Category Archives: Indiana

French Lick Sounds Kinda Dirty

The other night at Bunco, several women were talking about French Lick, Indiana.  (Prior to this conversation they were talking about the security of their wireless Internet and keeping is protected against the eyes of PRYING neighbors.  Oops.  Thank goodness I don’t live in THAT neighborhood.) 

And we’re back from that brief tangent. 

One of the women asked me if I’d ever been to French Lick.  I shrugged and coyly said that I’d never heard of it.  “Oh?  You’ve never heard of it,” she questioned.  “Well it’s a blah, blah, blah, blah, blah place…”  I wasn’t really listening to the last part because I was thinking to myself, “Is it weird that I don’t know about French Lick, Indiana?  And I hope they don’t find out that I steal my Internet connection.”

The thing is, though, is that maybe I have heard of it.  I mean, I’ve HEARD of Hartford, Connecticut and El Paso, Texas and Istanbul, but they don’t have any special meaning for me.  The next day at lunch I asked Tate if he’d ever heard of French Lick, Indiana.  I whispered it quietly across the table of the semi-crowded restaurant because I sensed that NOT knowing about this place was like standing up and shouting “I HATE NOTRE DAME, PURDUE, AND the HOOSIERS.”  (I don’t, by the way.)

Tate gave me a most exasperated sigh and shook his head.  “It’s where Larry Bird was born.”  [imagine that he was looking at me like, YOU NUMBNUT] “French Lick, Indiana?,” he said as if repeating the words French Lick, Indiana would now somehow magically make it all click in my brain.

“Why would I care about where Larry Bird was born?”  I asked truly wondering why in fact I WOULD care about a 1980′s Boston Celtics, short-shorts wearing basketball player.

“It matters.  We live in Indiana now, Jennifer.  Basketball MATTERS,”  Tate explained.  And that was the end of the discussion.  At least for he and I anyway.  Now I’d like to include all of you in on the talks.

I have since googled French Lick, Indiana and learned that it is a resort area, but it’s also “known” (I use the term verrrrry loosely) for being Larry Bird’s birthplace .  However, I’m still befuddled.  Is it weird that I don’t know much, okay ANYTHING, about French Lick, Indiana?  Did everyone except me take a class titled, “The Low Down On French Lick…Everything You Must Know to Have a Fulfilled Life?” 

Stealing

Comcast is screwing me.  And they know they can screw me, stupid CABLE MONOPOLY.

I still don’t have Internet connection (or TV or phone).  It’s practically like living in the 40′s with only the radio to keep me company.  If you’re wondering how I’m posting now, it’s because I’m STEALING my neighbor’s Internet connection.  Hats off to my new neighbors!

So anyway, I’m just checking in to say I miss you!  Did you lose weight?!  Wow you ALL look SO pretty. 

How about a quick story about the realtor whose head I ate?

Okay.  Here’s the thing.  We found out the day before closing that we were responsible for purchasing and installing a mailbox.  This, despite our attempt to find out about the who’s and why’s of mailbox installation for the previous two weeks.  And not just any old mailbox, NO!  The mailbox approved by our homeowner’s association that has to be ordered from a specific person who was ON VACATION.  I was INCREDIBLY irritated to find out this information the day before closing AND! the day I had our mail forwarded to the new address.

GAH!  I’m getting mad just writing this.

Lest you think that I’m just a whiny, spoiled housewife who needs a real problem, let me ‘splain.  I feel that the post office is a place designed by the devil himself to make mommies of small children feel like hurling themselves into oncoming mail trucks.  It’s nearly impossible to get inside the post office carrying two small kids and your packages and go through two sets of doors then wait in line FOREVER and a day then fumble to pay, while holding two small kids then get back outside attempting to go through two sets of doors AGAIN while holding two small children.

I wasn’t exactly relishing in the idea of going to the post office everyday to retrieve my mail.  If you couldn’t tell.

So at the closing when the builder’s realtor said (in a very put-off, snotty tone), “I don’t see what the big deal is, you can just go to the post office and pick up your mail,”  I thought I was going to hurt her. She ended her sentence with a slight purse of the lips that I knew was code for, ”YOU STUPID IDIOT.”

