If you’ve been reading me for any length of time, you are probably aware of my extreme irritation with my cable provider, Comcast.  (Update:  Coming soon!)

You’re also probably aware that when I’m pissed off at something, I write about it here.  Bad realtor?  I’ll talk smack about you.  (Update:  that realtor may be losing her license for falsifying documents!  Keep your fingers crossed.  Evil wench.)

You don’t have the courtesy to wave at me?  You and your crappy attitude are going on the blog. (Update:  She has NEVER ridden her bike past my house again…do you think she’s read my blog!?)

Those rat bastards ADT refusing to help me?  I got my revenge via blog.  (Update:  I get lots of creepy google hits from people researching how to hack into home security systems.)

You are an idiot Walgreens worker who is unable to charge me correctly for a prescription that took HOURS upon HOURS to fill?  Blogged!  Boo-yah!  (Update:  None.)

Very seldom do I have a chance to tell you a story of redemeption.  And this is a story that I utterly CANNOT believe I’m telling you.  Please sit down if you’re not already seated.

Are you ready?

Okay.

Comcast had to come out to my house yesterday to fix my broken Internet connection and fuzzy channel problem.    They were scheduled to come between 1 and 5, or in other words between 1 and NEVER.  However, that wasn’t the case this time.

They called around 10:30 and asked if they could come early.  EARLY.  YLRAE.  early.  EAR-LY!  A most polite gentleman showed up and assessed the problem, very concerned for my well being and the well being of my Internet connection.  After about an hour, he realized that our line had been nicked when we had some landscaping work done.

We should have been charged for the new line he had to run (which by the way, he could have just repaired, but he thought it would be BETTER to just run a NEW line.) 

He didn’t charge us a dime.

So did you get that?  Comcast was early.  They were polite.  AND!  They didn’t charge us for the line repair.

Feel free to lie down and place a cold compress on your head while you recover from the shock.  (Update:  Tate has informed me that just because the nice cable man didn’t charge me, doesn’t mean we won’t be getting a bill.  Crap.  I didn’t think of that.)

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Tags: Go Fly a Kite, Need to Know by Jennifer
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We have met every single person in our neighborhood.  It truly isn’t much of a feat considering there are only six other homes so far in my neighborhood.  Every person we’ve met is extraordinarily friendly (and I’m not  just saying that because several of them know about this blog and might be reading…**Hi neighbors!**)

Although that good for nothing Mother Nature didn’t bless us with the promised nice weather this past weekend, she has attempted to make up for it with the most perfect weather imaginable these past three days.  With this good weather, our family and most of my neighbors have taken every opportunity to get outside.  We wave at one another as we go for walks, or pedal by on a bicycles, or are outside watering the newly planted flowers.

We are a jovial bunch, me and the peeps in mah ‘hood.

I mention all of this because of ONE woman who lives in an adjoining neighborhood who has also been riding her bike in our neighborhood.  I certainly don’t mind if she rides in our neighborhood, it’s not as if we are a gated community trying to keep people out.  In fact there are lots of folks who meander into our neighborhood, waving and smiling as they walk past.

Except for that ONE woman.  I have said “hello” to her every evening, waved, and made eye contact.  Her response?

Nothing.

She just keeps pedaling away, without so much as a head nod to acknowledge my greeting.

The first time I thought that perhaps she didn’t hear me, possibly due to some sort of hearing impairment and NOT some sort of asshattery.  The second time, when I’m certain we were looking at one another, and she ignorned me yet again, I considered the possibility that she was blind and hearing impaired.  Seeing as how she was riding a bike and avoiding all the construction debris in the road, I feel confident that she is not blind.  I suppose it’s still a possibility that she’s hearing impaired, but my suspicion is that she’s social niceties impaired.  Or in other words some sort of asshattery is indeed at play here.

