Since I had to take Ella to the ER on Monday morning, Tate was in charge of taking Carson to school.
I had very little time to explain how the morning should play out. Quickly I showed Tate what to fix Carson for lunch and what containers to pack them in and where the lunchbox could be found. I rattled off what time to wake him up, what he should wear (A JACKET!! TENNIS SHOES! NOT his Crocs!!), and how much milk to pour into his cup. As I was running out the door carrying Ella, I remembered that I hadn’t explained the rules of the drop off line, realizing I should have spent more time on this most important of school rituals versus how much milk to pour for Carson.
See here’s the thing about school drop off. There are rules, rules that are in place for a good reason. When everyone follows the rules, the line moves smoothly, the children (THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!) are safer, and _I_ am happier. Which is vitally important. Yes it is.
I get a bee in my bonnet nearly every Monday and Wednesday morning when I witness blatant disregard for these drop off rules which I KNOW were explained to every parent at orientation. These weasel parents try to cut in line, they park in the spots right beside the drop-off line when there are specially designated spots (who doesn’t like SPECIAL SPOTS??!!), and then they dangerously walk their kids between the cars in line. They are lucky I haven’t “accidentally” run them over.
So I tried to hit the high points of the most important rules for Tate so that he wouldn’t be the subject of a future blog post titled, “Weasel Parents named Tate who screw up in the drop off line.” He assured me that he understood.
“How did drop off go? Did you remember to unbuckle Carson before getting in line? Did he have his lunch box when he got out of the car? Did you FOLLOW THE RULES I LAID OUT FOR YOU?!” I calmly asked.
“Oh man. It was…not good,” I could hear the trepidation in his voice. “I drove up on the curb, other parents were flipping me the bird, I had to do a 180 right there in the drop off line. You are probably never going be able to show your face again up at the school,” it was evident that he was trying to suppress a laugh.
“So it went fine, didn’t it,” I asked.
“Of course it did,” Tate said, though I thought I heard him mutter at the end, “Control Freak.”
I probably deserved it.
(It took every ounce of self-control not to chastise Tate when I found out he sent fruit snacks (I KNOW! FRUIT SNACKS??) in Carson’s lunch. Those were not on the “approved items for lunch packing” list I rattled off to him that morning. He should know that I only allow the children to eat crap like that when nobody is looking, I send the healthy stuff to school.)
****
Ella is doing much better, thanks to you all for your kind words, thoughts, and prayers here, on Facebook, and Flickr.
Did you ever see Mr. Mom with Michael Keaton? He doesn’t listen to his wife’s specific instructions for drop off and then when he does it, all the moms are honking and yelling, “You’re doing it wrong!” and “North to drop off, south to pick up, asshole!”
.-= mep´s last blog ..Music to my (admittedly uncool) ears . . . =-.
You are so funny! and sneaky!
Feeding your kids crap food when nobody is looking but sending the healthy stuff to school….it’s all about keeping up an image with you, isn’t it? I’m appalled. I have never done anything even remotely close to that. Except this morning when I let Ali have BBQ potato chips for breakfast. But that was the only time. I swear.
PS – Hope Ella is feeling better, the little cutie.
.-= Pajama Mama´s last blog ..Bring It, Mr. Owl =-.
ha ha! My eldest just went to school this year. (for 7th grade to play football…we’ve been homeschooling) My parents visited last month. My dad was being helpful and let me sleep in one morning. I sleep like the dead and so, I never woke up. As soon as I was up, I thought, “Oh no, carpool drop off!” My son comes home later that day to explain how embarrassed he was (he’s 13, always embarrasssed lately) because Granddad was totally in the wrong lane so Son says “just pull over here” and gets out. And the vice principal freaked and yelled at him, yelled at my dad. My son told her, sorry…Grandfather in town, trying to help out. LOL!
Oh it *really* bugs me, when moms, MOMS of all people, stuff around with things like a well organised drop off line. Or the ones who are looking for a parking space, and double park behind you, preventing you from actually leaving with your kid, then they get all huffy and impatient because *they* have to move their car, so that you can actually leave, and well, OPEN a parking space up. GRRRRRR. Don’t even get me started on those who a) don’t strap their kids in to ANY form of restraint, let alone car seat…and then drive off whilst TALKING ON THEIR CELLPHONES…double GRRRR.
I decided to take on a new perspective about the drop off line, mainly because my blood pressure was boiling each and every time. So, instead of getting angry and frustrated watching parents blatantly break the rules and risk their children’s lives all in the interest of being first or saving 2.2 seconds at the expense of the rest of the world…I see it as character building.