That’s when I chewed off her head and spit it out, then stomped on it.

Okay, so that really wasn’t a quick story, but BOY do I feel BETTER.

See you soon, whether via stolen Internet access or whether the Comcast monopoly pulls their heads outta their fannies  and gets me my MTV.  I WANT MY MTV.

Busy Morning

Ooops…the first version wasn’t supposed to be published…I wasn’t finished with it yet, so if you got this twice in your reader, I apologize!

I have a lunch date today with these two gals.

To Do List to get ready… by 9:45 AM…

1.  Remember to wear deodorant.  I get really sweaty when I’m nervous (even when it’s only 9 degrees.)
2.  Lose 10 pounds.
3.  Work on joke-telling skills
4.  Speak with my zits and kindly ask them to find a different home than MY FACE.
5.  Teach Carson table manners…

6. Have a stern talking-to with Ella and remind her NOT to be SO ornery…

Dream Home

Haiku Friday

Ten homes weren’t “the one.”
Too colorful or too cracked
Where was Suzanne Whang?

Cue the music, folks
After the duds, we found “it”
Beautiful dream home

We close in three weeks!
I’m beside myself with joy!
Bring on the shopping!

**Sorry if you got this in your reader twice today, I had to delete the first one because it got all hoinked up and looked all screwy after I edited it. 

To play along for Haiku Friday, follow these steps:

1. Write your own haiku on your blog. You can do one or many, all following a theme or just random. What’s a haiku, you ask? Click here.

2. Sign the Mister Linky below with your name and the link to your haiku post (the specific post URL, not your generic blog URL). We will delete your link if it doesn’t go to a haiku. If you need help with this, contact Christina or myself.

3. Pick up a Haiku Friday button to display on the post or in your sidebar by clicking the button above.

Well, There is One Thing

So far, I LOVE me some Indiana.    But there has been one hitch in the giddyup… 

The first night here in Indiana didn’t exactly goes as planned.  After finally getting all of our stuff brought in from the cars, I started sorting laundry.  I had about five loads to do since I hadn’t had access to a washer for several days.  

Laundry + just having moved and driven 800 miles with two (2) small kids = Very stressed Jennifer

I looked at the washer and realized it wasn’t a full size model, but rather one of those space saver types.  This meant that instead of five loads of laundry, instead I had about 347 loads since you can only fit about one sock and a bib per load.  I thought to myself, “at least I’ll get some laundry done before going to bed.  It’s better than NONE.”

Within about half an hour of starting the first (and only) load of laundry, Tate informed me that the washer had overflowed and that there was about two inches of water covering our kitchen floor.  I was certain that his alter ego, Captain Exaggerato, had just told me a GIANT lie.

Unfortunately the washer had overflowed and there really was about two inches of water on the kitchen floor and this water was starting to seep into the carpet in the dining/living area.

So our first night in Indiana was spent mopping.  And mopping.  And mopping some more.

347 loads of laundry + just having moved and driven 800 miles with two (2) small kids + two (2) inches of water on the kitchen floor + mopping (I despise mopping with every fiber of my being) = A very stressed and CRYING Jennifer.

(Just to be clear, I hadn’t overloaded the washer and the overflow was in no way my fault.  Apparently the washer was just crappy and old and BROKEN.)

The First Snow

I pointed out the falling snow to Carson, who was kicked back in his car seat watching Cars for the fourth consecutive time.  Needless to say, he was less than impressed with the barely visible flurries that were falling in Kentucky as we drove.  Carson’s only experience with snow thus far has what he’s seen on Thomas and Friends.  I suspect he was expecting mounds of the white stuff and for me to proclaim, “this snow is causing confusion and delay,” just like Sir Topham Hatt.

When we arrived at our apartment complex in New Town, IN, where we’re staying until we find a home to buy, there was about a 1/2 inch of snow on the ground.   Definitely not much snow, you could see patches of grass where the snow had already melted, but certainly more than I’d shown him earlier in the day.   Again, I pointed out the snow.  This time, Carson was far more impressed.

