I hate when I get that little voice in my head that tells me that I’m not good enough. I’m pretty sure everyone has that voice sometimes, it’s just something about being human, I think.
I’m not the best writer. I’m not the most popular. I’m not the best photographer. I’m not the fastest runner. I’m not the prettiest/funniest/most organized…
Something about me: I crave being recognized for the things I do, whatever it is. Usually I’m okay with not being the best, as long as I hear, “good job.”
The past year has felt like a blur. I finally was offered paid writing jobs, I started my own business (sort of/halfway), I ran a half-marathon. Sometimes I felt like I was on fire, but most of the time I felt like all I was doing was putting out fires. I certainly wasn’t the best at anything I was doing. Especially when it came to Carson and Ella, I felt like, I don’t know, I felt like I failing them somehow.
I thought that being a working mom would be that best of both worlds thing where I was finally recognized for my work. Being a mom is absolutely one of the greatest things about my life, but it’s not something that is exactly applauded. You don’t get gold stars for getting all the laundry done or a check in the mail every time you manage to get to soccer practice on time with shoes, socks, shin guards, a soccer ball, and a water bottle.
Funny thing, though, getting those paychecks didn’t fill up that part of me that craves recognition. In these past few months, where I’ve been utterly overwhelmed and unhappy, I thought a lot about what I really want out of life and I figured out at least one thing that I’m sure of. I want to be really good at being a mom. I don’t mean that I want to be a better mom than you or the mom that you see on Pinterest who is gorgeous, takes perfect pictures of her very clean children in her immaculate home, can fashion a work of art out of recycled thrift store finds, all while preparing dinner from scratch. No.
I want to be a really good mom to Carson and Ella. To do that I had to give up a few things. I quit one of my jobs. I gave up a few responsibilities. I decided to respect my time. I decided to stop feeling like I have to apologize for not being good at everything. (Well, at least until that voice in my head starts up again. It can be a bit pesky.)
It will always be there, the craving to be recognized, especially for what I do as a mom. It’s not something that will actually happen, I know that nobody will really notice all the tiny details that go into being their mom, but I do know that focusing on my kids is exactly what I’m supposed to be doing right now.
I think it takes years for being a “good Mom” to be truly recognized but it WILL be someday and by your own amazing children.
Good for you. And I TOTALLY get this.
xo
Elaine´s last [type] ..Starbucks Run
I think you’re right about it taking years to get the recognition. I need to remember that.
My inner voice is rather loud and obnoxious as well. It also seems as though so many people in my life are far too negative about how I do in every area of my life, without having half the responsibilities. I need to deal with that. I am not sure what I can let go of at the moment, but I too need to figure things out in order to be a better wife and mom. I as far as 40 years from now, being able to say I was successful in that area will be far more satisfying than so many other items on my to-do list.
Sara´s last [type] ..Favorite Toys – Tottle Along Tuesday
That’s exactly it–other people can be negative about the way I do my life and that can totally rattle me. I also need to deal with that.
I also believe when I look back years from now, I’ll be far more satisfied with how I mothered my children than anything else.
Well done! It can take courage to stop doing things that we think we should or are able to do. But, I think it is better to be a good mum that a “jack of all trades and master of none.”
So, I applaud you for stopping things and backing off on others. And for getting the laundry done – excellent! I seem to be at least one load behind all the time.
I really was trying to be a jack of trades and it simply can’t be done…well at least it can’t be done by me. And that’s okay.
As for laundry, aren’t we always a load behind! It never ends!
I understand so much.
And as an aside, I’ve been watching the Listen To Your Mother videos from this year and emailed Ann to tell her that I always feel inspired to be and do better as a mom after watching those pieces. It’s fresh and heavy on my mind especially lately.
Steph
Stephanie Precourt´s last [type] ..To every thing there is.
I need to watch the videos myself. I could always use a little inspiration.
Off topic: I watched Parenthood and this episode was much better than the first two. Even Ray Romano’s character seemed to be humanized and more realistic this episode.
I clicked your tweet so fast to read this…
You’re doing the right things. You really are.
Interestingly, I was honest-to-chocolate thinking about you only 15 minutes ago. You know, that whole “(not) going to church” thing. It makes me sad that something has become a wedge between you and your worship.
That had nothing to do with this post, I know. Sorry.
