Tate woke up at his usual time to leave for work the other day. Usually he’s quiet and respectful of my beauty sleep, unless he knows it’s Tuesday and that we usually don’t get out of bed until 8:30. Then he’s loud and does the whole slamming doors shut and turning on lights while pretending he can’t find his boxer shorts.
This particular day was Wednesday, though, and he was doing a lot of throat clearing and some ridiculously pitiful semi-moaning. After hearing him not so quietly closing closet doors and not so quietly rooting through his sock drawer, I peeked my head out from under the covers and asked him through clenched teeth, “What’s wrong, honey?”
“I’m sick. I feel terrible,” he managed to say weakly. Moan, moan, woe is me, woe is me, blah, blah, blah.
“Oh. Sorry to hear that. Feel better soon,” I replied flatly. I’m an asshole, okay? I’m 50% of the reason that our marriage isn’t perfect. (Tate is the other 50%, he is also an asshole.)
I closed my eyes and went back to sleep for the two minutes before my alarm sounded, got out of bed, and promptly forgot all about Tate’s complaint of being sick.
Now in all fairness, Tate can be a bit of a drama queen. It gets particularly noticeable when he’s sick and I, being an asshole AND a very weary mother of two small children, don’t have a lot of patience for his whining and his needs. He has a history of blowing little head colds and minor illnesses way out of proportion.
So I’d forgotten all about his “illness” until 5:00 when he called me from work to say, pitifully, that he was on his way home. I realize that calling at 5:00 doesn’t seem particularly significant, but OH YOU WOULD BE WRONG. Tate very rarely leaves work before 6:30 or 7, he might if it’s a Friday and things are running well, or he might if his family is coming into town, but he NEVER comes home early on a random Wednesday in the middle of the week.
I still wasn’t fully convinced that his illness was little more than a cough and a headache. I quickly updated Twitter (because that’s what you do in times of fake crisis).
Further evidence for my assholishness.
When he got home, his face was grimaced and he sounded weak. He slowly trudged to the bedroom and laid down on the bed. I felt his head and he seemed to actually have a fever, a really high fever.
“I’ll try not to complain too much,” he said as I gave him his Advil and glass of water.
The next day he went to work, but at 1:00 (1:00!!??!!) he called and said that he was on his way home because he was just so sick. He actually didn’t do his over the top, pitiful “Woe is me, I’m so sick” routine. He just really sounded like he was actually SICK.
Never in 11 1/2 years of his working life, had he come home that early due to illness. He immediately went to bed and slept for the whole afternoon.
I think that maybe, just maybe, Tate wasn’t exaggerating this time.
patois
Twitter: patois42
January 29, 2010 at 10:09 am
So sick that he’s not even blowing it out of proportion? Whoa! That’s sick. Hope you don’t catch it. (How’s that for non-sympathy for the sicky?)
patois´s last blog ..A Pocketfull of What?
Larissa
January 29, 2010 at 10:10 am
In your defense- My husband acts over the top when he’s sick too and I react exactly the way you did- not sure if that’s a defense or just proof that I’m an asshole too. LOL. Men can act like big babies when they feel the slightest bit of discomfort… I don’t know about you, but I can be on my death bed and they would all still be looking to me for clean clothes, dishes and food to go in those dishes- no sick leave for mommy. So I feel ya.. and you don’t sound like an asshole, you sound like a wife who doesn’t take shit… and I can appreciate (& relate to) that.
Larissa´s last blog ..My overactive imagination makes for good dreams
mpotter
January 29, 2010 at 10:36 am
i hope he’s not so sick the rest of y’all get sick, too.
here’s hoping everyone feels better!
and lays off the complaining.
mpotter´s last blog ..language
mep
January 29, 2010 at 11:04 am
Hope he’s a good patient for you and that he feels better soon.
My husband usually comes home around 7:00 p.m., and if he called and claimed to be coming home around 5:00, I would feel like I won the lottery.
mep´s last blog ..Welcome to My Chicago Hood, Blogtrotters!
Elizabeth
January 29, 2010 at 11:24 am
I with you on having a hard time feeling sympathy for my husband and his colds. I also feel really guilty when it turns out that he really was sick. I blame this on his lack of sympathy for me through 2 tough pregnancies. And then, of course, there is this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mz6DktXFvg4 (Man cold!)
Jennifer
Twitter: playgroupie
January 29, 2010 at 12:00 pm
Oh Elizabeth! I’m dying from the funny now! I can’t believe I’ve not seen that video before because it’s genius!