“Snow!!!!”  he exclaimed, his eyes wide with awe.  “Snow, Mommy!  Snow!  Go play snow!!”

Soon we parked the cars and were able to get him unfastened from his car seat, he was beside himself with excitement.  We set him down, his feet crunching the snow beneath his feet.  He looked up at us with wonder and amazement, stomping his feet.  Across the parking lot he eyed a grassy area, covered with even more snow.

“Go play snow, Daddy!!!” and he took off towards the field.  Since he wasn’t wearing a coat or gloves, we had to coax him into the apartment to get the proper playing in the snow attire.  We found that our apartment had a small, fenced patio overlooking a little duck pond. 

“Go play snow, NOW!”  Carson demanded as we hurriedly tried to wrangle him into a coat, hat, and gloves.  Finally we opened the door and he stepped outside, making footprints in the snow.  Back and forth he walked across the patio, checking out his footprints. 

“Feet, Mommy!!!  Feet”  he pointed out to me. His face beamed with joy.

All this excitement brought the ducks in for a closer look (and probably on a hunt for some bread handouts).  The sight of the ducks quacking and waddling through the snow, made Carson squeal with delight.   Soon the ducks lost interest in us and Carson discovered that not only could you make footprints, you could pick up the snow.  Removing his gloves, he felt it’s coldness on his hands.  He smiled and looked up at us to see if he’d get in trouble for touching it.  We showed him how to make a snowball, which he carried inside.  Of course, the snowball soon melted, but he continued to look for it.

“Snowball?  Snowball in kitchen?  Snowball on table?” he inquired. 

“No, baby, the snowball melted.  We’ll have to get more snow later.”

He played in the snow several more times that day, until it finally got too late.  He begrudgingly agreed to come inside, but only after promises that he’d get to play in snow many more times now that we live in Indiana.

I think Carson is home.  I know I am.

Sorry, No Pictures

Guess who has Internet access and is gloriously happy about it!?!?!  I’ll give you three guesses, but the first two don’t count….

That’s right, genius!  ME!

(And it’s not even stolen, which makes me a little sad because that would have been a far more exciting story to tell.)

Anyway.

I would like to take this time to give myself a swift kick in the arse since I packed away my camera at the bottom of a tote and couldn’t take pictures of a few of the things I saw on the drive, because BOY OH BOY did they make me chuckle.  Sadly, this would have been a much better post with pictures.  It’s the kind of thing that it’s funny if you’re there, but maybe not so much when you are just reading about it.

Anyway.

There was a sign along I-65 in Alabama that said, and I’m NOT EVEN LYING, “Go to church or the devil will get you.”  This very helpful message was accompanied by the picture of the devil that looked suspiciously like the devil from those cans of icky deviled ham.  Um?  Can you say COPYRIGHT INFRINGEMENT!?  I say that copyright infringement yields a far worse fate than not going to church.  I suspect Jesus would agree with me.

Another sign that I saw on I-65, but this time in Kentucky, and I’m still NOT LYING said, “Jim Bob’s B00bie Bonanza next exit.”  Okay, it didn’t actually say “Bonanza,” but I can’t recall exactly what it did say.  That’s not even the point, though.  The word “b00bie” was on a billboard and that’s some funny stuff right there.  I was going to stop the car and have Tate take a picture of me and the kids in front of Jim Bob’s B00bie Bonanza because that would have been KLASSY.

Speaking of adult entertainment, there sure is a plethora of A*DULT BOOKSTORES! and A*DULT VIDEOS! too choose from along this nation’s interstate system.  In one particularly thick patch of A*DULT ENTERTAINMENT offerings I saw a sign on the left-hand side of the road that said, “Turn here for all your A*DULT ENTERTAINMENT needs!”  On the other side of the road, just opposite this sign was a message warning of eternal damnation, “You pay for porn in HELL.”

Wooooooooooow.  That’s quite a deterrent.

See how this post would have been much better with pictures??  Meh.  Sorry.

Exciting update….here’s a link to another blog that posted a picture of the church/devil sign!!  (Thank you Google.  I love you.)