I’m having a blogging crisis, of sorts.
Ever since writing about my son’s troubles at school recently, I’ve hesitated to say anything about him on this blog that could maybe even slightly give an impression that my son isn’t “normal.” Some of the comments and emails (way more emails than comments) I received as a result of saying that my son is difficult and has always been difficult really stung. It hurt and scared me to hear words like “Autism” and “Sensory Processing Disorder.”
I felt like I cheated Carson by not painting a complete picture of him, but my style of blogging is usually to just talk about the issue of the day and not include every single detail that one might possibly need to know to form a conclusion. Therefore, with the scant information I presented, several of you concluded that my son was somehow disordered.
I can see how you would come to that conclusion. If I were to have read that post, as someone who doesn’t live MY life, where I went on and on about how Carson has trouble with groups, he doesn’t like to be around too many kids, and that everything we’ve ever done has been a battle, well…I would have come to the conclusion that Carson needed some sort of professional help, that he was maybe autistic or sensory impaired or suffering from an anxiety disorder.
At this point, I’m not really sure what I should say about Carson and school. I don’t want to jinx the progress we’ve made (because everyone knows that sharing on a success on your blog immediately activates Murphy’s Law). Also, I really can’t take anymore advice.
I’m saturated and feeling overexposed.
I feel like I need to guard my son.
I feel like I need to guard my heart.
The other day I posted a picture of Carson with his hair in pigtails. Before publishing the photo, I considered whether or not this would embarrass Carson one day. Obviously, I went ahead and published it, but I’ve gone back and forth with myself, “hey it was pretty funny!” to “I should be ashamed at myself for posting a potentially embarrassing photo of my CHILD to get comments.”
Everyday there are hilarious things that my children do that would make BRILLIANT blog posts. The poop on the floor that someone tried to clean up with the mini vacuum, but luckily I intervened in time…The story of how the highlight of someone’s day was learning to pee behind a tree outside…The threatening to hit a certain unmentionable body part when they are angry, “I’m gonna hit my {redacted} if you make me eat lunch.”…
I don’t know anymore what I should and shouldn’t post. Will I embarrass them, overexpose them? Now that my children are no longer babies, there is no longer a clear line of what constitutes an appropriate, but still funny topic. A story about poop involving an infant: Funny! ALL infants have poop stories. A poop story about a three-year-old: funny…maybe, embarrassing…definitely. In no way do I want to exploit my children’s privacy and embarrassing moments for the sake of this stupid blog, for the sake of comments.
I shudder to think that my children would ever be angry with me for PUBLISHING for ALL the Interwebs to see on MY blog something that could potentially horrify them.
Something tells me that this is only going to get even more complicated as my children get older. I’m certain that Ella would be mortified if I talked about her getting her first period. Carson probably wouldn’t appreciate if I wrote in detail about his first hearbreak.
I mean, I’m supposedly a *GASP* mommyblogger. I’ve always blogged about my kids. (Most of the time) I love talking about them with all of you and hearing your experiences. But if I don’t talk about my kids , then what the hell do I talk about?!
There’s also this whole expectation about what you as readers expect when you read this blog. Playgroups are no place for children. A (mommy)blog about a mom who writes about her many moves, her two kids, silly marital strife stories, and pure nonsense. For awhile I wrote blog tips, but only on Saturdays because I didn’t want to annoy my readers who had no interest in the subject. I’d love to start talking about some of my other passions like photography and cooking, but I hesitate because “blogging experts” say that every different topic should be it’s own blog so as not to lose readers.
SIGH.
So I followed that advice. I started a recipe site about forever and an eon ago, but it’s just never felt like my home, THIS blog. I’ve considered beginning to post recipes with pictures, because I LIKE cooking, I LIKE photography, I LIKE photographs of food, and I LIKE to talk about those things, but haven’t because I didn’t want people to think I was just copying other people who’ve done the exact same thing.
Can you see why I’m having this blogging crisis?!
I fear the repercussions of talking about my kids and I fear venturing into new territories because I don’t have any NEW! and ORIGINAL! ideas.
Where do I go from here?
Even though I think that the name of this blog “Playgroups are no place for children” is frankly quite brilliant (if I do say so myself), I feel so boxed in by it. Every time I’m referred to as “Playgroupie” I want to barf. My kids are getting older and I haven’t been in a playgroup in a year and a half! The name, or really the BRAND of this blog, well…I just don’t know if it works for me anymore.
I don’t know if it is ME anymore.
What I really want to do is throw my hands up in the air and say, “Dammit! This blog may not be ME as much as it once was, but it is still MY blog. I can do whatever I want!” After more than two years of blogging, I think I’m finally in a place where I’m no longer really trying to grow my blog and gain readership, though if it happens, great! I do want to keep my readers, though, because I LIKE you. I really, really like you. It would be a shame to lose a bunch of readers because I decided to be ME.
Can I give myself permission to expand the content that I present on THIS site? Is it even allowed?
(This is officially the longest and most rambling post I’ve ever written. If you made it all the way to the end, I’d like to offer you a trophy.)
