(It’s possible I should change the name of this blog to Jennifer’s Meijer Ramblings Or Jennifer is a DORK and Can’t Believe You Keep Reading.)
As proud as I could be, I stood back and admired my work. Strategically planned and carefully implemented, I watched my groceries on the conveyor belt as they patiently awaited their turn to be scanned by the Meijer cashier. Large items like diapers and soda were placed on the belt first. The can goods, boxed items, and jars were lovingly segregated. Fresh fruits and veggies were placed far, far away from the germy raw meats. Bread, tortillas, greeting cards, and eggs were the final products, placed at the back so they’d be less likely to be crushed.
It was truly a work of art, fit for display in the Louvre.
I was pleased with my organizational abilities and looked forward to going home and putting each item in it’s place, knowing that it would be easy since it was already separated for easy unloading. The satisfaction I felt at my accomplishment made me feel all warm and snugly inside.
Imagine my horror, though, as the cashier began bagging my groceries all willy nilly. My carefully crafted work of art was suddenly dismantled at the hands of this maniac cashier. Why was she putting carrots in with one box of elbow macaroni, 2 jars of baby food and a can of pinto beans??? I audibly gasped when she put my bread upright next to the rice cereal, soy sauce, and one (of two) 1/2 gallons of milk. My eyes grew wider and wider and my heart raced with each bag she filled. And filled she did.
She somehow fit $172 worth of groceries into FIVE plastic grocery bags. I was certain that the bag filled with one package of size two Pampers, a jar of Apricot jelly, one can of artichoke hearts, four jars of baby food, rolled oats, flour, Swiffer floor wipes, and the other milk would bust. (Somehow it didn’t, but I don’t know HOW. It defied the laws of physics.) What should have taken five minutes, took double that as the cashier undid my handiwork, picking and choosing items to fill the bags.
I didn’t say anything to the cashier. I just sheepishly thanked her as she gave me my receipt and 746 Meijer coupons. Walking away, I tried to regain my composure as I headed for the automatic doors. Shell shocked and exhausted from the ordeal I drove home, replaying the horror over and over in my mind. Why didn’t I say something? What was I afraid of? Could Meijer and I still be best friends or were things cooling for us?
First the car carts and now the pillaging cashier. Oh, Meijer? Why? WHY? What have I done?