The next time she smugly pedals past my house, I’m tempted to yell at her, “Didn’t your mother teach you manners?!”  or “What’s your PROBLEM, HUH!?” or “HEEEELLLLOOOO!!!!!”  Of course, all of these sentences would be preceded by the always attention getting “Hey LAAAADDDY!”

But that would make me as obnoxious as her.

My goal is to get her to reciprocate a greeting.  I’d be happy with a nod, happier with a slight wave of the hand, and downright gleeful if she spoke back.  It’s a lofty goal, I know.  But, I won’t give up.  I’ll wave and say hello every. single. time. I see her until I get that coveted response.

Stick around for updates!  I’ll go make a pitcher of lemonade while you wait to show off my really awesome neighborly skills.

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Tags: Go Fly a Kite, Huh?, Indiana by Jennifer
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Hi, Mama Nature.  Jennifer, here…the one in New Town, IN.  The one that used to moan and complain about you and your evil ways in Alabama.  Certainly you remember me.  I’m writing to you to express my deepest irritation at your inability to deliver on Spring here in Indiana.  As I’m SURE you’re aware, Spring arrived March 20.  Here we are on April 10 and the forecast for the next several day is full of teases.  Nobody likes a tease, you see.

It’s supposed to be in the 60’s today and tomorrow, but those warm temperatures are being accompanied by thunderstorms, a most unwelcome guest.  This weekend is actually supposed to be sunny, but COLD.  Your inability to perform your basic job duties is simply unacceptable. 

Listen up, Mama, and listen good.  Ella has a closet full of adorable spring/summer dresses and outfits, some of which I’ve had since before she was born, that I’ve yet to even wash because of your inability to deliver on Spring.  I know that if I wash these darling outfits, you won’t send warmer temperatures until June or July.  You’re cruel like that. 

My patience is running thin.  All I want is some sun AND warm temperatures at the SAME TIME so that I can dress my daughter up in her new little outfits.  Would it be that hard to let me experience a little joy?

Please deliver on your promise of Spring.

Yours in utter annoyance,

Jennifer and family

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Tags: Go Fly a Kite, Indiana, Little Monkeys by Jennifer
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Saturday brought beautiful weather to New Town, IN, perfect for heading to a farm auction.  If you’ve never been to an auction you are truly missing out.  But this isn’t about the auction itself, it’s about using our stupid navigation system to get there.

I (probably should) take some of the responsibility in the resulting clusterf*ck.  First of all, I waited until we were in the car to ask Tate if he knew where we were going.  HUGE mistake.  I know from prior experience that we should have the route secured prior to departure.  Secondly, when he said that we’d just use the navigation system to tell us how to get there, I didn’t immediately say, “ah hell no.  We need to look at a real MAP.”  HEE-YUGE mistake.  When the navigation system seemed to be sending us on a route I wouldn’t have thought of myself, I didn’t immediately stop the insanity right then and there. 

**head explodes**

Let me back up just a bit to explain my extreme irritation with our navigation system.  It works splendidly if you merely want to go somewhere using our nation’s interstate system.  When used for in town navigation, though, it tends to choose odd routes and sometimes it gets confused and tells you you’re driving off road even when you know for damn sure that you are INDEED driving on a road.   It has also told me to make a u-turn to get back on the correct route, right after it’s told me to turn, like I’m the idiot, or something.

These “quirks” don’t deter Tate from his LOVE of the navigation system, though.   To him, the navigation system is infallible.

Here’s what the route to the auction looked liked…

What should have taken 15 minutes or so, took about 45 minutes.

What should have been a fun family outing, instead is probably going to lead to years of therapy and anti-anxiety meds.

What should have been a leisurely drive, filled with talk of the tractors and combines we’d get to see, was instead filled with angry accusations and heavy sighs. “Well if SOMEONE would have looked at a map BEFORE we left, we wouldn’t be in this position!”  “You have NO sense of direction!!!”  ***HEAVY. SIGH.***

After about 20 minutes of following the navigation system, Tate and I both realized that the route it had chosen was definitely the LONG, LONG way. But since we didn’t know where we were and didn’t have one of those old school PAPER maps with us, we still had to follow the route. That damn navigation system had us by the balls.