Krista
Twitter: marriedlife
January 29, 2010 at 11:35 am
So, now you know. If he doesn’t whine and complain then he probably actually is really sick! Otherwise… it’s not a big deal and you can carry on as usual!
Mama Bub
January 29, 2010 at 11:50 am
My husband came home from work early once, also. ONCE. I kind of ignored him moaning on the couch until he spent the next six hours vomiting. Only then did I kind of believe him.
Mama Bub´s last blog ..SOTP: State of the Pregnancy
Burgh Baby
January 29, 2010 at 11:58 am
At least now you know that if he’s really, truly sick, the whining stops. Hope he feels better soon and that you don’t fall victim to the misery.
Burgh Baby´s last blog ..If Only She Would Use Her Magic Powers to Slow Time Down
Marylin
January 29, 2010 at 12:03 pm
Ooft, I hope he feels better soon, and gives you some TLC once he’s better too!
xx
Marylin´s last blog ..Somebody…
Catherine @ Evolving Mommy
January 29, 2010 at 12:08 pm
I am jaded when it comes to my husband and sickness too, so I really don’t blame you for doubting the validity of Tate’s claims in the beginning. Men can be such babies sometimes. I hope you and the kids manage to NOT catch whatever he has.
Catherine @ Evolving Mommy´s last blog ..Alright Moms, How Do You Pamper Yourself?
Beth
January 29, 2010 at 12:46 pm
Gosh…I have the exact opposite husband….he acts like nothing bothers him. He once threw up all night long and then coached basketball the next morning. I know it may sound nice to have a husband that doesn’t complain about being sick….but it actually sucks. Anytime I am sick….he thinks I need to be as tough as he is…he has no sympathy at all for me…and I am totally one of those people that needs their mom when they are sick.
mom, again
January 30, 2010 at 12:06 pm
oh, that is us too. My husband merely mentions not feeling well. He’s had a cold since Monday, or maybe it began Sunday, but he couldn’t tell the difference between the beginnings of the cold and all the aches and pains of weekend warrior soccer that afternoon. In the rain.
So, he’s needed a tissue occaisionaly and sleeps a lot when he’s home, but nothing too disruptive. No medication or anything.
Meanwhile, since around Wednesday, I have been unable to use my left nostril due to congestion, and the right side only intermittently, despite decongestants. I’m hoarse from mouth breathing. I wake up coughing like a smoker to clear gunk which settled overnight. And when I say anything, he looks at me with that ‘I’m not rolling my eyes’ look that the rest of you get to use on your husbands.
He’s gone into work all week. Wish I could. He’s a professor, with no teaching load this semester. So ‘work’ involves sitting quietly, alone, in his office, reading. I’ll take that over my version of ‘resting’ at home with the 2 1/2 yr old! Who is pretty snotty faced himself, but that hasn’t slowed him down one bit! Chip off of his daddy’s block.
Dammit.
Dana
January 29, 2010 at 1:33 pm
I no longer feel like SUCH an asshole. Since I have the same experience as you so since there are 2 of us, we can split the asshole quotient in 2.
Woot! Good news.
anyway…just wanted to say “ditto” to all that…and um…hopefully you don’t get caught rolling your eyes when he’s back to his pitiful woe is me self.
Dana´s last blog ..Love Thursday
Annie
January 29, 2010 at 1:44 pm
I was going to ask you if you’d seen the ‘man cold’ video lol.
My husband defies the stereotype – he is the one who will shake it off if he’s feeling sick – goes all macho and says it’s nothing. (He also puts all his clothes in the hamper and does more housework than me – isn’t that sickening?
)
In our house – I don’t have a whole lot of sympathy for hubs when he’s really sick – but I expect it by the bucket load from him when I’m sick. We’ve just got it wrong all ways here
Mommy Daisy
Twitter: mommydaisy
January 29, 2010 at 8:42 pm
Too funny. I love the description of him getting around in the mornings. My husband does that too. But I don’t complain too much, because there are mornings when my son gets up to early that Matt will give him breakfast and turn on his cartoons on his way out. This gives me a little bit longer in bed. Love it.
But Matt’s usually a baby when it comes to being sick too. I totally understand this. And I do hope Tate is feeling better.
Mommy Daisy´s last blog ..Today’s the Day!
MommyNamedApril
Twitter: mommynamedapril
January 29, 2010 at 9:16 pm
isnt’ it funny how they act more sick with a little cold?
MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..Flashback Friday and the Obligatory Three Month High Chair Test
Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings
January 29, 2010 at 9:45 pm
Yeah, I think he’s sick for reals this time. My husband is like that too though…so, so sooooo whiny and then when he’s really sick I feel really awful that I toldhim to suck it up and stop being a big BABY!
