days and bad. Hang in there! The funny thing is I live in Alabama and love it….I found the south to be friendly and love the old fashioned traditions. I found you and read your Bama story. It was too funny and my hubbie worked in that area before (but lived in Bham) so I can relate! I always hated that you saw some of the crazy side of the state! I really enjoy your blog and am so happy your son is loving school. We went through some MAJOR issues with my older one with the move and it eventually ended in therapy or all of us. Boys are tough!
I just truly don’t know what I would do if Nick came home and said his company was moving us. I think it would kill me.
.-= Colleen´s last blog ..SOOC Saturday – Big Ocean, Little Girl =-.
Just recently started reading your blog and this post made me cry. We moved a couple of months ago and I keep telling myself to not be such a baby and just get over it. But I just can’t. Ugh.
.-= Kate, aka Guavalicious´s last blog ..Still hurting =-.
I wondered about you and this topic just the other day. And from a mom who has doen 3 cross country moves in 12 years because of MY HUSBANDS CAREER I am hear to tell you….and I am sorry to do this…..you may NEVER GET OVER IT. I still mourn each move I was FORCED to make. Like a little death. My charming little life in those cities was gone. DEAD. And I still miss them, and who I was in those places. And I still get sad every now and then and stupidly play the ‘what if’ game….
But guess what? THAT IS OKAY. You are allowed to be sad about having to START ALL OVER and loosing all your ‘momentum’ in building a life. Totally okay. And being bitter? GO AHEAD.
When you are a SAHM, our work is mobile…so I could never say ‘no way. We are NOT MOVING’…if I want to stay home with the kids, and The husband is willing to ‘fund this operation’ I have to smile and say “I will call the movers tomorrow”…..
And yet. I am still sad. And worried. I know another move is coming. Because I am happy and settled here….so that means it should be anyday now…