We easily self-navigated our way home and agreed that in the future we’d FINALLY learn from our mistakes and look at a real, bona fide paper map before leaving the house.  Also, we decided to go ahead and start a “future therapy” fund, just in case.

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Tags: Go Fly a Kite, Indiana, Men?, hole-y matrimony by Jennifer
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I woke up this morning feeling foul.  It’s one of those days that I must monitor my every word and every action, knowing that I could explode on the nearest offenders.

Tate is lucky he’s at work today.

My children are lucky that I know how volatile my mood is today.

I’ve been keeping a running dialogue of self-checking reminders in my head all morning. 

Don’t throw the green spoon at Carson, simply hand it to him and take the purple spoon away.  He’ll stop crying if you do.

Ella will be napping soon.  Don’t scream at her to shut up.  She’s just a BABY.

You don’t even believe in spanking!  Keep your hands to yourself.

Grow up!  Act like the PARENT, not the toddler.

I don’t know what, if anything specific, set me off.  Tate and I went on a date last night that was almost as fun as taking both kids with us.  Almost.  It is actually supposed to be in the 60’s today, but both of my kids are sick so we are stuck at home for what feels like the 873rd day in a row in exile.  Maybe it’s the 8th day of Aunt Flo’s visit.  Maybe the upcoming “vacation” home is stressing me out.  Maybe I’m just tired.

I don’t want to feel like this.

Don’t drink all the alcohol in the house.  The authorities would frown upon that.  It would also cost thousands of dollars in therapy for the children.

Forget about baking those brownies to self-medicate.

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Tags: Go Fly a Kite, my stream of consciousness by Jennifer
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List of things I accomplished before 9:10 AM…

Nursed the baby, grew a banana tree, harvested it and fed one to the baby, checked and answered several emails, dressed the baby, dressed the boy, reminded a certain person of our quest to leave the house by 9:10, changed two poopy diapers, showered myself, invented a shower lock, patented the lock, marketed it, and began to reap the profits, brushed my teeth, flossed, put on make-up, dried my hair, put on clothes (including pantyhose), reminded a certain person AGAIN of our quest to leave the house by 9:10, realized I had no time to eat breakfast, planned in my head the meals to be made for the day, laundry to be completed, and bills that needed paying, packed a travel bag for the kids filled with snacks, toys, diapers, wipes, and burp cloths, came up with a few viable solutions for world hunger, got two children into their coats and buckled into their car seats, wrote this blog post in my head, seethed with anger.*  9:10

List of things accomplished by a certain person who shall remain nameless…

Got up and hour after me, complained about the baby being fussy and loud, did some work from home on the Internet, “made” breakfast for himself and the boy that included pouring cereal and milk into a bowl, patted himself on the back for making breakfast, rolled his eyes at repeated reminders of our looming departure, asked what time we were leaving, showered, got himself a road sody, marveled at his amazing ability to get ready by 9:10, wondered outloud to himself why his wife was “sportin’ a ‘tude.”

*Certain accomplishments were embellished for EFFECT.

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Tuesday afternoon at approximately 3:26 PM, my cable and Internet were installed.  Sure Comcast was supposed to arrive between 8 and 12, and they called at exactly 12 to say they were going to be late, but who’s keeping score?   Sure I got up at 6:30 to ensure I’d be showered and ready for their possible arrival at 8, sure this was the one day that my children decided to sleep in to almost 8, sure I could have actually slept in for the first time EVER.

I’m not bitter, though.  I have TV and unlimited Internet back.  That’s all that matters.

Life doesn’t get much better than a little Rock of Love 2 mixed in with some email and a dash of commenting.

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Tags: Go Fly a Kite, Pictures, it's not a blog it's HBO by Jennifer
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