We had a fight about four slices of bread. Anyone with a Marital Communications degree from the University of Donahue, Oprah, and Dr. Phil could tell you that the fight wasn’t actually about four slices of bread.
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“What is this REALLY about?” I can’t say that I simply asked this, I screamed it. Had a plate and not my MacBook been in my hand, I probably would have thrown it at his head.
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He told me what it was really about, but I know that’s not ALL of it. There’s more bubbling under the facade of bread. (Please see my credentials above.) I’m not even certain exactly what it was about the four slices of bread for me, maybe it’s that I feel unappreciated. Maybe I feel incredibly self-conscious about my role in the family, even though I know that his job and my job couldn’t be successful without the other. Maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bread.
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But DAMN. Those four slices of bread pissed me RIGHT off. And I’m not going to apologize.
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It doesn’t appear that Tate is going to apologize either.
Well.
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“I have to go to Chuck’s wake tonight. You know? The guy from work I told you about? I’ll be late, will probably miss bed and bath time.” Tate called me from the road, speaking politely, as if I were a customer service operator.
“Fine,” I said. “That’s fine.”
*******
He called on his way home from the wake. “We can’t fight like this anymore. It’s so petty and ridiculous. Chuck was a young man! Only forty-five. He was fine six weeks ago.”
Chuck started to feel sick. They thought it was his gall bladder. Six weeks later he died as a result of pancreatic cancer. He is survived by his wife.
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I think that perhaps we should forget about those four slices of bread.
There’s something eating away at you – at you and him – at your relationship. Maybe you two just need some one on one time together – get to a new level set.
.-= lceel´s last blog ..100 Word Challenge – Companions =-.
Sometimes perspective hurts, doesn’t it?
.-= Mary @ Giving Up on Perfect´s last blog ..Do You Regret That Choice =-.
I’m all for keeping things in perspective (I mean, I had melanoma last year, hello! perspective) but sometimes those dumb fights about bread need to be opened up to talk about everything else. I feel like the things I don’t say to my husband are the things that eventually will break our marriage, so we talk about all the bad stuff.
I recently went part time, having Friday off to help our marriage because we were both so tired all the time and taking it out on each other. I think we forgot in the insanity of young children that we are best friends and life partners and too soon it will be both of us alone together.
.-= LauraC´s last blog ..Friday gumbo =-.
I admire your honesty.
And LauraC, I totally agree with the necessity of fights over bread every once in awhile so things have a chance to be dsicussed instead of burried.
Wow, perspective. It really hits hard sometimes doesn’t it.
.-= Lisa´s last blog ..Caught in a Power Struggle =-.
4 slices of bread, indeed. Much needed reminder, thanks.
We are not as good at getting to the heart of the “four slices of bread” fights. We really should be. Thanks for the reminder.
.-= Kristin´s last blog ..The Bullets are Flying Today =-.
wow, that just made me burst into tears. we should all forget about the stupid bread.
.-= MommyNamedApril´s last blog ..Yes- I Did Take a Picture of a Picture What of It =-.
That is the second story this week I have heard about someone being fine one minute and sick the next.
Definitely puts everything into perspective.
But – sometimes those 4 pieces of bread can actually bring you closer.
.-= Life As I Know It´s last blog ..You Never Can Tell =-.
I learned today that sometime over the past 3 years my mom has had a heart attack. No one knows when.
I feel like a big floating turd for all my frustrations over her Habits and Behaviors and ZERO ACTIVITY now.
Yes, four slices of bread is nothing to fight about. Hash through the real issues. But always come back together. Because isn’t EVERY fight really as insignificant as four slices of bread when compared to our love and our family?
Sometimes we need the bread fights to bring to the surface what we don’t realise is there.
Hoping you and Tate can make time to figure it out together, and keep the communication open. Not always easy, I know, with work and small children. but very important.
Ugh, We fight about bread too. It took almost eight years of marriage to figure it all out and we’re still working on it. You put it perfectly.
.-= Cara´s last blog ..Sabotage =-.
Oh, I love a good hubby and wife argument and you detail it so well! Interesting how moments in the bigger world bring our smaller one into focus, isn’t it?
You might enjoy a fictional tale I’m posting online at http://www.afacebookstory-oneclickaway.blogspot.com about a mommy-wife like many of us who ventures down a path most can’t, won’t or don’t. It’s fun, familiar, and a little dark and dangerous – very much a “What If” rendition of the housewife’s life that many of us imagine, especially as we edge toward 40. I hope you’ll take a peek. Today’s post of One Click Away is quite similar to yours, by chance.
Hope there is bread enough for all tomorrow at your home.
Elizabeth
I love it when my husband realizes that we need to talk it out. It makes me feel like he DOES appreciate me. He finally learned that our bread fights are not really about bread.
Funny story though…when we were dating, we got into a fight once, and he threw a loaf of bread at my head. He actually broke bread on my head. And he’s the son of a carpenter. We still laugh about that, 11 years later.
Hope you work it out and don’t have to fight about the bread anymore…
.-= Gail´s last blog ..Who Am I =-.
So sorry about Chuck…
.-= tracey´s last blog ..Tutus are slimming =-.
This is so true!! A wonderful reminder post…
.-= amy2boys´s last blog ..Blocked =-.
All true. But it is so hard, sometimes, to just let go of the bread.
I lost a childhood friend in a car accident last month. It’s amazing how something like that can change your perspective just enough to stop caring about petty crap.
Sure, the bread may have been a sign of something more brewing. Now I bet you will both be able to talk about it more level headed. It’s just bread. Not a life.
.-= Ashlie- Mommycosm´s last blog ..I dont want to be anything other than ME from BlogHer10 =-.
Bread is highly overrated.
Missed you this weekend!!
.-= Shelly´s last blog ..TTFN =-.
I wish we did fight. I used to think it was good that we didn’t. our histories make us both willing to NOT fight over silly things, but, like was said above, it means there is no prompt to get us to discuss what needs discussing. resentment builds. when something finally goes, it goes very badly indeed.
nice post.. really made me think..
.-= Jenn´s last blog ..Bon Prix =-.
I am so sorry about your husband’s loss, the sudden death of someone I don’t even know and I think you are an amazing wife for being so understanding!! Prayers your way!
.-= Nicki´s last blog ..Margaritas for Dinner! =-.
It’s so so so hard to forget about the petty stuff, though, when it’s in your face, day to day.
*hugs*
Perspective. It sure changes things, doesn’t it? I guess there’ll always be another loaf of bread in the end.
found you via babble/top 50 mom bloggers and swung by to check you out. glad i did. this is a great post and i’ll be back for more!
.-= sherri/the claw´s last blog ..the fancingtons =-.
oooh. this was so timely it almost makes me nauseous. thanks for reminding me of what I really shouldn’t let myself forget.
.-= Elizabeth @claritychaos´s last blog ..himself =-.
Amen. We had a huge blowup over GPS directions (as in me turning in 200 ft instead of .2 miles) last weekend. Also not worth fretting about in the scheme of things
.-= carma´s last blog ..Being Bratty =-.