Category Archives: ouch

A little bit of this and a little bit of that.

Written on November 15, 2009 by in hole-y matrimony, Little Monkeys, Mommydom, my stream of consciousness, NaBloPoMo, ouch, Randomness

Phew.  Betcha thought I forgot all about posting on this lazy NaBloPoMo Sunday, huh?  No?  You didn’t even notice?  Well.

**Ella has this really red rash that started yesterday.  By last night she was practically covered with it.  I took her to a doc in the box this morning and the nurse practitioner thought that it she could be having an allergic reaction to her antibiotic that she’s been on for almost 10 days for an ear infection.  So that lazy Sunday I mentioned in the first paragraph was not, in fact, lazy.  It was filled with worry and tender kisses on itchy foreheads, calamine lotion, oatmeal baths,  and holding and rocking a sweet baby girl.  I fully embodied the spirit of Ma Ingalls.

**I came home from the doctor to my husband questioning me, which is completely different than asking me questions.  “Why didn’t they do a histamine test?”  “The doctor didn’t even know WHAT the rash was and was just giving a cop out answer that it’s a drug reaction, wasn’t she?”  “You ARE going to call the REAL doctor in the morning, AREN’T YOU?”

In case you were wondering my husband does not actually earn a paycheck as a hard-nosed detective.

**There is a direct correlation between the number of sunny days and the amount of housework that gets completed.  My house is a freaking disaster area.  Can you guess the weather?!

**I never, ever (EVER) write reviews, but an opportunity to try out a Shabby Apple Dress came my way and wouldn’t you know, I wrote a review.  You can check out my review here!

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Girl Junk in Recovery

Written on July 24, 2008 by in Little Monkeys, ouch, Quirky Me

This morning while playing chase with Carson, I got injured.  SEVERELY injured.

See, I was chasing him back and forth, catching him, tickling him, then sending him on his merry way for more chasing.  For some unknown reason he veered from our silently agreed upon game and decided to HEAD-BUTT ME IN MY CROTCH.

Huh?  Wha??  Crotch head-butting wasn’t a part of the game I was playing???

OH my aching crotch.

It was all I could do not to scream shitf*ckdamnhellc*ntf*ckf*ckf*ck!

Having a crotch wound is not only painful, but awkward to nurse back to health.  Rubbing my sore, achy crotch…well, it looks weird.  I can’t really go out in public, stroking my girly region now can I?   Also, there’s no easy way to wrap an Ace bandage around your crotch.  Trust me.  I tried.  Band-aids cure most ailments, but not those where HAIR and tender skin are involved.  I also attempted putting ice on my crotch, but um…ice?  It’s especially cold when touching your crotch.

I haven’t, uh, visually inspected my crotch to check for bruising, but I don’t think I need to SEE it.  I FEEL it, thankyouverymuch.  My crotch HURTS.

My crotch won’t be accepting ANY visitors any time soon (sorry Tate, talk to CARSON about that), but she is accepting sympathy cards.  You can send those to:

Jennifer’s Crotch
c/o Jennifer…because it’s MY crotch, that’s why.  I’m caring for it the best I can.
Comment’s section
Playgroupsarenoplaceforchildren.com

# of times the word “crotch” appears in this post…12.  Awesome.

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Coke and Peanuts

Written on January 3, 2008 by in Ask Teh Internets, jennifer and tate battle, Men?, ouch, Randomness

Several weeks ago, Tate came home and told me that he’d seen the most disgusting thing ever that day.

“Oh my God!  What did you see?”

“Someone had put PEANUTS in their COKE and they were….drinking it!!!,” he said with his face twisted in disgust.  “It was all chunky and nasty looking.”

Apparently he’d never heard of someone putting peanuts in their coke.  Although I’ve never actually done it myself, I have actually heard of it.  I remember my parents talking about getting bottles of coke and a package of peanuts out of vending machines as teenagers and how it was a “cool” thing to do.

Anyway, since most of our arguments are solved via the Internet, he said (all sassified like), “Why don’t you just blog about it…”

“Um?  YOU, little man, are NOT the boss of me.  I’m not blogging about it unless I WANT to blog about.  I’m my own woman.”

“No.  Blog about it right NOW.  I’m SO winning this battle.”

I guffawed very loudly.  Nobody tells me what to blog.  No. Bod. Y.

