Back when

I never kept a diary, except maybe a few angsty lines as a middle schooler who’d just made out with a boy for the first time. Five years ago this month, I opened up a Blogger account and began to write the stories of my life.  My first post, since deleted, was about my 20 week ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby I was carrying, who is now a sassy four year old sister to a six year old brother.

Tentatively I started to speak, out loud for the first time, about motherhood and it’s challenges.  I know now that there’s a fine balance between saying what needs to be said and saying too much, though I’m still learning to walk that tightrope.

My blog was my very own personal space, here’s what I said about it in February 2007,

“Nobody is leaving their dirty socks on my blog. Nobody is pointing and grunting at my blog and demanding a bite of it. My blog doesn’t have a leaky…diaper. There is NO LAUNDRY or dog hair in my blog. My blog has never told me ‘no’. “

I still treasure and feel very protective of this space, five years later.  It is still one place that is mine, all 845 posts.

When this blog began:

1.  I lived in Alabama.

2.  I’d never heard of Facebook because it was only for those young, whippersnapper college kids, but I did have a Myspace account, complete with flashy graphics and autoplay music.

3. I looked sort of like this, just less pregnant:

4.  This blog was a secret.

5.  I felt very lonely and isolated.

6.  I’d gained more than just pregnancy weight.

7.  I cussed like a sailor.

8.  I never exercised because I thought I didn’t have time.  (I really didn’t have time, though.)

9.  I was in a playgroup, which is indeed why this blog got the name I gave it.

10.  I’d never heard of Google Reader, spent my days commenting on at least twenty blogs a day, and felt a real sense of community online.

11.  I didn’t have a paying job.

Since this blog began:

1.  I’ve moved twice (to Indiana, then to Tennessee) and lived in five different houses and/or apartments.

2.  I’ve started accounts on Facebook, Twitter, and about 32 million other sites that in hopes of making my blog super popular.  (Technorati, BlogLuxe, TopBlogSites, Cre8buzz, Plurk, NING groups, Alltop, StumbleUpon…)

3.  I look sort of look like this, except most of the time I’m less stylish and my children are squalling:

4. This blog isn’t a secret.  I still wish it was a secret some days.

5.  I don’t feel lonely or isolated anymore.  Well, usually.  We all feel lonely sometimes, right?   My life is pretty great and I feel incredibly blessed. Motherhood isn’t easy, but the kids are older now and we’re not bound by a nap schedule and they don’t completely drain me of life every single minute of the day.

6. I gained even more weight then lost most of it.

7.  I don’t cuss like a sailor on the blog and I try not to cuss now except when the situation warrants it.  There are many situations that warrant a good swear word, though.

8.  I ran a 10K on Thanksgiving day in 1:01.  I am getting ready to start training to run a half marathon. I’m making the time even though I don’t really have time to do the training.

9. I’m not in a playgroup, but yet!  The blog name remains the same.  It’s too late to change it now.

10.  I adore my Google Reader, though I’m ticked they took away the Share function.  I rarely comment on blogs anymore, but I want to do better because I miss that community feeling.  I mean, the community is there, but I feel like I’m on the outskirts looking in.

11. I have jobs!  Real jobs!  And it’s all because five years ago this month, I opened a Blogger account and started writing.