No, I’m not talking all zen in regard to building my own character. I’m talking about characters in my future novel: The World of Entitled Idiots. This view certainly makes it more interesting for me, and less stressful. I even giggle at the jerks now.
.-= Ashlie- Mommycosm´s last blog ..Character analysis =-.
Though my husband and I split all duties fairly evenly, because he leaves for work at 530 am, it is my job to do the morning routines.
On the mornings I’ve been sick or away, I always get the “Jesus motherless Christ, I have no idea how you get these heathen children from Hades out of the house by 7 am! It was like wrangling two rabid beavers into a vaseline-coated tutu.”
And then I pat myself on the back so hard I bruise.
Then again, when I have to do baths, my phrasing is similar.
I am a control freak too! Tate responses sounds like something my husband would say.
.-= Michelle´s last blog ..This Made Me Cry On the Way To Work Today! =-.
I am soooo the opposite. On the very rare occasion that my husband does the drop-off thing, I forget to give him any instructions. At all. I hear about for hours that evening because he didn’t know where to put her jacket, OMG she didn’t have something for show-n-tell, oh no! her lunch wasn’t right, blah, blah, blah. It always makes me wonder which one is the 3-year old and which one is the grown-up.
.-= Burgh Baby´s last blog ..I Wish I Could Say the Dora Toys Were Exempt from Procreation =-.
haha! Once my husband picked up our oldest ds an hour early. Another time he forgot to pick him up AT ALL. funny now – not so much at the time…
.-= Devan´s last blog ..A square wordless Wednesday =-.
When Eeyore was in public school I used to save all the healthy crap for school lunches and the junk food for home. As I packed his lunch every morning I would daydream about his teacher nodding all approvingly as she looked at his healthy little lunch and then shake her head as she walked by the other kids with their crap chips and cookies. I seriously have issues.
.-= Karly´s last blog ..I’m Sure Cleatus Won’t Mind Getting A Second Job. =-.
That is the exact response my husband would have in that situation. JOKESTERS!
.-= Jen´s last blog ..thankful =-.
This totally reminded me of Mr. Mom. (Holla, mep!)
.-= Leslie´s last blog ..The Hump Day Haiku B.I.L.F. – SoulPancake =-.
That’s so funny. I get upset when M gets that type of snack sent to school, too. Joe always says, “Don’t buy them if I can’t give them to her.” He has a point.
.-= LZ @ My Messy Paradise´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday, Part II: Now I know why I don’t like Pumpkin Pie =-.
All I can say is, MAN, I hate drop off/pick up. It’s insane at our school too. People are crazy.
.-= andria´s last blog ..It Was Too Funny Not to Share =-.
in my short time as a parent (not a year and a half even) i have already begun to realize that there is a FINE LINE to cross over into control-freak status.
i hope i’m as good a tight-rope walker as i THINK i am!
may all the rest of your days run as smoothly….
and i’m very glad ella’s doing fine.
.-= mpotter´s last blog ..outcast =-.
It’s like you’re in my head
I’m heading out for an overnight w/ the girls on Friday, and all I can think about are the lists I have to make for my husband! And really, I’m only going to be gone from the time they go to bed until maybe 10am the next morning. But still, what if he doesn’t know that Paige wears a certain pair of sneakers to the playground and not another, or that they each get a bowl of the same snack to take with them??? It’d be chaos. Utter chaos.
.-= Corinne´s last blog ..For you, we blog =-.
Indeed I believe, that there is a fine line between, being obsessive and being compulsive (if you know what I mean
)..
Although, I am myself a control freak, I liked the post.
Thanks.
.-= Slipon Shoes´s last undefined ..If you register your site for free at =-.
So glad to hear Ella is doing better! And loved your comment about the healthy snacks for school
.-= Devilish Southern Belle´s last blog ..Paradise Park Trailer Resort revisited….Wordless Wednesday #14 =-.
So funny! We have similar rules for school drop off. So many parents lately have not been following them correctly, that we now have PTO volunteers guiding the process and standing outside in all sorts of awful weather. I always want to say, “Come on people, it’s not that difficult!”.
.-= ~Laura´s last blog ..The Woman in the Mirror =-.
Hahaha! This was really funny, but I understand why you are like that. Thank you so much for this very fun post.
I know I’ve seen Mr. Mom, but I don’t remember that scene! May have to rent it this weekend.
I’ve bruised myself with all the back patting. I love to imagine the approving looks from the teachers when they see his perfectly balanced lunch.
Ummmmm pretty sure I’ve got the same control issues. I think I would have done ll the same things….