Lisa @ Boondock Ramblings´s last blog ..The best hiding places can also be the best place for a nap. . .
Stacia
January 29, 2010 at 10:06 pm
Slamming the sock drawer gets on my ever-lovin’ nerves, too. Doesn’t he know we’re all still sleeping, or putting up a good front at the very least??
Hope the germs vacate quickly!
Stacia´s last blog ..I Stick, You Stick
Alecia, Hoobing Family Adventures
Twitter: adventuregirl77
January 29, 2010 at 10:20 pm
I think it is a guy thing, although my husband is kind of opposite. He always acts like he can take care of himself. My problem with him is that he has medical issues way too often. When we moved to Shanghai, he ended up in the hospital within the first two weeks.
I saw dooce posted this awhile back and I love it! “The Man Cold” http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rXLHWmjA5IE Hilarious!
Alecia, Hoobing Family Adventures´s last blog ..Separation Anxiety
Jen
January 30, 2010 at 12:32 pm
I don’t blame you for not taking Tate seriously at first. Is there anything more pathetic than a man with a cold? Let me tell you why I never take my husband seriously when he claims to be sick.
Eight or nine years ago I had a lung spontaneously collapse. I didn’t know what was wrong with me but I carried on all day long taking care of the baby, cleaning house and making dinner. As the day went on I started to have trouble breathing and I couldn’t stop burping. The burping was caused by air that was escaping the hole in my lung. I finally went to the ER that night. I ended up in the hospital with a tube in my chest for a week. It was horrible.
Not three days after I got out of the hospital my husband claimed that he had a collapsed lung too! His evidence? He burping a lot. So of course he made the leap in logic that if he’s burping a lot then he must have had this very, very rare thing happen to him. He spent the whole day laying around and burping and moaning about how sore his chest was. The man had a little indigestion and he thought he had a collapsed lung! All this time later I still can’t believe it.
And that’s why I never take him seriously when he claims to be sick.
Jen´s last blog ..Spinning babies for fun and profit
Formerly Gracie
Twitter: graceduffy
January 30, 2010 at 2:31 pm
My hubby would win an Oscar if they only had a category for “Best Male Lead in a Not So Dramatic Personal Drama”.
You’re a better wife than me. At least, you ASK what’s wrong. I usually just say “I gave birth. Twice. Call me when you top that”
I hope Tate feels better soon!
Formerly Gracie´s last blog ..Be It Ever So Humble
Alyssa
January 30, 2010 at 8:45 pm
My hubs is an ER doc and I will never forget when he was in med school he was the WORST he thought he had EVERYTHING and every day it was something different- He was always and still does diagnosis himself I don’t even pay attention anymore. So much so that the one time he really was sick (like the boy that cried wolf) and needed to go to the ER I told him to drive himself because I thought he was full of it…Luckily I felt guilty because he needed to have IV antibiotics and fluids that night.
Alyssa ´s last blog ..Divorcing My Mother
Tiffany
January 30, 2010 at 10:03 pm
I too am an asshole…..but coming from the wife that drove herself to the ER with appendicitis because hubby didnt want to get up in the middle of the night…i could pretty much care less….the only time i care is when he cant breathe from his asthma…the rest of the time tough luck. Him and I are both sick from headcolds….hes lucky he is being nice to me…im not in general a whiner…but this cold is getting me really down and yes i might just be whining alittle bit(ahem alot…my defense i cant hearrrrrrr from my ears being so plugged up)
Natalie
February 1, 2010 at 2:45 pm
First of all, there is no perfect marriage – it doesn’t exist!
Secondly, my hubby and I fight about this EVERY TIME he is sick. Seriously. The drama is over the top – he has to get his tea made, suck on his cough drops, and of course, go get some rest. I would like to point out that the same option is not available for me (See? I’m an asshole, too) but try not to bring this up when he is in the middle of moaning and making tea.
Hope he feels better soon!
Natalie´s last blog ..Mmm Monday: Autumn Soup and Yum-O Birthday Cake
Nicole
February 3, 2010 at 12:34 pm
In all fairness, when it’s Man Flu most of the time, then you can’t be expected to take it that seriously right off the bat.
Mine just goes to bed when he’s really, really sick.
model beauty fashion
February 13, 2010 at 9:56 pm
I don’t know about you, but I can be on my death bed and they would all still be looking to me for clean clothes, dishes and food to go in those dishes- no sick leave for mommy. So I feel ya.. and you don’t sound like an asshole, you sound like a wife who doesn’t take shit… and I can appreciate (& relate to) that.