Tate came home the other day with cards from his office’s Angel Tree, a family of three kids. They had the typical wants of kids aged four, ten, and fourteen, but it was their needs that made me want to cry.
Socks and shoes. Socks and shoes! That breaks my heart.
My kids have the incorrect impression that they’ll be getting everything they’ve put on their Christmas list to Santa, things that cost hundreds of dollars, yet there are kids who need socks and shoes.
We are trying to instill in them that giving is far more important than receiving, but as evidenced by their whining and crying while shopping for our Angel tree kids, I don’t think they *get* it.
We are also trying to teach them that Christmas isn’t about the gimme gimme, Santa and presents, but it’s actually about the birth of Jesus. I downloaded Ann Voskamp’s Jesse Tree Advent book and we’ve been following the Scripture readings (modified for kids who scare easily, YIKES Old Testament!) and hanging the ornaments. I make sure that the lessons last only about five minutes, Carson and Ella are only five and three, afterall, yet I know they’d prefer if I left Him out of it so they could enjoy their Christmas as solely a gift receiving holiday.
I don’t even know exactly where I’m going with this. My kids are already so spoiled. Carson and Ella are good kids, they are! I think their lack of understanding comes from being young kids. But, they have a ridiculous amount of stuff, like, a RIDICULOUS AMOUNT. I don’t know how to balance the amount of more stuff they’ll get for Christmas, from us and from extended family, with the potential level of their disappointment for what they definitely won’t be getting, with my responsibility to teach them about giving.
I guess I just wish they could appreciate, even on some level, that they aren’t getting socks and shoes for Christmas because it’s what they need. They’ll be getting things solely because they want them.
I try really hard to convince my families that books, blocks, and activities are the preferred gifts because not only do my kids not need more CRAP, but we just don’t have the space for more. It doesn’t ever go over well because THEY have the idea that kids need to see that big pile or Christmas sucks. And of course that gets passed down to the kids.
We also do a playroom purge every year. We go through toys and talk about how we need to a) make room for more if they expect to get gifts, b) give them to kids who can’t afford new stuff (goodwill and such).
I’m not sure it sinks in, but it’s worth a shot. I also clean out their playroom on my own once or twice a year getting rid of stuff they never play with but would whine about losing if they had to watch it go.
McMama´s last [type] ..More School Issues
this post really resonates with me. Not the Jesus part, of course, but the appreciation part.
Marinka´s last [type] ..Where Do You Put the Banana Peel
I can’t even differentiate what the children are wishing to get and what I am wishing to give them. I have actually purchased items not on anyone’s wish list because I am sure they would like it and want it. If they even knew it existed.
Jeri´s last [type] ..Star Student
oh my!!! it’s so different in here! beautiful!!!
as for the post… me toooooo. my kids have SO much. today we got all the way to the mall (were planning on doing a fun dinner in the food court) and my 4yo started whining and complaining that he wanted a toy from the mall. i was so pissed that we turned the car around and came home. they are good kids, but there’s just too much STUFF.
MommyNamedApril´s last [type] ..Food Family Food Friends Food Festivities Food Fanksgiving
I know what you mean….we adopt a family every year through the women’s shelter and socks and shoes are always on the list. My husband and I decided this year each kid gets 3 gifts…..Jesus got 3 gifts, so that is what they get.
You’re the second person to suggest this and I love the idea. It’s a perfect way to incorporate Jesus AND gifts.
I am a mother of 3 kids, ages 14, 12 and 8 and I’ve been wanting to scale back for years. Well…this is the year I WILL scale back and I’ve decided to do the whole 3 presents as well. I discussed this with the kids and surprisingly, they were ok with it. Mind you…they weren’t THRILLED, but OK with it. We are also going to do some volunteering as a family. I also want to instill in my kids the art of giving rather than receiving, although this is a difficult task as materialistic we all are.
