Quirky Me | Playgroups are No Place For Children

Category Archives: Quirky Me

Little Gifts

Written on September 16, 2011 by Jennifer in Pictures, Quirky Me

This week has been full of little gifts. The best gifts all came Tuesday, the day I posted my last post about having a hard go of things.

1. Tate called me Tuesday morning and offered to take me out to lunch. The offer alone was a gift, actually sitting down alone in a restaurant with him was just the cherry on top.

2. A friend and long time reader, mpotter, told me that she had seen me in Redbook Magazine! I had completely forgotten that I was going to be in the magazine. My name is in a magazine because of something I wrote (that was heavily edited and added to, but whatevs. I’m in a real, live magazine!)

3. I was asked by Old Navy and Babble Voices if I’d be interested in shopping at Old Navy and talking about the trip and our purchases on my blog, Southern By Proxy. I gotta say, shopping with $150, courtesy of Old Navy, doesn’t exactly suck.

In fact, it was pretty awesome. Please see below, Ella jumping up and down for joy in a dress she picked out on her own. I felt the same joy and I might have jumped up and down for joy, too. It doesn’t hurt that they are having a huge sale right now, lots of items starting at $5.

Here is my article about the shopping trip, complete with even more pictures of my cute kids in their new clothes.

16 Comments - Leave a comment!

It feels good to breathe again.

Written on September 13, 2011 by Jennifer in playing along, Quirky Me

The gray, gloomy cloud lifted from atop my shoulders this morning, taking with it the bricks weighting down my shoulders and the cross words that have spewed from my mouth for two weeks.

Last week while standing in line at the Genius Bar at the Apple Store, I felt the beginnings of a panic attack. I had just come from my Bible study, a study that I’m reluctantly co-leading, so my Bible was in my purse. I was so afraid that I’d melt down right there in front of all these people holding their iPhones and iPads, in front of blue shirted, head set wearing Genius Bar employees, and in front of my daughter. As my chest tightened and I felt like screaming for everyone around me to just shut up for two seconds, I reached my hand inside my purse and placed my hand on my small silver Bible and I prayed for God to help me to get control of myself. I prayed the same prayer over and over, breathing deeply in and out until I felt like I could finally look around at the people around me without my face crumpling into an ugly cry.

My children’s behavior has been shockingly atrocious these past few weeks. I told a friend after a particularly grueling meltdown in the front of Steak and Shake that I think my daughter finally broke me. I continue to feed her daily and tell her that I love her and do all the things I’m supposed to do as her loving mother, but each kind thing I did for her it was with suspicious eyes, waiting for the next shoe to fall. Wary, weary, and desperately wanting a reprieve from their bad behavior, I’ve been running further and further distances just to be alone.

I’ve definitely taken on too many responsibilities at once, too many things that I don’t have to do, but I know that I need to do. Freelance writing jobs, Family Friendly Knoxville, volunteering, and Bible study. It’s funny, though, the Bible study I’m leading, the one that I’m reluctantly co-leading, is based on the book, “One Thousand Gifts,” by Ann Voskamp and it’s an entire book based on thanking God for every thing in our lives, a practice in seeing all the beauty that surrounds us.

In purposely practicing this gratitude, I think I’m beginning to heal from the wounds slashed into my soul these past two weeks. The self inflicted, the child inflicted, the husband inflicted wounds are each healing nicely as I focus more energy on the good instead of sinking further into the cesspool of muck that I’ve created in my own little world.

It feels good to breathe again.

(My friend Heather has started this free writing exercise and I decided to see what would happen if I just sat down and gave myself 15 minutes of uninterupted time to just write. This is what came out. Unedited, except for the red squiggly lined typos.)

30 Comments - Leave a comment!

The truth about running

Written on September 1, 2011 by Jennifer in Quirky Me

I don’t always like running, and by “don’t always like,” I mean I sometimes sort of hate running. It hurts, my lungs and my legs burn. I feel like I just can’t take one more step.

One of the good things about running, though, is that you have to make it back to your home/car/where ever you started. So. Instead of giving up, I keep on running because walking those two miles back would take too long.

As soon as I’m done running, I feel like a million bucks — no, I feel like fifty million bucks — and I’m happy that I actually did it when I spent hours before the run talking myself out of going. “It wasn’t really that bad,” I can say so easily as I’m unlacing my running shoes and coiling my earphones neatly for the next run.

I started running with the understanding that runners LOVE running. They talk about that endorphin high. They run and it looks nearly effortless. I think that maybe I’ve had a teeny, tiny taste of an endorphin high, but I know I won’t be the next poster child for how effortless running can look. It has occurred to me on, oh, just about every occasion I’ve run, that maybe I’m not really meant to be a runner. Maybe pilates or even bingo would be more my speed.

I keep on running, though.

I trained all summer to run a 10K, or 6.2 miles. It was so much fun and it was horrible and hot and I’ve never been as proud of myself as I was on the Saturday morning that I ran 6 miles and didn’t die. It was even kind of fun. Two weeks ago I was signed up to run the Butterfly 5K with my training team. “HA! A measly 3.1 miles! Smugness and chuckles abound! I could probably sprint the whole way!” I thought to myself.

