Entries Tagged as 'it's not a blog it's HBO'

Battling Over Movie Turds

I’d like to introduce you to my sister-in-law, Kate*.  Everyone, say hello to Kate!

This past weekend, Kate and I got into a–I hate to call it heated, so let’s say *LIVELY*–discussion about two of my most detested movies in the universe.

There’s Something About Mary (Blech!  GAG!  Ugh!  Barf-o-rama!)  and The Wedding Date (AWFUL!).

The fact that I spent money, hard-earned money, going to a theatre to watch two turds is one of my life’s greatest regrets.  That’s $14 I’ll never get back.  When I think about the bottle and a half of wine I could have purchased with that money instead, I feel sick.  Just plain sick.

Kate completely disagrees and find these two movies delightful and hilarious.  (YUCK!  I’m gonna hurl.)

I realize that most likely, I’m in the minority on this one as I remember that when TSAM came out, it was a huge hit.  People kept telling me, “Oh you MUST go see that movie!  It’s the FUNNIEST movie EVER made.”  (Like, gag me with a spoon, ya know!)

So what do you think, are you a fan of these movies and agree with Kate?  Or do you agree with me and think they are terrible, horrible, awful, putrid movies?

(Kate would like to tell you all how lovely you look today.)

(I would like to tell you how pretty and smart you all are and how much I look forward to your visits each day.)

Looky here!  You can vote in the handy-dandy poll!

On your mark.  Get set!  GO!

*Kate is a pseudonym.  So is Tate.  My mother-in-law would like to make it known that she would never name her children rhyming names.

Tags: it's not a blog it's HBO, jennifer and tate battle by Jennifer
48 Comments »

I. Am. Famous.

Brad Pitt and I are practically cousins.  We grew up in the same town (Springfield, MO!  Holla to my homies in the 417!).  He attended my rival high school, the same one attended by my high school boyfriend.  That’s just two degrees of separation right there.  Back when he used to date Gwyneth Paltrow, the two of them came to Springfield for Thanksgiving and shopped at the local Smitty’s.  I have shopped at that VERY SAME SMITTY’S.  We probably touched the exact same floor tiles.  Another time when he was in town, he went downtown to bars where I used to frequent.  Also, my sorority sister in college, her boyfriend at the time grew up down the ACTUAL street from where Brad grew up.

See?  Practically related!

My hometown was also home to several other celebrities.  I like to drop their names sometimes to make myself look cool.

Ever heard of the Disney Channel?  How about the slightly popular, High School Musical?  Lucas Grabeel, better known as hunky ”Ryan Evans” from HSM also graduated from MY rival high school.   It’s like I KNOW him. 

Aaron Buerge, a former male slut suitor on The Bachelor STILL lives in my hometown and owns a restaurant in that same downtown district.  We have breathed the SAME AIR.

I went to the same college as Kathleen Turner of Romancing the Stone fame.  Really!  I did!  Also, John Goodman (Roseanne) went to my college.  Sure they attended DECADES *ahem* earlier than myself, but just the fact that we attended the very same school counts for something I say.

Have you heard of that auto parts store, O’Reilly’s, the one with all the catchy radio ads?  It started in MY hometown and my best friend in elementary school, her sister used to ride horses with the daughter of the owner of O’Reilly’s.  (O, O, O, O’Reillyyyyyyyyyyyyy’s.  Auto Parts.)

When I was in L.A. for spring break years ago, I saw Noah from Beverly Hills 90210 in a bar, Jack Nicholson driving around in a Jeep Grand Cherokee, and Chad Lowe in a Ford Taurus.

Impressive, no?

My bestestest claim to fame has to be from last Thursday night when I got to actually meet (and fall in LOVE with) Bossy when she and her Saturn stopped in Indiana during her road trip.   Also, I now know (and LOVE) her, her, her, and her.  I already knew (and LOVED) her and her. 

I. Am.  FAMOUS.  (For reals.)

What is your claim to fame?

Tags: Indiana, Lucky Me, Quirky Me, it's not a blog it's HBO by Jennifer
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Jon, Tate, and Jennifer Plus 8

Tate would never publicly admit this, so I’ll do it for him, but he enjoys that show Jon and Kate Plus 8.  Of course, he probably would never have purposely watched this show if it weren’t for me.  We are both so fascinated by this show and how they function.   ”Eight kids!” we say.  “All those kids!” we say, shaking our heads in disbelief. 

A good evening in the Binky Bitch household is when TLC or Discovery Health is playing a marathon of all the episodes! 

I have so much I’d like to say about this show.  Since it’s been some time since I compiled my thoughts in handy outline form, I thought I do that for you today.  

I.  Jon and Kate’s relationship
     A.  Wow.
     B.  Wow.
     C.  How DO they stay married?

II.  Kate’s OCD and quirks
      A.  Wow.
      B.  Wow.
      C.  She makes me feel inferior that I have a mere TWO kids and can barely keep the house clean.
      D.  She scrubs the floor on her hands and knees MORE THAN ONCE PER DAY.
           1.  Wow.
      E.  She took pictures of her kids’ first poo.
           1.  Gross.
      F.  I would like to be friends with her.