I wanted to incorporate the idea of “a want, a need, a read” this year. I didn’t. Sigh. I *am* doing the “12 books of Christmas” 12 days before Christmas- one book a day- the cool thing is I got them all used and CHEAP! + I got all but 1 gift for my daughter at a toy consignment sale. For some reason, that makes me feel a bit better. Less packaging, less waste, re-using, obviously MUCH more affordable…..I don’t know. It’s really so insane how much we CONSUME and how we think we “need” anything at all. It’s shocking, isn’t it, to give someone a toothbrush….or soap? Those were 2 of the things we packed up in our care package…. sigh…..
That makes me so sad that kids would love shoes and socks. I agree, we are trying to instill in our kids the fact that they are not getting EVERYTHING on their list and that xmas is for giving and loving our family..not getting their weight in plastic crap.
My kids have so much stuff too. My older one is only 4 1/2, the younger’s a baby. But I think a lot about how I will teach him these things. He is spoiled, even though we’ve cut back he still has tons of toys. I guess I just have to take it as it comes.
I know what you mean. That sense of “entitlement” really freaks me out. My kids are by no means given everything they want (or sometimes even need) but yet they still have that I WANT I WANT I WANT attitude in the run up to Christmas.
We get the Christmas wish list from our local orphanage every year, and every year the kids *wishes* blow me away with their simplicity.
Socks and shoes, yes, even underpants for crying out loud! It makes me want to cry! They put the kids ages and gender on the list (no names) so that if you decide to buy – you at least know to go for the right sort of colors and what not. Last year, one kids wish was underpants and socks, and a sixpack of Fanta (Grape). He was fourteen years old. It broke my heart, really. It reminds me that when I want to climb into my closet and hide and cry that we don’t have enough to buy my kids *that new game* or whatever, that honestly, at the end of the day, a roof over our heads, food on the table and the love of each other is MORE than we will ever need.
Ness at Drovers Run´s last [type] ..Pumpkin- also a dessert food!
I forgot to say that I *love* your new blog design. Nice!
Ness at Drovers Run´s last [type] ..Pumpkin- also a dessert food!
Thank you!
And the kids on our Angel tree also had underwear listed, and that just makes me feel embarrassed by the overabundance of what I have.
It can be hard. My kids are 15 and 16 now, but we have always only ever really given them one big gift each year. One year it was the swing set, another a trampoline, a dog 7 years ago (which now loves me more than anyone else in the house). Now that they are older it is easier (or harder) to give. We set a limit of $100 and get them what they want. They both received camera’s a year apart. My daughter this year wanted her money put towards a new ipod she has purchased, and my son wanted a new phone. We always give to the Empty Christmas Tree when we see one (for families in need) and have done shoeboxes for Samaritan’s Purse to go overseas. Giving to others is part of what we do so the kids see that and know that it is important.
In saying that, my kids do have too much stuff (though I work in an op shop/thrift store so can pass it on and out of our house).
And, knowing one set of in-laws, I’m sure they will get stuff they have no need of for Christmas.
If you make giving a part of what you do as a family, and your kids see you doing it, they will eventually catch on and appreciate that others are not as well off as them and they can help.
[...] Putting A Limit On More — Playgroups Are No Place For Children. Oh how I struggle with this one. Hey, don't be a stranger. Subscribe to Musings of a Housewife so you don't miss out on any of the fun. Also, you can follow me on Twitter at JoLynneMusings. Or is Facebook your game? Then be sure to follow Musings of a Housewife's Facebook page for regular updates. Don't be shy. I'd love to hear from you. Share and Enjoy: [...]
I just came across this today and it really spoke to me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eVqqj1v-ZBU&feature=player_embedded
Now, to break it to the kids that they’re not getting tons and tons of stuff.
kj @ Where my boys at?´s last [type] ..5 x 2
Awesome, THAT is exactly what I’m talking about. Thanks for the link!
One year my family adopted a needy family. A single woman raising her son and her sister’s son, too. Both boys were mid-late teens. The things she asked for were heartbreaking. For the boys she asked for clothes but a few “fun” things. For herself: bras, socks, dog food, laundry soap. This was her Xmas list. I’ve never felt like such a spoiled brat. We got everything she asked for (this was a multi-generational family effort, not just our family) and we got her something “fun” too just because no one should have to ask for dog food for Xmas.