One of these days I’ll learn that smugness and chuckling never suit me well. I felt awful during the race. My stride was all off, my side was cramping starting about about the half mile point. I had to walk about four different times. I was embarrassed when I finished to have all my training team cheering me on. I wanted to be the one cheering them on.

Running longer distances takes time and it’s time that is inconvenient for the rest of my family. I feel guilty when I leave to run in the evenings when it’s “cooled off” (yes, the quotes are necessary) and leave Tate to handle bedtime alone. I feel guilty when I wake up early on a Saturday morning to run and leave Tate to handle ravenous children demanding pancakes when I know he has a list a mile long of things to around the house.

There are parallel lessons between life and running, I just know there are. Some days are great while other days are nothing but crap of a cracker. Even though I sometimes sort of hate it while I’m doing it and I feel guilty for doing something for myself, I keep doing it. When I haven’t run in a few days, I find myself craving it, the feel of my feet against the pavement, my face red with effort, with beads of sweat dripping down my back. At the same time I’m craving it, the “you don’t really need to go today, do you?” talk starts in my head.

So I grab my running shoes and go before I can talk myself out of it.

31 Comments - Leave a comment!

Opportunity knocked, I answered the door

Written on August 22, 2011 by Jennifer in jennifer and tate battle, Quirky Me, working mom

I feel a little sheepish after my last post, all “woe is me, I lost one of my freelance gigs, boo hoo” and now I’m going to tell you about two new projects I’m working on.

First, I’ve started writing for Babble and their Babble Voices project and I’m incredibly shocked I was asked to write for them. My blog is called Southern by Proxy, a name I’ve mulled over for years and just never had the opportunity to use. I love the logo, I’m so glad they used the little owl that Napwarden from NW Designs drew for me and this site.

My newest post is up over there and it’s a throwback to my old Smackdown series where I need you all to settle a disagreement between Tate and I. It’s all about Macaroni and Cheese so obviously you can see how pressing this matter is.

Also! Also, also! After the loss of my summer freelance job, I moped and twiddled my thumbs for a few days and then I decided to just start my own site. Opportunity knocked, I answered the door. As soon as I can get it all set up, I’m starting a website called Family Friendly Knoxville to highlight all the great family friendly activities, restaurants, events, deals, and more in Knoxville and surrounding areas. If you happen to live in the area, you can already check out our calendar of activities and events, follow us on Twitter @famfriendlyknox, “Like” the Facebook page, and follow our pins on Pinterest.

I’m really excited.

Also, I’m REALLY busy.

16 Comments - Leave a comment!

Drumming my fingers

Written on August 17, 2011 by Jennifer in Quirky Me

Today is one of those day, you know? Nothing is wrong, but everything isn’t right. I feel off-kilter and nervous-tummied, bored and overwhelmed.

One of my freelance jobs ended, abruptly. Well, that is not entirely true. I’ve known it would end, I just thought it would have ended differently. It’s embarrassing for me to say, but I took the job very seriously and I don’t think I was viewed as seriously as I wanted? Should have been? I don’t know. It’s a relief it’s over, it’s also just over.

It’s been weird the past few days to not have any deadlines, self-imposed deadlines, but deadlines still the same. I haven’t had to look at lists of ideas or plan posts to write. So much time on my hands, the idleness is a blessing and a curse. What do I do now? I can hear Ella calling from downstairs to “COME PLAY BUNNIES AND DINOSAURS,” and YAY! I have time to play, but I’d rather mark things off my list with perfectly straight lines to show they’ve been completed. I’m better at playing with baby dolls with silly made up names like Selauna and Blooky anyway, I don’t want to play bunnies and dinosaurs.

These desperate times have called for play-doh, and voila! bunnies and dinosaurs are quickly forgotten. We sit side by side, Ella mixing play-doh colors while I try not hyperventilate at this crime against humanity and while I click aimlessly around the Internet looking for something to do.

There’s also this new Kindergarten business. I miss my little boy while he’s at school. I don’t know how to do Mom of a Grade Schooler. I know how to do Mom of a Preschooler, with playdates and story times and size 4T and even bunnies and damn dinosaurs, but I don’t know how to do drop-off and pick up and a school full of BIG KIDS. This change is hard and even though I know he’s ready and he seems to really like going to school, I am not ready for the homework and social heartaches and getting calls from the school nurse.

I’m feeling my way through all this new normal, too much at once. Expected, but not. And I’m blindly bumping into things along the way.

11 Comments - Leave a comment!

Rabbit Hole

Written on August 8, 2011 by Jennifer in Quirky Me

It was supposed to be simple. Tate and I decided several months ago that we were going to take the kids to Disney World during Carson’s fall break. The kids, old enough to get our money’s worth of memories, this Disney adventure would be laid back and relaxed, no itineraries, and lazy days spent at the resort pools. Carson and Ella aren’t really even into Disney characters, except for the Pixar variety and they don’t even know what Disney is or what to expect, so we figured we could just skip the character meals and fast passes and all that other mumbo jumbo that quickly turns a laid back vacation into one that included a color-coded itinerary.