Actually, my impulsive comment was supposed to be:
The pesky voice in my head is telling me that I’d be happier if I had bought some brownies, but since I didn’t, I should get the tub of cream cheese icing out of the fridge and eat a BIG spoonful.
Now, I realize that doesn’t have anything to do with this post either.
So… I’ll shut up.
Gah! The church thing. It hangs over my head every Sunday morning. We’re still checking out churches. Nothing feels quite right yet. I listen to a lot of K-Love, though. It’s my current way to worship.
My pesky voice has been making me eat a lot, too. So yeah, cream cheese icing does have a lot to do with this post.
I love this post and I want to point out that you were the BEST in our run group and finished the half marathon before all of us : ) I too think that most moms work their booties off continuously but rarely get recognized for it. I personally feel recognized when one of my sons makes the right decision. EXAMPLE: One of my son’s has taken up for a child who gets bullied on multiple occasions. He also has a boy in his lunch period who takes just a sandwich for lunch every day and wears the same clothes most days to school. Tanner now packs a double lunch to feed him and he gave him LOADS of his clothes and shoes. Things like that are all the recognition I need. He made those decisions based on the way we have brought him up. Try to recognize things like that in your children too. Often times their actions are WAY better than words of recognition. Your friends know you are an excellent mom ; ) Love you!
Another runner friend of mine recently posted about her latest half marathon and said how SLOOOOOW she went with a time of 2:24. It really hurt my feelings considering I was 2:22 and I was (and still am) SO proud of that. Then I kicked myself and reminded myself that running is so individual and her SLOOOOW is my awesome.
Speaking of awesome, good job mama raising such a sweet boy in Tanner. I hope my kids would do the same.
so glad you have something decided.
and you are capable, (and willing!) to make that happen.
this post is definitely proof that you ARE the best mom to your kids.
hooray for you for figuring out what YOU want and making it happen. all the best as it continues….
mpotter´s last [type] ..ups and downs
Thank you. I also realize I’m very lucky to have the option to make it happen.
I can relate really to this! I went back to work recently during the hours my son is at school and I thought it would be great. I am finding that even though I enjoy working I feel like I am not able to do my job and be there for my family the way I would like.
I do think that most, if not all, working moms, stay at home moms….moms in general do feel like we can’t do it all. Maybe it’s just our nature?
Believe me you are the best, you just don’t see it yet. Creator gives us that voice to keep us honest, and you are nothing if not painfully honest and open. You don’t know me from Adam (who wrote that!) but I have followed your blog for a LONG time now and commented occasionally. For me, I love your writing. LOVE YOUR WRITING! Because it touches that sweet spot of fragility and strength, we all share, that is carrying you…go with it. It’s been a rough year and YOU ARE DOING FABULOUS
Thank you, Lesliann, thank you for such a sweet comment.
And I have no idea where the “you don’t know me from Adam” saying comes from!
I have been scheduling in “time off” for myself because I realize I am trying to be everything to everyone. When I run out of me, I become a mean person. I put so much of the stress on myself though. And then kick myself for doing it over again. Second verse, same as the first.
Brigid´s last [type] ..Made in Nashville
I think it’s very trendy right now to write about how difficult motherhood is…”parenting” has practically become professinalized and it can be very difficult to measure up to some of the standards put forth anymore. I think one thing that is rarely noted is the rewardst that come from investing in your child/children, and how regularly those rewards actually occur. Good for you for putting being a good mom first – I am working toward being able to quit my job because what I want, for my family, is a whole entire lifestyle where we can all be our best, and not racing through life breathlessly.
Thank you for posting this. I don’t usually comment on blogs but you really made me feel something with this post and I just had to comment and thank you. The best piece of advice I was given when I was pregnant with my first is “You are the best parent for your child.” Sometimes we all just need to be reminded of that. Now it’s time ror me to stop reading your wonderful blog and go spend some time with my kids.
Hey, focusing on your kids is the HARDEST and BEST thing you can ever do. If it’s done well, that’s something huge to be proud of!
Wow. I cannot begin tell you how much I relate to this. Excellent post.
Melinda´s last [type] ..Once upon a time… In the fall of 2004…
I totally get it. But I do think you’re rad. xo
Mrs. Flinger´s last [type] ..Live in the pause. Or, hello, I’m in London. Or, crying over eggs is cool.