Shelly Overlook´s last [type] ..Duck Fat Rocks!
This story touched my heart…and you’re right…no one should have to ask for dog food for Christmas!! Thanks for sharing and inspiring me to adopt a family in need as well!!
I can really relate.
I keep trying to tell the girls that I’m so excited to see family to celebrate Christmas, and all they can think of are the gifts. I get it. They’re young (6 and 3 in my case) and it IS understandable, but you’re right. There are kids who need so much, and yet my kids whine for more things than can fit in their rooms. I was invited to a Build-a-Bear workshop where kids make bears and they get sent out to kids in the hospital. Sadly, I knew M couldn’t handle it (making a bear and not taking it home)…and I was right. We are really toning down the gifts this year, though. I just don’t want it to be about mountains of presents, at the very least.
and I didn’t try to copy your pictures! Got a warning…
happened to me when I tried to right click to “open in new tab” cause I knew it would redirect to her awesome flickr page.
McMama´s last [type] ..Snowy Day
Thank you for this post and reminder. It couldn’t have come at a better time. I just a wrote a post about the stresses of holidays and gifts.
Nicole´s last [type] ..Oh Christmas- I have a love-hate relationship with you
We saw the film clip from Adbvent Conspiracy at church last week. The church is very active in the movement. It is so true….we have done the gifts for children in need, and sent money for living waters ( provides clean water to third world countries), but as a grandparent we feel so blessed to give to our children and grandchildren and it gives us such joy to be at that point in our lives. The true meaning of Christmas is God first and love of family next. We love you guys
I got this idea from a friend and we have done it for the last two years starting when my daughter was 3.
In order to make room for potential Santa toys, she selects toys (from her own toy box) to give away. The toys must be in good working condition and have all the pieces.
At first she could only find one broken toy to give away. I told her that was fine, Santa might decide to only leave one broken toy for her. This brought on a spurt of generousity!
Because of her young age, the ‘make room for Santa toys’ is done a few days before X-mas. If Santa’s visit is too far away…she isn’t inspired to give.
Mommy and Daddy give one gift – PJ’s to wear Xmas eve. All other gifts are from Santa.
[...] Jennifer climbed inside my brain and wrote my thoughts. Scary::: Putting a Limit on More [...]
Okya, I have spent a great deal of the last 24 hours catching up here. I just found this blog yesterday, and I am hooked. We moved from Ohio to Alabama within weeks of your move! However, I was born in Mobile and raised in Pensacola, so it wasn’t quite the culture shock you experienced. Also, I knew that Saraland is the armpit of Dixie, so we moved to Baldwin County, Alabama. Still, we have lived in Robertsdale, Alabama for over 5 years and I still feel like an outsider! We are moving back to Pensacola, Florida (home) in a few weeks. I can’t tell you how much I enjoyed reading about your Deep South experience, though I am sorry you had to live it! Thanks for keeping me entertained this weekend. I am now a devoted follower!
jeri
Jeri´s last [type] ..Soapbox- Baby names and Pet names
My work adopts a family (actually all the needy families at the local school). Their lists are always full of needs vs. wants. It really is sad. My first three children got TONS of stuff for Christmas every year. It was frustrating how the whole Christmas was about what and how much. My oldest two are grown and out of the house, my 13 yr old still at home and I also have a 3 and 1 yr old. Needless to say I have learned from the oldest to cut way down and make sure it is more about giving than receiving.
I like your new design by the way! Looks great.
Jennifer´s last [type] ..Top 10 Things I Wish I Invented
I just found you through Momagement Matters, and wow. This is such an important topic. I don’t have kids yet, but I already wonder how I am going to balance this. And those kids from the Angel Tree? They break my heart.