Then I went online and oh my gosh, YOU GUYS. YOU GUYS! There are approximately 4.2 million blogs and websites devoted to planning your trip down to strategically planning routes and meal times to get the most out of your Disney experience. I mean, I just didn’t know, not really anyway. These people are DEVOTED, y’all and love themselves some Disney. It was like navigating a foreign land where I didn’t speak the language.

But our vacation was going to be different. Laid back and relaxed, no itineraries…

“Well, maybe I should talk to Shelly,” I said to Tate after an evening of pulling my hair out trying to figure out where we would even stay. “She’s a travel agent and can help guide us. I’ll be sure to let her know that we want a laid back Disney vacation.”

I also started to talking to friends who’ve been to Disney.

“You must eat at ‘Ohana!”

“You have to go to Chef Mickey’s!”

“Do not miss the fireworks, they’re amazing!”

“If you want my travel books, list of favorite Disney planning websites, maps, and itineraries, I’d be happy to show them to you!”

“The Toy Story ride is our most favorite, go there as soon as Hollywood Studios opens!”

“Do you have any reservations for character meals? You HAVE to do a character meal, it’s DISNEY-FREAKING-WORLD for goodness sakes!”

“You’re less than 180 days out, you have made some dinner reservations, haven’t you?”

And there were also the knowing head nods when I explained, “No, no! You don’t understand. We’re not going to do Disney World that way! My kids won’t care about the character meals! Our trip is going to be laid back and relaxed! We don’t want an itinerary!”

Shelly has been more than patient in dealing with Tate and me, obvious Disney World amateurs who didn’t realize that in fact, the no itinerary idea probably wasn’t going to work. She never once told us that we were crazy, she just offered very wise suggestions and ideas based on her personal experiences.

It’s like a rabbit hole, this whole Disney planning thing. There’s just so much I needed to learn, like if you want to eat at a sit down restaurant at Disney World you must have reservations, that’s just how it works. Now I get why people would eye me nervously when I said that I didn’t have any dinner reservations yet. One thing lead to another and the next thing I knew, I realized that since we are spending a decent chunk of money on this trip, it really doesn’t make sense to go willy nilly and end up spending all of our time waiting in lines and missing all the cool stuff there is to do. If we’re going to do Disney, we should DO DISNEY.

Our original idea has morphed into a full blown Disney EXPERIENCE, complete with dinner reservations with 2! Yes, 2! character meals! Even one with Cinderella and Prince Charming (squee!!), the Disney dining plan (free!), and a lovely color coded itinerary that includes seeing fireworks, getting fast passes for popular rides, and seeing a Pixar-themed parade. I could not be more excited!

We’re not telling the kids until the day we leave for Orlando. You guys, we’re going to Disney World!

37 Comments - Leave a comment!

Officially official

Written on July 20, 2011 by Jennifer in confession, Pictures, Quirky Me

There’s this picture quote going around Pinterest that says, “you’re not a photographer, you’re a mom with a camera.” Oh the disdain! Silly moms and their cameras! They can’t possibly know what they’re doing. It’s not like their expensive camera makes them a real photographer. Anyone can buy a fancy camera and pretend to be a photographer, but it doesn’t actually make them one. Which the automatic assumption is, OF COURSE, pure crap, because there are lots of women who happen to be mothers that happen to have professional cameras and ARE photographers.

I will say I’m very self conscious about this whole “mom with a camera” thing, though. It’s on my mind every time I go anywhere with my camera. I assume that’s what people are thinking of me when I’m carrying around my big, professional camera. “Look at her,” I imagine them saying. “How cute that she thinks she’s a photographer.”

I know that I’m messed up in the head about this. Photography is something that I love, but I struggle so much with my confidence when it comes to the quality of the images I produce. It’s easy for me to look at the photographers I admire and see how much better their photos are than mine. I mean, I’m just a mom with a camera, right?

So obviously I was totally not at all freaked out about photographing my cousin’s wedding a few weeks ago! I’m not sure if I prepared as much for my graduate school finals as I did for this wedding. I read, I studied, I practiced, I bought equipment, I practiced some more, I drew stick figure pictures of poses I wanted to get.

The wedding? It really went well. None of my greatest fears happened, my camera worked the whole time, I didn’t accidentally erase any of the memory cards, I didn’t miss any of the big moments. The only hitch in the day was that my battery did die right after the last bridesmaid and groomsman started to walk back down the aisle after the ceremony and my battery charger wouldn’t work, but luckily that didn’t affect any of the pictures!

I’m really, really proud of these photos. I’m so honored that my cousin trusted me enough to photograph such an important day for her and her new husband.

I guess I really am a photographer.

Now only 900 more photos to sort through and edit! This photography thing is easy peasy. (That easy peasy part was meant to be a joke, just for the record.)

54 Comments - Leave a comment!