III.  Those kids are so freaking cute.
         A.  They never seem dirty or unkempt.
               1.  Where are their snotty noses??
         B.  They all speak so well…especially for being MEGA-multiples.
         C.  The kids are all pretty sweet to each other.
               1.  Maybe they are horrible when the cameras are turned off.
                     a.  Doubtful

IV.  They never eat out.
        A.  Kate cooks from scratch and mostly with organic foods.
              1.  Again she makes me feel inferior.
              2.  I would die if I never got to eat out.  
                   a.  Of course, I’d probably die if I had to eat out with 8 children.
        B.  Those kids have never had fast food
              1.  Or so Kate says
                    a.  I don’t think she’s lying, though
              2.  Inferior!  ME!  We eat Chick-Fil-A weekly.

V.  Jon is cute.
      A.  More importantly, he’s also a great Dad.
            1.  This is probably why I think he’s cute.
      B.  He is a saint for keeping his cool with Kate.

VI.  They took the kids to Disneyworld
        A.  They drove there all the way from whatever northern state they live in.
              1.  Air travel would have been equally as HORRIBLE in my opinion.
        B.  They must be crazy.
        C.  How DID they SURVIVE?
             1.  Not only did they survive, they seemed to have….fun?

Discuss.  Jon and Kate dissertations are due by 5 AM tomorrow.  Pass the No-Doze!   

(This wasn’t supposed to post until tonight…damnit.)  (There is a post below this one that was meant for TODAY…I’m telling you this because the comments are hilarious!)

Tags: it's not a blog it's HBO by Jennifer
63 Comments »

How Do Cable Companies Get Away With Telling Us They’ll Be There Between 8 and Never

Tuesday afternoon at approximately 3:26 PM, my cable and Internet were installed.  Sure Comcast was supposed to arrive between 8 and 12, and they called at exactly 12 to say they were going to be late, but who’s keeping score?   Sure I got up at 6:30 to ensure I’d be showered and ready for their possible arrival at 8, sure this was the one day that my children decided to sleep in to almost 8, sure I could have actually slept in for the first time EVER.

I’m not bitter, though.  I have TV and unlimited Internet back.  That’s all that matters.

Life doesn’t get much better than a little Rock of Love 2 mixed in with some email and a dash of commenting.

Tags: Go Fly a Kite, Pictures, it's not a blog it's HBO by Jennifer
44 Comments »

Watching House Hunters is the Next Best Thing to Being a Voyeur

The other day I made mention of my most favorite show on television, House Hunters.  You all watch it on HGTV just like me?  Right?  If not, you are MISSING OUT.  That Suzanne Whang is one terrific, wiggly house hunting television show host.  For your viewing pleasure, House Hunters can be seen at noon, 7:30, or 10:00 Monday through Friday.  Just call me, Jennifer, your house hunting show hocker.

I look forward to watching it each night and have probably seen every episode.   When we moved to Indiana and went on our own house hunting excursion, I pretended that Suzanne was narrating the whole day…”What will they pick?  The ranch with finished basement and cah-ah razy colors?  The two-story overlooking the pond, but with a choppy floor plan?  Or the gorgeous two story new construction home on the tiny lot?”   

I’ve been keeping very informal data about my success rate in guessing which home the people choose.  Tate is almost always correct, with about an 85% success rate.  I’m not as good, I only guess correctly about 50% of the time since I let my personal taste do the choosing.  If real estate agents didn’t have to work evenings and weekends, I’d like to be one.  Of course, I’d have to learn to not walk into a house and say things like, “OMG what IS that smell?”  Or, “What WERE these people thinking when they put up this hideous wallpaper?”

Here are some things that I wonder about the show…

1.  Do the people get paid to be on the show?  It seems like everyone goes well over budget OR they do a complete remodel.  They MUST get paid to afford to do this.

2.  At the end of the show, the new home owners are always holding coffee cups.   Why?  I mean, every few episodes is alright, but every episode?  And seriously, it’s obvious the cups are empty, so they look pretty silly holding empty coffee cups while they talk about how much they love their new home’s layout and hardwood floors.

3.  Have the guests on the show already bought one of the houses?  It seems like the real estate agent often shows two houses that are clearly not at all what the people are looking for and one house that’s perfect.  “Here’s a crappy house beside a cemetery, train tracks and airport, another one that’s $150,000 over your budget, and the last one is on a cul-de-sac in the right school district and near the beach!” 

4.  Why do so many homes have tile countertops?  Aren’t they a bitch to clean?

5.  How do people leaving on either coast afford homes?  Seriously?  How?

6.  What does everyone have against popcorn ceilings?  I don’t really LOVE a popcorn ceiling, but is it really that big of a deal?  On a sidenote:  Mmmm, popcorn!

7.  I’m thinking way too hard about this show, aren’t I?

Tags: Quirky Me, Randomness, it's not a blog it's HBO by Jennifer
61 Comments »