I haven’t had a chance to read all of the comments, so I may be repeating, but we do the “3 gifts” rule, Jesus got three gifts, so that’s what they get. Also, we try to encourage our in-laws to buy educational toys instead of just a Barbie. Another great idea I read is for every gift they receive (from mom and dad), they have to donate one. This really teaches them about Jesus and giving!
My absolute favorite thing about the Christmas Crazy thing I’ve done the last two years is that it has helped Alexis figure out the whole giving is a priority thing. She helps me shop “for the kids who don’t have toys,” and picks things out that she thinks boys and girls of certain ages would like. She even pillages her playroom for things she doesn’t need and talks about how she has “enough.” It all makes me feel all warm and fuzzy (and probably leads to her getting spoiled even worse, but oh well).
Burgh Baby´s last [type] ..Im Going To Just Tie Him to the Tree
I think getting it, happens slowly and over time. Your kids are really young. They live in a nice house, they have nice things, they’ve never been hungry or mis-treated. And honey, this is a good thing.
But it means that learning how to help other and learning that not everyone has what they have? Takes time. It takes years to really get it. They will though. You guys are doing the right things. My nine (tomorrow. sob.) year old is just starting to really understand. Every year, we get names off of a giving tree. We give toys to Toys for Tots. We donate food and coats. All I can do is show my kids the right things.
Issa´s last [type] ..And then my Grinchy heart grew three sizes…
Kids shouldn’t be spoiled from the start. They need to learn the value of money from an early age. However kids are still kids, they are hard to teach and these kind of things doesn’t interest them.
harvin gullfill´s last [type] ..Treating Toenail Fungus With Undecylenic Acid
Thank you for this post. Your mention of families wanting shoes and socks for Christmas inspired me to participate in the local church’s gift donation despite our money situation. Imagine needing shoes and socks! =(
shasta´s last [type] ..Missing- Immune System
Touching post…Rom 1:16..
I wished we lived closer, because we could totally be BFFs.
I’ve been struggling with this exact.same.thing with my son. I have been telling him the story of the birth of Jesus–and he was even into it. He asked me to tell it to him twice in one day, but then he pointed out the wise men gave baby Jesus gifts.
Sigh.
This is such an important lesson, especially at this time of year. Our Christmas is very secular, as we’re not religious, so it’s all about Santa and presents. I hate all the stuff though. So, throughout the year I have L help me collect toys and clothes to donate to Goodwill. He knows that they’re going to kids who don’t have as much as we do. He’s very sweet and will go through his toy box and pick out toys he doesn’t play with much. We do a big donation before xmas to make room for new toys, and a big one afterwards when all the old toys seem boring. He’s only 3, so for now I feel like that’s about the limit to his understanding and graciousness.
Allison @ Motherhood, WTF?´s last [type] ..No Family Bed Here
It’s hard to strike a balance successfully. What they NEED as opposed to what they WANT. But they’re only little once – and all the lessons about giving and sharing and about how others have so much less than we do can wait until they’re a little older – and they can understand a little better. Hopefully.
lceel´s last [type] ..Slightly Wordy Wednesday – Comets
We’ve adopted families before for Christmas through my husband’s work. Living in Maine and seeing kids ask for winter hats/coats/mittens is heartbreaking. Through my daughters’ preschool this year we helped provide Thanksgiving meals for 2 families, and my girls both collected coins to give to a local food bank. They’re only 3 so they don’t understand as much what it all means.
But my two older kids, especially my almost 10 year old, NEEDS to understand. I want her to know that there are others around her that aren’t as fortunate as she is. It’s such a difficult, but important lesson.