So it’s been at least three weeks, and I am finally ready to blog it.  And most certainly NOT because Tate wanted me to, but because my curiosity has been sufficiently brewed and has now piqued.

Have you heard of coke and peanuts?  Have you tried it?

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We Shall Never Speak of This Again

Written on May 1, 2007 by in ouch, Quirky Me

Here’s a snippet of some of the things I heard this past week…

Overheard in the hall of the urologist’s office yesterday…

Doctor: Ms. Playgroupie is ready to have her stent removed.

Nurse: I’ve never removed a stent before.

Doctor: Oh, it’s no big deal. You just pull it out. You’ve never done one, huh?

Nurse: No.

Doctor: It’s easy. You’ll be fine. She’s right in there.

The door opens…..

************************************************************************************

A “conversation” with Tate.

Me: “I like that new Volvo that has the ability to alert you if someone is in your car.”

Tate: “Wouldn’t you know if someone is in your Vulva?”

Me: “Not Vulva, Volvo.”

Tate: “Talking about Vulvas is much more fun.”

************************************************************************************

Overheard in a restaurant.

Person 1: “Ewww, Do you smell that?”

Person 2: “No, what? Oh, wait, ooooh gross.”

Person 1: “I think that kid sitting behind us crapped his pants.”

Person 2: “That smells terrible, we gotta move tables. I can’t eat with that smell.”

****

A certain pregnant, full of flatulence woman snickers to herself AND blushes from embarrassment.

We shall never speak of this again.

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I Am B.O.R.E.D

Written on April 28, 2007 by in ouch, Quirky Me

As a result of the Spinal block I received for my surgery the other day, I’m unable to do anything but lie down. I can’t sit up or walk without excruciating pain in my head. I’ve urged Tate to go ahead with the craniectomy, but he says it would be too messy and might “damage” Peanut. Whatever.

So, anyway, here I lie. Bored. Why can’t there be anything good on TV? There’s not even a good movie on pay-per-view! The Cubs and Cardinals game is on TV, but their games always stress me out. (I have a severe aversion to the Cubs…sorry to any of my Chicago readers.)

I would again like to thank each of you for all your kind words and encouragement through this sucky time. I will be making rounds and trying to thank all of you in your comments sections…it’ll take some time.

I hope next week to post something a smidge more entertaining than my woes. I’m getting bored with my own posts.

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Mama Had a Kidney Stone

Written on April 27, 2007 by in ouch

And I thought labor was bad!

Kidney stones, especially those blocking tubes making it so you can’t pee, hurt way worse than labor ever hurt. Way worse. Like a million times worse.

I remember very little from Wednesday. I do remember being in severe pain, unable to pee, and cussing. Lots and lots of cussing. I’m pretty sure I scared the bejeezus out of several nurses, doctors, ultrasound techs, X-ray techs, and especially Tate.

Although I hated to, I agreed to 2 X-Rays (ended up getting 4), Demerol (which was completely worthless), some anti-inflammatory drug (very bad this close to delivery), and “surgery”. Seeing as I didn’t so much as take a Tums when I was pregnant with Peanut, I am quite worried about the side effects of all these interventions. Petunia has been monitored and is doing well, I just hope there aren’t any long term effects. All the doctors and nurses assured Tate and me that these meds and procedures most likely wouldn’t harm the baby. (We did get a really cool picture of Petunia inside of me.)

Yesterday, I had “surgery” to remove the kidney stone. I’ve always considered surgery to be where they cut you. Luckily no cutting was involved, just a tube up my tinkler and a laser to break apart the stone. Doc said it was a very large stone. No shit. I have a stent which is incredibly uncomfortable, but still better than the ginormous kidney stone. Can’t wait until Monday to have the stent removed so that I won’t feel the urge to pee ALL THE TIME anymore.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. It was so nice to come home yesterday with 60+ messages in my inbox. Tate was impressed!

RE: Tagged, Spread the Love post…I have no clue what any of it meant either. Deep links? No idea. I don’t have too gooda smarts in the computery world.

Oh yeah, how could I forget…the Contest! Click on the button on your right!

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Jennifer’s Big Adventure

Written on April 26, 2007 by in ouch

Hi everyone…this is Tate. Jennifer is in the hospital this evening as a result of a kidney stone that may require surgery. Keep her in your thoughts and prayers.

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