Kristin´s last [type] ..Stream of Consciousness
I also have a three year old and a five year old, and then don’t really get it, but they do try. They don’t get the not getting part, but they are all about giving. So we haven’t figured out that if we give “x” then we don’t have it anymore. they assume we will always have more, so why not give? BUT, on the upside, my five year old takes change from her piggy bank every week to school for their donation collection box, and my three year old was offered extra change for her bank the other day, and then we saw a salvation army box, and she was offered the choice to keep it for herself, or put it in the box for people who needed it more, and she happily put it in the box…they don’t get it, but they know I am proud, so they want to do it…I can only hope as they grow older, they want to give for other reasons, because making mommy proud only lasts so long….
wow.
yes. those angel trees are awesome! and heartbreaking.
i think you’re definitely doing the exact right thing. and i also think it will take time for the deeper meanings to set in. because, yes. they are still young. i bet carson gets it next year.
i will be doing the same with my little one in the future.
she’s not quite 2.5, and i think this christmas will be the best. she’s old enough to be excited for the season (and that fat man that will come into our house—-BUT NOT WHILE WE’RE AWAKE. DON’T WORRY)
yet she’s still young enough that she doesn’t know how to *want*.
i think this will be the last christmas that won’t be filled with “i want that and that and that”
here’s hoping all the kids can find the JOY of christmas for what it truly is.
even if you’re non-religious, there is the definite spirit of GIVING this season.
may yours be cheerful…..
mpotter´s last [type] ..better left unsaid
We have told our girls (our older two children) that they are allowed to ask for two items for Christmas. We don’t allow TV and try to limit ads and trips through the toy aisles. We’ve also told them that if a person asks what they want for Christmas they are allowed to ask for TWO items then as well. It helps them remember not to be greedy, helps us know what they really want, and stopped the endless, “I wants.”
We celebrate Advent and it’s so fun. We read the Bible with them every night, so it’s not much different in that regard, but the verses we use fit in with whatever I put in our Advent box for the day–little pieces of a nativity set, or something that represents an activity for us to do.
Kristy´s last [type] ..Light Pink Pistols!
What beautiful arrows you are raising for Him, my sweet friend. Ann Voskamp rocks – I attended the Relevant Conference this past fall and her closing keynote address was incredible. The audio is online – let me know if you want to listen and I’ll direct you.
Hmm…should you consider Relevant next year? Yes, yes, you should.
Are you going to Blissdom this year? I’m not but probably should.
I hear what you are saying completely. I took Sarah to help me at our church’s Christmas outreach this past weekend and before we went in for our shift, I explained to her that some of the children who would be receiving the gifts are children who often only get fed when they are at school if they are lucky enough to be school-age. Her eyes grew wide and for one small instant, I saw a glimpse of the missionary heart I’m longing to instill.
You can do it and you will – it’s just that you are going against the current culture. Be brave.
Now I’m going off to get the Jesse tree – how did I miss that?
Natalie at Mommy on Fire´s last [type] ..MM- What We Love About Jesus
I’m speaking at Blissdom this year! You should definitely think about coming, it’s my favorite conference, so many great contacts, great writers, great sessions.
I’d love to hear the audio from the closing keynote at the Relevant Conference! Could you send me the link?
We’ve adopted families before for Christmas through my husband’s work. Living in Maine and seeing kids ask for winter hats/coats/mittens is heartbreaking. Through my daughters’ preschool this year we helped provide Thanksgiving meals for 2 families, and my girls both collected coins to give to a local food bank. They’re only 3 so they don’t understand as much what it all means. But my two older kids, especially my almost 10 year old, NEEDS to understand. I want her to know that there are others around her that aren’t as fortunate as she is. It’s such a difficult, but important lesson.
Touching post…Rom 1:16..
I helped take our Student Council to shop for families in our area who need some support. The small group of kids I shopped with (which included my son) was stumped at how everything on the list (except music CDs) wasn’t what they would consider “gifts.” They were things they take for granted: clothes, shoes, socks, gloves.
Definitely a light bulb moment for my kid who, even though he lives in a single parent household, and doesn’t get nearly everything his heart desires, now kind of gets that he has “enough.”
Kimberly´s last [type] ..In the right placeat the right timewith the right people
[...] on the Shelf phenomenon, but I’m allowed to change my mind! After the past several years of completely overthinking Christmas, I just needed to be reminded that we’re all allowed to have a little fun…even at, [...]